Main » Friends
April 25, 2006
Rappy: dude, that Caygeon sure puts out a lot. I remember getting some love too
Me: you should comment that
Rappy: I'll comment tomorrow. I'm just doing some catch up and then going to bed.
Me: oh fine
Me: remember what you said, then
Rappy: that your cat is a slut?
Rappy: yeah, not likely to forget
April 17, 2006
The Way We Were
Rappy: that was so sweet.
Rappy: I'm glad we became friends.
Rappy: thanks to blasted TWoP
Rappy: no less
Rappy: you really are a huge part of my life.
Me: aww, and you are a huge part of mine too!
Rappy: *group hug*
Me: I would be lost without ye
Rappy: ye complete me!
Me: *jumps on couch*
Me: *fist pumps*
Me: *insane, maniacal grin*
Rappy: I broke my collarbone jumping on a couch. You be careful!
Me: how did we become friends, even?
Me: just through chat?
Rappy: through TAR chat
Me: OH OH OH
Me: one word
Me: - pause -
Rappy: OH MY GOD
Rappy: I wonder what that loser is up to?
Rappy: well, not really, but let's put our good friend google to work
Me: oh man, I haven't thought of him in ages
Me: I remember that he flaunted you to me
Rappy: and you know what else I thought about recently?
Me: once I had ditched him
Rappy: he WHAT?
Me: OH YES
Rappy: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THIS!
Me: he lurved me
Me: but I was like ... no
Rappy: oh, I knew that, but what about the flaunt?
Me: so then you met him at TARCon, I think
Me: and then he came back and told me that you and he were IT
Me: and that you were both really into each other
Me: and you had that whole marriage pact ting
Me: ting! I'm suddenly Jamaican
Me: and he tells me this and I'm thinking...
Rappy: dude, it was a drunk fucking JOKE
Me: holy shit, I should warn this girl
Me: because he was TEH FREAK
Me: he starts off nice, and then becomes ... yeah
Me: insane clown posse
Me: so yes, in the beginning I was concerned about you
Me: and that's how I started talking to you
Rappy: anyway, I was thinking the other day, about the whole COSMO episode.
Rappy: Good times, man
Me: another one I haven't thought of in forever
Me: what the hell was it I said to her?
Me: OH OH OH
Me: "NICE, Cosmo"
Me: and that shattered her emotionally
Me: I can't remember how you so wronged her
Rappy: because she made a gross comment about Jeans in LG chat and I asked her rather nicely to refrain because others had complained
Rappy: and then she wrote that crazy entry in her hidden journal that Ladex showed me
Rappy: and then she ran off besmirching us everywhichway
Rappy: I feel semi bad for her, though. She was truly in need of meds.
Me: now I remember the Jeans thing
Me: and yes, Cosmo went on a total fucking bender
Me: ripping us near and far on the internet
Me: good times!
April 05, 2006
Roo: guess what I'm doing in June?
Roo: you're going to dieeeeeeeeeee
Me: testing for your black belt???
Me: I mean a higher degree
Roo: ha! no
Me: hint me?
Me: you're going to kiss a frog?
Roo: heh. perhaps
Roo: frogs are also called ___
Me: YOU'RE GOING TO FRANCE???
Roo: or well, maybe it's a different classification
Roo: HA...what??? hee
Me: wow, that was insensitive of me
Me: Marcel will be displeased
March 27, 2006
I Love the Koos
Me: this is pretty
Me: click the See It Larger link
Me: the cut on those is really interesting
Rappy: I like the wide leg bit
Me: yeah, me too
Me: the top probably would not fit me, though
Me: I like men's pajamas so much more than women's
Rappy: I don't own pajamas
Rappy: I sleep in sweatpants and a shirt
Me: I sleep in a t-shirt and shorts, but ...
Me: I was looking for something nicer
Rappy: I WONDER WHY!
Me: although I already had the "I don't wear frilly lace lingerie" discussion with Marcel
Me: to which he replied, "lingerie is overrated"
Rappy: he's obviously a keeper
Me: you know ... I really think he is
Me: my nephew cracked me up with his "are you gonna MARRY HIM?" questions
Rappy: he is wise beyond his years
Me: this is cute too
Rappy: meh - busy
Me: yes, perhaps
Me: THIS IS WHAT I DON'T MISS ABOUT DATING
Rappy: but damn, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, you know?
Me: of course not
Me: I will bring Marcel with me to visit you!
Me: he has special ops training, he can protect us from suicide bombers
Rappy: yeah, you're willing to lend him out?
Me: oh HELL NO
Me: I don't share
Me: but if things progress with him, I'd like him to meet you
Me: since you're one of my closest friends
Rappy: aw! Thanks babe, YOU TOO!
Rappy: now, back to me being a spinstress...
March 13, 2006
Me: give him a call, see what he can do for you
Erika: and he's from Scotland!
Me: DEFINITELY give him a call
Me: jesus, just to hear him talk
Me: can I give him a call?
Erika: well, it said he moved here when he was 10
Erika: so he might not have an accent
Me: well call him and find out. if he does, send me his phone number.
Erika: not a chance, you whore
Erika: I keep the Scottish boys to meself!
Rappy: I'm going to start teaching you a Hebrew (sort of) word a day.
Rappy: Today's word:
Rappy: Ashkara. "Totally"
Rappy: As in:
Rappy: - BDI is such a douche
Rappy: now YOU find a way to put it in a sentence
Rappy: want another one?
Me: Programmers are stupid idiots.
Rappy: EXCELLENT! *awards gold star*
Me: gimme another
Rappy: Fashla, "Major fuck up"
Rappy: Erasing that database was a first class fashla
Me: oh GOD
Me: I could use that every hour
Me: wait, I have to use it
Me: so I remember it
Me: The war in Iraq is a major fashla on the part of Bush
Rappy: A fashla is big, but no fashla is that big
Me: And Purim is ...
Rappy: Purim is the holiday in which we commemorate having beaten the Persian scheme to kill all Jews by killing the Persians instead.
Me: take your oven with you when you go see Totem
Me: so he can bake me some lemon cookies
Rappy: yeah, let me get right on that.
Me: strap it to your back
Me: it will be good exercise
Rappy: I should carry it on my back while riding my bike
Me: yes, even better!
Me: I am going grocery shopping on my lunch hour
Me: does that make me lame?
Me: BY THE WAY
Me: I want you to know that I did not make tabbouleh this weekend
Me: so I am NOT addicted
Rappy: did you run out of parsley?
Me: no, I specifically didn't make it
Rappy: because you didn't want to or because you were trying to prove a point?
Me: well the latter, of course
Rappy: not buying it
Me: shut up
March 02, 2006
Boys Am Dumb
Rappy: This was a shopping mall, now it's a peaceful oasis
YOU GOT IT, YOU GOT IT
Me: oh dude
Me: I am so sick
Rappy: what did you eat?
Me: Italian, last night, during a date
Me: the date SUCKED and now my insides are on the outside
Rappy: a date? with whom? and sucked how?
Me: a guy named Mark, who works with my friend Glen
Me: not a blind date, since I've hung out with him before
Me: anyway, it was supposed to be just a casual thing, but he took me to a romantic restaurant
Me: first problem
Me: so then we went to my place after to watch Lost
Me: and he was looking at the books on my bookcase, and noticed the ones I had on cancer
Me: he asked about them so I told him about having had Hodgkin's
Me: and it was like the ARCTIC in my living room the rest of the night
Me: he barely spoke over the next 45 minutes
Me: when before I couldn't get him to shut up
Rappy: I'm sorry, when did cancer turn into AIDS?
Me: yeah, especially since I've been in remission for ALMOST 10 YEARS
Me: so, whatever. it's his loss, not mine.
Me: but I haven't had that happen in a few years, so it was pretty stunning
Rappy: that is just so fucking retarded any which way you look at it.
Me: you betcha
Me: I'm going to talk to Glen later and tell him
Rappy: did I mention it was RETARDED?
Me: Glen will probably go give him all sorts of hell, which the dork deserves
Rappy: I'm sorry. I cannot wrap my head around someone having a reaction to CANCER like it's leprosy or something.
Me: anyway, I woke up at midnight wanting to puke my guts out
Me: and then proceeded to do so over the next three hours
Me: plus I'm having the worst cramps ever in the history of womankind
Me: so I just got to work, and I'm going to skip lunch and stay here until 3, then go home
Me: thanks *hug*
Me: how was your day?
Rappy: wait - I said that yesterday when you asked
Rappy: ask me again
Me: how was your day?
Rappy: wow - Sean Astin's character on 24 is so pathetic
Me: thank god Curtis stepped up
Rappy: NOT THERE YET :-)
Me: Sean Astin is a craptastic actor
Me: I nearly cried tears of joy seeing Peter Weller
Rappy: Peter Weller?
Me: this show has several of my adolescent crushes
Me: he's playing the guy Jack goes to see
Me: he was Buckaroo Banzai
Me: I have also swooned over Julian Sands
Me: he's playing the blonde euroterrorist
Rappy: Eurorist :-)
Rappy: WTF happened to Kim Raver's nose? I think she's two timing Jack with Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon
February 28, 2006
Me: there's a guy here
Me: 21-22 or something
Me: who constantly talks in a fake Chinese accent
Me: how can someone not realize how offensive that is?
Rappy: I don't know. How can so many Israelis have no conscience about occupation? People are idiots, is how.
Me: there's this line from Battlestar Galactica
Me: (just bear with me here)
Me: the Cylons are trying to destroy the human race, and the human race is all, WTF?
Me: so one human says to a captured Cylon, "Hey - WTF?"
Me: and the Cylon says, "You keep wondering what you did to deserve destruction. Has it ever occured to you that you've done nothing to deserve to live?"
Me: or something to that effect
Me: sometimes that's how I feel about people, too
Rappy: dude! I was thinking before you typed that that the WTF was the punchline and was thinking it's good I don't watch the show
Me: no, I said to bear with me!
Rappy: type faster, dude
Me: FOINE, BITCH
Me: oh, I almost have all of BB6 archived over on HT.net
Me: I just have five more live feed recap threads to go
Rappy: rock on
Rappy: as a testament to how much I need a dryer, I just put on damp clothes and blow dried myself
Rappy: aw, look at Kiwi, standing in the shade of my underthings on her chair.
Rappy: I love my cats
Rappy: luckily she isn't chewing away at my already ratty bra strap
Rappy: wow. I think the last three things I typed may be the reason I don't have a man.
Rappy: well, a good man at any rate
Me: any man who doesn't like cats can piss right off, as far as I'm concerned
Rappy: and the thing is that there aren't people who are just indifferent to cats. It's as if it's got to be a love or hate thing. Dude, not liking cats doesn't mean you hate them, and also, why the fuck don't you like cats?
Me: Hmm, you know, you're right
Me: I've never met a guy who was just indifferent to them
Me: I can understand not liking cats if you don't like animals in general
Me: but, say, you love dogs but you hate cats?
Me: you need mental help
Rappy: that's so weird!
Me: I love all of God's creatures, of course
Rappy: except roaches
Me: and alligators
Me: I am indulging in a little hot! pink grapefruit! action!
Rappy: *shocked face*
February 10, 2006
Rappy: he's a seriously whiny bitch, isn't he?
Me: oh yeah
Me: I think I have a garlic-induced headache
Rappy: that's a new one
Me: DO NOT
Me: under DIVERSIONS
Me: *shocked face*
Me: you should be ASHAMED
Rappy: I am
Rappy: very very ashamed
Me: I'm telling Totem
Me: oh look, he stole from you
Rappy: the fucker
Rappy: it's not enough that I give and give and give, he has to go and take more
Me: Totem and I should watch Battlestar Galactica and eat cauliflower together
Rappy: and for your second date?
Me: Baking cookies, of course
Me: I mean that literally, not the euphemism
Me: Although maybe the euphemism, too, depending on how much I like him
Rappy: Why wouldn't you like him? Are you saying my brother isn't good enough for you, bitch?
Me: I'm not saying that at all!
Me: But I don't euphemistically "bake cookies" for just ANYONE
Rappy: dude, you INVENTED the euphemism, you shameless hussy!
Me: I love how we discuss your brother's future without his knowledge
Me: the poor guy is none the wiser, is he?
Me: I didn't invent the euphemism, though
Me: it's used commonly in reference to Gwyneth Paltrow blowing Harvey Weinstein to get where she is
Rappy: it is? she did?
Me: that's the scuttlebutt!
Me: that's why she was in every Miramax movie for a while
Me: because she was BLOWING the head of Miramax
Me: literally AND figuratively
Rappy: well, it does explain a lot. I don't think she's particularly talented.
Me: me neither. plus she's unbearably smug.
Rappy: and I particularly don't find her attractive.
Me: and her ads for Estee Lauder look like they're actually for a feminine hygeine product
Rappy: I think she looks a little like a rat and cannot fathom why the world finds her to be some sort of icon
Me: Teem won't like the way this conversation is turning, I assure you
Me: *waves at Teemy*
Rappy: Is she reading it?
Me: She will when she checks me site!
Me: She's a Gwyneth fan, god bless her
Rappy: *waves at teem!*
Rappy: well, someone has to be or else we'd have no one to mock
Me: But we love her anyway!
February 06, 2006
Who's Your Abaleh?
Totem also is endeavoring to be a technical writer. Which means that Totem has Teh Crazy.
January 09, 2006
Peace Through Superior Firepower
CHECK THIS OUT!!
Click the thumbnail for a larger image
This is the front and back of a very cool coin that my very wonderful friend Eric sent me from the USS Ronald Reagan (an aircraft carrier, in case you didn't know). I cannot stop playing with it. It's kinda weighty, and about the diameter of the opening of a can of soda. The detail on it is really quite impressive.
I don't know what kind of fighter planes are pictured on it. Mayhap Eric will let me know.
December 27, 2005
A Friend Indeed
Rappy just came back from a week in Paris and apparently she now hates me.
Me: Maybe you should send him a lock of your hair.
Me: Or underwear.
MeanRappy: Uh, no.
MeanRappy:OK, Julie? I may swoon and joke about it, but he *does* have a girlfriend and he does love her.
Me: I know. I'm swooning and joking right along with you.
Me: I have to go jogging tonight and I don't waaaaaaaaant tooooooooooooo.
MeanRappy: Go jogging, you lazy bitch.
Me: God you're mean.
French = BAD
November 21, 2005
Rappy: I'm stuck in the 10 words to describe yourself bit
Rappy: I've written:
Rappy: "haaretz" (meaning both "the country" and the name of a newspaper)
Rappy: I suppose I could put both their names
Me: is that two more words?
Rappy: I need 3 more
Rappy: or is that cheating?
Rappy: should I put Canada
Me: does Canada define you?
Rappy: sort of.
Rappy: the language does
Rappy: I've gone back to cats
Me: or cooking
Me: "crafty bitch"
Me: no smoking you bastards!
Me: be a good lover, ok?
Rappy: one word
Me: oh all right
Rappy: ok. 3 more
Me: here's the thing
Me: there's a brand of cookies over here
Me: called SNACKWELLS
Rappy: oh, I know the snacks. Well.
Me: "Mmm, Fuckwells! You shouldn't have!"
Me: ok, focusing
Rappy: uh, why am I making a dating profile? I just want to see the boys!
Rappy: hmm, not that determined.
Rappy: i'm so not saucy
Me: let's do food terms
Me: coq au vin
Rappy: yes. "you had me at braised."
Me: if you're not serious about this, fake it and let's get to the boys
Me: I want to see some hot Jewish boys!
Me: and your brother doesn't count
November 18, 2005
Look at this! I got a letter from the middle of the Pacific!
The bestest little Nicaraguan freedom fighter sent me a lovely item that I will cherish forever and ever and ever:
I'm going to sleep with it under my pillow tonight.
July 27, 2005
Rappy = Space Cowboy
Me: does he live near you?
Rappy: in a town that's about 1/2 an hour by train
Rappy: but one of his best friends lives near me
Me: hangout potential!
Rappy: I'm trying to get him to join me at a food workshop
Me: so you can get him drunk and take advantage of him?
Me: you naughty girl!
Rappy: at a food workshop? At 10:30 on a Friday morning?
Rappy: With 15 other people around?
Rappy: yeah, that's my plan.
Me: no, you START getting him drunk at the workshop
Me: and then continue it at your pad
Rappy: ok. *takes notes*
Me: what does he do exactly?
Rappy: Depending on which project he's working on, I think he mostly does project logistics.
Rappy: but he does different things on different projects
Me: I'll bet he's a high-priced male escort in his off time
Rappy: I'm sure
Me: it could happen!
Rappy: of course
Rappy: In my spare time I'm a rocket scientist, so why the hell not?
July 14, 2005
Peace, Love and Goats
Jake: clearly your cats are pure evil
Jake: I just noticed you had a photo section on your site. Don't know why I never saw it before.
Jake: Anyway... HERE'S WHY
Jake: Goddamn evil
Me: my cat is damn cute you twat!
Jake: MY CAT IS CUTER
Me: I need to update this thing
Jake: It doesn't freak you out that anyone in the world can view photos of you and your family?
Me: no, not really. not many people would just stumble upon that photo album.
Jake: still fantastic
Me: ooh, yeah! I should do a lomo for my next shot on Foecus.
Jake: there's something absolutely amazing about wet hair in front of eyes like that, especially in a nice b/w
Jake: and I dont even mean in a perverse way
Jake: it's just an artistic thing of beauty to me
Me: yeah, I think it looks interesting in the super saturated color AND in the b/w
Me: totally different looks
Me: did you see my spoon shot?
Jake: Yeah I saw that a few weeks ago. Absolutely loved that one.
Me: I wish I could be a photojournalist
Me: how COOL would that be?
Jake: yeah, I know the feeling
Me: although I'm not good enough yet
Jake: It's like any other "art" ... it's all up to the viewer
Jake: 22) Get a facial
Jake: ahahahaha I can't help but succumb to my immaturity
Jake: I'll still giggle at such things when I'm 40
Jake: If I live that long
Me: wait, is that on my list?
Me: I need to update my list
Me: I tackled the database conversion
Jake: 39) Watch a sunset on the West Coast
Jake: West coast of Florida or you mean CA?
Me: not of FL
Me: Hawaii is the goal
Jake: I was gonna say ...
Me: but barring that, West Coast of the U.S.
Jake: 48) Stay awake for 48 consecutive hours
Jake: Part o' the reason I was so manic when I met you guys...
Me: sleep deprivation?
Jake: Ive been getting very little because of my current projects
Jake: It's great
Jake: Now if only i had access to a wide array of drugs
Jake: PILLS DAMN YOU
Jake: I'm in the mood for some lovely psychedelics
Me: what is a "daisy chain"?
Jake: I ain't no hippie
Jake: 100) Go blonde (or very dark brown)
Jake: Please Julie
Jake: Don't make the baby Jesus cry
Me: oh, dude! I've done that too!
Me: the very dark brown
Me: well, almost
Jake: Thank fuck I havent had to see the blonde
Me: my hair, no matter what color I dye it, always turns a bit red
Jake: There is no tactful way of throwing up
Me: it is FANNOYING
Me: now I'm going to bleach my hair just to spite you
Me: alright, I gotta run out to CVS
Me: back in a flash-o-matic
Jake: Time for me to start making dinner you wretched goat
Jake: I have no genuine explanation as to why I insult you with such titles as GOAT. A wretched one for that matter.
Jake: Peace and love
May 12, 2005
Me: oh, hey
Me: I've been running around like a mad person
Rappy: I'm right at the end of TAR
Me: cool beans, page me when you're done
Rappy: I would have KICKED ASS in that onion task
Rappy: HOLY SHIT
Rappy: I was getting nervous there with the begging!
Rappy: holy shit!
Rappy: I'd be all, fuck the driver and just run in
Rappy: mind you, it is miami
Rappy: he'd run in after me with an uzi
Rappy: which just reminded me of that guy with the staccato emailing that my friend wanted to set me up with
Rappy: don't you remember? It was while I was still in Toronto, and my friend wanted to fix me up with her friend, and his emails were just utterly devoid of personality - staccato style
Rappy: we made fun of him and called him Uzi
Me: OH OH OH
Me: we did make fun of him, shame on us
Rappy: take that back
Rappy: there is no shame in that whatsoever
May 10, 2005
Me: I ordered from Zappos
Teem: what what?
Me: it's SUPPOSED to come today
Me: but UPS is saying tomorrow
Me: because they're hateful
Teem: indian mocassins?
Me: how did you know?
Teem: *raises palm*
Me: *dies laughing*
Teem: oh, those are stupid cute!
Teem: and cheap!
Me: I'm checking my UPS confirmation link...
Me: THEY HAVE BEEN DELIVERED!!!
Teem: *waddles around quickly*
May 09, 2005
Tonight I had dinner with the guy who was my best friend in high school. He wrote me the following letter at the end of our senior year:
Wow, what can I say? If I could write with the brilliance of a calligraphist, or had the mind of a prophet, I could perhaps come close to adequately thanking you for the friendship you have given me. God knows I was very undeserving of it.
You are the only person I can truly call a friend. I want to thank you for believing in me when no one else did. You always told me the truth and kept me from pitying myself. I have told you everything about my life and you've listened. I hope that somehow I helped you with some of your problems and was half the friend you were to me.
For the first time in my life I'm at a loss for words. I just wanted to say thank you for the being the best friend a person could have.
Isn't that nice? He was wrong, though - he was very deserving.
April 29, 2005
Teem Goes Both Ways
Me: I fell in love with a perfume
Teem: which one?
Me: we're going to have a torrid affair
Me: Narciso Rodriguez For Her
Teem: somebody at the museum was telling me about that one
Me: I am in LOVE
Me: I bought samples off eBay
Me: to make sure it's LOVE
Me: if it is, I will then purchase
Me: it's a little TOO spicy right out of the gate
Me: but about 30 minutes later - heaven
Me: and I can still smell it on myself somewhat
Teem: what are the notes?
Me: I can't actually find a good listing
Me: Sephora doesn't have it
Me: but according to MUA it has musk and vanilla
Me: which I usually HATE
Teem: but sometimes it's good
Me: but godDAMN it smells good on me
Me: like, sexy, sultry good
Me: but not overwhelming
Teem: *mounts you*
April 20, 2005
Several years ago, a few months after I started at my current job, one of my coworkers ate a box of Stouffer's Macaroni & Cheese that I had brought in for lunch on a Friday and forgot about. I planned on having it the following Monday, only to find that some DAMNABLE BASTARD had consumed it over the weekend.
I suspected Jake. He'd be the kind of person who would do something like that. But he maintained, for YEARS, that it was not him.
I talked to Jake earlier tonight ...
Me: I know you mess with food, YOU ATE MY MAC & CHEESE
Me: *winking smiley*
Jake: oooh shit that's right... I was supposed to buy you a replacement before I left too
Jake: sorry I honestly forgot
Me: finally you admit to it!!!!
Jake: I did finally confess right?
Jake: OH SHIT!
Me: not until right now!!!
Jake: I THOUGHT I DID BEFORE I LEFT
Me: YOU BASTARD!!!!!!
Jake: I CAN EXPLAIN!
Me: OH MY GOD!!!
Me: YOU LIED TO ME
Jake: I didnt realize it was yours until AFTER you gave me shit
Jake: I lied
Me: OVER AND OVER AND OVER
Jake: HAHAHA YES
Jake: because I planned on telling you years later
Jake: which is what has happened I suppose
Jake: so it was like this
Jake: I was there over the weekend
Jake: AND I TOO HAD BEEN EATING THOSE FUCKING THINGS
Me: they're sinfully delicious, I know
Jake: and I saw one in the freezer
Jake: thought it was mine from a while back
Jake: ate it
Jake: then whenever you started talking about it
Jake: or rather complaining about the theft
Jake: I had to deny it
Me: I am outing you
Jake: hahahahah, I am truly sorry
April 18, 2005
Tears of Joy
JAKE IS COMING BACK!
And he'll probably be sitting with me and Cindy in our office, since his old one is now taken. But still.
JAKE IS COMING BACK!
April 11, 2005
Where In the World Is Jake?
I'm on the phone with JAKE! He's on I-57 in Illinois, 70 miles outside of Champaign, where he'll pick up I-39. He's excited because he's going to be passing by Rockford, of Rockford Files fame.
He also passed the biggest crucifix ever, which just said THE CROSS - TRUCKERS WELCOME.
Tennessee gas stations had small sausages for sale called "Li'l Chubs."
April 07, 2005
Certifiable Attention Whore
Me: here's the real test
Me: DO THEY HAVE DIET SUNKIST???
Rappy: Julie, please accept what I'm about to say with the understanding that I very much love you
Rappy: but you're fucking insane
Me: well you know where THAT'S going...
Rappy: dude, why do you think I said it ;-)
Rappy: I am the attention whore to your certifiability
(And the answer is yes, they do.)
April 06, 2005
A Friend Indeed
Me: this is the day that will not end
Me: *flings self off balcony*
Me: you're a good friend, Rappy
April 04, 2005
The E in Team
So I was talking with Eric a few days ago (although it might have been just yesterday, I'm not sure - it all blends together) and I think we were talking about white-person dancing, and I brought up the iPod commercial because the chick with the ponytail dances the way I dance.
Then I tried to actually find the commercial on the Apple site. Alas, it has been removed. I spent about 20 minutes using Google to try and find it, with no luck. Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I ROCK when it comes to Internet research. There is usually nothing I can't find.
Except this time. I could not find it.
So I was at work today and Eric tells me he has a present for me, and he sends me a link - to the JAPANESE version of the Apple site, which still has the commercial archived. He had been looking for it on and off all day long, and his perserverance had finally paid off.
But then it was a matter of saving it. After some thinking, I scanned through the HTML code of the page to find the direct link to the Quicktime movie, slapped that link into Macromedia Homesite, coded it up, then right-clicked and was able to save it.
We're a pretty good team, as it turns out.
SO NOW IT IS MINE. FOR ALL ETERNITY. I've got both the 480 size and the 320 (the 480 won't upload properly, but it's on my hard drive).
That Eric would spend any time, much less a few hours, trying to find this for me ... how great is that? I know it's just a stupid iPod commercial, but I really wanted to see it again, and Eric knew that. His finding it is one of the more considerate things that anyone has done for me recently.
He shall be rewarded handsomely for his effort.
March 31, 2005
Jake: Exit Stage Right
Today is Jake's last day at work, and I am sad.
(This entry will be updated as needed.)
Jake: dude I'm tellin ya ... I'll email you rants and one-liners all the time for your site
Jake: mista fancy pants will live on
Jake: I'm sure I'll have many many stories to tell
Me: YOU'D BETTER
Jake: but I'd like to have more than just you as a fan
Jake: make me famous
Me: make your own damn self famous
Me: you're so lazy!
Jake: extremely lazy
Jake: you're like my agent
Jake: my manager
Jake: my promoter
Jake: my ... handler
Me: the gift between my legs, Jake
Me: that rocked
Jake: that was priceless
Me: that was one of my best unintentional good lines
God, I just love Frazzledglispa.
Whenever I need an honest opinion about something, he comes through for me. He has this amazing quality of being able to instantaneously cut through all the BS of a situation and get to the bottom line, which is something I really appreciate. Stuff like this:
He's not just a pig. He's a STUPID pig.
I also like him because he's exactly one day younger than me.
I had a dream with Rappy in it last night. We were in some random mall in some random city, and we were browsing the jewelry selection at one of those kiosks that are in the middle of the mall walkway. Except this kiosk was gigantic.
I kept asking Rappy if "this is Sephora" because somehow, inexplicable as it seems, the dream Julie can't tell the difference between Sephora and a jewelry store. Rappy said Sephora was next. Yay! I start browsing some bead-type jewelry (which, in reality, I don't like), and I look up to see actress Emily Procter (of West Wing and CSI: Miami fame) browsing across from me. I smile and nod in silent acknowledgment.
Then Rappy whips out her cell phone and calls someone: "RANDOM PERSON NAME, you'll never GUESS who is here. ROB THOMAS of Matchbox 20. And he's wearing NORMAL CLOTHES."
So I look up and sure enough, there's Rob Thomas, standing about 8 feet away. He gives us this annoyed look and snottily says "THANKS A LOT." I guess because he thinks he will momentarily be mobbed by a throng of adoring fans.
I, of course, do my best to disavow him of that particular notion, by telling him that no one cares who he is, he looks like a homeless guy, and "YOU SMELL."
Then Rappy and I ran away, giggling.
March 29, 2005
Hanford Auto Show
In addition to all of his other wonderful qualities, Eric is also an amazing photographer:
Hanford (California) Auto Show - June 2003
March 28, 2005
Me: suddenly, that new stat thingie started wigging out and adding that space above the banner
Me: because as soon as I removed the script, it went away
Rappy: I see
Me: but I'd rather blame Ben
Me: which I did in a comment
Me: he added you to his list of blogs
Rappy: and I did him
Rappy: which he thanked me for
Rappy: he's adorable
Rappy: aren't you glad you had to weed through seven bazillion emails?
Me: BUT HE'S MINE
Me: your ass can BACK OFF
Rappy: oh RELAX! I've got my own minor to deal with, you perv
Me: you just remember that
Me: and yes, wading through five billion emails from that ship was worth it for the guys I still write to
Jake: I have a dentist appt today
Jake: now they are gonna drill
Jake: and fucking make me numb
Me: and you're going to drool
Jake: so I'll be drooling
Jake: god life sucks
Me: and then you die!
Me: *tap dances on your grave*
Rappy: my daddy am smrt
Me: and he makes good pickles!
Rappy: I was complaining about not being able to open the window, and he suggested the paint stripper that I got for the dresser
Me: dude, I told you that a long time ago
Rappy: you did?
Me: yeah, when you told me it was painted shut
Rappy: clearly I never listen to you
Me: NO YOU NEVER DO
Rappy: we live in a crazy world.
Rappy: what nature doesn't do we do to each other
Me: that is profound
March 22, 2005
Your Head's a Hammer
Me: I've decided that men are a separate species
Me: and totally unfathomable
Roo: amen to that
March 21, 2005
How Old Am I, Again?
I was talking to someone online this afternoon - he shall be heretofore referred to as King Missile - and he was asking me what the name of an upside down pentagram with rounded corners was. My answer was something along the lines of "hell if I know."
So he launched the Doodle IMVironment on Yahoo Messenger and started drawing it (he's in orange). I, of course, had to deface his lovely drawing with my devil-worshipping grafitti:
I tried to print it, but my printer borked on me. So he took a screenshot and sent it to me.
I think the eyes/smile make the drawing.
March 17, 2005
Her Head Has No Room
Rappy: oh GOD
Rappy: go away
Me: GO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Rappy: god, you know how sometimes you meet someone and they immediately think you're their best friend and call you constantly?
Rappy: well, imagine that, with a sexual overtone.
Me: *dies a little inside*
Jake: I can already tell this is gonna be a long and painful day
Me: I am leaving at 2:30, bitches!
Me: *big huge toothy smiley*
Me: I'll call you every half hour
Me: to see how you're doing
Jake: I hate you
Me: it must be opposite day
Me: because the truth is that you lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve me
Me: I wonder if the lead singer is still hot?
Me: he was hot in the Black Metallic video
Rappy: uh, he's freaking hot.
Rappy: I saw him in person.
Rappy: right around the time that Adam & Eve came out.
Rappy: Which would have been...
Rappy: around 97/98?
Me: I should find a photo
Rappy: he couldn't have aged badly.
Rappy: oh, you mean you want me to find one?
Me: he's got an intense face
Me: I want to smooch it
Me: how the hell does he manage to be in the Navy?
Rappy: I know! Those are like REQUIREMENTS!
Me: because most of them are hardcore boozers and sex fiends
Me: but he's like Mickey Mouse ...
Me: on South Park
March 14, 2005
Jake: Backup:\Design and Development\CMS
Jake: could you open cms.xls please
Jake comes to my desk while I'm eating an apple
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Jake: I have an urge to continue doing that for at least another hour
Me: I swear to god you are the weirdest person I know
Jake: feeling hyper now
Me: I'm feeling cognitive dissonance
Me: I think I want to join a nunnery
Me: it would make life so much easier in many ways
Jake: go to a brothel
Jake: Do they make whorehouses for women?
Jake: You need a dose of Gere in American Gigilo
Me: I need to be less selective
Jake: Is it that you feel whorish but dont want to act on impulses?
Jake: Or do you act on impulse and wish to be nun like?
Jake: thus creating your lovely dissonance
Me: I don't know
Me: my head hurts
Jake: So get friendly with a brick wall
Me: I just want to die right now
Me: I blame you
Jake: I know, I have that effect on people
Jake: Why do you want to die?
Me: I just do
Me: I don't know
Me: fuck the world
Me: and everyone in it
Me: *flips off everyone*
Jake: Hahahaha did we just switch roles or something?
Jake: There's a lovely sense of freedom in it if you choose to see it
Jake: Mad at the world?
Jake: FUCK EM?!?
Jake: Then who gives a shit what you say or do anymore?
Jake: Because if you don't care about them
Jake: Who cares what they think of you?
Jake: Do whatever you want
Me: I should do that, totally
Me: I've never been that way before
Jake: FUCK ALL AND SO BE IT
Me: I should do it at least once
Jake: We can do anything we want in this world
Jake: Even fly
Jake: But everything comes with its consequence
Jake: You can fly
Jake: But it only lasts a few seconds before you hit the pavement
Jake: But in those few precious moments, you do get what you want
March 08, 2005
The Jake Farewell Tour Begins
This first conversation ends with the most prescient statement I've ever made:
GI Joe: Are you just getting back from lunch?
Me: I went home
Me: I only live 4 miles from the office
GI Joe: What'd you have?
Me: oh, brace yourself
Me: I had...
Me: fat free hot dogs!
Me: on whole wheat buns!
GI Joe: Oooooooooooooooooooooooh!
Me: *head-shaking smiley*
GI Joe: You're silly
Me: thrilling, don't you think?
GI Joe: I really like silly
Me: I'm a goofball
Me: I just wish I could be a professional goofball
Me: I need someone to pay me to BE me
Jake: god this day is dragging ass
Jake: I'm so miserable
Me: would you like a teeny tiny cinnamon graham cracker?
Jake: HELL NO
Jake: no thank you *smiley*
Jake: march 31st will be my last day
Me: I guess I have to change my site
Me: I'm going to cling to your leg as you walk out the door
Me: I'm going to make the biggest scene possible
Jake: it makes so much sense for me to put a weblog out there
Jake: why the hell am I so lazy?
Me: because you're an asshole!
Jake: that's the spirit!
Me: you can't leave, Jake!
Me: who will be bitter for me?
Me: who will put a cynical spin on my every happy moment?
Jake: in the end
Jake: there can be only one
Jake: I have taught you well
Jake: go now
Jake: into the world
Jake: and spread the misery
Me: *cries softly*
Me: aww, someone left a sweet comment on me site
Jake: You and your deceitful ways
Jake: Talking of happiness
Jake: and the "GOOD" life
Jake: I shall expose you for the demon you are
Jake: THE WORLD IS A COLD PLACE
Jake: people must know the truth
Jake: NOTHING MATTERS
Jake: NONE OF IT
Jake: NOTHING WE DO
Jake: In a million years the sun is going to burn out anyway and nothing will be remembered
Jake: nothing will matter
Jake: SAY IT
Jake: tell them
Jake hacks so loudly I can hear it from my desk, 30 feet away
Jake: fucking cough
Jake: see what you've done to me
Jake: you and your god
Me: Jake, I am going to miss you so much
Me: it makes me sad to think about it
Me: but stop hacking, idiot-boy
Jake: I just spit in my garbage can
Jake: How's that for a lovely picture?
Me: I feel so special now
Me: you've ruined a lovely moment!
Jake: Yeah, I'm good at that
February 09, 2005
I still feel like hot death on a stick, but Rappy is trying to perk me up by providing scintillating conversation:
Rappy: I know the loss of added benefits might suck, but I suggest the band aid approach.
Me: but this is how guys do it!
Me: I guess I always have my arranged marriage with Totem to fall back on
Rappy: I should probably mention that to him...
Me: what? he's cheating on me?!?
Rappy: he just doesn't know he shouldn't be!
Me: is Totem a playah?
Me: Totem is probably King Godly Stud and you just don't talk about it
Me: I should post this on your site
Me: in a comment
Me: because then he will see it
Rappy: put it on yours. Expose it to the masses
Me: but HE won't see it
Rappy: I'll tell him about it
Me: oh all right
Rappy: remind me tomorrow to tell him
Me: call him NOW
Me: get his ass out of bed for it
Rappy: he works hard.
Me: he was supposed to send me cookies
Me: he works hard doing what?
Me: dude, the cookies are our BOND
Rappy: he's in school 5 days a week, and works evenings 5 nights a week, and then volunteers at the Oncology wing of the hospital in Tel Aviv
Rappy: on Fridays
Me: he DOES?
Rappy: it's part of his scholarship fulfillment
Me: *revokes swoon*
Rappy: but he could have gone anywhere!
Rappy: he chose this
January 24, 2005
What I Love About ... Rappy
One thing I love about Rappy is that her online nickname has pretty much made her real name superfluous. More so than anyone else I know, I have to consciously think about using her real name during the appropriate times. She is Rappy. The very embodiment thereof.
More seriously, though, there are many things I love about Rappy. She's all of the major things I look for in a friend - caring, funny, and intellectually curious - but she's also so much more.
I love how Rappy can be sympathetic without it coming across as patronizing. There was a moment recently when I was telling her about something sad I was dealing with, and she said "That must be difficult for you." She didn't try to minimize the issue; nor did she try to give me one of those fake-happy "everything will be okay" speeches. She just acknowledged what I was feeling, and that she recognized that it was something unpleasant for me.
Rappy is one of those friends who is willing to go to battle for the people she's close to. She reminds me of a scene from a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, where Riley, Buffy's ex-boyfriend, comes back to town with his new wife. Buffy and Willow have this conversation right after Willow meets Riley's wife:
Buffy: Will. Thanks, but no. I don't want to get all, you know - petty.
Willow: That's the beauty. YOU can't, I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for both of us.
Buffy: Go nuts.
Rappy would never really hate someone just because I don't like them (she's too independent for that), but she'd definitely hypothetically hate them right along with me. Which is something good friends do for each other.
Rappy gives very good advice, but doesn't get bugged if I don't take it. And she doesn't say "I told you so" later when it turns out she was right all along. She commiserates with me when I'm annoyed, and celebrates with me when I'm happy. She's a very good listener. She's always willing to help me when I ask. I count on her a lot during Big Brother season to think of new and interesting ideas for the HT site.
The superficial quality I envy most in Rappy is her talent for photography. She has an amazing eye for detail, and I'm very proud of her that she's taking a class in order to further her natural gift. I'm sure I'll be buying many of her photos in the future.
Rappy never gets annoyed when I go to her for "Jewish stuff" (much like how I go to Roo for "Catholic stuff") and even exposes me to Hebrew songs and other cultural things that she thinks I'd be interested in.
Rappy is one of the most thoughtful friends I have, and this is best shown in the gift she gave me for Christmas 2003. She knew I liked the work of a photographer named Noah Grey. She also knows my affinity for photos of roads and highways. So she bought an autographed print of this photo and had it beautifully matted and framed. It is one of the most perfect-for-me gifts I've ever received from anyone.
I don't get to talk to her as much now that she's living in Israel, and I've lost my Alias-watching buddy, which is sad (I enjoy that show much more when watching it along with someone else). But for years now (wow, has it really been years?), Rappy has kept me company while I'm at work ... my sanity thanks her.
Last but not least, I hope very much that Rappy will be able to join me on my trip to Ireland. I am so excited to finally be going this year, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather have right alongside me, sharing in all of the sights, sounds and cute boys I have every intention of enjoying.
January 21, 2005
Dublin Is for Whoring
Me: I'm reading the catalog I got from Tourism Ireland
Rappy: anything interesting?
Me: we should go see that!
Me: I think I'm going to spend this weekend lounging around the house and doing Ireland research and junk
Me: and never changing out of my pajamas
Rappy: that sounds oddly familiar
Me: I love how in Europe it's called "car hire" instead of "car rental"
Rappy: and then there's takeaway
Me: what's that?
Rappy: take out
Rappy: and putting things in the "boot"
Rappy: which sounds kinky, but isn't
Me: get your hands out of me boot!
Rappy: well, naturally! That might hurt!
Me: ooh, Dublin has a ZOO!!!
Rappy: Julie, do you really need to fly across an ocean to see a zoo?
Me: *jumps up and down excitedly*
Me: but they have snow leopards
Me: and ring-tailed lemurs!
Rappy: ok, I think our day in Dublin will have to be spent separately.
Rappy: I'm more interested in the shopping and architecture
Me: I'm more interested in the eating and whoring
Rappy: ooh, forgot about the whoring
Me: can't forget the whoring!
January 17, 2005
What I Love About ... Lynn
I'm going to start a new thing for Mondays. It'll be a nice, happy way to start the hellishness of the work week.
Each Monday I will wax poetic about one of my friends, and why I love them so much. Some entries are bound to be shorter than others (heh). I'm going to kick this off by writing about my friend Lynn, since I meant to do so over the weekend.
Lynn was a lurker on Hamster Time. She sent me an e-mail one day to comment on something I had written on this site, about my experience having had cancer. Essentially, she knew exactly how I felt; reading her words, I knew exactly how she felt, too. She told me about her own struggle with the disease, and we began to correspond regularly.
Lynn is, quite simply, the strongest person I know. It would be enough just to have cancer. But Lynn also has had to deal with the death of her beloved 18-month old granddaughter; I suspect her own grief has been in part set aside in order to help her daughter mourn the loss of the child. Three other people very close to Lynn suffer from chronic, potentially life-threatening illnesses.
It is more than one person should be asked to bear, but Lynn isn't the first person to have more than their share of heartache. Many have before, and many will after. What makes Lynn so special is that she is, despite all of this, an unfailingly hopeful person. It's not an understatement to say that I have learned so much more about life, and how best to live it, from her than I have from anyone else in recent memory. The experiences of her life that she's shared with me are both inspiring and humbling.
Knowing her makes me want to make something special of my own life, and that is the kind of inspiration that lives with a person forever.
Lynn is someone that I know will always have my best interests at heart. When I ask her for advice, she gives me her opinion honestly (which I value so much) yet doesn't expect me to change my beliefs to fit her own. She just offers her take on a situation, without expectation.
There have been times when I really didn't know if the things I was doing were beneficial, because they were difficult. Lynn is always there to encourage me to try and do what is best for myself, even if it might be painful in the short term. Whenever I question a situation, or doubt my own actions, she always helps me reconnect with the idea that more often than not you have to ask for what you want, and what you deserve, and not be willing to accept less.
Every time she tells me stories about her life, I tell her that she should write them down, because they'd make a wonderful book. She says she doesn't write well enough to do that, but she's wrong. I hope she changes her mind about this someday, because she has so many things to share that would speak to people in a meaningful way.
I posted Lynn's message this weekend because she asked me to, but I will admit that it made me feel very good to know that someone I respect and value so much thinks that highly of me. But as much as Lynn seems to think I've added to her life, she has added so much more to mine. She's the wise older sister I never had, and a person that I can rely on, always, to help me see things from new perspectives.
Lynn has given me acceptance, support and wisdom; she is in all aspects a wonderful friend, and I am truly the better for having known her.
January 15, 2005
The Strongest Person I Know
My dear, sweet friend Lynn has asked me to post this for her. And to say I'm humbled by her words would be an understatement.
I've got to run down to Largo for Alex's football game, but tonight I'm going to better introduce you to Lynn. She is an extraordinary person.
January 13, 2005
Like Alabaster Sky
I had to rescue this poem from the unreliable archives of my Diaryland site. Can't lose one of my finest pieces of writing (originally published on May 21, 2003):
You're super cool, and that's no lie
With skin like alabaster sky
And rosy lips, so thin, so narrow
And chest that's not unlike a sparrow
Your caustic wit, your childish gall
Release me! From your heady thrall
I cannot lose, I cannot win
I see you every day, again.
January 05, 2005
Kids and Stuff
Greetings from Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. On behalf of all of us here, I would like to thank you for your care package received today. We are very grateful to you for your generosity. The DVD you sent us will become part of our Camp DVD library. It is people like you who in their generosity make it so evident that we live in the greatest nation in the world. We are proud to serve you, to protect your way of life, and to ensure the hope of a better day tomorrow. I will be posting your letter on the bulletin board so others can respond to your letter.
Me: very kind
Me: I will write him back!
Rappy: damn - that is very nicely written!
Me: yeah, as a chief warrant officer he has to be older
Me: late 20s, early 30s at least
Rappy: god, do you remember Vince Brooks? Good times.
Me: a lot of the contacts are obviously very young because they WRITE LIKE THIS IN THEIR WHOLE POST and they talk to u like dat
Me: Vince Brooks? no.
Me: the hot black army general?
Rappy: he was the hot General
Me: brief me, baby!
Rappy: you'd like that!
Me: I would not turn that down
Rappy: hey, did I tell you about my paycheck?
Me: no. is it a special paycheck? a MAGICAL paycheck?
Rappy: it was magic all right.
Rappy: I'm putting aside 2000NIS of it towards our trip
Rappy: which should cover the flight.
Me: You will like Trina
Me: Actually you and Trina are a lot alike. you'll probably hit it off and not speak to me.
Me: I'll be forced to pick up random Irish boys
Rappy: heh. We're already not speaking to you!
Rappy: speaking of Irish boys. What's happening with yours?
Me: well, it's kind of odd
Me: I mean, I'm happy with the way things are
Me: and he seems to be too, for now
Me: but I think eventually he'll break up with me
Me: because I don't want a super serious relationship
Me: i.e. marriage
Me: I love the relationship I have with him right now
Me: I don't think I'll ever want to get married, to be honest
Me: maybe I just haven't met the "right" person
Rappy: what about kids?
Me: I'm not feeling the maternal urge as of yet
Me: if I do, I think I would rather adopt
Me: as you know, my genetic material is already fucked up
Me: why pass it on?
Rappy: and there are so many kids needing a good home
Me: besides ... exactly
Me: I don't think I'd even want to adopt an infant
Rappy: how are your ribbies doing?
Me: I'd want to adopt, say, a six year old
Rappy: older kids are so much harder to place
Me: they're doing pretty good, I can breathe/laugh/cough without too much discomfort
Me: I think I'd like being a mom to an older kid
Me: I've never been a big BAAAAAAAAAAABIES person
Me: they're fine, but I'm not enthralled with them
Rappy: heh. I thought it was just me.
Me: heck no, man. I have a married friend who absolutely does not want to have children ever.
Me: she doesn't like kids, period
Rappy: And a 6 year old is so much better for a couple of reasons: first, you sleep through the night. Second, you can leave them to their own devices for the most part
Me: well, what it comes down to, for me, is this - I don't want to give up my life to have a child
Me: and if you have an infant, you must do that
Rappy: I don't want to say "never" to having kids, but I *really* don't want them
Me: babies take over your life 24/7
Me: I'm too selfish to undertake something like that
Rappy: I keep finding more and more reasons not to have them.
Me: it's not for everyone, and I think it's perfectly fine as long as you know that about yourself
Rappy: starting with those tractor sized baby "carriages". I especially appreciate those when I get stuck behind one on the bus
Me: I'm not saying I'll never have kids, either, but it's not something I yearn for right now
Me: not at all
Me: maybe I never will, who knows?
Rappy: the idea of not being able to pick up and go anywhere I want to is reason enough not to have them
Me: that's also reason enough not to get married
Rappy: depends on who you're marrying
Me: I'm very much for long term monogamous relationships
Me: but I think there's a 50% divorce rate for a reason
Me: people simply grow apart
Me: I'm not the same person at 34 as I was at 24
Me: it would have been a tossup as to whether or not my boyfriend at 24 would still be compatible with the 34 year old me
Me: know what I mean?
Me: I'm just saying that life is an unending process of growth
Me: and all you can really do is hope the person you're with - if you're with someone - grows in a way compatible with you
Me: I think that's true of any kind of relationship - romantic, friend, whatever
Me: when it stops working for one or both people, it ends
Rappy: I can't imagine what I have with any of my friends pre-2000
Rappy: My personality and interests totally changed around that time. Even later, actually.
Me: have you ever reconnected with someone from your past?
Me: that you haven't seen or talked to for years?
Rappy: with a couple of friends, and I'm very loosely in touch with them.
Me: I have too, and in many cases it's just jarring how little we have in common now
Rappy: When I did the walkathon for Lisa I went out with a bunch of people afterwards, and could find literally nothing in common with them
Me: we have shared memories, but they're such different people now that I wouldn't even choose them as friends
Me: I guess my thing with romantic relationships is that I don't know that it's possible for someone to (and this sounds bad) hold my interest for the rest of my life
January 04, 2005
Happy Birthday, Cap'n!
Teem: greetings, infidel!
Me: it's the birthday wench!!
Teem: tis I, the scourge of the birthday cake!
December 03, 2004
Jumping the Bones
Phil is a friend of mine from way, way back. Back in the 90s, during the heyday of the alt.music.tragically-hip newsgroup. He was popular; I was more popular. He was loved; I was beloved. So of course, we had to become friends.
I'd lost track of him for a few years, but then he reappeared mysteriously, like ... a rash. Or some sort of virus. But a welcome virus. ANYWAY, Phil is both a Harvard man and a U.S. Army veteran. How's that for an anachronism?
Me: AM BACK
Phil: Woooo Hoooo!
Me: *hopscotches through IM*
Phil: I'm complete
Me: I complete you?
Phil: You do
Me: I have to rant about that movie on my site at some point
Me: especially that line
Phil: total pick up line
Me: I hate that line
Phil: Because it's worked on you too many times?
Me: no, because I'm a complete person all by myself
Phil: You go girl!
Me: the implication of "you complete me" is that you were somehow incomplete before
Me: which is bollocks
Me: I'm going to ask Cindy if she thinks Suckface is hot ... hold on
Phil: Is Cindy hot?
Me: okay, her reaction to the photo I showed her was
Me: "He looks sick."
Me: so fine! I'm in the minority.
Phil: Take that!
Phil: He's a suckface
Phil: A freaky suckface
Me: I'll have to make you my next Celebrity Crush
Me: and then people can refer to you as "Suckface"
Phil: Won't happen
Phil: I eat too many Krispy Kreme donuts to be a suckface, and I also don't do heroin
Me: Okay, this is why Shakespeare ROCKS
Me: there's a scene in the movie Titus where Aaron and the two Goth princes are talking about how to woo Titus' daughter Livinia
Me: both of the princes want her and are arguing about who should have her
Me: so they're quarreling, and Aaron says:
Why, then, it seems, some certain snatch or so
Would serve your turns.
Phil: That Aaron.
Phil: Such an urban contemporary rebel
Me: I died laughing in the movie, because I thought it was added dialogue
Me: but it's not, it's right here in the text
Aaron, thou hast hit it.
Would you had hit it too!
Me: Shakespeare, king of slang
Phil: Sounds like something done by JayZ
Phil: Or some other rapper.
Me: doesn't it, though?
Me: this was written in 1593
Me: <-- amazed
Phil: Love it
Me: everytime I see your screenname I internally say
Me: WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!?
Phil: That's right
Phil: I'm your daddy
Phil: Your literary daddy
Phil: Man, my French is getting sloppy
Me: no wait, that's Spanish
Phil: I'm talking with one of my friends in Quebec and I'm trying to be cool, speaking in French. Instead I sound like Willie the Kid on the School Bus that Wears a Helmet and Licks the Windows.
December 02, 2004
Thy Will Be Done
This is why I love Teem:
Teem: two nights ago I dreamed about God
Teem: he was throwing a frisbee
Me: at you?
Teem: no, at some dead person
November 23, 2004
30 Going On 13 (Part II)
Forgive the lateness of these updates on Roo's Birthday Weekend – Clover is going home for Thanksgiving and leaving on Wednesday, so I've been devoting my evening hours to hanging out with him.
I forgot to mention one of the coolest things at Roo's office - they have a countertop Coke fountain! The kind that mixes the actual Coke syrup with carbonated water. Best Coke I've ever had. Oh, and in other beverage news - the waiter at the Vortex, while cute and sassy, gave me a bit of the stink-eye when I ordered unsweetened iced tea.
The theme song for my visit was the new Kelly Clarkson song, which I don't know the name of, but it's the angry one where she tells someone to "shut up." We heard it approximately 1.5 million times over the course of the weekend.
SATURDAY: Roo's pilot light had gone out the day before, and one of her neighbors relit it for her ... but he apparently didn't turn some knob to ON, which meant that on Saturday morning there was no hot water available for showers. None. So Roo packed up me and Teem and took us over to Wendy's house to use the facilities there.
Wendy's house? Gorgeous. Wendy's daughter? Adorable. ("Bump, bump, bump it up!")
Lara and Roo managed showers in lukewarm water at the apartment (Roo had fiddled with the ON knob before we went over to Wendy's house). So after everyone got ready, we headed out to Lenox Square Mall. First stop was lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, where we were waited on by Enrique Iglesias. The four of us shared two appetizers (hummus and cheese foccacia) and each got a different pizza - Sante Fe Chicken (Roo), Tostada (Teem), Pear and Gorgonzola (Lara), Roasted Garlic Chicken (me). So freaking good, all of it. Teem, Lara and I all swapped pieces, and I think I liked Lara's pizza the best. Mmmm, gorgonzola.
Then we did the Massive Shopping Spree. We went to Urban Outfitters and bought pirate shirts (Teem, of course), scarves (Lara), lip balm (me), and t-shirts for our brother (Roo). Then we headed into Coach to look at the pretty, pretty purses, which made me seriously regret not having Lara order me one with her employee discount (she ordered two for Teem, and they're both gorgeous). We also hit Sephora, which was way too crowded and none of us actually bought anything. Which is shocking.
Damn, were those the only two stores we went to? I can't remember going anywhere else in that mall other than Bloomingdales, where all four of us got makeovers done at the Benefit counter. I didn't buy anything, but everyone else did. Instead of makeup I bought a DKNY Be Delicious ("Be! Delicious! Be Be Delicious!") gift set containing the perfume and a body lotion.
Oh yeah, we stopped at The Body Shop on the way out. Teem was the only purchaser there. In fact, I bought very little during this trip, which was odd (but good).
Originally we were going to go home and change for the Saturday night cookout at Roo's brother's house, but then we decided we didn't need to because we were going to go to Old Navy and buy festive stuff there. So go there we did. Actually we first ran through DSW (Designer Shoe Warehouse), bought nothing, and THEN went to Old Navy. I bought a t-shirt and a pretty scarf - black knit with gold threads woven through it.
And then we drove to Woodstock for the cookout. It was much fun meeting Roo's family – her dad is very sweet, and her sister-in-law is adorable (and very welcoming). Roo's brother is 18 feet tall and also very nice. We ate burgers, brats and birthday cake. We looked at wedding photos and played with the dogs. Roo's brother measured all the girls' heights (I think Teem and I were the tallest). Roo was gifted with Tivo, so now her life will be revolutionized just like everyone else's has been.
The cookout broke up around 1 a.m. and on the way home we stopped at Walgreens to pick up some stuff. Lara waited in the car (she was driving) while the three of us went in. I bought grape soda (Walgreens brand, which was kinda nasty) and body wash. We exited Walgreens walking like Egyptians in order to amuse Lara, but Lara was digging for something in her purse and wasn't looking. Teem Egyptianed all the way into the middle of the parking lot, to no avail.
I think I fell asleep around 3 a.m. You know how you can sometimes get slap happy and silly when you're exhausted? That was me and Teem around 2:30. We started making up new lyrics to that abysmal Nickelback song that we hate (sample lines: "I like your pants around my neck. I like the way you look at me, when you're hanging from that tree.") and singing the other theme song for the weekend - "Fly away, lesbian seeeeeeeagull."
November 22, 2004
30 Going On 13 (Part I)
Hmm. Where to begin describing my Weekend at Roo's? I guess I will break it down by days, but let me first say that I had a FANTASTIC time – it was wonderful to see Roo and Teem again, and meeting Roo's family and friends was great. It was a whirlwind weekend filled with food, fun and frivolity (and very little sleep), and I am very happy that I could share Roo's birthday weekend in such great company.
Oh, and the phrase for the weekend was: "It's not a party until someone says penis."
FRIDAY – I flew to Atlanta at 10 a.m. I was sitting diagonally behind a guy who looked like the twin brother of Glen Phillips (Toad the Wet Sprocket lead singer), so I stared at him for the entire hour of the flight. Which was great, because Glen Phillips is really cute.
I got in at 11:30; Roo arrived shortly thereafter and we did the slow-motion run into each other's arms for hugging and squealing. Teem waltzed into the baggage claim and we did the whole slow-motion running-hugging-squealing thing again.
Roo chauffered us back to her apartment in style (aka her friend Wendy's SUV) and then gave us the grand tour. Her apartment is super cute - outrageously high ceilings, hardwood floors, tons of character. Her living room is shaped kind of like a hexagon, and her bathroom is pink. Love.
And then I met Timber for the first time. Timber is a li'l sausage of an orange striped kitty and she is undeniably adorable and friendly. Teem and I called her "Tim-MAAAY" (ala South Park) all weekend long.
By this time we were starving, so we walked across the street to The Vortex for lunch – into the skull! The Vortex promises the best hamburgers in Atlanta, and they were pretty damn good. I had a bacon cheddar cheeseburger and TATER TOTS. Our waiter was very sassy and cute.
We walked around Little 5 Points for a bit, and stopped in at Cherry Bomb, a little boutique where Wendy works. Then it was off to Roo's office downtown. We walked in and there were two people at the front desk, who gave Roo an "uh oh why are you here?" look. Roo then dragged me and Teem upstairs so we could meet her fabulous boss ... who insisted that she give us a tour of the upstairs, including the conference room. The conference room? Is someone stalling so we won't go downstairs and see Roo's office yet?
Stall, stall, stall.
We go downstairs and there's a trail of streamers and confetti leading into Roo's office. Her coworkers decorated her desk/office with party favors and streamers and birthday signs, and once Roo walked in they jumped up from behind a partition and yelled "Surprise!" Very fun, and they seem like a very nice group of people who obviously care about Roo a lot.
We left the office and headed to Perimeter Mall, getting stuck in the hellacious Atlanta traffic. We first stopped at Nordstrom, where we perused the perfume section before heading to the Stila counter. Roo sat down with Vince to get her makeup done; Teem and I wandered over to look at the sale rack of shoes. Then Teem went back and started having HER makeup done at the counter. I wasn't interested, so I ran upstairs to look at clothes.
I came back down to check in on them and the third makeup artist convinced me to sit down with him (mainly by offering me "a little slap and tickle"). His name was Christopher, and he was gay. I somehow always manage to get the gay male makeup artists. So while he was working on me we chatted about his shoe habit, his partner, his travels to Europe for shopping, where he grew up (Malibu), what we were like as teenagers (weirdly dressed freaks), tattooes, body piercings, Roo's birthday, restaurants, gay strip clubs, and getting your lips around things. Ahem.
Then we wandered the mall a little bit so Roo could find and buy black pants. A mission she accomplished. On the way out Teem and I bought Orange Juliuses. Mmm, Orange Juliuses. Then we drove out to the Choi studio so Roo could show us where she spends an inordinant amount of time, and so we could see the little kiddies taking their martial arts class (that Roo normally teaches). We met Margaret, the owner of the school, and she gave Roo a li'l gift and card.
Then we drove back to the apartment to get fancied up for dinner at a local trattoria called Il Localino.
Il Localino was one of the highlights of the weekend. It's a small place, but packed with people and there's this great familial atmosphere going. We walked in and they were playing "YMCA" on the sound system. We were seated and the owner, Papa Giovanni, came over to make small talk with Roo. He asked it if was a special occasion (we were all dressed up nicely) and as Roo said, "No!" I blurted out "YES! It's her birthday!" Muahahahaha.
Papa Giovanni put a sailor's hat on Roo and then made a big deal in telling our waiter that it was Roo's birthday, much to her chagrin. We ordered wine (reisling for me and Teem, merlot for Roo) and snacked on bread with olive oil dipping sauce, fresh parmesan, and olives. It was wonderful.
Our dinners arrived in less than 10 minutes (I had chicken piccata), making both Teem and I cringe a little bit because we knew we had to keep Roo out at dinner until at least 9 p.m., and it was only 8. Wendy and her crew were setting up for the surprise party over at Roo's apartment, and our job was to keep Roo out long enough to give her time to decorate and for the guests to arrive.
So Teem and I ate verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slowly. This place was so efficient (refilling water, removing cleaned plates) that it was like they were able to anticipate your every need/want before you even had it. It was amazing.
Papa Giovanni put another hat (a tricolor with a feather on it) on Roo, and at some point a waiter came over to give her a hug. She was the woman of the hour at this place; Teem and I got no love. Our waiter brought out a slice of tiramisu with a candle in it, then led the waiters and patrons in a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday" for Roo.
At some point the man in the booth behind us got up and started dancing in the aisle to Barry White's "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" while his wife/girlfriend watched with a look of bemusement on her face. He was dancing and talking to us, and it was really funny. I'm always amazed by people who are so un-selfconscious that they can do things that might make them look silly, and they don't seem to care. This guy was in the moment, feeling the music, and so he danced. I only wish, in retrospect, I had taken him up on his offer to dance with him.
We needed to kill more time, so we ordered dessert. Teem had cannoli; I had chocolate cake with raspberry sauce. All very good. Papa Giovanni had the waiter bring each of us a red rose, which was sweet.
We paid the rilly big check and got up to leave; there were mints at the door, so Teem and Roo both took one. Roo also grabbed the box of Stila lip glaze that was sitting beside the mints, which coincidentally happened to be the lip glaze that she had thought she lost in the car. She must have dropped it between the car and the restaurant, and the person who picked it up brought it in and laid it on the counter. Which she just happened to pass. It was really kind of bizarre.
So then, FINALLY, we were able to return to the apartment. Teem dialed Wendy's cell phone from the back seat of the car (just letting it ring, not talking) so they'd know we were on our way. Roo walked in and was "Surprise!"d for the second time in one day. She claims to have known something was up, but Teem and I are good enough liars that she wasn't exactly sure what might have been planned.
I don't remember a whole lot about the party because I was all liquored up. Roo's friends are all very nice, though, and Wendy did a great job planning everything. I did learn how Wendy convinced her husband to groom his pubic hair, which was neat (the way she convinced him, not his pubes - well, until afterwards). Her husband was so good-natured about the conversation regarding his genitals, too. That's a special guy right there.
Another surprise for Roo was that her friend Lara was arriving on Friday night, rather than Saturday as she had said. But poor Lara got stuck in traffic for over four hours and didn't end up getting to the apartment until close to midnight. But Roo was VERY excited to see her, so that was nice. It was funny because several times throughout the night Roo said that she thought Lara was going to be there at the party, but she guessed she really wasn't coming in until Saturday. To which everyone else silently said, "Heh heh heh."
The party broke up ... well, late. I don't remember the time, I just know I was wiped out. Teem took the couch and I slept on the air mattress. Roo and Lara stayed up talking for awhile in the bedroom, but I'm pretty sure I was asleep within about 60 seconds of my head hitting the pillow.
Saturday/Sunday to follow (sometime).
Insert Name Here
This space soon to be filled with spine-tingling tales from my lost weekend in Atlanta.
November 18, 2004
Rappy: omg, my brother is baking something clearly descended from the heavens.
Me: your brother sounds like a catch, yo
Rappy: he totally is!
Rappy: and he thanks you for saying that.
Me: I want a guy who will bake for me, dammit
Rappy: hey, Totem just went down to my cafe, and he likes it! Approval!
Me: you didn't tell him I called him Totem, did you?
Rappy: sure I did
Me: oh lord
Rappy: I've started calling him that myself.
Me: my dorkness reaches across the Atlantic!
Rappy: ok, he just squeezed an orange for me.
Rappy: I mean to drink, not just to cop a feel
Me: can I marry him?
Me: wait, how old is he?
Rappy: he says yes
Me: this will require conversion and a change of address, won't it?
Rappy: he'd like you to know, however, that he doesn't clean under any circumstance.
Me: we'll have to hire someone, in that case, because I refuse to mop floors
Me: I'm not against vacuuming, though
Rappy: he is against vacuuming at particular times, including Friday morning.
Me: I'm laughing, now
Me: arranged marriage! perfect!
Rappy: I think so!
Rappy: And then we'd be sisters in law!
Me: yes, could you stand it?
Rappy: I don't think I could
Me: and you haven't yet confirmed I'd have to move/convert, and oh by the way, is Totem of legal age?
Rappy: his response to conversion was "fuck, no"
Me: woo hoo!
Me: I will embrace the shiksa within
Rappy: totem actually giggled about that
Me: I think I'm in love with Zach from Veiled Conceit, though
Me: you can understand why I'm in love with Zach
Rappy: are cheating on my brother!
Me: no, I'm cheating on Ian with your brother and cheating on ... wait
Me: I'm double cheating on Ian?
Rappy: I think so
Me: But Ian doesn't bake!
Me: Clearly Ian needs to acquire that skill.
Me: Can Totem kill people if necessary?
Rappy: well, given that his basic training consisted of counting forks, I don't know, but he can operate a nuclear sub.
Me: So he can't kill people for me, but he could whisk me away to safety in a nuclear-powered submarine?
Me: that'll do
Rappy: he can FIRE the nuclear weapon
Me: oh, he can't drive?
Me: I guess I'll drive
Me: but he has to ask for directions!
Rappy: He can drive cars AND submarines, and as the submarine navigator, I'm fairly certain he could find his way around
Me: I might need proof
Me: have him draw me a map
Rappy: In Israel everyone on the subs learns all the jobs
Rappy: dude, he scored 4 points under the maximum in his SAT equivalents here. I think he's good
Me: ohhhhhh, he's smart AND good in the kitchen
Me: now I really AM interested
November 09, 2004
This morning I had a terrific conversation with Roo about Communion, and how it has a different significance for Catholics vs. Protestants. I remember when I was a kid and went to church with my grandmother, we would sometimes be treated to the whole "wafers and grape juice" thing (although sometimes the wafers were replaced with croutons, which was better, because the wafers were basically thin round discs of styrofoam).
Gramma was/is a Methodist, and I never fully understood the significance of the "thing," just that it was kind of cool to waltz up to the altar and open your mouth, stick out your tongue, and have the wafer placed upon it. Then you furled (the opposite of "unfurled") your tongue back in and savored the Spongy Disc of Tastelessness, albeit only briefly, before shotgunning the little plastic glass of grape juice. Good times, good times.
Anyway, Roo explained it all and cleared up my heathen-based beliefs, which included the notion that if I attempted to take Communion at a Catholic church that the priest would scream at me the way the pod people scream at humans in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, since he would be able to tell on sight that I'm not a Catholic and was trying to take Communion illegally (as it were). But Roo assured me that would never be the case, because the priest would at least offer me a blessing instead. Good to know!
Then I asked her a bunch of lame stuff and she got sick of my constant, unending questioning - I believe the phrase "Would you just SHUT UP already?!?" was thrown around - and she directed me to a website where I learned the difference between "Cafeteria Catholics" and "Lukewarm Catholics," and that I should "Beware the Freemasons!" And then I decided to test my new-found knowledge:
Roo: are you sitting there reading that whole thing? Hee
Me: the concernedcatholics.org site?
Me: I'm taking the Catholic IQ Test
Me: this should be amusing
Me: I got the first one right!
Roo: yay for you! I should take it and see how I do
Roo: heh. I missed 2
Roo: I mean two questions
Me: heh, I got the question "What is Purgatory?" right
Me: good for me
Roo: good job!
Me: "YES!! You are so smart!"
Roo: is that what it says?
Me: on the rare occasion I answer correctly, yes
Me: I got BOTH questions about the Holy Spirit correct
Me: and I know what Original Sin is
Me: wow, God waited until the fifth commandment to tell people not to kill?
Your Catholic IQ score is: 64%.
Questions answered correctly first time: 14/30
Me: that was draining
Roo: that's not bad!
Incidentally, I was lying - which is not a mortal sin! See, I learned something! - about Roo shutting me down when I asked questions. She was extremely gracious and patient in explaining different concepts to me, which is why I really enjoy talking to her about these things.
November 08, 2004
Me: this song makes me feel melancholy
Me: *skips it*
Me: because this is a melancholy-free day!
Roo: oh boy
Roo: did you have morning sex?
Me: *shocked face*
Me: why would you ask such a thing?
Roo: because you are in an EXTRAORDINARILY good mood
Me: can't one just be in a really good mood?
Me: *halo smiley*
Me: I did have a good morning, yes
Me: I feel like ... a pinball
Me: bouncing off everything, not staying still
Roo: Oh. sorry...I thought that was a sex euphemism
Roo: I was imagining that little thing that pulls back and hits the ball!
And then later on, just when you think it's safe to go back into the water...
Roo: don't you love it when you go to drink something and instead just pour it down your face? yeah.
Me: I do love that, actually
Me: It reminds me that I am, in essence, a colossal dork
Me: But a loveable, well-meaning one
Roo: ah...well I never need reminding of my own dorkiness
Me: embrace the dork within, that's my motto
Me: (and not the "fork" within, as I first typed)
Roo: sadly, though...my dork is not within, but definitely out
Me: embrace the dork without!
It wouldn't be a Friends entry without some mention of Teem!
Me: I'm going to kill myself or someone like me if Hollywood Video doesn't get "Dawn of the Dead" in stock soon
Rappy: is there no other video store?
Me: no other I have a membership with
Me: Teem rocks
Me: she commented on my site
Rappy: she's insane.
Me: She's my idol
Rappy: I wanna be your idol *WHINE*
Me: You're my idol too
Me: I have a tripartite system of idolatry
Me: You, Teem and Roo
Me: Kinda like ...
Me: Father, Son, Holy Ghost
Me: only not literally
Me: not even figuratively
Me: Since you're, you know, Jewish and stuff
I freely admit that I actually stealered this idea from someone else. So the first one to market wins.
Me: Jake-y Jake-y Jake-yyyyyyyyyyyy
Me: I made you out of clay!
Jake: I'm thinking big posters with that on it... followed by my cell number... plastered all over the city
Me: I can't get behind violence against squirrels, sorry
Me: I already know what my big money-making enterprise will be
Me: Christian strip clubs
Me: Strippin' for Jesus
Me: I'm totally serious
Jake: pure genius
Me: I could become a billionaire, easily
Me: Strippers gyrating 'round poles with hymns playing in the background
Me: Or stripping to audio of sermons by Jerry Falwell
Me: Every table has a Bible
Me: and a collection plate
Jake: hahahaha brilliance
Me: Instead of "lap dances" we have "communion cuddles"
Me: Where the stripper feeds the guy a wafer (the body of christ) and a small thimble full of wine (the blood)
Me: I've thought about this, and I think it can work
Jake: hahahahaha billionaire
Me: of course, I will likely be killed by right wing zealots
Me: It's all for the man upstairs
Me: and therefore, pure
Me: Jesus wants you to love your body
Me: or hers
Me: just from afar
A blank canvas, an unmolded lump of clay, and an empty vessel.
Me: to quote Gertrude Stein - "there's no THERE, there"
October 27, 2004
Rappy: is soup some sort of euphemism?
HWG: I LOVE YOU
Rappy: I always spell that word wrong
HWG: why yes, it might be
HWG: a euphemism for ...
HWG: gettin' it ON
Rappy: I want to sing, but I don't know the words...
Rappy: roo is ignoring us!
HWG: she's so mean
HWG: this chat is laggy
HWG: sort of
Rappy: not really
HWG: well not now
HWG: but it was
HWG: wait, there it is again
ROO has entered the room.
HWG: but not then
Roo: we are chatting!?
HWG: *skips merrily through the Clover*
HWG: in all seriousness
HWG: I want to thank you both for your support
HWG: through these long, dark times
Roo: oh hush you self centered c@%t
Rappy: aw, *big group hug*
Roo: hee. I got a hug even though I called you a self centered c@nt!
Rappy: *shocked face*
HWG: all my best friends call me that
Rappy: PRINCESS ROO! What kind of language is that?
Rappy: and you call yourself a church going girl
Rappy: *and awed*
HWG: she used "fucking" as a modifier earlier
HWG: I was stunned into silence
Rappy: I believe the world has just shifted violently on its axis
Roo: it's funny that you guys think of me as the good girl
Roo: I mean, Julie called me after she brought Ian home because I "would understand"
HWG: yes, I did
HWG: you're my "slutty" friend
Rappy: wait, what?
HWG: I called Erika on The Morning After
HWG: I think she thought I was dying or something
HWG: to call her at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday
Rappy: to say penance?
Rappy: do you say penance? *Jews*
HWG: but I must point out that her ass was in bed, not church
Rappy: or give?
Roo: well, you kind of "do" penance
Rappy: so calling you was just sort of gloating
Roo: yes, because I go to church on Sunday NIGHTS
Roo: so eat me
Rappy: I think she was busy eating someone else
Roo: *shocked face*
HWG: *shocked face*
Rappy: I can't believe I said that
HWG: DEAR GOD
Roo: I can't believe I said "eat me"
HWG: You two are disgusting
HWG: I am going to tell
HWG: er, someone
HWG: I will tell Tiffany
Rappy: so, was she all gushy and stuff on the phone?
HWG: yes, how was I on the phone that morning?
HWG: you do realize that if I post a bit of this conversation, she won't be happy
Rappy: because she can't take part?
HWG: right, she'll give me angry yelling face
Roo: no...she said...
Roo: "I had to call you because I'm kind of freaked out"
Roo: "I did something I've never done before"
HWG: *shame face*
Roo: But I knew, since you are a two dollar whore, that you'd understand
Roo: despite the fact that I am a VIRGIN
Rappy: wait, what did she do? I feel out of the loop. I mean, I think I know what she *did*, but what was unusual about it?
HWG: I took Ian home
Rappy: when? On the day you met him?
Rappy: *shocked face*
HWG: well, the night after the day
HWG: technically it was the next day
Roo: oh god. I have a big mouth
HWG: because it was 3 a.m.
HWG: WHAT THE FUCK
Rappy: YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT, BITCH!
HWG: the gloves, they are off
Rappy: what's going on?
Roo: geez...I was going to call you!
Roo: oh for God's sake!
Roo: NO BRB!
Rappy: she is what one would call a cock tease, if you know, we had cocks
Roo: good point
October 26, 2004
October 22, 2004
(By the way, this entry is getting updated periodically at the end.)
HWG: I guess I should be more EXPLICIT on my site
Rappy: I think he lurves you, so what are you so afraid of?
HWG: I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for
HWG: you asked for that
HWG: that was your fault
HWG: and it was LAME
Rappy: see, I didn't actually know the rest of the words. I just *tricked* you into giving them to me
HWG: sure. you've probably got David Cassidy posters hung up all over your apartment.
Rappy: totally do.
Rappy: You know I stowed them away in my suitcases.
Rappy: at the expense of cookbooks and such
HWG: I heard you bought a plane ticket for your lifesize cardboard cutout of David Cassidy
HWG: so he could fly in the cabin with you
Rappy: well, I needed someone to rest my head against. I've told you I can't sleep sitting up.
HWG: hehehe, I just read your comment on me site
HWG: I was close to making a reference to Teem, too
HWG: so it's funny that you did
Rappy: well, it's really inevitable
Rappy: SCREW Clover.
Rappy: You complete MEMEME
Rappy: oh, girl, you know it's true
HWG: ooh ooh ooh
HWG: I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU
Rappy: I KNEW IT!
HWG: my god, you're so into humiliating me today
Rappy: *suckerpunches an unexpecting Clover*
HWG: first the partridge family, then milli vanilli
Rappy: oh, you love it. Admit it.
HWG: you make me look like a gaywad!
HWG: who likes really bad music!
Rappy: acceptance is the first step, as you well know
HWG: I didn't ask what he meant. I was too freaked out.
HWG: he's pretty much asexual, to me
HWG: so I was all, WHAT IS THIS??!?!
Rappy: does he mean THE SEX?
Rappy: because I'm fairly certain we're well past THAT point
HWG: I think ... I can't be sure, but ... I think he meant a blowjob
Rappy: I think I've been left speechless.
Rappy: what does he think you guys have been doing?
HWG: playing checkers, I guess
Rappy: Exchanging chaste kisses while looking for the chastity belt key?
HWG: *will leave that part in*
Rappy: no you will not!
HWG: the chastity belt part
HWG: not the other part
Rappy: good, because I'd have to refer you to my last comment on your site, otherwise
HWG: about it being all about teem?
Rappy: about caring what people think of me.
Rappy: obviously you didn't actually READ the comment
HWG: I would never post something that made you look bad
HWG: COME ON
Rappy: I'm having you on
Rappy: speak of the devil
HWG: speak of el diablo
HWG: okay, roo had a tremendous idea
HWG: for what I should get Ian
HWG: a little stuffed shark!
HWG: since the movie where we met was Open Water
Rappy: oh! that's a great idea!
Rappy: roo am great
HWG: Teem and I had a whole conversation about this once
HWG: complete with ASCII art
HWG: drawing things with letters/numbers
HWG: =-O O==8
Roo I've never done that!
HWG: really stupid stuff like that
HWG: it was FHYSTERICAL
HWG: I guess you had to be there
HWG: *backs away slowly*
Roo why are you backing away?
Roo come baaaaaaaaack
HWG: I feel lecherous and perverted now!
HWG: *shame face*
HWG: because you "eww"d me
Roo: oh yeah
HWG: *dies laughing*
Roo: *lights Marlboro*
HWG: *says a hail mary*
HWG: because that's what *I* do afterwards
Roo: last time I got a facial and the girl was doing the extractions
Roo: and she said "there are a few blackheads and some oil pockets, but they are coming out easily"
Roo: and I think I literally felt it in my loins
Roo: that's an odd word
Roo: do girls have loins?
Roo: or does loin = penis?
Roo: you don't say a Hail Mary!
HWG: *giggles uncontrollably*
HWG: no, I sing "Ave Maria"!
HWG: "fruit of my loins"
HWG: yeah, I think loin = penis
HWG: Just like I've never used "groin" to refer to any part of my own body
Roo: yes...but somehow saying "fruit of my penis" doesn't sound the same
Roo: the word loins reminds me of Clan of the Cave Bear
HWG: but now that I think about it, what term would I use?
HWG: *fires up thesaurus.com*
The region of the hips, groin, and lower abdomen; the reproductive organs.
HWG: there you go
HWG: dammit, this reads very funny
HWG: but out of respect for you, I will not post it
Roo: eh, you can
Roo: unless I sound like a big idiot
HWG: you don't! you sound very funny.
Teem: *angry yelling face*
Teem: I couldn't stay away
Teem: damn you and your blog entries
HWG: you just want to say something funny!
HWG: so I'll post it!
HWG: I know youuuuuuuuuuuu
Teem: I'm bored and you guys are having too much fun
HWG: *dances around you*
Teem: I was going to comment
Teem: but I didn't
HWG: you should have
HWG: why are you bored?
Teem: I was going to ask you what in the hell you were talking about with rappy and then I was going to call you an elitist self-absorbed... uh, woman!
Teem: oh, women have loins
Teem: I read about it in The Pirate Next Door
HWG: The Pirate Next Door?
Teem: yes, it's a big important, award winning book
HWG: does it have pretty pictures?
Teem: of course not!
Teem: it's not a childrens' book!
HWG: of course not!
Teem: it's a book for matoooooore audiences
HWG: like those that draw X-rated things using letters and numbers?
HWG: those audiences?
Teem: I don't have any idea what you are talking about.
Teem: okay, I really have to pee
Teem: but in order to go pee, I have to close AIM
Teem: *crosses legs tightly*
HWG: I'm not going anywhere
HWG: and your bladder health is more important
Teem: the average human bladder can hold one cup of fluid
Teem: Thank you, Cranium!
October 21, 2004
Man 1, Bank 0
I'm going to post entry after entry in order to fix the spacing on the site. Three days with no posting makes Highwaygirl.com something something.
Rappy decided to talk to me today. She's been shunning me since she moved to Israel. I guess she's all caught up in slutting out with hot Israeli men, just like she promised to do. Rappy? Is my idol.
By the way, this stuff? Is of the lrod.
Here's the proof that Rappy actually deigned to speak to me today:
HWG: this story never ends
Rappy: yes it goes on and on my friend
Rappy: some people started telling it not knowing what it was
Rappy: and they'll continue telling it forever just because
Rappy: this is a story that never ends...
Rappy: good god. This guy may need to look up the word parsimony
HWG: this guy needs an EDITOR
HWG: he should marry Assi
Rappy: I think I might have just fallen asleep.
Rappy: I don't recall the story being this long last time I read it.
HWG: oh my god, that story was so long that by the end I didn't care what happened
HWG: I just wanted it to be over
Rappy: I'm hesitant to say, but...
HWG: I have a headache now, too
HWG: I will now call GoDaddy
Rappy: although I doubt that'll do anything to alleviate your headache
HWG: my estimated wait time is 14 minutes
Rappy: well, I'd imagine they have more than one unhappy customer
HWG: Ian sent me a photo
HWG: he's slightly drunk
Rappy: send me!
HWG: hold on, he asked me to crop the other people out of it
HWG: except his best friend
Rappy: dude, I'm not going to post it
Rappy: plus I need to check out his friends
HWG: yeah, I know. but he asked me to.
Rappy: since Roo just claimed Kieran
HWG: okay, gmail?
Rappy: dude, you should be paying *me* to read your endless fucking story.
HWG: GOD DAMMIT
HWG: I was off hold, now I'm ON hold again
Rappy: yowaz. he's even hotter drubnk.
HWG: that's how he normally looks for the most part
HWG: a little less sleepy-eyed
HWG: I think Sam's full name is something like Samaramathan
HWG: or something like that
Rappy: try to say that a few times while drubnk
HWG: death is an option
Rappy: for godaddy, or Patrick Combs?
HWG: OFF HOLD
HWG: and this guy is way too enthusiastic
Rappy: make him kiss!
HWG: well first he says, "did you reinstall MT again?"
HWG: and I'm like, noooooooooooo
HWG: I didn't do anything
HWG: this is YOUR FAULT
HWG: okay, they apparently wanted clarification on whether or not I had installed MT again
HWG: but they never, you know, contacted me to ask
HWG: so now that they know THAT, they're looking into it again
Rappy: oh, good god. it's not enough people have to read this shit, but he wants me to pay him to watch him tell?
HWG: he's not cute enough for me to pay to watch him speak
Rappy: did you tell them that I'm having the same problem?
HWG: I told him I knew 4-5 other people in the same boat
HWG: *overdramatizes for effect*
Rappy: these people aren't too bright. I think one of the first things they teach in tech support school is "it's their fault, not ours"
HWG: okay, I just noticed that Ian's shirt is SHINY
HWG: I'm going to hope that's an effect of the flash
Rappy: dude, you could always reform him
HWG: I could rip that shirt off him and burn it
Rappy: damn, that *is* shiny
HWG: it's BLINDING now that I've noticed it
Rappy: that's not of the good
October 12, 2004
Girls on Film
HWG: his mouth isn't normally that ... big
Roo: and you would know
Roo: *raises eyebrow*
HWG: "waves coquettishly", hahahahaha
HWG: I didn't know what category to put him in, so "Celebrity Crush" is it
Roo: Julie...he's seriously cute!
Roo: I seriously was shocked
HWG: he looks almost exactly like Ryan (my Canadian ex-boyfriend)
Roo: the way you talk about him, I thought it was probably the guy on the left
HWG: I definitely have a type
HWG: the way I talk about him?
Roo: he's like tall...and a hot body
Roo: he's yummy
Roo: and you can tell him I said so
Roo: and he has pretty teef
Roo: and you have SEX with him? Lucky girl!
HWG: he has lots of teef
Roo: *stops staring*
HWG: big teef
HWG: he doesn't usually look that geeky
Roo: what the hell?
HWG: he doesn't!
Roo: stop being so critical!
Roo: he's YUMMY!
HWG: he's got bass mouth!
Roo: I'm seriously developing a crush
HWG: I'm going to tell him you thought he'd be the guy on the left
Roo: yeah, that's because you don't talk him up enough
Roo: so you tell him that it's YOUR fault
Roo: it's too bad that he's not a practicing Catholic anymore
Roo: he'd be a hot priest
Roo: a Father What a Waste, or as I prefer, Father YumYum
HWG: Father What a Waste, hahahahahaha
Roo: he has definitely earned the EEEEEEan title
Roo: he has pretty lips
Roo: doesn't it make you feel good that we're all drooling over your boyfriend???
HWG: I don't even think that's a good photo of him, though
HWG: he's squinty!
Roo: he's laughing! and happy!
HWG: he's adorable, though
HWG: and tall, mmmmmmmmmm
Roo: the other guy looks like he's laughing, too
Roo: the person taking the photo must have said "Say chlamydia!"
HWG: I'm sure that was it
Roo: Ian has nice arms
HWG: he has a nice everything
Roo: and I like the way his thumb is just casually hooked in his pocket
Roo: *SHOCKED FACE*
Roo: *gin blossoms*
Roo: I fell in love with him when I just heard his name
Roo: well, he's a lucky boy!
HWG: he is, 'cause I'm fabulous
Roo: because he gets a hottie, too!
HWG: he's prettier than me
HWG: I'm smarter than him
HWG: it balances out
Roo: no, you're beeyootiful
Roo: oooh! lava has flowed to the surface of MSH!
Roo: *runs to volcano cam*
HWG: link me!
Roo: and where there's smoke...
Roo: there's LAVA!
Roo: I'm in a mood today
HWG: I can't picture a "lava dome"
Roo: I'm glad it doesn't show how stressed I really am!
HWG: you are in rare form today, me pretty
Roo: too bad it's not a java dome
Roo: then people could line up with their mugs!
HWG: I went to Chick Fil-a for lunch today and the people inside were dressed like pirates and wenches
Roo: and it's in Washington, where they love them some coffee
HWG: I almost called Tiff
Roo: heeeee! really?
HWG: yeah, I don't know why, though
HWG: java dome!
HWG: two mug enter, one mug leave
HWG: you know what word I really like?
Roo: good word!
Roo: and it's fun backwards too!
HWG: I like saying it over and over
Roo: ooh! try saying it in a voice like Animal from the Muppets!
HWG: I'm going to journal some of our convo today
Roo: oooooooor in a really midwestern, MinnesOHta accent
Roo: you are? You've been a journaling freak today!
Roo: but you can't! because EEEEEEEan must stay at the top!
Roo: he LIKES it on top!
Roo: I apologize. I obviously have an unhealthy interest in your boyfriend.
Roo: *hangs head shamedly*
HWG: Erika! My word!
HWG: I won't be journaling THAT
Roo: was I right?
Roo: slap me!
Roo: thank you!
Roo: *calls priest to make appointment for confession*
Roo: no, but seriously....
HWG: I'll tell you if he likes that in this next line, which I will not journal:
Roo: *SHOCKED FACE*
HWG: *SHOCKED FACE*
Roo: *SHOCKED FACE*
Roo: *SHOCKED FACE*
HWG: *covers face*
Roo: *girly bathroom giggle*
Roo: where was his photo taken?
Roo: is he out of town?
HWG: oh, I didn't tell you? he's in Boston for two weeks.
HWG: business trip
Roo: ah yes...I wasn't sure if he was there yet
Roo: awww, you miss him!
HWG: well, mostly. he's also seeing his family.
HWG: I do!
Roo: God, a Boston Catholic family
Roo: be still my heart
Roo: he's like a freaking Kennedy
Roo: just kidding
Roo: but he is emailing you and telling you he wuvs and misses you?
HWG: not the wuv part
HWG: I called him after I called you on Thurs
Roo: when he sends you an email, how does he sign off?
HWG: and he's all like, "if you get there and you're unhappy, call me and I'll come running over."
HWG: "literally, because I'm a runner"
HWG: he signs off ...
HWG: "all yours, Ian"
Roo: I HATE YOU
HWG: are you going to vomit?
Roo: no! that's totally sweet and so sincere
HWG: you hate me now, don't you?
Roo: a little
October 06, 2004
October 04, 2004
My friend Rappy is leaving in an hour to move back to Israel. I feel sad, and nauseous.
September 21, 2004
Sinners With Saints
Roo: I am now having to order medals from the Catholic Press Association
Roo: St. Francis de Sales medals (the patron saint of journalists)
HWG: I want onnnnnnnnnnnne
Roo: hee. no you don't!
HWG: why not?
Roo: hee...you want a saint medal?
HWG: yes I do
HWG: but for the patron saint of cats
HWG: whomever that is
Roo: that's St. Francis of Assisi!
Roo: he's the patron saint of animals
HWG: I've heard of that one
Roo: yes...there was also St. Clare of Assisi...my favorite saint
Roo: hence, Timber's middle name!
Roo: but St. Francis of Assisi's feast day is Oct. 4
Roo: and if you go to a Catholic church that day, chances are they'll be having pet blessings
HWG: Timber Clare!
Roo: my brother and sis in law got married last year on Oct. 4
Roo: and there were all these people waiting with their cats and dogs...hee
Roo: not funny! :-)
Roo: you can take Caygeon and Dawsey there and get them blessed ;-)
HWG: that's less than a mile from me
Roo: there you go :-)
Roo: I went to all the trouble to look it up
HWG: will my kitties get medallions?
Roo: hee...I don't know!
Roo: they'll get some holy water and some holy words :-)
Roo: ooooh. ours is on Oct. 2 and 10 a.m.
Roo: I should take Timmie
Roo: she'd go batshit crazy
HWG: I wore a St. Christopher medallion for years
Roo: I am not wearing any medals
Roo: I have a few, though
HWG: yes, but here's the funny thing about my medallion
HWG: I stole it!
HWG: *shocked face*
HWG: when I was 13
HWG: and then I felt really bad about that
HWG: so I wore it for 7 years
Roo: I have a story like that too
Roo: when I was in Catholic school in Michigan, we had a mass with the bishop
Roo: and he asked us questions
Roo: and I raised my hand FOREVER
Roo: and he never called on me
Roo: and then I went to school the next day and the teacher asked who had answered a question because we were going to get a special something
Roo: so I said I did
Roo: and they gave us a little necklace of mary holding Jesus
Roo: and I felt so badly I stuffed it into my jewelry box and never wore it
Roo: I still have it
Roo: I still feel badly
HWG: catholic guilt, personified
HWG: I am going to post this!
HWG: our medallion convo
Roo: no! you can't!
Roo: It shows how evil I am!
HWG: aww, come on!
HWG: it's very sweet
Roo: what? that I stole something?
HWG: but I did too
HWG: so we're bonding over our thievery
Roo: are you going to post about St. Francis so everyone will know to get their pets blessed?
HWG: yes I am
HWG: you will see
Roo: but if I go to hell, it's your fault
HWG: gotcha. I will protect you from Satan, don't worry.
September 01, 2004
Why Teem Needs AIM At Work
Teem: Hurricane Howard!
Teem: in the eastern pacific
HWG: this has been a skeery season
HWG: and it's just getting started
Teem: I know!
Teem: what the hell.
HWG: we could have three mo' months of this
Teem: it's all because of global warming. and bush.
HWG: OH YES
HWG: because of bush
HWG: who is from texas
HWG: and you know what THAT means
Teem: *knowing nod*
HWG: poor Eckerds, they got bought out by CVS
Teem: well, they were satan's minions anyway
HWG: dfakdfakhfal ECKERDS! alsdfjaldjfads
Teem: *runs Eckerds through*
HWG: I wish I had a real cutlass
HWG: *wishes upon a star*
Teem: seriously, me too
HWG: it's orangey in my office
HWG: the sky is green outside
Teem: uh oh!
Teem: that means you've been transported to the 70s!
HWG: green sky at night...
HWG: sailor's delight?
HWG: oh WHAT. EVER. teem
Teem: green sky in the morn, sailors be warned?
HWG: you're the one who worked at a mariner's museum, you should know that saying
HWG: go call Neven
Teem: *jumps around*
Teem: *jumps around*
HWG: *kriss krosses*
Teem: *puts pants on backwards*
Teem: *walks backwards*
HWG: *adopts thug stance*
Teem: *runs into wall*
HWG: I should do up my hair in cornrows
Teem: *puts pants on correctly*
Teem: you should answer the door in full pimp gear
HWG: oh yes
Teem: when Ian comes over
Teem: you need an afro
HWG: yes, I will do this
Teem: oh, what's ian's middle name? do ya know?
HWG: I do not know, sadly
Teem: but I bet it's something delightfully irish!
Teem: Unless it's like, Bob.
Teem: Ian Patrick
Teem: that's nice
HWG: you know, it probably IS Patrick
HWG: a one syllable name should be followed by a multi-syllable name
HWG: and vice-versa
HWG: like as in "Julie Lynn"
Teem: although tiffany susann works just fine thankyouverymuch
HWG: yes, because both are multi-syllable
HWG: But, say "Ian Sean" would be wrong
HWG: Ian is two syllables
HWG: *hides face in hands*
August 26, 2004
August 25, 2004
New Jacks City
Are you a het male or lesbian needing "inspiration"? Look no further.
Calling Herr Toom
Update your damn journal, Cap'n Teem!! I need entertainment, mirth and merriment.
August 09, 2004
HWG: I need that one and Frat Aliens
Overg: the commercial makes it seem like it's the end of the series
Overg: but I think they are referring to the one with all the villians
Overg: it's just a trick
HWG: *jumps up and down excitedly*
Overg: *jumps in unison*
HWG: because now I know who Happy Time Harry is
HWG: and I didn't know that when I first saw the episode
Overg: that's critical knowledge
HWG: yes, I believe it is
HWG: I expect my enjoyment of the episode to increase a thousand fold
HWG: I am now going to speak in a very formal tone for the rest of the afternoon
HWG: I shall be back momentarily, I need to run downstairs and procure some liquid refreshment
Overg: I shall await your return.
Overg: with utmost relish
HWG: I have returned
HWG: *offers a glass of water*
Overg: *partakes of H20*
HWG: alright, enough of that shit
HWG: *staples your shirt to your desk*
Overg: your vehement outbreak has damaged my sanctimonious audible receptors!
HWG: Heavens forfend!
HWG: I do believe that my stomach has begun digesting itself, due to the absence of foodstuffs within.
August 04, 2004
The One You Love
Overg: my rant is getting responses
Overg: in the DR
Overg: you are going to go batshit crazy
HWG: jesus fucking christ
HWG: *gives up*
Overg: *victory dance*
Overg: 0 recaps, 2 loves
HWG: yes, you can have it all
Overg: <-- laughing hysterically
Overg: well, I was trying to play bad cop for you
Overg: *surprised face*
Overg: Marvin appears to be up now
HWG: hey, maybe you should change the box, Super Admin Man
Overg: first I have to read your post
Overg: 0 recaps
Overg: 3 loves
HWG: fuck this noise
HWG: that's all I have to say about that
HWG: you're not even as funny as I am!
Overg: that may be true
Overg: because you are damn near causing me to cry tears of laughter right now
HWG: and these people are OFF TOPIC
Overg: in the dr?
HWG: *edits again*
Overg: the box is done
HWG: no way man
HWG: lookit you!
HWG: all Mad Mod Mofo
HWG: maybe you should post and take credit for that, hmm?
HWG: I'm closing that fucking mandana poll
HWG: and sending it to hell
Overg: raging Heewig!
HWG: once again, you do 25% of the work and get 75% of the love
HWG: and you STEAL LOVE that I should rightly get
HWG: you don't even fucking RECAP and you get LOVE!!!
HWG: al;sfhdialsfda;lsdfja lodjfqopejf o;qiwjefrpqrjewfipoqrh gfiqhrgfqieoagafpig
Overg: well . . .
Overg: if it makes you feel better
Overg: I was just referred to as "someone"
Overg: read General Discussion
HWG: screw these people, there will be no mo' Heewigcaps
HWG: I think you need to kill Fez
Overg: although I'll bet that you still don't get 3 loves for not doing any
Overg: *grinning face*
Overg: <-- still laughing
HWG: I'll bet I should horrify you into a coma
Overg: you should?
HWG: *channels inner Master Shake*
HWG: yes, SOMEONE is maaaaaaaad
HWG: SOMEONE is the boy everyone lovvvvvvvvves
HWG: hey I know! I will do the opposite of what everyone else does!
Overg: *holds tummy cause it hurts to laugh so much*
HWG: maybe you can get some of your fans to hold it for you
Overg: *offers tummy*
HWG: I'M NOT YOUR FAN!!!!!!
HWG: *TEN ANGRY FACES*
Overg: you are my number one fan
HWG: I don't even like you
Overg: just as I am yours
Overg: awww, that's too bad
Overg: I like you a lot
HWG: *happy face*
HWG: okay, I like you again
HWG: well, some
Overg: *reads up*
Overg: *wipes tears of laughter from eyes*
Overg: your rant was hilarious
HWG: I would post it if my FUCKING SITE WORKED
Overg: *frowny face*
HWG: I will save it for later
Overg: you should save it
HWG: if they don't fix my site tonight I'll have to switch to something else anyway
HWG: *two happy faces*
HWG: that's us
HWG: well, actually
HWG: this is us
HWG: *grinning face & angry face*
August 03, 2004
And then, it was Sunday. I knew that as the day wore on I would become more and more melancholy, because I was having so much fun hanging out with Overg and really did not want to leave. Plus, his cats are awesome - who would ever want to leave them?
Sunday morning we got up at the respectable time of 8 a.m. Woo, sleeping in! Gah. Curse this northern latitude that makes the sun come up so early . . . back in my professional sleeping days I would have been done until 2:00 in the afternoon. We did the shower thing and agreed that neither of us were all that hungry for anything breakfast-y. I think I might have had a piece of cold pizza, but I don't remember.
I warned Overg in the morning that I would probably get quiet and introspective as it got later in the day, and if I did to just hit me in the face with something. Because I didn't want to waste time being mopey or sad. I baked a bunch of pies just for the occasion. But then Heewig went “look over there” so I looked and she hid them all so I couldn’t hit her in the face with them. Damn her clever bones.
The one thing I did want to do that day was go take photos of the windmill. Also, we were specifically going to go out and see the buffalo farm that Overg had told me about. Because Overg is all about the buffalo.
So we hit the road, with the first stop being the buffalo farm. Except that when we headed in that direction, Overg suddenly remembered that there was a buffalo RESORT right there in town. Well, maybe it was a resort for people that just had buffalo in it. Or nearby. Something... Brilliant me. I was planning on taking her about 15 miles out of town until I recalled the one that was about 3 miles from my house. And for the record, the resort is just right next to the farm . . . I don’t believe they’re actually related to each other in any way other than location.
Anyway, we whip into the parking lot of the resort and Overg nearly mows down a family of six. We find a parking space and then traipse off to find the buffa-buffa-buffalo. There's a pack (herd?) of them up on this hill, and Overg thinks we should go up the hill at its steepest point and then I have to break it to him that I'm not quite (or at all) wearing hiking shoes. He keeps insisting we can make it but ... no, I'm not trying it. So we walk up the end that isn't steep and then over to the buffalo. *Sigh*. Silly Floridians, thinking anything larger than an ant hill is some sort of mountain. And don’t even get me started on their grass.
So! Many! Buffalo!! There was a big herd of around 25-30 or so, with adults (including one HUGE GIGANTIC MOFOBUFFALO), juveniles, and wee li'l baby buffalos. I took lots of photos. Buffalos like to mug for the camera. The big buffalo right beside the barbed-wire fence started grunting; I think it must have really liked Overg. Then a baby buffalo walked over and checked us out. Sooooo cute.
Once the photo op was finished, Overg and I did somersaults and cartwheels down the steep part of the hill, all the way down to the car.
Then I think we saw more rich people houses with great views. We also drove around a different part of the city than what I had already seen, passing the Best Buy, an Old Navy Outlet (he's been holding out on me!) not really, it blows, the mall, and PetsMart. We were driving down some random road and then suddenly Overg whipped the car to the left and turned into a lakeside park-type area to "show (me) something." We pull into a parking space and then I see what Overg wanted to show me:
DUCKS AND GEESE EVERYWHERE!!!
How cool is that? Most people wouldn't care about seeing this at all, but Overg knows how much I love the little duckies and birds and stuff, so he brought me to this special magical place where ducks and birds and geese and swans all live together in peace, love and harmony. Just don’t approach them, they’ll bite your freakin’ kneecaps off.
There were mallard ducks and big white geese and Canadian geese (I think, eh) and other stuff that I don't know the names of. Oh, and laughing gulls, who were REALLY noisy and kind of annoying, but they were the ones Overg really liked. UNSURPRISINGLY. I love all of God’s creatures.
We scampered down to the edge of the lake and Overg pointed out that his office was just on the other side. So I was enjoying the toxicity from a whole other perspective.
We considered - and quickly dismissed - the idea of going to church.
Then we started driving back in the direction of his house, but Overg faked me out by driving a back way and then SUDDENLY we were upon the windmill again. I made him loop around a little bit so I could get a good angle from which to take my photo. A little? I think I had to circle the whole damn city 4 times just so you could get your perfect windmill shot.
While we were trying to get into position for that, Overg pointed out the "bottomless barn" and of course I HAD to take a photo of a barn that wasn't wearing any pants. As I was leaning out my window, a trio of cyclists was waiting diagonally across the intersection, watching me. One of them yelled that "you can take MY picture!" So I giddily yelled "Okay!" back and I took his photo, too.
The windmill wasn't moving on Sunday, though, so I implored Overg to go hang off one of the spokes and get it moving for me, but he claimed he wasn't tall enough. Which is a lie. But I got a decent photo anyway. Then we were set to return to his house, but I really wanted to find the trio of cyclists again so Overg and I could flash them. But they were sadly nowhere to be found.
Sooooo, back at Overg's house, and I think we then spent a couple of hours on the deck reading more of Bluebeard and drinking Woody's (Overg is now a convert). We came in to get out of the sun and finished reading the book on the couch. Overg got a little bit choked up at the end, which was sweet. I think I actually liked Bluebeard more than Slaughterhouse Five, though. I told you Bluebeard was his best book. You never listen to me, because you hate me and everything I stand for.
Then we caught up on HT a little bit and checked out the online menu for Outback Steakhouse, since I wanted to treat Overg to dinner for being such a great host and not hating me and stuff. No chance of that. We called in the take-out order (ribs with french fries for him, the Queensland Chicken Salad for me) and splurged on two slices of cheesecake. Because cheesecake is of the lrod.
We had a really nice talk on the drive out to the restaurant to pick up the food, and while we were waiting. Just about average, ordinary stuff. It's funny, I think that's one of the things people are usually concerned about when they meet people they've been talking to online. I wasn't all that worried about it with me and Overg ("me and Overg?" Aren’t you the woman who used to mock my grammar? Oh my how I’ve corrupted you), simply because we'd basically been a daily presence in each other's lives for more than two years. But even so, it was just a really nice feeling to realize that nothing was different between us in person. There's almost never any pauses in our conversations. The only difference is that we could look at each other while we were talking.
We decided to watch Donnie Darko while we were eating dinner, and damn is that a strange (but very good) movie. I got a little choked up at the ending, when I realized what was happening. The Mad World montage gets to everyone. I couldn't stop thinking about the movie all the next day, too, and I eventually had to buy it myself so I could watch it over and over(g) again and try to figure out how the plot is woven together.
After the movie we just hung out on the deck and talked some more. Again about nothing in particular. Jobs, where we live, what we dreamed we would do with our lives. Just stuff like that. I was starting to feel kinda bleh, because I suck. But Overg always managed to cheer me up and make me smile.
Overg then let me watch him vacuum!! Urm, I did that the first thing in the morning, mostly while you were in the shower. You are obviously so dizzy from meeting me that you have become unstuck in time. And THEN he let me watch him IRON!! It was like watching a master at his craft, no lie. After that we went out into his front yard to walk around a little bit (Overg cannot stand still for very long) and while we were out there looking at the sky, we saw a shooting star.
Back inside, we hung out on his bed watching a couple of things on TiVo, and by then it was time to try and go to sleep, since we needed to get up at 4:30 a.m. the next day. My plane was leaving at 7 a.m. and we needed to be out of his house by about 5:45. We said our goodnights and I went into my room to, again, pass out.
I woke up the next morning at 4:20, just ahead of the alarm clock. Jumped into the shower and then got dressed, and by that time Overg was up. We were finished getting ready by about 5:15, so we took some photos of us together in the kitchen, then I took photos of him holding Beaker on their fourth anniversary.Thank you, thank you, thank you for that. Overg managed to get a pretty good photo of me holding Beaker as well. If by “pretty good” you mean “awesome”, then I agree.
We hauled my luggage down to the car and then decided to kill time just hanging out on his driveway, talking, instead of going to the airport too early. But then it was time to leave, which made me sad. We got to the airport and through the check in process pretty quickly and then got into the line of people trying to get through the security checkpoint. It was about a 10 minute wait to get to the point past which only ticketed passengers could continue.
I actually held it together a lot better than I thought I would. I don't typically do well with goodbyes, especially when it involves someone I care about a lot (but don't see very often). So I teared up a little bit, but nothing too bad. Hopefully nothing that Overg found embarrassing. Not even remotely embarrassed.
And then I was up at the security checkpoint and Overg had to leave. Bluh. We gave each other a long hug, then I kicked him in the butt and told him to go away. I waved to him through the glass as he was walking back out to his car, but he didn't see me. I saw him looking my direction as he opened his car door, so I waved, and this time he waved back! Actually, I couldn’t see her through the glass which was being all mirrorlike, so I just blew a kiss in her general direction, hoping she would see it. Which confused me because he was much closer the first time I waved, yet he didn't react.
So yeah. Then I bought a magnet and some water in the airport gift shop and boarded my flight to Chicago and once I got to Chicago I had a two-hour layover so I got breakfast at McDonald's and called Overg back at work and he helped me kill the time before my flight back home to Tampa. And I came home to two very happy kitties and a great big feeling of emptiness.
Hmm, now I need a conclusion.
In conclusion - Overg is a wonderful person. Isn’t that what I’ve been telling you for over two years? I have always felt very fortunate to be his friend, and to have an important place in his life, and that feeling was reinforced after having visited him. It was very gratifying to know that our bond was no different in person than it has been online and on the phone. I don't think visiting him really changed anything between us, a least not anything momentous. I don't think we're any more important to each other now than we were before I visited. Although I think I do feel a little more "confident" in the depth of our friendship, and that it isn't just some online thing that could be easily let go or walked away from. Heh. As if I’d ever let you just walk away from our friendship.
Maybe the only thing that has changed for me is that now I can picture him doing all the things he tells me about, or the things he talks about. Like his cats and his house and his yard and his basement and his office and playing gitchu and Brunch flying around and walking around outside while talking on the phone and meatwadding and eating cheesy bread and chips with dip and modding HT and poking and ironing and vacuuming and napping and admiring his butt and laughing with each other while watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force and making him smile because I'm such a big gork (but he's a bigger one) and being total gaywads with each other and happily knowing what it actually feels like when he gives me a *hug*.
We really should be roommates.
And, because it’s all about me, I will take the last word. Julie and I have been damn near constant companions for over two years now, and she probably knows and understands me about as well as anyone in the world. So it was wonderful to have her visit and get to hang out with her and stuff. And meet the cats. It’s one of the very first things we bonded about (my love for Beaker, her’s for Caygeon and Dawsey), and she was the one who really encouraged me to get Thumper. So it was great that she got to meet them. Anyway, it was wonderful having you visit, Heewig, and thank you for being my best friend.
July 21, 2004
The Continuing Misadventures of Heeverg
Remember how I told you that Overg and I were exhausted the first night I was there, so we went to bed relatively early? Well, unfortunately, that led to us waking up at 4:30 a.m. (Overg) and 5:30 a.m. (me), respectively. I actually had just woken up to use the bathroom, but while going in there I saw Overg awake and sitting at his computer. My sleep habits are just too fucked up.
He was mod-ing Hamster Time! He is so devoted to the cause. That’s what makes me the admin people love to love.
So we exchanged good mornings and stuff, and then he told me what he had read on the live feed recaps. We just sort of sleepily and groggily hung out and watched television for a little while, including an episode of Celebrity Poker Showdown (go Jeff Gordon! *vroom*).
Then we took showers and got ready to face the world. We discussed breakfast options, and since Overg doesn't live in a city that has a Denny's or an IHOP or a Waffle House or a Village Inn or ANYTHING it really makes me sad at times, we settled on a place called Mabel's that serves a good breakfast. According to Overg, it is an "old people restaurant." I suppose that is why he decided to take me there.
So we buzzed out that direction, but first Overg drove into a subdivision called Greyhawk, so he could show me more rich people houses with really nice views. And he delivered. Then my stomach started digesting itself, so I begged and pleaded that we go to breakfast.
Even though there was a big crowd outside Mabel's, we were seated fairly quickly. It’s all in who you know. But not before we snickered and sniggered at a group of men on Harleys, one of whom was wearing leather biker chaps that looked for all the world like crotchless bondage pants. Overg remarked that he had a pair himself, only reversed, and I zoned out on that little image for five minutes until our name was called.
The service at this place was incredibly quick, and our waitress had our food out within about 5 minutes. I ordered cinnamon swirl french toast (YUM) with a side of bacon, and Overg had a platter of pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage patties and hash browns. Both of us ordered orange juice, and Overg asked me not to *screams* when I tasted what Michigan considers OJ. It wasn't at all bad, though.
Overg was also nice enough to let me try some of his hash browns, and despite what I had heard, Michiganders do not make hash browns with turnips. But southern-style hash browns are greasier and crisper. And better. *shocked face*
We did a little bit more sightseeing on the drive home, which included me playing the Las Ketchups song and singing the "You know I'm a hobbit" line to Overg in person. He always laughs when I do this on the phone or on IM, and so it was really nice to be able to get him to laugh at it in person, too. *hand jives*
After we got home we immediately laid down on his bed to nap for a couple of hours. The first of TWO naps we would take on Saturday. One of the 2.5 million things Overg and I have in common - we enjoy our sleep. She only wishes she could nap as good as me though. I am the fucking Yoda of napping.
After waking up and greeting the kitties, we headed out to the deck to enjoy the beautiful afternoon and to read Kurt Vonnegut's Bluebeard together. This is Overg's favorite book not to mention the source of Beaker’s formal first name, Karabekia, so I've always wanted to read it and see why he likes it so much. We had finished reading Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five the week before and had started on Bluebeard before I arrived, stopping on Chapter 6.
So we picked up from there, sitting out on the chaise lounge together and alternately reading a chapter aloud.
I know that doing so might seem weird to some people, and I can understand that. I can’t. If I do it, it’s cool. Accept it. But reading aloud to each other has always been one of my and Overg's "things." We just like doing it for some reason; there's no real explanation for why. We just like it. One of the first in-depth, meaningful conversations we had back when we first started getting to know each other involved, for the most part, going through our collections of Bloom County anthologies and reading aloud all of our favorite strips, until 4 a.m. in the morning. By the time we were done, we were both delirious from laughing so hard (and lack of sleep) and surrounded by a pile of books.
As simple as that seems, it was one of the best nights either of us has had, and it's a very fond memory for us both.
So this whole reading aloud thing is just something we enjoy with each other. And it was really nice to be able to do it in person, as opposed to on the phone. Especially when we're sitting in the sun drinking Woody's and enjoying a nice breeze (and terrific company) at the same time.
Of course, the reverie was broken when I was bitten on my neck by a bee-like insect. But Overg flicked it away *flexes muscles like the man I am*, and after a few minutes of an intense stinging-burning-itching feeling, all was well. I did have a red mark later, though.
The order in which we did things on Saturday is really blending together, so I'll just write about the other things in general.
At some point we stopped reading and came back inside to cool off and get more Woody's. For some reason, I had the Eddie Murphy classic "Party All the Time" going through my head that day. At first I was singing the chorus as "Bea-ker wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the tiiiiiiiiiiiime." Which made Overg laugh. But one time we were in the kitchen and I just sang the line normally, and Overg turned around and gave me this really surprised look, followed by a smile. "I didn't know you could sing." And I said, "Nooooooooooooooooo, I can't sing." Because I can't. I guess Eddie Murphy just happens to be in my extremely narrow vocal register. Song choice aside, she sounded really good.
We ate some stuff, Overg made me try beef jerky (mmm, tough meeeeeeeeeat), and then we went outside for a walk. We explored the house being built across the street, which was really cool. We talked about all of his neighbors. We walked around his yard a few times, he made me pull some weeds and pick up some rocks, then we ended up sitting beside each other in front of his house on the steps and just talking about all sorts of things. We could have been an ad for wine coolers.
I think that's one of the things I like most about Overg - he and I can just sit and talk about whatever for hours and hours on a daily basis ... and every day, we have more to say to each other. Isn’t that what being best friends is all about?
Then I think we napped again. I was on the right side of the bed, near the cat perch thingie. One of the high ones with platforms and stuff. We slept for about 90 minutes and I awoke to the feeling of clawless kitty paws whapping at my hand (which had somehow fallen over onto the cat perch).
It was THUMPER. Playing with my HAND. And she was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so SO SO SO cute doing it. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Overg was still asleep, so I tried to be quiet. But I couldn't help giggling at Thumps as she batted and attacked my hand. It was stupid cute. Overg started to stir, so I whispered, "Look at this!" and he got to see the end of Thumper and me playing together. Thumper is a boxing maniac. She’ll box anything. Shower curtains, blind cords, my feet, 70 pound dogs. And yes, she is cute every damn time she does it.
By this time it was about 8:30 and Big Brother was on at 9 but we still needed to go to Oleson's. I had requested that Overg make Boo Blend Enchiladas for me (it's an inside joke thing) I had some chicken and some Hamburger Helper Enchilada mix. Heewig, aka Boo, suggested I combine the two. And thus a recipe was born. Come to find out that we didn't have any butter, which we needed in order to cook the chicken. So we needed to go to the grocery store again, which is a HUGE sacrifice for me, as you know. Because I hate the grocery store. Addict!
So on our list was butter, booze, and sour cream. We split up in Oleson's, with Overg restocking on Woody's and me picking up the cold stuff. I got my two things first, because Overg is old and slow, so I met him back at the booze locker. I saw him looking into the empty place on the shelf where the Woody's had been the day before, and started sobbing uncontrollably when it looked like there was none left. But it was just shoved behind the Cranberry Woody's. So Overg grabbed two six-packs of the Blueberry and we were set.
At the check out line, we are thwarted by a woman trying to pay by check. For a $9 bill. And she waited until everything had been rung up before she even started writing out the check. And THEN she had to stop after every letter and make small talk with the cashier. It made Overg want to *RAGE!* Seriously people. Use cash, credit cards, or learn how to write at more than a letter a minute pace.
While in the line I spotted a little display of shot glasses commemorating Overg's city. They were cobalt blue with cherries on them. I picked one up and showed Overg and squealed about how cute it was, so he snatched it out of my hand and bought it for me. So now he's responsible for sending me my first magnet, and buying me my first shot glass.
We managed to get out of Oleson's at about 8:55, and we sped home just in time to catch BB. We had the bright idea to sign on to chat, if for no other reason than I needed to tell Teem that my cell phone was showing "Extended Network" (because Michigan hates Verizon) and so I wasn't sure if I could call her after the show.
(Overg actually said I could use his regular phone, which was kind of him. He's such a good egg.) AT&T unlimited plus is a wonderful thing.
So we ran into the HT chat room and decided we'd be all "twinset" and try to mess with people and make them wonder which one of use they were talking to. I think I gave the chatters a big clue when I (signed on as Overg), shouted "NOTS, MY LOVE" to Natey. But then again, maybe not. Teem actually had the best "test" question - she sang a line from a Phil Collins song. This was the perfect way to see who was actually talking, because Overg shares her love for Phil, but I do not.
We played around in chat for about a half hour, but then decided to sign off so we could just hang out and watch the rest of the show together. Which was fun and a little bit surreal.
Finally, after the show, it was time for the BBEs! And they were really good, despite not having any tortillas. I couldn't finish my share. Dammit, now I'm really craving them ...
We sat on the couch and watched more Aqua Teen (I think ... we were watching something) and then Overg finally was quiet long enough for me to tell my story about Glen McCall and the alligator at Busch Gardens. I had been trying to tell him the story for a day and a half, but he kept interrupting me. We moved into his bedroom and laid on the bed watching a few episodes of the South Park marathon on Comedy Central. We listened (not so much watched) to the first 30 minutes of the South Park movie, and by this time it was about 2 a.m. and both of us where falling asleep, so we said our goodnights and I went into my room to pass out.
July 20, 2004
I know, I know - many of you have been waiting for the details of my trip to visit the one-and-only Overg. Sorry it took so long (heh!) to write it all down, but I needed time to compose my thoughts. *sigh* Why must women always lose their composure over me?
Although I've posted about previous trips in a series of installments, I'm going to chronicle my entire weekend with Overg in just this one entry. And as a special treat, I, Overg, shall provide my commentary in italics. Take that, all ye who've asked me to blog.
For those of you who just want the summary of the weekend without the details, I give you this - my biggest regret is that I waited over two years to meet him. Why? Because every single second I spent with him, I was happy. And because now, what used to be somewhat hypothetical, has been made concrete: aside
from my immediate family, he is the most important person in my life. It's about time you came around. I've been telling you of my own importance for years.
Overg is my best friend, and I am his, and we will be that to each other for a very long time. It's a deal.
Oh, you wanted details? Okay - here goes:
I winged up to the Mitten on a Friday morning, connecting through Chicago. I had a two-hour layover, so I grabbed a cheeseburger Happy Meal from McDonalds and called Teem to kill some time. Almost as soon as I started talking to her, I bit into my cheeseburger and a huge glob of ketchup squirted out the other side, and dripped down the inside of my pant leg. Flovely. Such a nice way to start the trip.
I managed to clean it up fairly well, but still had more than an hour left before boarding my connection to Michigan, so I called Overg at work to while away the time. Despite having been friends for years, we were both pretty nervous about this. I don't think either one of us seriously believed that we'd meet in person and there wouldn't be anything there, or that we'd have trouble talking or interacting, but ... you never really know. I think this is just a polite way of saying that she thought I would stink to high hell.
So we talked for awhile and then about 15 minutes before boarding I went down to the gate. The sign at gate B22 said PHILADELPHIA departing at 1:30. My flight was also supposed to be out of B22 and was leaving at 1:35.
I didn't immediately make the connection that that was a problem. Then I heard someone announce that they needed people on the flight to Overg's city to give up their seats for free tickets anywhere in the U.S. So I went over to investigate and found that they had already nearly completed boarding for my flight. As
it turns out, there's a "main" gate B22 and then there's the planes that park at B22 that you have to walk out on the tarmac to board. My flight was in the latter category. And I almost missed it!
Fly, fly, fly.
This seems like a good place to state that, as an act of solidarity for my messy friend here, I went into the bathroom airport while waiting for Heewig's flight to land, leaned against the counter, and spread a nice water stain on my pants just below my crotch. What a pair! She can't eat and I can't pee. I managed to make most of the stain disappear before Heewig's arrival. Although I would note that vigorously rubbing your pants just below your crotch will draw some unwanted attention.
Forty-five minutes later I touch down in Overg's city. We knew that security wouldn't let him out to the gate, so he said he'd be waiting for me near the baggage claim. Once again, she's being polite. My airport is so small we couldn't possibly have missed each other. So I wound my way down there and started scanning for him ... and then I was hit by a blinding white light coming from the side of the baggage carousels. It was shiny and happy. It was Overg!! I'm tag teaming with Rudolph to guide Santa's sleigh this year.
Instantaneous recognition, followed by huge smiles, then the slow-motion running into each other's arms for a long, tight embrace. And then Overg kicked a guy in the groin for getting in the way. Asshole!
I couldn't stop beaming. I mean, he was RIGHT THERE standing beside me. After all this time. Instead of writing "*hip nudge*" he actually did it. Instead of writing "*poke*" I actually did it. I gave him another long hug and we just stood there babbling to each other until my luggage finally came out. He grabbed my bag and said, "Follow me!", giving me the opportunity to check out his butt.
He's obsessed with his butt. He will tell you that it is me who is obsessed with butts, particularly his, but that's not true. He's the one who is All About the Butt. I am All About Something Else.
So we head out of the airport to his car. Ever the gentleman, he unlocks and opens the door for me. He did this throughout the weekend except the times when I forgot like a big dolt, or at least would try, but I kept locking the door at the wrong times and leaving it open when I was supposed to lock it. I have a mental block against manual car door locks, apparently.
And then we were off! Destination - Casa de Overg, with the intention of introducing me to the cats, Beaker and Thumper, and then settling in before going out to do more stuff.
The ride was much fun. We drove through the city proper, and through some residential areas, cut through the hospital parking lot (because Overg is a cheater-driver) Hey, those are actual streets! And the ambulances scare away most of the traffic, so they're empty streets., passed his office, the bakery outlet, Hungry Howie's, the beautiful wonderful amazing grocery store, and then finally out to his house. The foregoing should not be taken as an accurate guide to my house, as it's completely out of order. I'll just assume my rancid odor was making her delirious. The drive out there is really pretty - the type of scenic view you'd never find in Florida, with twisty, hilly roads and beaches! He pointed out where he hit the deer last winter, and where he nearly hit some wild turkeys earlier.
Michigan - Unsafe at any speed.
We teased each other mercilessly, too, the entire way home - just like always.
And then we turn into his neighborhood, and it was such a weird feeling because this is a place I've been hearing Overg talk about for almost the entire time I've known him. I remember when he first found the subdivision, and showed me the developer's website so I could help him look through house floorplans and
styles. It was really cool to finally be able to see what those drawings actually turned into.
His house is very nice. And he's done an amazing job with the yard and landscaping, considering that when he moved in it was just a huge expanse of dirt. I used to laugh at him for spending hours moving his sprinklers (before he got a sprinkler system), and I never really understood why it took him so freaking long to mow his lawn. Now I know.
We sneaked into the house, trying to catch the cats unaware that a new person had arrived. But Beaker was at the bottom of the stairs as she always is when I come home and saw me right away. She hesitated for a second, then ran upstairs. Thumper was at the top of the stairs as she always is when I come home, and as soon as she saw me she ran into Overg's bedroom and hid under the bed as she always does whenever anyone comes over.
But Beaker was a much different story. She never hid or ran, she just looked at me a little bit. Then Overg brought out the cat treats, and she actually let me feed her a few. After only knowing me for minutes!! To say that Overg and I were pleased is an understatement. We were thrilled that Beaker took to me so quickly. She even let me pet her right away. This was important to me. No one stays at my house without Beaker approval. She'll shank your ass just as soon as look at you if she doesn't like you.
Quick note - Beaker is even more gorgeous in person than she is in her photos. Hard to believe, but true. And she is clearly in love with Overg. But as much in love as she is with him, he's even more so with her. It is unbelievably touching to see. Four years together as of yesterday!
Right after treat time, Beaker started scratching one of the dining table chairs. I reflexively admonished her (gently, of course), with a "Beaker, no!"
Which was when Overg bugged his eyes out at me and gave me The Look. The look of What the Hell Do You Think You're Saying??? I should know by now - you don't mess with Beaker. Overg pointed out that Beaker is allowed to scratch certain things, mainly because she looks sooooooooooo stinkin' cute while doing it. And she does. I was incredibly bemused by this. Did she really just try to give orders to Beaker? You have never seen someone adopt a hang dog expression more quickly.
Then I got The Tour. I've always needled Overg about his entire house being painted white, but I have to admit that it looks very good. And I will never again doubt his ability to color coordinate, because everything in his bathroom goes together seamlessly (without being matchy). We dropped off my luggage in the guest bedroom (heretofore known forever as "The Boo Room"), and then I met Brunch. Hi, Brunch! Brunch loves new people, so he preened and whistled like a madman.
We toured the yard, and I finally got to see the illustrious lava rock up close. Overg and his father have done a terrific job on the landscaping mainly his father, who loves that shit, and even though Overg is at war with the clover, I think his lawn looks great. The grass is weird, though. It's all thin and soft and stuff. Yeah, it's called real grass.
I'm getting messed up on the order in which we did things, because it stays light outside so late in Michigan (until past 10 p.m.). So I don't remember if it was at this point that we ordered pizza and subs and cheesy bread from Little Caesar's, or later. But I think it was now. Yes, it was now. Because later we got dessert.
We ate (Meatsa subs - so meeeeeeeaty) and watched a couple of episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD.
We had to go back out because I had stupidly forgotten my contact lens case at home, so I had to buy another one that night (because I don't leave my lenses in while sleeping). So we headed back out to look for a drugstore, but then Overg decided that now was the time to give me a tour of the city. And to get
gasoline. Yes, that was important. Since Heewig can't drive a stick, she would have had to push the car while I steered if we ran out of gas.
But then he veered off and headed out to what looked like open land. He said he wanted to show me something, but wouldn't tell me what. So we're driving down this country road and there are barns on the side of the road. Overg said, "I don't think you've ever seen something like this before." And I said, "WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT???"
Then, in the distance, I see an enormous white windmill. It had three thin "spokes" and was slowly circling. Indeed, I had never seen anything like that before. It sounds very simple, and it was, but at the same time it was very, very cool. We've mastered all of the elements up here in the great white north.
I have to say, I really love driving around with Overg. Mainly because we can't stop teasing each other and throwing around in-jokes and references to things between us that happened years ago. It was great fun, this sort of sarcastic reminiscing. It reinforced the bond that we've steadily built over the years.
We then drove out to the tourist-y area of the city, past the bay. Around this time I conceeded that Michigan might have some beaches. Maybe. Mostly it has shoreline, but occasionally there might be a beach. And Overg helpfully pointed out every sign that said BEACH, too. He's helpful like that. I am all about educating you, especially when you are wrong and I am right.
We stopped for gas at some random station. I got out of the car so I could keep talking to him, which prompted Overg to say I was one of those "cool people" who doesn't just sit in the car. Yes, yes I am! Plus, I didn't want to waste any time sitting there and not talking to me bestest friend. *ulterior motives*
Overg pointed out the restaurant next door as the place he likes to get chocolate malts. Overg loves his malts. I mentioned the time years back that he was driving home with an XXXXL size malt good god, the things come in fucking buckets and it tipped over and spilled all over his back seat, and then he showed me the little stain still left from the mess. Unfortunately the place was very busy, so we didn't stop for malts of our own. I said, maybe tomorrow.
Driving, driving, driving.
We drove past a pirate-themed miniature golf place. There was someone in a pirate costume standing outside, and I screamed "HIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!" at them. Overg laughed and invoked Teem's name. Which I do all the time. If you want to be in, you have to namedrop Teem lots and lots and lots. Then I talked about how much I hate miniature golf and how much it frustrates me and makes me swear (because I can't putt to save my life) and how my idea of hell is an eternity on a miniature golf course. This made Overg think that taking me miniature golfing sometime during the weekend would be a really great idea.
And thus began my mantra for the weekend - "You are SO. MEAN. to me." Because he is. Well, not really. He just likes to tease me, and then when I give him the *eyebrow* he smiles and laughs at me and squeezes my knee as if to say, "You know I like you, shut up." Heh. We really do harrass each other this way quite a bit.
We drove past a park full of motor homes - hundreds of them - and Overg proclaimed that this was his idea of hell. Seriously. How could anyone enjoy cramming themselves into one of those things, and then cramming one of those things into a park filled with hundreds of others of those things? Ugh.
Mo' driving around the city. A bay here, a bay there. Tourists running everywhere. Overg pointed out the Taco Bell he goes to. And the Arby's he goes to. And the Subway he goes to. And the KFC he goes to. I know this probably seems very inconsequential, but for some reason it was just interesting to see all these places he's told me about going. Fast food for a fast guy. Vroom!
Next on the Overg Driving Tour was his old apartment. "Because this is where we began." When we first started talking in April 2002, this was where he lived. He used to tell me about how difficult it was to get up the hills when it had been snowing, and I never could really picture it before seeing it. But there are some damn steep roads out that way. We drove around and he showed me the apartment he had lived in, the carport he parked in, the apartment across the street where the Old Banger had lived, etc. She was only 43, that's not "old."
THEN! Overg took me to a fudge shop! Because for years I've been saying that when I came for a visit that he had to take me to get fudge. So there we were, but unfortunately, I was still so full from dinner that I couldn't possibly eat any fudge without dying. Since he didn't want me to die, we moved on, to ...
Overg's office! It wasn't at all what I pictured. I think I had some sort of multi-story office building in my head, but it isn't that at all. We went in and Overg showed me all of the offices of the other lawyers, the paralegals, etc. Lawyers? Are messy. They keep documents on the floor. In one lawyer's office:
HWG: Those lights are really ugly.
Overg: I have those lights in my office.
HWG: I really like those lights a lot. *bats eyelashes*
Come to look at them, my lights *are* ugly.
Overg's office am cool. I got to sit in his Aeron chair (which I encouraged him to buy) and rifled through stuff on his desk. Then I took one of his business cards, since you never know when you might need a lawyer in Michigan. He has a very nice view of a lake outside his window, and he explained how there is artwork along the edge of the lake that portrays the sun and planets in scale. Or something. Or something is right. These are models of the solar system, with the planets being at "scale" distance from each other. So I have to look at the Sun through Mars all the time. Pluto is something like 5 miles away. So I'd like to thank the city for sprucing up my view. I mean, who wants to look at a lake anyway?
Next he whipped out his ... Beaker photos! He keeps a stash of photos of Beaker in his desk drawer, and he insisted that I sit in his chair while he showed me every one of them. And if I wasn't already in love with Beaker, I was after that.
I also got to see photos of the Overg Parents, and we compared photos of him when he got Beaker four years ago with recent photos, and decided that he looks much more "manly" now. I think it's the sideburns (which I encouraged him to grow)(because they're COOL, yo). Sssssshhhh. No one tell her I've had sideburns on and off since law school. But they are cool.
Overg gave me an interesting lesson on how he uses all the law books in the office to look up precedents for cases. Then we skipped down the hallway hand in hand and exited the office. Let that be a lesson to you all. Legal research leads to skipping.
We crossed the train tracks to go over and look at the lake. Overg explained that it used to be a dumping lake, so it was probably toxic. Great view, though, with a little wooden viewing area and benches. And goose shit all over the place. We heard a *brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap* coming from below us and decided that it was probably made by an enormously disgusting and ugly mutant bullfrog, but we could not actually see it.
Then, we met Toxic Jimmy.
Well, we heard him first. "FISH!" At first I couldn't figure out what he was saying. All I knew was that a little boy of about 8 or 9 was walking towards us with a big goofy grin carrying a pail and a fishing pole.
Toxic Jimmy ambled over to us and started telling us about how he caught four fish today. I asked him what kinds and he said, "A pike this long and a pike This Long and a pike THIS LONG. And a bass." Complete with holding his fingers apart to show how long the pikes actually were.
Now, Toxic Jimmy was really cute. But it was also obvious that he had some sort of mental impairment, because he had a slight lisp and stutter and he was just a little too happy and jovial. It wasn't a severe mental disability, but it was there. And therefore I felt a little bit protective of the kid, so I asked him if he threw back the fish or took them home to be eaten (he threw them back) and then I told him I thought he did a really good job and good luck next time. Overg didn't really say much to him.
So Toxic Jimmy walks off to find his friend, and I look over at Overg with a look of, "Awwww, isn't he cute?"
Overg: "I TOLD you the water was TOXIC!"
A statement that was so cold, and so cynical, that I was so disgusted that I could do nothing but laugh in response. Oh come on now, that boy just ain't right.
As we were leaving, I pointed out that the library across from his office had an obscene sculpture out front. Overg insists it was just a person's nose, but I'm not buying it. No nose is that big and long.
Then we're off again, and Overg is driving me around and not telling me where we're going. He pulls into a place called The Dairy Lodge. Malts!! We are going to get malts!! Even though this isn't the best place to get malts, there we are. The Dairy Lodge, incidentally, is right beside the Firearms Store. We likes to do some shooting while we eats our ice cream up here.
We walk up and I'm overwhelmed by all the choices. Overg tells me not to order the large sized malt, because it is gargantuan. I say that I'm still mostly full, so I just want a small. He insists I get a medium. He orders for us, then explains that a true chocolate malt is made with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and malt powder (rather than chocolate ice cream and malt powder). Then he insinuates that I don't know the difference between a malt and a shake. Which he is WRONG about. She thought a malt just had syrup. Is that whack or what?
We sit at the bench outside and just hang out and talk for awhile. He notices my bracelet, and we talk about that for a bit. Then he accuses me of not telling him that I went to Busch Gardens with Teem when I went to visit her, and acts all hurt, so then I try to tell him about that but he keeps interrupting me and bemoaning the fact that I keep so much from him. She's a woman of many mysteries and secrets. But I know I told him the stories from that trip, and he's just forgotten them. Because he hates me and everything I stand for.
Next Overg showed me the rich people houses up on the hill, which were really nice with gorgeous views. His city might be a small one, but it's really quite beautiful.
We headed back towards his house, stopping at the grocery store for buffalo, Oleson's. There is a big neon buffalo on the sign, I kid you not. We have stopped here to get a contact lens case and alcohol. We find the case, then go get the booze. We were going to get just Mike's, but then I see that this store also stocks Woody's Ice in Blueberry, so I do the Happy Drubnk dance and insist we get a six-pack of that as well.
We leave and get to the car and I have again forgotten to lock my door. Damn manual locks! We *vroom* off back to Overg's house, where we break out the booze post haste.
And Thumper? She is out. And when she sees me, she does not run. In fact, she doesn't really go anywhere. She wouldn't let me pet her, and she didn't come over to me, but she was out and staying out, which was a minor miracle. Beaker, on the other hand, was all about me petting her by this point.
I laid on the floor to play feather stick with Beaks while Overg was in his bedroom doing ... something. Best not to ask. I could see that Thumper was watching, so I started dragging the end of the feather stick over the recliner, which she was sitting behind. She really liked that. She liked it so much that she started pawing at it and chasing it wherever I moved it.
It was right around then that Overg came out of his bedroom and saw us playing. He was smiling so big that I thought his head would split in two. He was shocked at what Thumps was doing, and ecstatic that she liked me enough not only to come out the first night I was there, but to play with me as well. I was shocked myself, since I thought she might not come out at all until Saturday night or so. But no. I clearly have a way with Overg's cats. Heewig modestly neglects to mention that it was she who really encouraged me to adopt Thumper from the shelter. I was very concerned about how Beaker would react and whether or not I could handle two cats. Heewig was really the one who convinced me I could do it, for which I am eternally grateful. So it was something special to see Thumper, who is a big ol' chicken shit, come out and play with her so quickly.
After kitty play time we settled in for a night of watching season one of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on the couch. The right side of the couch is now mine. Overg convinced me to *meatwad* with him during the opening credits. It's a dance, you sickos. We laughed, we cried, he touched my feet with his feet (as a way of saying, "No! Your feet aren't as hideous as you think!). Heewig has always been telling me how much she hates her feet. And there's nothing wrong with them. I mean, I hardly noticed that she has 7 toes per foot and no ankles.
Overg has really strong toes. And they're prehensile toes. We were jostling for position on the couch and he pushed his feet against me so I tried to tickle the bottom of his feet ... and then he GRABBED MY THUMBS with his toes. Honestly. And then he squeezed my thumbs and I struggled but couldn't get them out from between his toes and he actually said, "Don't let me break your thumbs" and I was all like "You CAN'T break my thumbs" but in all honesty, I think he probably could break my thumbs with his strong-ass toes. Just don't ask what I've been doing with them to get them so strong.
Eventually I got my thumbs back.
We were both exhausted by 11:15, so we headed off to bed. Thus ends my first day with Overg. But thankfully, it was just the beginning of a terrific weekend.
I've changed my mind, though - I'm going to do separate entries for each day. There's just too much to write about.
July 15, 2004
July 14, 2004
Overg: I'm liking Sazz
HWG: they seem cool
Overg: is Sazz twins?
Overg: are you?
Overg: *looks for twins everywhere*
HWG: no, I just don't know if they are male or female
Overg: English does really need a gender neutral pronoun
HWG: that would work
Overg: or ot
Overg: like it, only for people
Overg: or ut
Overg: ut would be fun to say
Overg: ut, ut, ut
Overg: I made ut smile!
HWG: you just called me gender neutral
Overg: (not that I'm confused by your gender)
Overg: (I'm just enamored with my new word)
HWG: oh fine
Overg: you are all woman, baby!
And then later...
HWG: stop trying to be charming
Overg: why would I try that?
Overg: it clearly wouldn't work
Overg: you are immune to my charms
Overg: *offers cold hard cash instead*
HWG: so now I'm a hooker
HWG: a gender neutral hooker
Overg: you have made me laugh out loud
July 08, 2004
MIA and AWOL
I won't be updating me website as much as I used to, now that Big Brother 5 has started. But if you miss me, come see me at Hamster Time, because that's where I'll be spending most all of my days and nights.
In other happy news, I am officially, FINALLY, going to go visit Overg!! *screams* A visit only two years in the making. I'll be there for a long weekend, from Oct. 8-10. While there I hope to:
- Run amok on his riding mower *vroom*
- Entice his cats into teaching me gitchu
- Watch lots of Aqua Teen Hungerforce
- Consume fudge (or, second choice: cheesecake)
- Eat my namesake food, Boo Blend Enchiladas
- Construct steps for Overg's deck out of wicker and pine tar
- Paint his guest bedroom
- Frolic in his lava rock
- Have him teach me how to drive stick
July 01, 2004
Crunch 'N Munch
HWG: I've lost like 10 pounds since last Fri
Teem: *shocked face*
HWG: of course, I haven't eaten in 24 hours
Teem: you need a Sonic BLT and tater tots and a babana shake STAT!
HWG: and I'm averaging about 6 points per day
HWG: so yeah, not surprising
Teem: you need to eat homes
Teem: eat, comma, homes
Teem: don't eat homes
Teem: that would be... difficult
Teem: unless you just gnaw on like the door frame
June 24, 2004
From the Mind of Teem
I no longer get to share with you my funny IM conversations with Teem (because she works in Meat World now, which doesn't believe in instant messaging), so I will do the next best thing and share a li'l bit of an e-mail she sent me this morning.
In response to my telling her about clients wanting to edit/approve a newsletter article I wrote about their company:
"Article Title", written by Highwaygirl and screwed up by Picky McChangerson.
Fight the power! *raises fist*
*puts fist away, deeming it too puny*
*raises cutlass instead*
Later in the same e-mail, in response to my offhand suggestion that she might like Clinique's Raspberry Superbalm lip balm:
I recognize that you are evil, yet I am still going to the mall during lunch to the Clinique counter. There is something wrong with that, somehow.
June 11, 2004
Do You Have Nibbles? (III)
Or, Poor Blurry/It's his own damn fault!
So, a little background on the title for these posts. We kept making beaver jokes throughout the weekend, because we're 12. Sometimes we would get out of the car and someone would ask, "Do you have Nibbles?" Which almost always came out sounding like, "Do you have nipples?" Other variations included, "Get Nibbles out!" and "Where's Nibbles?" and "We need Nibbles." And then there were all the times we mentioned Nibbles' log...
By the way, Nibbles' personal life motto is "Either work hard or you might as well quit." Thank you, MC Hammer.
Aight then, Saturday. Teem and I left her house at about 8 a.m. to go pick up Nancy. I shared my Oatmeal Crisp bar with Nibbles, because we both get very hungry in the morning. We went into Nancy's apartment, but her cat, Sonny, was hiding, so I didn't get to meet him.
And then we were off to Washington D.C. It was supposed to only rain until mid-day. Well, it rained ALL-day. And it was cold (I could see my breath) and windy and just generally crappy. We stopped at Burger King on the way, due to hunger and the fact that "hash rounds" are superior to "hash planks." We ordered three things of hash rounds and three Diet Cokes. Heh.
We listened to Billy Joel and ABBA and various mix CDs on the way. Eventually we realized that, due to having to drive slowly in the rain, we were going to be late meeting Blurry (we had agreed to meet between 11 and 11:30 a.m. at the Iowa pillar at the WWII Memorial). We alternated between "Poor Blurry" and "It's his own damn fault for not having a cell phone!" Yeah, we're nice like that.
|Nibbles fills up his belly|
Oh, by the way, the Pentagon is even more huge than you'd think. I was really struck by how big it was when we were driving past it.
|Nibbles plays between-seat driver|
(Incidentally, I'm probably missing a ton of stuff that Teem and/or Nancy can fill in, but I took allergy medicine this morning and I am, literally, about to fall asleep sitting upright at my desk at work.)
*Metro, Metro, Metro*
We get off the Metro and it's raining. Nancy and I have li'l umbrellas, and Teem has a rain jacket thinger. But suffice to say, it wasn't nearly enough. We walked past The Stick (the Washington Monument) on our way to the WWII Memorial, and Nancy gave us an impromptu history lesson about the building of The Stick. My contribution was to say, "The Stick!" over and over in a really chipper way.
It's not a long walk from the Metro to the memorial, but it's long enough, and by the time we got there my feet were soaked (we were all wearing flip-flops, thank god I had brought along the pair of Flojos I had bought the night before, otherwise I would have been screwed). Finally we saw the memorial in the distance and I prepared myself for meeting the infamous Blurrificus.
HWG: "You know, it's going to be hard for me to mentally switch to calling him (his real name) rather than Blurry." <-- foreshadowing
The pillars seemed to be in the order in which the states were admitted into the Union, so it took us a second to figure out where Iowa was. Luckily we spotted it from the ground, and marched over.
Blurry!! It's Blurry!! Wearing a white hat!! I said hello and gave him a wet hug. Blurry gave a bear hug in return. Blurry am tall.
As cool as the memorial was, I think all of us were kind of feeling like we wanted to get this done with, in a way. I mean, it is AMAZING, and I really need to go back so I can take everything in. But it was COLD, yo. And rainy and windy and there were quite a few people there, and it was a little difficult to get around because in addition to weaving in between people you were trying not to get in front of people's cameras or poke them in the eye with your umbrella.
Click a thumbnail for a larger image. Hold your cursor over a photo for a description.
We toured the whole memorial and I took a bunch of photos. My grandfather, Kenneth Ray Rowley, Jr., served in the Atlantic Theater as a bomber pilot in England, so I focused my photos on things related to that. He was from Iowa (thus its significance). I also took photos of Teem and Nancy in front of the pillars for the states where their fathers were born.
I took photos of Teem and Nancy and Blurry together. Blurry told me that I could use his real name now. He called me out! So I started trying really hard to do that, but mostly I just ended up calling him "Bl-realname." Sorry about that. You'll always be Blurry to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
We wandered over to the information center, and there were short lines to use the kiosks where you could look up the names of people who served. I was really jazzed about this, because I had registered my grandfather on the WWII memorial website 6-8 weeks ago and now believed I could get a photo of his listing.
But no. The stupid thing couldn't find his name. Except HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE, on the website. Yeesh. Whatever. *rolls eyes*
So with the memorial having been seen, we started trekking back to the Metro station. Blurry used his superior height to block the rain. Speculation on whether or not "rain" means that "god is sad." Talk about how long Blurry waited for us in said rain (hours and hours). Nancy gives Blurry her history lesson about the building of The Stick. Jaywalking rather than absconding with a mounted policeman's horse.
|Blurry, wary of the beaver|
And then we had the Parking Garage Fiasco of '04. We were parked on the third level (you have to go up a flight of stairs from the mall entrance). Blurry was parked on two (the mall entrance). It is decided that we will drive down to the second level so that Blurry can fall in behind us, because he didn't know how to get to Potomac Mils.
Only ... we couldn't figure out how to get down to the second level without leaving the garage. So I was nominated (FINE!) to exit the car, go back down to 2, and tell Blurry to meet us at the exit. I find Blurry, who is in his car, and he pulls up beside me. I make the international hand gesture for "roll down your window" but he doesn't do it. I knock on the window and he doesn't roll it down. I try to open the door but it's locked and I very nearly rip all my fingernails off. THE HELL? I make the IHGF"RDYW" again, and he doesn't do it. So then I ask him if his windows don't roll down or something and THEN he unlocks the car door.
Maybe he can shed light on this whole thing.
So I tell Blurry that Teem says to meet us at the exit, because we can't get up to this floor of the parking garage. And then:
Blurry - Which exit?
HWG - *blink*
Blurry - *silence*
HWG - Hmm. Well, I don't know. I've never been here before.
Blurry - *silence*
HWG - *looks around, sees Eckerds sign across from parking garage* OKAY, let's meet in the parking lot of that Eckerds. *points*
Blurry - Okay!
Sounds easy enough, right?
I run back up to Teem/Nancy and tell them where we're meeting. So we drive to the garage exit and then ... Teem can't find the parking ticket. And the maximum daily rate is $16. Ack. The ticket taker asks us if we had a receipt from a mall purchase, but no, we do not. BLAST! Teem checks pockets, purse, car, but can't find it. Eventually the ticket taker asks for her license, and a few minutes later (we're not sure what she did with the license) after Teem begged and pleaded and batted her eyelashes, the ticket person charges us $2. Which was pretty damn nice of her.
So we drive over to the Eckerds parking lot and expect Blurry to appear shortly. Five minutes later, no Blurry. Nancy goes into Eckerds to get some food (for her) and ibuprofen (for me). Still no Blurry. By now it's 2:25 and we are way off our schedule. Five more minutes, still no Blurry. THE HELL? We again curse him for not having a cell phone. We decide that next time, we'll just buy him one of those prepaid cell phones. We have a brilliant idea - too late, of course - that we should have given him one of our cell phones to use.
We decide if he doesn't show by 3 p.m., we're leaving. Because we're hungry and have places to go. Blurry drives into the parking lot at 2:40 and we scream and yell and tell him to "follow us!" And then we're off to Potomac Mills, which will have to be another post.
June 09, 2004
Do You Have Nibbles? (II)
Or, God, Paris really sucks. And so does Helen. Mmmmbop!
And then we went off to see Troy. My interest in seeing the movie was in drooling over Eric Bana, and secondarily swooning over Orlando Bloom. Brad Pitt does nothing for me, so Teem got him all to herself. We shared Orly. I'm not sure who Nancy thought was most attractive.
So we buy our tickets and head in. Nibbles snuck in for free under cover of purse. During the pre-show entertainment, Nibbles got a little surly when an ad for a Phish concert popped up on the screen. We threatened to muzzle him, so he shut up.
All-in-all, I liked the movie for its eye candy. The acting, not so much. Eric Bana was fan-freaking-tastic in every way (hot, good acting, BIG MANLY ARMS), and Brad was okay if you could overlook his craptastic "Greek" accent (which sounded for all the world like a bad English accent). Orly, well ... he is and always will be The Pretty. But his character, Paris, sucked. Paris sucks! I said that several times during the movie. Plus, it seemed like Orly only had two facial expressions in the film - pleading (complete with "sexy" eye squinting) and cowering (like when he clinged to Hector's leg ... not that I can blame him, because I would cling to Hector's leg if given the chance, too).
|Nibbles begins to RAGE! at Phish|
HWG - "They can't possibly fit enough people in that horse to sack Troy with. This is dumb, I don't get it."
Teem - "Maybe they were really wee? Petite."
Soldier waves torch at top of tower
Teem - "Why is he doing that?"
HWG - "Why are they at the gate?"
Spartans on the beach see torch signal, charge down towards the gate, and are let in by the soldiers who snuck into Troy inside the horse
HWG & Teem, in unison - "Ohhhhhhhh."
Then there was an intense scene where the Spartans are burning down Troy, and King Priam is having this Big Meaningful Moment with Paris as he tries to get people to fight/flee (Hector is already dead at this point, so Paris is big man on the scene ... no wonder Troy fell), and all of a sudden Priam whips out this sword and points the tip of the blade at Paris ...
Which is when Teem made this sound that can best be described as the sound Scooby Doo makes when he's confused about something. That weird "huh?" sound, knowwhatImean? Anyway, Teem did that because I guess she was confused, but it was so funny in the context of the scene that both Nancy and I started cracking up.
After the movie we went into Nordstrom for a bit o' shopping. On the way to the movie we only had time to check out the new MAC Tantress collection (didn't wow me right then), but we wanted to look at Reef shoes and the Stila counter when we had more time.
I couldn't find my size in the Reefs, so I wandered around and found these other flip-floppy things called Flojos. And I wondered when Florence Griffith Joyner started lending her name to shoes. So I was looking for a size 10 in the black and couldn't find one and was disappointed. But then Teem found the size on another rack. Only the tag said "10" but the bottom of the shoe said "8". But I tried them on and they were clearly my size. So I took them to the counter to purchase them ($20!) and pointed out the discrepency, and the clerk told me that the 8 is in European sizing.
My shoes are foreigners! I've decided they are Spanish shoes, and they're pronounced "FLO-hoes."
|An ironic sign at Plaza Azteca|
And then it was off to the infamous Plaza Azteca for dinner. I've only heard Teem talk about this place 95 bamillion times, so I had to see what the fuss was all about. We had chips and dips and salsa, and I got the Burrito Something dinner (two li'l burritos, one each of beef and chicken) and it was very good.
The restaurant had a bunch of knick-knacky signs hanging up all over the place (it was a converted Spaghetti Warehouse) and to my surprise, one of them was an homage to me!
Nibbles snacked on the chips all night long, but eventually helped himself to a little bit of Nancy's dinner.
|Teem, Nibbles and Nancy after finishing dinner|
We went to bed not-too-late because we had to get up at 7 a.m. the next morning to prepare for our big trip to Washington D.C. to visit historical landmarks - the new World War II Memorial, and Blurry.
June 08, 2004
Do You Have Nibbles? (I)
Alrighty, I will now attempt to chronicle my weekend trip to Virginia. I had great big huge amounts of fun, walked a LOT, shopped frequently, and learned that Teem really, really, REALLY likes the song "Come On, Eileen" (it's on almost all of her mix CDs).
I got up at 4 a.m. on Friday, June 4 in order to make my 6:45 a.m. flight to Philadelphia. Yes, I flew to Philadelphia in order to get to Virginia. Thank you, U.S. Airways. I left my apartment at 5 a.m., giving myself 45 minutes to get to the airport.
It only took 20 minutes.
Sooo, I was at the airport mo' early. I checked in at the U.S. Airways counter fairly quickly, then headed over to the escalators to go out to the airside. A good-looking guy and I arrived at the escalator at the same time, but he smiled and said, "After you!" He looked a whole lot like Matthew Settle. My brain probably just wanted him to be Matthew Settle, who is in Florida filming a movie (why am I not stalking him? Good question).
So I take the monorail over to the airside and am met with a long, long queue of people waiting to get through security. I waited about 20 minutes before getting up to the front, and then I set off the metal detector on the way through. The guard told me to put my shoes on the x-ray machine conveyor belt, which confused me because my shoes are not made of metal.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
I took off the black loafers I was wearing and then went back through the metal detector with no problem. Apparently it's common to use metal to create the heels of shoes. Okaaaaaaay.
My flight left on time and was fairly uneventful, except for the fact that the guy in the aisle seat (I had window, with no one between us) kept using his cell phone during the flight. Which made me nervous. I was close to flipping my bitchcakes lid about it, but decided not to.
I landed in Philadelphia and then made the mad dash to make my connecting flight. We came in at the end of airside C and my connection was at the end of airside A. Which is a long way away, and I only had 40 minutes. I ended up getting to airside A on time and walked right onto the plane.
*fly fly fly*
I ran off the plane once it touched down in Norfolk and ran into the arms of TEEM!! Who was waiting for me by the glass doors with a Diet Coke in her hand (of course) and wearing her fearsome pink big button capris (of course).
I was meeting the illustrious Teem! TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!! Much skipping and twirling ensued. Actually we just gabbed and then walked down to baggage claim. Once we got my suitcase we headed out to her lovely silver green Mazda 6. Teem told me a story about hitting a car in a parking lot. This started the "and THEN we got in an accident in _insert parking garage name_" line that I repeated whenever Teem would park the car somewhere.
We got in the car and Teem revealed that she had made a Soundtrack of Heewig mix CD in honor of my visit. Which was SO cool! Every song has meaning, and truth be told, out of all the things I acquired this past weekend, the CD is my most treasured item.
Then we were off to downtown Norfolk! Teem introduced me to our mascot for the weekend, a Beanie Baby named "Lumberjack" - a beaver holding a log in its paws. Well, "Lumberjack" wasn't a name we could use (it has other, non-Heewig meanings), so we renamed it NIBBLES for the weekend. Actually, Teem did, and I defered to her brilliance.
I called my friend at the Virginian-Pilot, Carol, who was the only one of my former coworkers that I told I was coming to visit. She had told me earlier that before lunch was the best time to drop in, but as it turned out there was no one there. So she asked me to come in after 1 p.m.
This left Teem and I with a chunk of time to kill before Nancy could meet us for lunch. So we drove out to Ghent so I could show her where I used to live (511 Graydon St.), which is being torn down, or at least renovated. It was fenced off with a No Trespassing sign on it, and the porches/balconys had all been torn off, as had been the big cement steps outside. But it was still the same faded brick-red-with-yellow-trim color scheme. Lovely!
We drove to the mall, MacArthur Center, and parked there. We grabbed Nibbles (who often asked to be addressed by his formal French name, Nibblés) and started walking over to our lunch spot, Jack Quinn's, an Irish pub/restaurant in downtown Norfolk. On the way there we saw a man sitting on a park bench with a sweatshirt/shirt/jacket pulled up over his head. Completely. It totally covered his head.
I wanted to take a photo. Then I suggested we put Nibbles on the bench with the man and take a photo of the both of them. Huzzah for new friends! But then Teem pointed out that the man might be a robber who would grab Nibbles and run away with him, and we just could not allow that. I agreed, although I did mention that if that happened, it would give us reason to shriek "THAT MAN SNATCHED MY BEAVER!" really loudly.
But we didn't do it.
We got to Jack Quinn's and got a table. Our waiter's name was Christian, and he was personable and not at all objectionable to look at. We were both starving, but there was no appetizer that we really wanted to get, especially since we had decided to have some of the bread pudding for dessert.
Digression - We ate a lot this weekend. Weight Watchers be damned! (and it was damned ... oh was it ever damned.)
Then Nancy showed up and we EEEEEEEEEEE'd a little. Nancy and I both ordered boxtys (vegetarian for her, corned beef and cabbage for me), while Teem ordered the corned beef & cabbage entreé. Teem and I were already working on a pint of hard cider, so Nancy got one as well. Christian was a good boy and carded us all.
Soda bread and honey butter were brought out. We devoured the whole basket. Christian brought another basket. We likes Christian.
*eat eat eat*
|Teem and Nibbles, getting drubnk|
Teem and I went for a second pint of hard cider. Mmmm, tipsy. Teem was nice enough to share some of her cider with Nibbles, 'cause she's nice like that. The four of us shared the bread pudding (something I had never tried), and it was of the lrod.
By the time we finished lunch, it was raining a bit, and Nancy was the only one smart enough to bring an umbrella. So we had her go get her car and come back and pick me and Teem up. Serves her right for thinking ahead like that!
Nancy drove back in her seafoam green car, Sabrina, and picked us up. From there we headed off to the Pilot office. The security at the building is much stricter now compared to when I worked there, so I had to call Carol to come down and get us, and sign us in for security badges.
It was really good to see her! She was one of my closest friends at the newspaper. She brought us back up to the sports department. Unfortunately, the sports editor, Chic Riebel, had left for the day already. Which I was bummed about because he and I had a great relationship and I really wanted to see him again.
When we walked into the sports department, Paul White, my closest friend at the paper, was on the phone with his back to us. Carol told me to go tap him on the shoulder, which I did. He turned around and very nearly jumped up out of his chair. Hee! He gesticulated wildly and gave me the "one minute" sign (he was on the phone doing an interview).
So instead I said hello to Lee Tolliver (fishing writer), and had a great li'l conversation with him. I said hello to Tom White (assistant sports editor at the Pilot, but I knew him from when I worked in Greensboro), and then stood by the cabinets with Carol, Teem and Nancy and just sort of talked about newsroom gossip/scuttlebutt type stuff. Then Rich Radford walked in and smiled and said, "I know you!" Still so good looking (just a little more grey at the temples) - "I know you too, handsome man!"
Paul still wasn't off the phone. Paul was on the phone for a long damn time, actually. Carol caught me up on everyone else I used to work with. I told her that she needed to find a way to get someone to leave, so I could come back.
Then, FINALLY, Paul was off the phone. He jumped up and ran over to me and gave me a bear hug. I hadn't seen nor talked to him since October, 2000 (when I was in town for a Tragically Hip concert). He grabbed my hand and dragged me downstairs, stopping at each landing to say things like, "Where have you been?" and "How are you?" and "Why haven't you called me?!?" It was funny. We sat down in the lunch room for about 10 minutes just talking about stuff, but I kept telling him that I had left two friends upstairs all alone, which was kind of rude.
Carol came in and said she would take care of Teem and Nancy (not in a mafia way, sheesh), but still, I just didn't want to stay downstairs talking to Paul while they stood up in the sports department having to kill time. So I got Paul's phone number and promised to call him later, and by that time Carol had brought Nancy and Teem downstairs. I said my goodbyes to Paul, and Carol followed us out to the parking lot. I wrote down all of my contact info for her and told her to stay in touch, especially if there's any "news" that I'd be interested in.
Then we left, because it was time to go to the mall and see hot men in skirts (i.e. the movie Troy).
Part II coming soon...
June 07, 2004
And I'm exhausted! But I had an incredibly fun time in Virginia with Teem and Nancy, who are both just as fun and friendly in person as they are online, and it was great to finally meet Blurry as well (but he needs a cell phone!).
I will be doing a series of posts over the next few days documenting my trip (with photos!), but for now I will bring you ...
Homer is gone. It is sad, but it is probably for the best. The other seven ducklings are looking very good. They all came right over after I threw down some seed when I got back this afternoon:
June 03, 2004
Big Ol' Jet Airliner
I'm going on a vacation! Well, a long weekend to Virginia to visit Teem and Nancy and I will also be seeing Blurry on Saturday when we all meet up at the World War II Memorial in Washington, D.C. Much shopping is also on the schedule for the weekend, including my inaugural trip to IKEA and my second-only visit to Sephora. EEEEEEEEE!
We also plan on seeing Troy on Friday and Busch Gardens on Sunday. Oh, and I'm also dropping in on my former coworkers at the Virginian-Pilot on Friday.
Duck Count: Eight, with Homer not looking too bad today.
I probably will not update while I'm away, so I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'll be back on Monday, with photos!
April 12, 2004
Of EEEEEEEEEs and $$$$$s - Part II
Okay, so where was I? Oh yes, we went back to my apartment after exhausting ourselves with shopping.
I showed Roo around my swinging bachelorette pad (heh) and in fairly short order we received a call from the esteemed Rappy. So we did the EEEEEEEEEEEEEE thing with Rappy for a li'l bit, then sat back and chilled. I called Bonefish Grill to try and make a reservation for dinner, but their first available was 9:30 p.m., so suddenly we had to switch gears. Eventually we decided on Olive Garden.
By then it was almost 7, but we were still a little full from lunch so we decided to go down to Super Target before dinner. So ... VROOM! Off we went.
We bought various and sundry things at the ST: Diet Coke for Roo, Diet Sunkist and Diet Mountain Dew Code Red for me. A reversible pink/black belt for her, black yoga pants (for $10!) for me. I also inexplicably bought two travel sizes of toothpaste. Yeah, I don't know why either. Roo picked up a straw purse and a kicky little peach-colored flower hair clip. It's all about accessorizing, don't you know?
And then it was off to dinner. When we were almost there we got a call from our beloved Teem, so we did the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE thing with her a li'l bit, too. Once inside the restaurant we were seated up in a section that was kinda warm and humid. It was weird. We ordered sangria, and it was Good. So good that I asked our waitress if it would be possible to get a "pitcher minus two glasses" of it, because I knew I wanted more but I didn't want to pay for a whole pitcher AND the glasses. She was very cool and said she'd just tell the kitchen that the glasses were her mistake and we had asked for a pitcher all along.
We gave her a very good tip.
I ordered the Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo (Grilled beef medallions drizzled with balsamic glaze, over fettuccine and spinach tossed in a gorgonzola-alfredo sauce, topped with sun-dried tomatoes and it was FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC) and Roo got the Mediterranean Shrimp Scampi (I think). We got a li'l bit tipsy and Roo pointed out that one of the waiters at the next table sounded exactly like Kermit the Frog. And she was right - I closed my eyes to listen, and it was as if Kermit was right there with me. So then I had to try valiantly to stop myself from laughing out loud, and eventually resorted to burying my face in my hands to try to avoid a public guffaw.
We got home around 10:30, and then I had to clean Scuddy's cage. Roo let Scuddy crawl on her a little bit; she's such a trooper. Then we called Tiff back, praised Caygeon for coming out to visit, screwed around online a little bit, checked email, and then realized around midnight that we were both exhausted and needed to go to bed.
And thus ends my first day with Roo!
A new day dawned early, though. I woke up around 8 a.m. and checked on Scuddy, whom I had exiled to my closet (she's normally on the counter in the kitchen, but she runs on her wheel all night and I knew there was no way Roo would be able to get to sleep with that racket in the background). Well, for some reason Scuddy had rearranged her cage - she had pushed her food bowl and exercise wheel around, and shoved almost all of the pine shavings into her little house, packing it tightly. It was really weird. I guess she wasn't happy being someplace with absolutely no light.
So I brought her out to the kitchen to fix her cage. Roo was up already, too, but probably could have gone back to sleep if I had let her. But no! I had to feed the cats (Dawsey was cryyyyyyyying).
So we decided to face the day. Showers and food were had by all. We prettied ourselves up and were out the door at 11:40 a.m. (take that, Teefee!).
First stop was Stein Mart, because I wanted to look at jewelry. I couldn't find anything, but Roo struck gold with an ADORABLE white skirt with black embroidered flowers and a purse that was just the coolest thing ever - white with pink, fuchsia, and black flowers (and more colors, I think), a black/white striped lining, and pink translucent plastic handles. It was sooooooooooooooo cute.
We popped into Hallmark to buy a card, then went in search of lunch. I couldn't think of anything interesting, so we lamed out and went to Applebees.
Well. We were seated and told that our server, Brooke, would be by shortly. And then we realized that we had been seated across from a obnoxious drunk guy, a woman and a teenager. Eventually a fairly personable and funny and big and tall and bald waiter, NotBrooke, came by to take our drink/food order. He joked about how he was going to steal our table from Brooke, but Brooke eventually showed up. Which was too bad, because NotBrooke was so much cooler.
But back to the drunk guy. Roo and I were both trying to figure out what was happening at that table. She had a better view of the man, and I had a good view of the women. I think it was a mother/daughter, but they looked close enough in age that they might have been sisters. But I think it was more a case of a woman having her kid very young.
Beyond that, we couldn't really figure out the relationship between the three people. Was the drunk guy mom's new boyfriend, meeting the daughter for the first time? Was he the daughter's online boyfriend, meeting the mom for the first time? Was he a pimp? A drug dealer? A complete asshole? All of the above? It was obvious that, whatever was going on, the women didn't know the man very well.
He was loud, rude, and ordered two more bloody marys during the course of our lunch. I had ordered a half Oriental Salad (which, if you've never had it, you really must - it is incredibly good) and Roo got the Veggie Patch Pizza. We both ate very quickly, trying to get away from Obnoxious Drunk Guy.
Oh, there was also a dad and his four toddlers at the table beside us. The toddlers were much more well behaved than the drunk guy, go figure.
After lunch we hit Old Navy (no purchases), Peltz Shoe Store (no purchases), and Famous Footwear, where Roo finally found a cute pair of black strappy shoes to wear with her Easter outfit. My contribution to the shoe shopping was basically to bitch and bitch and bitch about the dearth of wide widths in anything resembling cute shoes. Yes, I am bitter.
Then we went over to my mom's house. We did the meet-n-greet with my mom and stepdad, then my nephew Alex came over and everyone (minus my stepdad) played a rip-roaring round of Aggravation. My mom kicked our butts. It was a lot of laughs, though. Then we played with the dog, Maggie, but pretty soon it was time to leave and go to Carmelitas for a dinner of high-quality Mexican food.
Only, no! No! Carmelitas kinda sucked! I don't know what happened with that place. It used to be really good, but now? Not so much. We ordered cheese dip to go with the tortilla chips, and I swear to god it was Cheez-Whiz. Or something equally as heinous. The entrees were merely average. Roo convinced me to try a margarita, since I had never had one, and now I can safely say, from experience, that I jus' don' like 'em.
So we got the hell out of Carmelitas and hit the road for Sun City Center. The drive went by quickly and suddenly we were at Roo's grandpa's house again. I got to meet RooGrandpa and RooGrandpa'sGirlfriend, and they were both just adorable. And RooGrandpa gave me bottled water for my drive home.
And then I had to leave, which was sad, because Roo is so much fun to be around. But we had big hugs and EEEEEEEEEs and vowed to get together in Atlanta soon. But we would never, ever do that without Teem there too. Never. EVER. Must have Teem.
Of EEEEEEEEEs and $$$$$s - Part I
Or, Weekend With Rooey.
I picked Roo up from her grandpa's house in Sun City Center on Good Friday. Appropriate, no? I got down there about 11 a.m., skipped up to the front of the house, and heard Roo "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"ing before she even opened the door. We gave each other big hugs and jumped up and down and squealed and stuff. Because yay! We were finally meeting in person!!
Roo wasn't ready yet, so we chatted while she finished packing her overnight (at my house) bag. I admired her grandpa's house (especially the carpet), Roo showed me the photos he had displayed of her family (Roo's brother? HOT. But married.), and then Roo gave me the birthday presents she had brought for me. She gave me: a collection of letters by Flannery O'Connor, one of my favorite authors; a box os HAMSTER holiday cards (hee!); and several magnets, including one from Texas which is hysterical.
(I'll take a photo of the magnet and link to the FO'C book later, when I'm home.)
And then we were off! We drove back to Tampa, and our first stop was the Saks Fifth Avenue at Westshore Plaza. Roo has wanted to look at some schtuff at a Bobbi Brown counter, and the Saks BB counter is where my favorite makeup artist, Carol, works. But before we went to the BB counter, we got sidetracked at the Chanel counter. The new sheer Glossimers were on display, and I wanted to give them a look. The sales assistant came over and we started talking about the Volumizing Lash Powder that was shown on the display and marked LIMITED EDITION.
Well, if you don't know, when you have product-hungry lemmings like Roo and I do, anything marked LIMITED EDITION becomes something to covet. And so we did. Because the SA told us about how wonderful it was, how glorious, how it cures the common cold and brings you your slippers when you get home from work and cooks you dinner and gives you hugs and holds your hair back when you're sick, and OH BY THE WAY, it's sold out.
"Sold out" is lemming code for "MUST HAVE RIGHT NOW!"
Then we went on to the BB counter. Carol was working, but she was doing stock so the male makeup artist, Chris, came over to help Roo pick out eyeshadow to try on. Chris looked really familiar to me, but I couldn't place him. Roo admired the Lilac Shimmerwash eyeshadow, so Chris set about putting that on her.
I'll let Roo describe Chris, since she actually talked to him more than I did, but I felt he came off as just a leetle bit bitchy. About five minutes later I realized where I had seen him before - he was at the Nordstrom Trend Show I attended in March. While I was having my BB makeover done by the national artist (Kari) at the show, Chris was the MA working on someone at the next chair over. I thought he was bitchy then, too.
But anyway, bitchy as he might have been, he did a fabulous job on Roo's eyemakeup - the Lilac looked gorgeous on her and she ended up buying that (and another e/s, Black Plum). I limited myself to one of the Lip Tints in a new summer color, Melon. I seem to be on a kick of buying orange-y lipglosses. Which I guess is good; I'm branching out from my standard colors.
We browsed the Narrrrrrrs counter next. Roo was searching for an Orgasm, but she decided against buying one. I was looking for Sin but decided it wouldn't suit me very well. Then we nosed around MAC a little bit, but eh - MAC is just MAC. I wanted to go to the Prescriptives counter at Burdines-Macys, because it is the only Px counter in this area that does the custom blending of foundation (i.e. they mix up the color to match your specific skin tone).
So off we traipsed to Prescriptives. On the way there we popped into a few stores. Babana Republic didn't have the earrings I've been wanting. Roo took me into a housewares store (I can't remember the name) to show me the monkey lamp she wants, but they didn't have it in stock. We got to Burdines-Macys and were promptly assaulted by perfume women wanting to hand us stuff, and we both ran away screaming.
The Prescriptives counter was playing 80s music for some reason. The one song I remember was "It's Raining Men," which Roo sang along to. She has a good voice, too; much better than mine.
So the Px sales assistant matches me up, and I must say, she did an amazing job because this foundation matches my skin PERFECTLY. I told her I wanted to wear it around for a few hours and view it in natural light before I made the decision to buy it (it is pricey at $62), so we left Westshore Plaza and headed up the street to International Plaza, because that's where Nordstrom and California Pizza Kitchen live.
Because we were hungry, yo. We sprinted through Nordstrom to get to CPK, waited about 10 minutes for a table, and then on the way in Roo chats up the gay boy greeter because his name tag said he was from Atlanta. Here's something about Roo - she can chat up anyone. She's so open and friendly and ... ebullient, really ... that I think she makes complete strangers feel immediately comfortable with her. It was really impressive to see.
And then, we noshed. Roo ordered the Liquid Taco (i.e. the tortilla soup) and a salad (she was observing Good Friday, after all), but I observed no such thing and tried the Sante Fe Chicken pizza, since Roo highly recommended it. And I could understand why after eating it - that sucker was GOOD! Lime-marinated chicken, cilantro, cheese, fresh tomatoes, and sour cream. Yum-may!
Next we spent quality time in Nordstrom. We looked at makeup. We looked at jewelry. We looked at handbags and scarves and shoes, oh my! Roo was on a quest for pink shoes, but the ones she had admired on the Nordstrom website didn't work out in person. We went upstairs to look at clothes, and there was a STUPID CUTE red handkerchief-print skirt that we both admired. Seriously, it was freaking adorable (I will link to it later). It wasn't really my style, though, and they didn't have one in Roo's size, so we sadly had to pass it up. But I think Roo might order it from the Nordstrom website.
Then we went to Dillards, still on the quest for pink shoes (not to mention strappy black shoes). Roo struck out on both accounts. We stopped at the Chanel counter to look for the beloved lash powder, but it was covered by a piece of plastic on the display. Roo and I took that to mean they were sold out, but Roo played at trying to pry off the plastic covering in order to steal the display model ... and the snotty Chanel sales wench gave her the stink-eye! AS IF!
We went upstairs in search of the bathroom, and after getting directions from four different sales associates - "It's blah blah blah over there *points*", "It's around that wall over on the back wall, to the right", "It's just over there on the right", and "You're almost there! It's right down there." - we finally found it. You'd think we were searching for the Holy Grail or something.
We milled around the mall a little more, and by that time I had made the decision to purchase the insanely-expensive-yet-wonderful foundation from Prescriptives, so we drove back to that mall so I could pick it up.
And then we went back to my apartment!
Since this is becoming epic, I'm going to take a break right here and continue on a little later.
February 28, 2004
I Dream of Teemee
But first, photos of Scuddy! Did I tell you that I found out that Scuddy is a girl? Well, he is. So her name is no longer Sir Frederick Pamplemousse. It is now Lady Beatrix Pamplemousse. Or Scudder. Or, alternatively, Scuddy/Scubby/Scubbins.
Here is Scuddy with her cheeks jammed full of food:
And here's Scuddy having breakfast (a carrot sliver) in bed:
And now, on to my dream about Teem!
I dreamt that I was visiting Teem at her house. Only I don't think this was her real house, because it was in the woods. But anyway, that's where she was living. So I was visiting, and I remember walking up to her house and just going in rather than knocking. The nerve!
Teem was inside futzing around. And here's what was notable about the dream - there were animals EVERYWHERE. Cats and dogs and kittens and puppies and birds and mice and teeny tiny kittens and puppies (much smaller than they ever would be). And the big news was that Teem had just bought a pair of rabbits and was trying to figure out where to put their cage. Because she wasn't going to put it outside, it had to be in the house.
Incidentally, in my dream, I was wearing what I was sleeping in last night (a sleeveless t-shirt and underwear).
So Teem and I go outside by her pool, because her husband is out there cleaning up in anticipation of the big pool party they're having that night. Then I see a teeny tiny kitten drowning in the pool. I scoop it up and press on it's li'l chest to get the water out. It starts spitting and coughing, and I gently pet it on the top of the head. Its eyes aren't even open.
And I say to Teem, "Why do you have kittens drowning in your pool?" But she doesn't answer me. In my dream, she is apparently from Texas. So I continue holding the kitten, and I tell Teem that I think I want to adopt it. Because it's this really pretty shade of cream/gold.
Over the course of the rest of the dream, the kitten keeps changing colors. At the very end it ends up looking like a cross between Felix the Cat and a striped prison shirt.
Towards the end of the dream, Teem and I walk out back into the orchard. The party has started because there are other people milling around. Then some guy asks me where I got my highlights done and how much they cost. I tell him, and he rebukes me for paying so much, because he only paid $15.
And then I leave. Well, I try to leave. Because now I can't figure out where I am. I walked out of Teem's house without saying goodbye (ha-HA, take that you kitten drowner!), and then realized that there were hundreds of people walking around. I couldn't figure out which way to go in order to leave.
Then I heard someone calling my name - it was an older woman, and I recognized her as a coworker of my mom's. I say hello in an overzealous way, trying to cover that I can't remember her name. The woman asks me what I'm doing "up here" and I say that I live not that far away. She asks me where, and I tell her that I can't remember. She tells me I live in Cumberland. Then I say, "No wait, now I remember - I live in Palm Harbor."
And then Caygeon woke me up by jumping on my head.
January 12, 2004
The Luckiest Boy In All the Land
No, not Dr. Will - Overg!!
Why? Because TODAY IS OVERG'S BIRTHDAY!!!
*runs around cats, screaming and flailing and throwing lunch trays in the air*
Welcome to your thirties, my dear. You will enjoy them.
What words of wisdom do you have for Overg on his birthday, hmm?
Oh, and I can mention this in an Overg-centric entry because he's all about the cats anyway - pretty soon I'm going to be having a Cute Cat Contest. Well, not really a contest; more like a gallery. So, if you have any photos of your cute cats, please email them to me at email@example.com. Just make sure they aren't HUGE photos that will max out my inbox.
January 10, 2004
Bumble & Bumble
EEEEEEEEEEEE! Look what TVJunkie sent me!!
It's a Bumble (aka The Abominable Snowman) finger puppet! I am going to wear it all night long. *wiggles Bumble-covered finger*
Thanks, TVJ! And thank you for the Estee Lauder stuff as well. It will definitely go to good use.
January 06, 2004
The Bark Is Back
Aaaaaaaaand we have a new entry to the field of Hamster Time bloggers - Barkley! Barkley is especially noteworthy because she is one of the few BB2 recappers still around whose name was included on the official TWOP BB2 recappers t-shirt ("That's mah bannah!"). Along with ... me!
January 03, 2004
The Adventures of Rappygirl (III)
What's that saying? "All good things must come to an end"?
Day Three - Friday, January 2, 2004
I woke up at close to 11 a.m., and Rappy was already up. Showers were taken. Plans were made. We decided to pack her bags in the car when we left and just do whatever until it was time to head to the airport for her 6:55 p.m. flight to Atlanta (and Roo!).
We left my place at noon, and my stupid cats didn't come out to say goodbye. But they miss Rappy, just like I do. There's a Rappy-shaped hole in our lives! *sniff*
We ate lunch at Panera. Good, but not good for you. We both ordered a panini sandwich - I had the Frontega Chicken, while Rappy chose the Turkey Artichoke. We popped into the Starbucks next door so Rappy could get some coffee, then headed south to do more shopping.
First stop, Barnes & Nobel, so I could pick up some calendars at 50% off. I bought a Get Fuzzy page-a-day calendar for my desk at work, and a World Wildlife Fund Big Cats planner.
Then we hit Marshalls, to look for discounted Williams Sonoma cookbooks. Rappy didn't find any of those that she liked, but she did find a GORGEOUS pair of black strappy heels with embroidery on the straps. So, so pretty. That girl can find the most beautiful things in a sea of average things.
Next it was up to Countryside Mall, because I had both mall and Dillards gift cards burning holes in my wallet. At Dillards we looked at purses (didn't buy), the Gloomaway shimmering body powder at the Origins counter (couldn't rationalize), and I turned in my MAC empties for the Touch lipstick I had tried on at Saks.
Dillards didn't carry Hanae Mori - we were on a quest for mo' samples - so we walked over to Burdines to check there. Nothing. But Rappy did find a lovely bracelet (she has a thing for them) and earrings that were on clearance and about 80% off. She got both for a little over $10. Amazing!
Then we browsed in Yankee Candle (I bought a plain glass pillar holder) and Trade Secret (so I could get the OPI God Save the Queen's Nails polish that Rappy was wearing). I sniffed the Back To Basics Tangerine Twist shampoo and really liked it, but I didn't want to spend money on a bottle of the stuff when I wasn't sure if it was good or not. Imagine my surprise when I walked up to the counter to buy the nail polish and saw that there were miniature bottles of it that were being given out free.
At that point we were a bit shopped out. It was 3:45, so we decided to make a stop at Sonic and then just head over to the Tampa a bit early, just in case traffic was bad. That way we'd at least be over on the right side of the Bay and could find something else to do over there.
And then, there was Sonic. We stopped for drinks. I wussed out and got a Diet Coke with cherry syrup, but Rappy ordered a Strawberry Limeade and took photos of signs. We drove back over to Tampa without encountering much traffic, but decided to just go to the airport rather than do more sightseeing.
We passed security, parked the car, then headed to check in at the Delta counter. Rappy had an e-ticket, so she could go through the automated kiosk check-in, which was FREAKING COOL. I am so totally doing that the next time I fly Delta.
Then we spent some time walking around looking for a shop that sold hair elastics (Rappy couldn't find hers but wanted to put her hair back in a ponytail), and once that was accomplished Rappy decided to head out to her gate early in case there was more security to deal with.
But I couldn't go there without a boarding pass, so this is where our visit ended. *sniff*
In case it's not clear, I had a fabulous time. Rappy is just as great in person as I've always thought she was online. I only wish that it would have worked out for her to visit longer than 2.5 days, because it wasn't nearly long enough. We didn't really have time to do any tourist-y things, and it would have been fun to spend a day cooking all sorts of interesting foods.
On the way back from the airport, I stopped at my regular Target to look for the bracelet/watch that Rappy had found the day before, that I COULD NOT stop coveting. And I did find it, so now Rappy and I are wrist twins.
The Adventures of Rappygirl (II)
And the fun continues!
Day Two - Thursday, January 1, 2004
I woke up fairly early, about 8:30 a.m. Raps was still sleeping, so I took a shower. By the time I was finished she had woken up. We discussed our plans for the day - SHOPPING - and then started getting ready.
Before we left, we assembled the glorious chowder and set it in the crock pot to cook for hours and hours and hours.
And they're off! Neither one of us was even remotely hungry, so we decided to put off another intake of food until we got to the mall.
First stop, Super Target. I knew Rappy would have an amusing reaction upon entering the store, but I forgot my camera and couldn't record it for posterity. Let's just say that she was intrigued by the 30+ checkout registers all in a row. We picked up lots of li'l things in Super Target - we both bought Swell tissue paper (although hers was a silvery pattern), and I also bought a magnetized notepad, blank Swell thank you cards (which matched the tissue paper), and the Cutest Umbrella Ever.
Rappy bought an adorable initial purse, and the prettiest, most lovely bracelet/watch I've ever seen (for $12.99!), and some other stuff I'm sure she'll post about eventually.
Next stop, Westshore Plaza. We wanted to visit Saks and Old Navy. We went into Saks first, and browsed the makeup counters. We stopped at Kiehl's first, and Rappy got the 411 on various toners. The clerk gave her several samples of things that would be good for her skin. I asked for a sample of the eye cream, but she was out. But since the clerk believed that I "can't go away without a sample", she gave me a li'l thing of the Soothing Gel Masque.
We breezed by the perfume counter so I could smell the Escada Island Kiss perfume, and Rappy could finagle more samples of Hanae Mori. I was able to sniff the Escada, but there were no samples to be had. Rappy tried some Hanae Mori scrub or cream or something, which apparently smelled gross.
We lingered at Nars and Chanel and Bobbi Brown, but could find nothing we wanted to purchase. Shocking! We spent more time at the MAC counter - I was looking to compare two Lustre Lipsticks (Midimauve and Touch) and choose one for the Back to MAC program, but I forgot my empties at home. I tried on both shades, though, and decided I would get the Touch when I finally remembered to bring my empty containers back to a counter.
I also tried on the new MAC tinted lip conditioners, and I liked the darkest shade but I HATE HATE HATE lip products in pots (for the most part) so I passed. Plus, the MAs seemed totally apathetic as to our presence. If you don't pay attention to me, I'm not spending money with you. So shove it!
We went into the mall in order to go to Old Navy, but then we got sidetracked by Bath & Body Works. We both loaded up on some of the great sale items. I settled on a bunch o' stuff - Skin Renewal body wash, lotion and butter in Cucumber Melon, travel candles in Eucalyptus Spearmint (my favorite) and Orange Ginger, and sample packs of the shampoo/conditioner in formulas for color-treated, fine, and normal hair.
Then we went to Old Navy, but we were both underwhelmed by the selection. Rappy did try on the pink trench coat that Teem and I were frothing at the mouth over after seeing it online, but decided it was too pink. It looked kind of stiff and boxy, too. Which is unfortunate, because it looked stupid cute on the website.
On the way out of the mall, we stopped at Lindt Chocolates, because Rappy said they were amazingly awesome and I needed to try them. I bought two of the Milk Chocolate Lindor truffles and one Hazelnut. I haven't tried the Hazelnut yet, but the Milk Chocolate is, indeed, amazingly awesome.
We bid Westshore Plaza adieu, then headed for International Plaza. This is the upscale mall, with Nordstrom, Lord & Taylor and Neiman Marcus.
We entered through Nordstrom, walked past the shoe section and made fun of Steve Madden. By this time we were both hungry, so we ducked into California Pizza Kitchen, since I had never eaten there and wanted to and what the hell we had both blown any semblance of a diet the day before. So ... mo' food!
I had the Original Barbecue Chicken pizza, while Rappy ordered the Wild Mushroom. Mine was sooooooo good. Rappy and I traded slices so we could try the other's pizza, and I really didn't mind the mushrooms (Mheh, let Rappy introduce you to 'shrooms!). Normally I just don't like the texture of them, but the pizza tasted pretty good. I still wouldn't order it for myself, but I certainly wouldn't send it to hell.
Our waiter was a younger guy (early 20s) named Matt, and Rappy was checking him out as well. I will admit that he had a nice butt. We both agreed that he'll be losing his hair at an early age. But, he was cute, and he was serving us, so all was well with the world.
After eating we went to The Body Shop, where I bought a refill of my beloved Satsuma body lotion and a Cranberry lip balm.
Then, we browsed various stores. Rappy bought a pretty plaid skirt in XXI. We saw Penis Pasta in Nicholson House. We ended up back in Nordstrom so Rappy could get smokey eye makeup done at one of the counters.
But first, we each scored samples of Hanae Mori and Escada Island Kiss. Yay!
We saw that there was a Smashbox counter, which was new. There was a really gorgeous eyeshadow trio that was catching our eye - the Eyelights in Smashing Flash - so she decided to have her makeup done there. Unfortunately there were out of stock of the e/s trio.
I came back from wandering and saw that someone had assaulted Rappy while I was away. My reaction, since the MA was still standing there: "DRAMA!"
I didn't want to say OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FRIEND? because that would be rude. So I started the "If you don't like it we can just go to another counter and have them start over on you" line. Repeatedly. We stopped at the Lancome counter so Rappy could blot off some of the eyeliner, and eventually Rappy was persuaded to go for a second round of makeover.
And it was SO. MUCH. BETTER. I forget what shadow color was used, but it was a duo (2Sexy? Something like that.) and it was really pretty and I coveted it but I somehow held off. Rappy did buy it, though.
So with Rappy having gone from punched to perfect, we departed Nordstrom in a mad race to reach Indian Rocks Beach by sunset. We made it with about 5 minutes to spare. It wasn't the best of sunsets, but it was pretty nonetheless. Here is proof (these open in your current browser window):
And then, we went back to my apartment. We finished up the chowder, and then scarfed it down. We chased it with a Skinny Cow. Then we hung out, watching some Alias and some I Love the 70s and some Newlyweds and some World Idol thrown in there for good measure (incidentally, I thought the Norwegian guy totally deserved to win and was glad he did).
We finished up watching the Alias Season One finale with the cast commentary on (very funny). By this time it was almost 2 a.m. Rappy decided to repack her luggage, so while she did that I rolled around on the floor with the cats. We went to bed about 3 a.m., totally spent.
The Adventures of Rappygirl (I)
So! I shall now chronicle Rappy's visit!
Day One - Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Rappy's plane landed at Tampa International Airport at 10:20 a.m. The airport wasn't allowing non-passengers out to the airsides, so I was waiting in the terminal where the monorails come in (on the third floor). And even though I've seen numerous photos of Rappy, I somehow missed spotting her when she disembarked the train.
10:35 a.m. – I'm still waiting. I'm thinking that maybe there were a lot of people on the plane, and Rappy was sitting at the back, so it's just taking her a little bit longer to make her way over to the terminal.
10:45 a.m. – I decide that Something Is Wrong, so I run downstairs to the first floor to check the baggage claim area. The sign for Belt 17 lists Rappy's flight, but there's no luggage there. I take this to mean that no luggage has come in yet from the plane, and run back upstairs.
11:00 a.m. – Still no Rappy. I see someone that I think might be her, because she's holding a big coat in her arms. The person gets closer and I realize that it's not a coat, it's a baby wrapped up in blankets. I brilliantly deduce that this cannot possibly be Rappy.
11:10 a.m. – I check the Arrivals monitors again. Rappy's flight is no longer listed. I cry. I run downstairs to the baggage claim and now Belt 17 is listing some other flight number. I break down in heaving, wracking sobs, right there by the Sikorsky elevators. I run up to the second floor, to the Continental counter, to ask if there was any way to check and see if Rappy was actually on the flight (I thought she might have gotten bumped). The person said she couldn't tell me that specifically, only if the person had a reservation. Well I already knew that, so I ran back upstairs to the Customer Service desk on the third floor to ask how to page someone. I was directed to the White Courtesy Phone on the wall.
It took several tries to get the operator to correctly pronounce Rappy's real name. A few minutes later, I hear the page for Rappy come over the PA system. I run back down to the baggage claim and wait by the elevators (which is where the operator was going to tell Rappy to meet her party).
So THEN - damn, this is long, and I haven't even met Rappy yet - I stick my head outside, where people are waiting for their rides. I don't see her. I shout her real name and then duck inside quickly, so as not to be stared at like I'm a complete gaywad who doesn't recognize their own friend.
Nothing. I pace. I cry. I curse the very existence of God. Still no Rappy. I have her paged again. Nothing. I punch the wall next to me. I go back outside and yell her name again, then run away. I go back upstairs to make one more round of the terminal area, don't see her, then go back down to the baggage claim.
And there she is! FINALLY! We run to greet each other and it's all slow-motion and sunshine and smiles and gauzy loveliness. We give each other the brief version of Where the Hell Have You BEEN?, and then go to my car.
We talk and traverse the Courtney Campbell Parkway (a bridge) back to my apartment. I warn Rappy that I drive "hard", which is fine by her since she drives the same way.
We get back to my apartment, decompress a little bit, then plan our attack for the day - we have to leave at 3 to make our dinner reservation, but we need to get some groceries and alcohol for our New Year's Eve festivities. We run out to Albertsons to procure some Woody's Hard Blueberry. Then I decide that I hate Albertsons for food selection, so we leave and drive to Publix. There we buy lots of wonderful things, like leeks and carrots and Canadian bacon - you see, we're making the infamous Potato and Canadian Bacon Chowder - and Diet Sunkist and all-natural barbecue corn chips and the BEST SHIZNIT EVER, Skinny Cow Coffee Ice Cream Sammiches.
Rappy, being a former grocery store bagger, packs up the groceries. And I must say, she did a great job.
We haul ass back to the apartment, watch an episode of Alias, then start prettifying ourselves for our trip to Bern's Steak House. We left at 3:10, and then ran into some hellacious traffic on the bridge. So we ended up arriving 5-10 minutes late. But who cares! We were strapping on the feed bag and no one was going to stop us!
We pull in to the valet area, and a teenage boy rushes out to greet us. Rappy makes goo-goo eyes at him (this will be a pattern and continuing theme for her entire visit). I hand him my keys, and Rappy and I traipse into the restaurant like the badasses we are.
And then, we see it - red. velvet. walls.
All the girls who work at Bern's as hostesses are wearing homecoming dresses. It's a party! We are directed to our table and meet our waiter, Kurt. We ask for wine recommendations - red for me, white for Rappy - and he offers suggestions. I settle on Beaujolais Villages 2001, Joseph Drouhin France (okaaaaaay), and Rappy selects a 1995 Piesporter Michelsberg Riesling Auslese from Germany (alriiiiiiiiiiiiiight).
Kurt gives us time to peruse the menu (which is a freakin' book) and then comes back to edumacate us as to what the hell is happening. Because the choices are overwhelming and confusing.
Skipping to what we decided to order, it went down like this:
Rappy: Fois Gras Ravioli (appetizer), Vichysoisse soup (Osetra caviar, white truffle oil, shaved fried potato), salad with Macadamia Vanilla Bean Vinaigrette, baked potato, and filet mignon as the entreé.
HWG: Balsamic-Glazed Heirloom Tomatoes with Gorgonzola Cheese ("Vine ripened organic heirloom tomatoes glazed with 20-year old balsamic vinegar and hydroponically grown opal basil"), French onion soup (with "garlic and spelt toasts"), salad with Creamy White Balsamic Italian dressing, baked potato, and filet mignon with Bernaise sauce as the entreé.
Everything was excellent except for the salad (average) and the veggies that came with the dinner (zucchini and yellow squashes, and shaved carrots). I especially loved the Heirloom Tomato appetizer, and of course the filet mignon was delicious.
The atmosphere was great as well, except for the family at the table next to us who brought a BABY to dinner. And the baby, it cried. I refrained from stabbing it or hitting it with a lunch tray, though.
So we gorged ourselves, then went upstairs to use the facilities. The bathrooms are stocked with special monogrammed napkins for drying your hands.
Then we headed up to the Harry Waugh Dessert Room. Aww, yeaaaaaah. Here comes the chocolate. Rappy ordered a Hazelnut Café Con Leche and the Chocolate Pistachio Pyramid ("Pistachio dacquoise with dark chocolate mousse, pistachio creme brulee center, vanilla bean creme anglaise and pistachio oil."). I ordered the Chocolate-Chocolate-Chocolate ("Layers of our chocolate cheese pie, chocolate cheesecake with a white chocolate center, and milk chocolate mousse on a dense chocolate crust.").
We ate. Then we died and went to heaven. Then we came back to life feeling very full (and for me on the ride home, very sick - too much rich food at one setting after three months on Weight Watchers was not smrt). But it was GOOD! So it was all worth it.
Final damage for me was about $100.
We left Bern's, whipped through the Westshore Mall parking lot to see if Saks was open (no) and then drove home. Upon arriving at my apartment we both immediately changed into our jammies. Then we watched a little Alias until about 11:40 p.m., at which time we hopped online to see who was chatting.
And then we chatted to the masses. We called Teem and Nancybeth, who were getting drubnk and breaking beds (!) at Teem's house. Then we called Overg, who tried to take credit, again, for all of my jokes. Next we called Roo, who was partying down with 40 preschoolers at her Choi school. Lucky girl! She was having things blown in her face, so we left her alone. But she called back a little later and we wished each other a Happy New Year.
Rappy and I stayed up for a little bit longer, then decided that we'd had enough of this day and promptly kicked it to the curb (i.e. we went to bed).
OH! For the record, Caygeon came out to greet Rappy before we left for Bern's, and Dawsey (!) came out after we got home from dinner. Rappy is a magnet for even the most skittish of cats.
December 31, 2003
Rappy Am Happy
Rappy is here!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! And here is what we are doing:
November 24, 2003
Well Joe Millionaire II is absolutely horrid, but we're having fun in chat. To wit:
November 08, 2003
Vote Now If You Want Mo' Overg
Citizens unite! We must convince Overg to start a journal of his own. Post comments on this entry explaining why Overg should start a journal.
October 24, 2003
Reason #764 Why I Love Teem - She posted this on Looking Good today:
Can't touch this! Dun dundundun dundun dundun! Dun dundundun dundun dundun! *shimmies back in forth in low-crotch poofy pants*
There's a little heewig celebration going on in my office.