Those Who Don't, Critique

I was hunting around the 'Net for screencaps of the Haircut 100 video for "Love Plus One" in anticipation of tomorrow's entry, wherein I foist that song upon an unsuspecting populace. Or you. What I found instead was a site called Reel Reviews that contains goddamn funny reviews of cult films and videos.

After reading the site's synopsis of the "Love Plus One" video - A bunch of total geeks in Hawaiian shirts dance around like fuckin' idiots in this pointless exercise in bad taste - I decided to read all the reviews of stuff that I've seen. It didn't take all that long. Plus I had help. Here are some of my favorites:

After the Fire, "Der Kommisar" - I have completely forgotten this video, although the actual song keeps ringing in my head like a Kafkaesque nightmare. Can anyone fill in the gap?

Adam Ant, "Goody Two Shoes" - Rocker wanders around mansion, freaking out butlers, maids, cooks and anyone else who crosses his path with a series of goofy antics. The guy is wearing a ridiculous costume and decked out in war paint, making him look like a cross between some bargain-basement buccaneer and Chief Dan George's bastard son from Little Big Man. By the end of the video, he manages to persuade a female reporter to let her hair down and become a total slut. Fade out.

GOOD GOD!!! I just read the synopsis for Big Country's "In a Big Country" and I find out that "After a long struggle with alcoholism, Big Country lead singer Stuart Adamson hanged himself in his hotel room in Hawaii shortly before Christmas, 2001. He was just 43 years old." JESUS!!! That makes me very, very sad.

So, uh ... no Bands Reunited for Big Country, then. I'll get back to being sad after I finish this entry.

Pat Benatar, "Love Is a Battlefield" - A whacked-out floozy leaves home, becomes a whore, seeks refuge in a cheap bar and leads a weird dance ritual whose torn-clothed, wild-haired participants flail around like victims of Tourettes Syndrome on crack. Some real Guido-type dude in a three-piece suit tries to hit on her but she kicks some ass and then strolls off into the sunset.

Cruel Intentions - A bunch of young, wild and rich party animals plot and scheme in order to get laid. Tragedy ensues.

Falco, "Rock Me Amadeus" - Mozart wannabe in rainbow-colored fright wig charges around town screaming incoherently about how Amadeus was the first punk rocker or something ridiculous to that effect. The freak takes a ride on a motorcycle. A bunch of bikers pump their fists in unison.

Madness, "Our House" - Another infectious hit from a long-forgotten band (at least in the United States), this video's energy and humor serve to mask its otherwise banal and simplistic lyrics. Or did the video actually serve as a serious political commentary on the struggles of London's working class? Who the fuck knows? Either way, it was great entertainment.

(Yes, yes it was. I must download the song, now, because I can't be bothered to go find the CD I have that it is on.)

Nena, "99 Luftballoons" - A bunch of red balloons over Germany are mistaken for a UFO or missiles or something.

Posted by Highwaygirl on August 30, 2004 09:42 PM to the category Entertainment