Rappy: omg, my brother is baking something clearly descended from the heavens.
Me: your brother sounds like a catch, yo
Rappy: he totally is!
Rappy: and he thanks you for saying that.
Me: I want a guy who will bake for me, dammit
Rappy: hey, Totem just went down to my cafe, and he likes it! Approval!
Me: you didn't tell him I called him Totem, did you?
Rappy: sure I did
Me: oh lord
Rappy: I've started calling him that myself.
Me: my dorkness reaches across the Atlantic!
Rappy: ok, he just squeezed an orange for me.
Rappy: I mean to drink, not just to cop a feel
Me: can I marry him?
Me: wait, how old is he?
Rappy: he says yes
Me: this will require conversion and a change of address, won't it?
Rappy: he'd like you to know, however, that he doesn't clean under any circumstance.
Me: we'll have to hire someone, in that case, because I refuse to mop floors
Me: I'm not against vacuuming, though
Rappy: he is against vacuuming at particular times, including Friday morning.
Me: I'm laughing, now
Me: arranged marriage! perfect!
Rappy: I think so!
Rappy: And then we'd be sisters in law!
Me: yes, could you stand it?
Rappy: I don't think I could
Me: and you haven't yet confirmed I'd have to move/convert, and oh by the way, is Totem of legal age?
Rappy: his response to conversion was "fuck, no"
Me: woo hoo!
Me: I will embrace the shiksa within
Rappy: totem actually giggled about that
Me: I think I'm in love with Zach from Veiled Conceit, though
Me: you can understand why I'm in love with Zach
Rappy: are cheating on my brother!
Me: no, I'm cheating on Ian with your brother and cheating on ... wait
Me: I'm double cheating on Ian?
Rappy: I think so
Me: But Ian doesn't bake!
Me: Clearly Ian needs to acquire that skill.
Me: Can Totem kill people if necessary?
Rappy: well, given that his basic training consisted of counting forks, I don't know, but he can operate a nuclear sub.
Me: So he can't kill people for me, but he could whisk me away to safety in a nuclear-powered submarine?
Me: that'll do
Rappy: he can FIRE the nuclear weapon
Me: oh, he can't drive?
Me: I guess I'll drive
Me: but he has to ask for directions!
Rappy: He can drive cars AND submarines, and as the submarine navigator, I'm fairly certain he could find his way around
Me: I might need proof
Me: have him draw me a map
Rappy: In Israel everyone on the subs learns all the jobs
Rappy: dude, he scored 4 points under the maximum in his SAT equivalents here. I think he's good
Me: ohhhhhh, he's smart AND good in the kitchen
Me: now I really AM interested