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August 10, 2004

Plate Tectonics

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last

The last 24 hours has been illuminating. I have learned so much about myself; much of it incredibly depressing. I never knew how efficient I could be at ruining the things that mean the most to me. But I guess my subconsciously self-destructive campaign has run its course. I think I've torn everything down, now. I'm Godzilla, and my life is Tokyo. So it doesn't even matter what happens today.

If you think that I can be forgiven ... I wish you would

I wonder if this is my lowest point?

Now it's just a matter of sifting through the rubble and figuring out what is left there to salvage, and how to put the pieces back together. Except that I'm so numb that I can't ask for what I need. I don't want to impose. Some people have already given enough, anyway.

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls

I'm finally going to ask it - Why me? Why are all the things I've already lost not enough?

I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

Everything ends. And if it doesn't end, it changes. I guess that's both the beauty and the misery of being alive.

Posted by Highwaygirl on August 10, 2004 09:19 AM to the category Stuff About Me