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Current favorite foods – Luna bars in Lemon Zest (these are TO DIE FOR if you like sweet lemon desserts), steamed broccoli tossed with crumbled blue cheese (I've had this three nights in a row; tonight will be four), Boca Italian Sausage on a whole wheat bun with mustard, almonds, Fuji apples (and ONLY Fuji apples).
Me: if I ever want in vitro fertilzation, I'm coming to Israel for it
Me: because it's cheap, but well regulated
Me: according to Glamour magazine
Rappy: for foreigners?
Rappy: you have to remember that we have universal health care here
Rappy: I don't imagine that a foreigner would be given the same treatment, cost wise
Me: for foreigners
Rappy: oh, nifty
Me: it's about a fifth as expensive as in the US
Me: less frills, of course
Me: but if I ever start bleating for a kid and can't conceive, I'd rather pay $2,500 than $12,000
Rappy: haha
Rappy: "bleating"
Rappy: hahaha
Me: heh, I've already determined what my future child is worth to me
Rappy: so eloquent
Me: know thyself, so that thy may know god
Me: or something
Me: I heard that during the papal festivities
Rappy: you know what is impossible to do here?
Me wot?
Rappy: Explain to someone that you don't want a child.
Me: you can't do that ANYWHERE
Rappy: I fucking hate it when people respond to that by saying I don't know what I'm talking about.
Rappy: I literally have NO desire for a baby
Me: Me neither
Rappy: None.
Me: I want a 4 year old
Me: young enough to mold, but none of the sleep deprivation
Rappy: I thought you wanted a 6 year old
Me: I adjusted lower to account for education
Me: I need to get it before kindergarten
Me: so I can teach it to read and count ahead of time
Me: so it will be referred to by its teacher as THE UBERGARTNER
Rappy: hahahaha
Rappy: you want your kid to look smrtr than the other kids! You selfish bitch!
Me: look nothing
Me: I want him to BE smarter
Me: stronger
Me: faster...
Me: UBER
Rappy: *olympic rings*
Me: in fact, maybe I'll name him "Uber" and be done with it
Rappy: that's a pretty big name to live up to
Me: bad nicknames would result, though
Me: "Ooby"
Me: "Oobs"
Me: "Udder"
In the last 2 hours I have ingested approximately 64 ounces of SoBe Lean Diet Cranberry Grapefruit, and I still have more left to drink. As it turns out, if you order a large fountain drink at Quiznos, and then return on a future day with cup in hand, you can get a refill for a mere 25 cents.
I must have had a very happy look on my face when the owner of the store told me this, because we had the following exchange:
Quiznos owner: You're going to abuse this privilege, aren't you?
Me: Yes, yes I am.