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October 15, 2004

Object Impermanence

I keep having this recurring ... well, not a dream, really, more like a thought: I keep thinking that if I look up an old friend, I'll find out that they've died.

There are a handful of people - Jason C, Ryan, Lee, Jason P, Jeremy, Steve, Heather, Josh - that I'd be interested in reconnecting with, just to find out how they're doing. But as soon as I think about tracking them down, I start to worry that I'll be told that they're dead. I'll either run across something online that says they're dead (like a memorial of some sort), or I'll call the last phone number I have for them and the person answering will tell me they're dead. I don't want to know that they've died, so I don't make any effort to locate them.

It's very morbid, I know. But I can't shake the feeling, which is strange because it's never actually happened to me. So it's ultimately a whole wasted exercise that keeps me from taking the necessary steps for reconnecting with these people. Which is really dumb. But I guess the lesson for my friends is, if we ever grow apart, I won't be trying to look you up years later for fear that you've died during the intervening time.

So you should come find me.

Posted by Highwaygirl on October 15, 2004 12:45 PM to the category Stuff About Me
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