I use a battery-powered alarm clock just in case the power goes out overnight. Wouldn't want to ever be late to work, you know. Unfortunately, batteries also go out eventually. Which this clock's did, last night at 11:45 p.m. So I got an extra hour of sleep this morning. I put it to good use.
Because I had the dream to end all dreams.
I remember two parts of it. The first was at my mom's house. I had a big bag of bird seed, and I was trying to pour some out of the bag into the plastic container I take outside with me when I'm feeding the birds and ducks. I was having trouble keeping the plastic container still and upright while pouring, and my mom was standing there watching but wouldn't help me.
I finally get the container filled and I go out into the back yard to feed the two ducks that are out there. I throw some seed on the concrete pool deck, and some underneath the grapefruit tree. The ducks run under the tree and start eating.
From the corner of the yard comes two penguins, waddling across the grass towards the pool deck. And I think, "How cute! The tuxedoed clown princes of the bird world!" So I throw out more seed in their direction.
Which is when the penguins attack.
First they were just trying to peck at my ankles. Then they started flinging themselves at me in an attempt to do major bodily harm. I think one of them might have even been foaming at the mouth, but I'm vague on that. Regardless, I was scared and freaked out, so I dropped to the ground and curled up in the fetal position (to protect my inner organs) with my hands wrapped around my head/neck (to prevent the little bastards from pecking the back of my neck and severing my spinal cord).
Someone threw a towel over me and I got wrapped up mummy-like within it, but the penguins were still trying to skewer me. I could feel their pointy little beaks stabbing at me through the towel. My screams for help went unanswered. I let one of the penguins bite onto my hand, then I slammed it into the jacuzzi, hoping it would drown. It didn't drown, but it did swim away. I repeated the trick with the other penguin and achieved the same result.
Success! The penguins swim off into the pool only to be menaced by ...
... the great white shark swimming within.
I think the shark appeared in my dream because yesterday I was looking at that news photo which showed this huge great white shark that was swimming around off the coast of Cape Cod. I've seen Jaws too many times not to be freaked out by great white sharks (or as Hooper would say, "Carcharodon carcharias!").
So I scramble into the house and look out at the pool and see the shark swimming around. It's about half the length of the pool. THEN I see the two ducks bobbing innocently in the water and start screaming at them to "MOVE!" But they don't, of course. And then the shark fin starts swimming towards them, of course. I shut my eyes, and when I open them the ducks are gone. I ask my stepfather if the shark got them, and he said, "yes, it did."
Then I grabbed a spear (it scares me that my subconscious thinks my mom would have spears laying around the house) and vowed revenge upon the shark. But before I could accomplish that, I switched to the second phase of my dream. I was back at my apartment, and my mom and stepdad were there. I was still freaked out about the shark and babbling that there was probably a shark swimming around in the lake behind my apartment.
So I'm looking out the window that is in my foyer, and my worst fears are confirmed because I see a blob moving along the edge of the lake. It's gotta be a shark, right? It lifts up out of the water a little more and I see that, no, it isn't a shark - it's an ALLIGATOR.
Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am irrationally afraid of alligators and there's really nothing that would scare me more than being menaced by one in person. I would probably have a massive coronary due to fright.
Obviously, the dream me is freaking out. It's not bad enough that a great white shark has eaten my ducks, NOW I have to deal with a big huge alligator terrorizing me outside my home. But then the alligator rose up out of the water ... and it had a very long neck. An alligator head on a long neck, with a big bulky body with tree stumpish legs, and a tail with spikes.
Me: "That's not an alligator."
Stepdad: "No, that's a Pteranodon."
The thing in my backyard? Not a shark. Not even an alligator. It's a DINOSAUR. An alligator-headed, bulky-bodied, tree stump-legged, spikey-tailed dinosaur. And it's trying to eat the ducks.
Then two more pteranodons popped up from beneath the water's surface and stood there on the edge of the lake, scoping out the flock of ducks that were nearby. They started moving in the ducks' direction. I start screaming bloody murder to try and get the ducks to fly away, but it won't work because I don't have normal ducks, I have DEAF DUCKS that are about to be FOOD FOR DINOSAURS, but I keep screaming and screaming and screaming ...
... and then I woke up to Dawsey meowing in my face, because I was an hour late with his breakfast.
I managed to get to work on time, though.