Phil is a friend of mine from way, way back. Back in the 90s, during the heyday of the alt.music.tragically-hip newsgroup. He was popular; I was more popular. He was loved; I was beloved. So of course, we had to become friends.
I'd lost track of him for a few years, but then he reappeared mysteriously, like ... a rash. Or some sort of virus. But a welcome virus. ANYWAY, Phil is both a Harvard man and a U.S. Army veteran. How's that for an anachronism?
Me: AM BACK
Phil: Woooo Hoooo!
Me: *hopscotches through IM*
Phil: I'm complete
Me: I complete you?
Phil: You do
Me: I have to rant about that movie on my site at some point
Me: especially that line
Phil: total pick up line
Me: I hate that line
Phil: Because it's worked on you too many times?
Me: no, because I'm a complete person all by myself
Phil: You go girl!
Me: the implication of "you complete me" is that you were somehow incomplete before
Me: which is bollocks
Me: I'm going to ask Cindy if she thinks Suckface is hot ... hold on
Phil: Is Cindy hot?
Me: okay, her reaction to the photo I showed her was
Me: "He looks sick."
Me: so fine! I'm in the minority.
Phil: Take that!
Phil: He's a suckface
Phil: A freaky suckface
Me: I'll have to make you my next Celebrity Crush
Me: and then people can refer to you as "Suckface"
Phil: Won't happen
Phil: I eat too many Krispy Kreme donuts to be a suckface, and I also don't do heroin
Me: Okay, this is why Shakespeare ROCKS
Me: there's a scene in the movie Titus where Aaron and the two Goth princes are talking about how to woo Titus' daughter Livinia
Me: both of the princes want her and are arguing about who should have her
Me: so they're quarreling, and Aaron says:
Why, then, it seems, some certain snatch or so
Would serve your turns.
Phil: That Aaron.
Phil: Such an urban contemporary rebel
Me: I died laughing in the movie, because I thought it was added dialogue
Me: but it's not, it's right here in the text
Aaron, thou hast hit it.
Would you had hit it too!
Me: Shakespeare, king of slang
Phil: Sounds like something done by JayZ
Phil: Or some other rapper.
Me: doesn't it, though?
Me: this was written in 1593
Me: <-- amazed
Phil: Love it
Me: everytime I see your screenname I internally say
Me: WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!?
Phil: That's right
Phil: I'm your daddy
Phil: Your literary daddy
Phil: Man, my French is getting sloppy
Me: no wait, that's Spanish
Phil: I'm talking with one of my friends in Quebec and I'm trying to be cool, speaking in French. Instead I sound like Willie the Kid on the School Bus that Wears a Helmet and Licks the Windows.