You know, Christians - I don't mind that you're part of a dress-up cult that hates sex and worships magic...

In Savannah recently a children's book about a baby penguin, who's raised by two male penguins (*gasp*), was removed from the library for its homosexual overtones. 'Cause you know penguins, with those tuxedos, and the dreamy eyes ... huge fags.

Now I know George Bush says Jesus Christ changed his heart, but believe me - Dick Cheney changed it back. The only thing Bush has in common with Jesus is that they both went into their father's business and got crucified for it.

Thomas Jefferson called the type of Christian who trumpets his own belief in the divinity of Jesus rather than the morality of Jesus "pseudo-Christians," and that's who's running our country today. And since they thrive so much on turning water into whining, and get off on their endless pretend persecution, this Easter season let's give them what they want - let's go to the zoo, get some lions, and feed them Tom DeLay."