Stumbling

We try and we try and we try, and yet we still fail. Is there some reward in the trying? Or some satisfaction?

We all falter ... does it matter?

Sometimes I'm acutely aware of what a tenuous grasp I have on this thing I call my life. Because the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Our response, at least at first, is to hold on tightly. But maybe there's some value in opening our clenched fists and letting the forces of nature take us where they want us to go.

I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
And oh, darkness, I feel like letting go

How much choice do we really have in what becomes of us?

Follow the Leader

I shamelessly stole this from Roo's journal:

20 Questions to a Better Personality

Wackiness: 32/100
Rationality: 70/100
Constructiveness: 66/100
Leadership: 80/100

You are an SRCL – Sober Rational Constructive Leader. This makes you an Ayn Rand ideal. Taggart? Roark? Galt? You are all of these. You were born to lead. You may not be particularly exciting, but you have a strange charisma – born of intellect and personal drive – people begin to notice when they have been around you a while. You don't like to compromise, but you recognize when you have to.

You care absolutely nothing what other people think, and this somehow attracts people to you. Treat them well, use them wisely, and ascend to your rightful rank.

Take the quiz here.

**********

Damn, I cannot WAIT until I ascend!!!

Surrounded

I was there
When you shone as bright as Bethlehem from afar
I was there
When you were young and strong and perverted
And everything that makes a young man a star
Oh, you were a star

So don't you lose sight of me now
Don't you lose sight of me now

The Continuing Misadventures of Heeverg

Remember how I told you that Overg and I were exhausted the first night I was there, so we went to bed relatively early? Well, unfortunately, that led to us waking up at 4:30 a.m. (Overg) and 5:30 a.m. (me), respectively. I actually had just woken up to use the bathroom, but while going in there I saw Overg awake and sitting at his computer. My sleep habits are just too fucked up.

He was mod-ing Hamster Time! He is so devoted to the cause. That’s what makes me the admin people love to love.

So we exchanged good mornings and stuff, and then he told me what he had read on the live feed recaps. We just sort of sleepily and groggily hung out and watched television for a little while, including an episode of Celebrity Poker Showdown (go Jeff Gordon! *vroom*).

Then we took showers and got ready to face the world. We discussed breakfast options, and since Overg doesn't live in a city that has a Denny's or an IHOP or a Waffle House or a Village Inn or ANYTHING it really makes me sad at times, we settled on a place called Mabel's that serves a good breakfast. According to Overg, it is an "old people restaurant." I suppose that is why he decided to take me there.

So we buzzed out that direction, but first Overg drove into a subdivision called Greyhawk, so he could show me more rich people houses with really nice views. And he delivered. Then my stomach started digesting itself, so I begged and pleaded that we go to breakfast.

Even though there was a big crowd outside Mabel's, we were seated fairly quickly. It’s all in who you know. But not before we snickered and sniggered at a group of men on Harleys, one of whom was wearing leather biker chaps that looked for all the world like crotchless bondage pants. Overg remarked that he had a pair himself, only reversed, and I zoned out on that little image for five minutes until our name was called.

The service at this place was incredibly quick, and our waitress had our food out within about 5 minutes. I ordered cinnamon swirl french toast (YUM) with a side of bacon, and Overg had a platter of pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage patties and hash browns. Both of us ordered orange juice, and Overg asked me not to *screams* when I tasted what Michigan considers OJ. It wasn't at all bad, though.

Overg was also nice enough to let me try some of his hash browns, and despite what I had heard, Michiganders do not make hash browns with turnips. But southern-style hash browns are greasier and crisper. And better. *shocked face*

We did a little bit more sightseeing on the drive home, which included me playing the Las Ketchups song and singing the "You know I'm a hobbit" line to Overg in person. He always laughs when I do this on the phone or on IM, and so it was really nice to be able to get him to laugh at it in person, too. *hand jives*

After we got home we immediately laid down on his bed to nap for a couple of hours. The first of TWO naps we would take on Saturday. One of the 2.5 million things Overg and I have in common - we enjoy our sleep. She only wishes she could nap as good as me though. I am the fucking Yoda of napping.

After waking up and greeting the kitties, we headed out to the deck to enjoy the beautiful afternoon and to read Kurt Vonnegut's Bluebeard together. This is Overg's favorite book not to mention the source of Beaker’s formal first name, Karabekia, so I've always wanted to read it and see why he likes it so much. We had finished reading Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five the week before and had started on Bluebeard before I arrived, stopping on Chapter 6.

So we picked up from there, sitting out on the chaise lounge together and alternately reading a chapter aloud.

I know that doing so might seem weird to some people, and I can understand that. I can’t. If I do it, it’s cool. Accept it. But reading aloud to each other has always been one of my and Overg's "things." We just like doing it for some reason; there's no real explanation for why. We just like it. One of the first in-depth, meaningful conversations we had back when we first started getting to know each other involved, for the most part, going through our collections of Bloom County anthologies and reading aloud all of our favorite strips, until 4 a.m. in the morning. By the time we were done, we were both delirious from laughing so hard (and lack of sleep) and surrounded by a pile of books.

As simple as that seems, it was one of the best nights either of us has had, and it's a very fond memory for us both.

So this whole reading aloud thing is just something we enjoy with each other. And it was really nice to be able to do it in person, as opposed to on the phone. Especially when we're sitting in the sun drinking Woody's and enjoying a nice breeze (and terrific company) at the same time.

Of course, the reverie was broken when I was bitten on my neck by a bee-like insect. But Overg flicked it away *flexes muscles like the man I am*, and after a few minutes of an intense stinging-burning-itching feeling, all was well. I did have a red mark later, though.

The order in which we did things on Saturday is really blending together, so I'll just write about the other things in general.

At some point we stopped reading and came back inside to cool off and get more Woody's. For some reason, I had the Eddie Murphy classic "Party All the Time" going through my head that day. At first I was singing the chorus as "Bea-ker wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the tiiiiiiiiiiiime." Which made Overg laugh. But one time we were in the kitchen and I just sang the line normally, and Overg turned around and gave me this really surprised look, followed by a smile. "I didn't know you could sing." And I said, "Nooooooooooooooooo, I can't sing." Because I can't. I guess Eddie Murphy just happens to be in my extremely narrow vocal register. Song choice aside, she sounded really good.

We ate some stuff, Overg made me try beef jerky (mmm, tough meeeeeeeeeat), and then we went outside for a walk. We explored the house being built across the street, which was really cool. We talked about all of his neighbors. We walked around his yard a few times, he made me pull some weeds and pick up some rocks, then we ended up sitting beside each other in front of his house on the steps and just talking about all sorts of things. We could have been an ad for wine coolers.

I think that's one of the things I like most about Overg - he and I can just sit and talk about whatever for hours and hours on a daily basis ... and every day, we have more to say to each other. Isn’t that what being best friends is all about?

Then I think we napped again. I was on the right side of the bed, near the cat perch thingie. One of the high ones with platforms and stuff. We slept for about 90 minutes and I awoke to the feeling of clawless kitty paws whapping at my hand (which had somehow fallen over onto the cat perch).

It was THUMPER. Playing with my HAND. And she was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so SO SO SO cute doing it. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Overg was still asleep, so I tried to be quiet. But I couldn't help giggling at Thumps as she batted and attacked my hand. It was stupid cute. Overg started to stir, so I whispered, "Look at this!" and he got to see the end of Thumper and me playing together. Thumper is a boxing maniac. She’ll box anything. Shower curtains, blind cords, my feet, 70 pound dogs. And yes, she is cute every damn time she does it.

By this time it was about 8:30 and Big Brother was on at 9 but we still needed to go to Oleson's. I had requested that Overg make Boo Blend Enchiladas for me (it's an inside joke thing) I had some chicken and some Hamburger Helper Enchilada mix. Heewig, aka Boo, suggested I combine the two. And thus a recipe was born. Come to find out that we didn't have any butter, which we needed in order to cook the chicken. So we needed to go to the grocery store again, which is a HUGE sacrifice for me, as you know. Because I hate the grocery store. Addict!

So on our list was butter, booze, and sour cream. We split up in Oleson's, with Overg restocking on Woody's and me picking up the cold stuff. I got my two things first, because Overg is old and slow, so I met him back at the booze locker. I saw him looking into the empty place on the shelf where the Woody's had been the day before, and started sobbing uncontrollably when it looked like there was none left. But it was just shoved behind the Cranberry Woody's. So Overg grabbed two six-packs of the Blueberry and we were set.

At the check out line, we are thwarted by a woman trying to pay by check. For a $9 bill. And she waited until everything had been rung up before she even started writing out the check. And THEN she had to stop after every letter and make small talk with the cashier. It made Overg want to *RAGE!* Seriously people. Use cash, credit cards, or learn how to write at more than a letter a minute pace.

While in the line I spotted a little display of shot glasses commemorating Overg's city. They were cobalt blue with cherries on them. I picked one up and showed Overg and squealed about how cute it was, so he snatched it out of my hand and bought it for me. So now he's responsible for sending me my first magnet, and buying me my first shot glass.

We managed to get out of Oleson's at about 8:55, and we sped home just in time to catch BB. We had the bright idea to sign on to chat, if for no other reason than I needed to tell Teem that my cell phone was showing "Extended Network" (because Michigan hates Verizon) and so I wasn't sure if I could call her after the show.

(Overg actually said I could use his regular phone, which was kind of him. He's such a good egg.) AT&T unlimited plus is a wonderful thing.

So we ran into the HT chat room and decided we'd be all "twinset" and try to mess with people and make them wonder which one of use they were talking to. I think I gave the chatters a big clue when I (signed on as Overg), shouted "NOTS, MY LOVE" to Natey. But then again, maybe not. Teem actually had the best "test" question - she sang a line from a Phil Collins song. This was the perfect way to see who was actually talking, because Overg shares her love for Phil, but I do not.

We played around in chat for about a half hour, but then decided to sign off so we could just hang out and watch the rest of the show together. Which was fun and a little bit surreal.

Finally, after the show, it was time for the BBEs! And they were really good, despite not having any tortillas. I couldn't finish my share. Dammit, now I'm really craving them ...

We sat on the couch and watched more Aqua Teen (I think ... we were watching something) and then Overg finally was quiet long enough for me to tell my story about Glen McCall and the alligator at Busch Gardens. I had been trying to tell him the story for a day and a half, but he kept interrupting me. We moved into his bedroom and laid on the bed watching a few episodes of the South Park marathon on Comedy Central. We listened (not so much watched) to the first 30 minutes of the South Park movie, and by this time it was about 2 a.m. and both of us where falling asleep, so we said our goodnights and I went into my room to pass out.

Ode-Verg

I know, I know - many of you have been waiting for the details of my trip to visit the one-and-only Overg. Sorry it took so long (heh!) to write it all down, but I needed time to compose my thoughts. *sigh* Why must women always lose their composure over me?

Although I've posted about previous trips in a series of installments, I'm going to chronicle my entire weekend with Overg in just this one entry. And as a special treat, I, Overg, shall provide my commentary in italics. Take that, all ye who've asked me to blog.

For those of you who just want the summary of the weekend without the details, I give you this - my biggest regret is that I waited over two years to meet him. Why? Because every single second I spent with him, I was happy. And because now, what used to be somewhat hypothetical, has been made concrete: aside
from my immediate family, he is the most important person in my life. It's about time you came around. I've been telling you of my own importance for years.

Overg is my best friend, and I am his, and we will be that to each other for a very long time. It's a deal.

Oh, you wanted details? Okay - here goes:

I winged up to the Mitten on a Friday morning, connecting through Chicago. I had a two-hour layover, so I grabbed a cheeseburger Happy Meal from McDonalds and called Teem to kill some time. Almost as soon as I started talking to her, I bit into my cheeseburger and a huge glob of ketchup squirted out the other side, and dripped down the inside of my pant leg. Flovely. Such a nice way to start the trip.

I managed to clean it up fairly well, but still had more than an hour left before boarding my connection to Michigan, so I called Overg at work to while away the time. Despite having been friends for years, we were both pretty nervous about this. I don't think either one of us seriously believed that we'd meet in person and there wouldn't be anything there, or that we'd have trouble talking or interacting, but ... you never really know. I think this is just a polite way of saying that she thought I would stink to high hell.

So we talked for awhile and then about 15 minutes before boarding I went down to the gate. The sign at gate B22 said PHILADELPHIA departing at 1:30. My flight was also supposed to be out of B22 and was leaving at 1:35.

I didn't immediately make the connection that that was a problem. Then I heard someone announce that they needed people on the flight to Overg's city to give up their seats for free tickets anywhere in the U.S. So I went over to investigate and found that they had already nearly completed boarding for my flight. As
it turns out, there's a "main" gate B22 and then there's the planes that park at B22 that you have to walk out on the tarmac to board. My flight was in the latter category. And I almost missed it!

Fly, fly, fly.

This seems like a good place to state that, as an act of solidarity for my messy friend here, I went into the bathroom airport while waiting for Heewig's flight to land, leaned against the counter, and spread a nice water stain on my pants just below my crotch. What a pair! She can't eat and I can't pee. I managed to make most of the stain disappear before Heewig's arrival. Although I would note that vigorously rubbing your pants just below your crotch will draw some unwanted attention.

Forty-five minutes later I touch down in Overg's city. We knew that security wouldn't let him out to the gate, so he said he'd be waiting for me near the baggage claim. Once again, she's being polite. My airport is so small we couldn't possibly have missed each other. So I wound my way down there and started scanning for him ... and then I was hit by a blinding white light coming from the side of the baggage carousels. It was shiny and happy. It was Overg!! I'm tag teaming with Rudolph to guide Santa's sleigh this year.

Instantaneous recognition, followed by huge smiles, then the slow-motion running into each other's arms for a long, tight embrace. And then Overg kicked a guy in the groin for getting in the way. Asshole!

I couldn't stop beaming. I mean, he was RIGHT THERE standing beside me. After all this time. Instead of writing "*hip nudge*" he actually did it. Instead of writing "*poke*" I actually did it. I gave him another long hug and we just stood there babbling to each other until my luggage finally came out. He grabbed my bag and said, "Follow me!", giving me the opportunity to check out his butt.

He's obsessed with his butt. He will tell you that it is me who is obsessed with butts, particularly his, but that's not true. He's the one who is All About the Butt. I am All About Something Else.

So we head out of the airport to his car. Ever the gentleman, he unlocks and opens the door for me. He did this throughout the weekend except the times when I forgot like a big dolt, or at least would try, but I kept locking the door at the wrong times and leaving it open when I was supposed to lock it. I have a mental block against manual car door locks, apparently.

And then we were off! Destination - Casa de Overg, with the intention of introducing me to the cats, Beaker and Thumper, and then settling in before going out to do more stuff.

The ride was much fun. We drove through the city proper, and through some residential areas, cut through the hospital parking lot (because Overg is a cheater-driver) Hey, those are actual streets! And the ambulances scare away most of the traffic, so they're empty streets., passed his office, the bakery outlet, Hungry Howie's, the beautiful wonderful amazing grocery store, and then finally out to his house. The foregoing should not be taken as an accurate guide to my house, as it's completely out of order. I'll just assume my rancid odor was making her delirious. The drive out there is really pretty - the type of scenic view you'd never find in Florida, with twisty, hilly roads and beaches! He pointed out where he hit the deer last winter, and where he nearly hit some wild turkeys earlier.

Michigan - Unsafe at any speed.

We teased each other mercilessly, too, the entire way home - just like always.

And then we turn into his neighborhood, and it was such a weird feeling because this is a place I've been hearing Overg talk about for almost the entire time I've known him. I remember when he first found the subdivision, and showed me the developer's website so I could help him look through house floorplans and
styles. It was really cool to finally be able to see what those drawings actually turned into.

His house is very nice. And he's done an amazing job with the yard and landscaping, considering that when he moved in it was just a huge expanse of dirt. I used to laugh at him for spending hours moving his sprinklers (before he got a sprinkler system), and I never really understood why it took him so freaking long to mow his lawn. Now I know.

We sneaked into the house, trying to catch the cats unaware that a new person had arrived. But Beaker was at the bottom of the stairs as she always is when I come home and saw me right away. She hesitated for a second, then ran upstairs. Thumper was at the top of the stairs as she always is when I come home, and as soon as she saw me she ran into Overg's bedroom and hid under the bed as she always does whenever anyone comes over.

But Beaker was a much different story. She never hid or ran, she just looked at me a little bit. Then Overg brought out the cat treats, and she actually let me feed her a few. After only knowing me for minutes!! To say that Overg and I were pleased is an understatement. We were thrilled that Beaker took to me so quickly. She even let me pet her right away. This was important to me. No one stays at my house without Beaker approval. She'll shank your ass just as soon as look at you if she doesn't like you.

Quick note - Beaker is even more gorgeous in person than she is in her photos. Hard to believe, but true. And she is clearly in love with Overg. But as much in love as she is with him, he's even more so with her. It is unbelievably touching to see. Four years together as of yesterday!

Right after treat time, Beaker started scratching one of the dining table chairs. I reflexively admonished her (gently, of course), with a "Beaker, no!"

Which was when Overg bugged his eyes out at me and gave me The Look. The look of What the Hell Do You Think You're Saying??? I should know by now - you don't mess with Beaker. Overg pointed out that Beaker is allowed to scratch certain things, mainly because she looks sooooooooooo stinkin' cute while doing it. And she does. I was incredibly bemused by this. Did she really just try to give orders to Beaker? You have never seen someone adopt a hang dog expression more quickly.

Then I got The Tour. I've always needled Overg about his entire house being painted white, but I have to admit that it looks very good. And I will never again doubt his ability to color coordinate, because everything in his bathroom goes together seamlessly (without being matchy). We dropped off my luggage in the guest bedroom (heretofore known forever as "The Boo Room"), and then I met Brunch. Hi, Brunch! Brunch loves new people, so he preened and whistled like a madman.

We toured the yard, and I finally got to see the illustrious lava rock up close. Overg and his father have done a terrific job on the landscaping mainly his father, who loves that shit, and even though Overg is at war with the clover, I think his lawn looks great. The grass is weird, though. It's all thin and soft and stuff. Yeah, it's called real grass.

I'm getting messed up on the order in which we did things, because it stays light outside so late in Michigan (until past 10 p.m.). So I don't remember if it was at this point that we ordered pizza and subs and cheesy bread from Little Caesar's, or later. But I think it was now. Yes, it was now. Because later we got dessert.

We ate (Meatsa subs - so meeeeeeeaty) and watched a couple of episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD.

We had to go back out because I had stupidly forgotten my contact lens case at home, so I had to buy another one that night (because I don't leave my lenses in while sleeping). So we headed back out to look for a drugstore, but then Overg decided that now was the time to give me a tour of the city. And to get
gasoline. Yes, that was important. Since Heewig can't drive a stick, she would have had to push the car while I steered if we ran out of gas.

But then he veered off and headed out to what looked like open land. He said he wanted to show me something, but wouldn't tell me what. So we're driving down this country road and there are barns on the side of the road. Overg said, "I don't think you've ever seen something like this before." And I said, "WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT???"

Then, in the distance, I see an enormous white windmill. It had three thin "spokes" and was slowly circling. Indeed, I had never seen anything like that before. It sounds very simple, and it was, but at the same time it was very, very cool. We've mastered all of the elements up here in the great white north.

I have to say, I really love driving around with Overg. Mainly because we can't stop teasing each other and throwing around in-jokes and references to things between us that happened years ago. It was great fun, this sort of sarcastic reminiscing. It reinforced the bond that we've steadily built over the years.

We then drove out to the tourist-y area of the city, past the bay. Around this time I conceeded that Michigan might have some beaches. Maybe. Mostly it has shoreline, but occasionally there might be a beach. And Overg helpfully pointed out every sign that said BEACH, too. He's helpful like that. I am all about educating you, especially when you are wrong and I am right.

We stopped for gas at some random station. I got out of the car so I could keep talking to him, which prompted Overg to say I was one of those "cool people" who doesn't just sit in the car. Yes, yes I am! Plus, I didn't want to waste any time sitting there and not talking to me bestest friend. *ulterior motives*

Overg pointed out the restaurant next door as the place he likes to get chocolate malts. Overg loves his malts. I mentioned the time years back that he was driving home with an XXXXL size malt good god, the things come in fucking buckets and it tipped over and spilled all over his back seat, and then he showed me the little stain still left from the mess. Unfortunately the place was very busy, so we didn't stop for malts of our own. I said, maybe tomorrow.

Driving, driving, driving.

We drove past a pirate-themed miniature golf place. There was someone in a pirate costume standing outside, and I screamed "HIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!" at them. Overg laughed and invoked Teem's name. Which I do all the time. If you want to be in, you have to namedrop Teem lots and lots and lots. Then I talked about how much I hate miniature golf and how much it frustrates me and makes me swear (because I can't putt to save my life) and how my idea of hell is an eternity on a miniature golf course. This made Overg think that taking me miniature golfing sometime during the weekend would be a really great idea.

And thus began my mantra for the weekend - "You are SO. MEAN. to me." Because he is. Well, not really. He just likes to tease me, and then when I give him the *eyebrow* he smiles and laughs at me and squeezes my knee as if to say, "You know I like you, shut up." Heh. We really do harrass each other this way quite a bit.

We drove past a park full of motor homes - hundreds of them - and Overg proclaimed that this was his idea of hell. Seriously. How could anyone enjoy cramming themselves into one of those things, and then cramming one of those things into a park filled with hundreds of others of those things? Ugh.

Mo' driving around the city. A bay here, a bay there. Tourists running everywhere. Overg pointed out the Taco Bell he goes to. And the Arby's he goes to. And the Subway he goes to. And the KFC he goes to. I know this probably seems very inconsequential, but for some reason it was just interesting to see all these places he's told me about going. Fast food for a fast guy. Vroom!

Next on the Overg Driving Tour was his old apartment. "Because this is where we began." When we first started talking in April 2002, this was where he lived. He used to tell me about how difficult it was to get up the hills when it had been snowing, and I never could really picture it before seeing it. But there are some damn steep roads out that way. We drove around and he showed me the apartment he had lived in, the carport he parked in, the apartment across the street where the Old Banger had lived, etc. She was only 43, that's not "old."

THEN! Overg took me to a fudge shop! Because for years I've been saying that when I came for a visit that he had to take me to get fudge. So there we were, but unfortunately, I was still so full from dinner that I couldn't possibly eat any fudge without dying. Since he didn't want me to die, we moved on, to ...

Overg's office! It wasn't at all what I pictured. I think I had some sort of multi-story office building in my head, but it isn't that at all. We went in and Overg showed me all of the offices of the other lawyers, the paralegals, etc. Lawyers? Are messy. They keep documents on the floor. In one lawyer's office:

HWG: Those lights are really ugly.
Overg: I have those lights in my office.
HWG: I really like those lights a lot. *bats eyelashes*

Come to look at them, my lights *are* ugly.

Overg's office am cool. I got to sit in his Aeron chair (which I encouraged him to buy) and rifled through stuff on his desk. Then I took one of his business cards, since you never know when you might need a lawyer in Michigan. He has a very nice view of a lake outside his window, and he explained how there is artwork along the edge of the lake that portrays the sun and planets in scale. Or something. Or something is right. These are models of the solar system, with the planets being at "scale" distance from each other. So I have to look at the Sun through Mars all the time. Pluto is something like 5 miles away. So I'd like to thank the city for sprucing up my view. I mean, who wants to look at a lake anyway?

Next he whipped out his ... Beaker photos! He keeps a stash of photos of Beaker in his desk drawer, and he insisted that I sit in his chair while he showed me every one of them. And if I wasn't already in love with Beaker, I was after that.

I also got to see photos of the Overg Parents, and we compared photos of him when he got Beaker four years ago with recent photos, and decided that he looks much more "manly" now. I think it's the sideburns (which I encouraged him to grow)(because they're COOL, yo). Sssssshhhh. No one tell her I've had sideburns on and off since law school. But they are cool.

Overg gave me an interesting lesson on how he uses all the law books in the office to look up precedents for cases. Then we skipped down the hallway hand in hand and exited the office. Let that be a lesson to you all. Legal research leads to skipping.

We crossed the train tracks to go over and look at the lake. Overg explained that it used to be a dumping lake, so it was probably toxic. Great view, though, with a little wooden viewing area and benches. And goose shit all over the place. We heard a *brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap* coming from below us and decided that it was probably made by an enormously disgusting and ugly mutant bullfrog, but we could not actually see it.

Then, we met Toxic Jimmy.

Well, we heard him first. "FISH!" At first I couldn't figure out what he was saying. All I knew was that a little boy of about 8 or 9 was walking towards us with a big goofy grin carrying a pail and a fishing pole.

"FISH!"

Toxic Jimmy ambled over to us and started telling us about how he caught four fish today. I asked him what kinds and he said, "A pike this long and a pike This Long and a pike THIS LONG. And a bass." Complete with holding his fingers apart to show how long the pikes actually were.

Now, Toxic Jimmy was really cute. But it was also obvious that he had some sort of mental impairment, because he had a slight lisp and stutter and he was just a little too happy and jovial. It wasn't a severe mental disability, but it was there. And therefore I felt a little bit protective of the kid, so I asked him if he threw back the fish or took them home to be eaten (he threw them back) and then I told him I thought he did a really good job and good luck next time. Overg didn't really say much to him.

So Toxic Jimmy walks off to find his friend, and I look over at Overg with a look of, "Awwww, isn't he cute?"

Overg: "I TOLD you the water was TOXIC!"

A statement that was so cold, and so cynical, that I was so disgusted that I could do nothing but laugh in response. Oh come on now, that boy just ain't right.

As we were leaving, I pointed out that the library across from his office had an obscene sculpture out front. Overg insists it was just a person's nose, but I'm not buying it. No nose is that big and long.

Then we're off again, and Overg is driving me around and not telling me where we're going. He pulls into a place called The Dairy Lodge. Malts!! We are going to get malts!! Even though this isn't the best place to get malts, there we are. The Dairy Lodge, incidentally, is right beside the Firearms Store. We likes to do some shooting while we eats our ice cream up here.

We walk up and I'm overwhelmed by all the choices. Overg tells me not to order the large sized malt, because it is gargantuan. I say that I'm still mostly full, so I just want a small. He insists I get a medium. He orders for us, then explains that a true chocolate malt is made with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and malt powder (rather than chocolate ice cream and malt powder). Then he insinuates that I don't know the difference between a malt and a shake. Which he is WRONG about. She thought a malt just had syrup. Is that whack or what?

We sit at the bench outside and just hang out and talk for awhile. He notices my bracelet, and we talk about that for a bit. Then he accuses me of not telling him that I went to Busch Gardens with Teem when I went to visit her, and acts all hurt, so then I try to tell him about that but he keeps interrupting me and bemoaning the fact that I keep so much from him. She's a woman of many mysteries and secrets. But I know I told him the stories from that trip, and he's just forgotten them. Because he hates me and everything I stand for.

Next Overg showed me the rich people houses up on the hill, which were really nice with gorgeous views. His city might be a small one, but it's really quite beautiful.

We headed back towards his house, stopping at the grocery store for buffalo, Oleson's. There is a big neon buffalo on the sign, I kid you not. We have stopped here to get a contact lens case and alcohol. We find the case, then go get the booze. We were going to get just Mike's, but then I see that this store also stocks Woody's Ice in Blueberry, so I do the Happy Drubnk dance and insist we get a six-pack of that as well.

We leave and get to the car and I have again forgotten to lock my door. Damn manual locks! We *vroom* off back to Overg's house, where we break out the booze post haste.

And Thumper? She is out. And when she sees me, she does not run. In fact, she doesn't really go anywhere. She wouldn't let me pet her, and she didn't come over to me, but she was out and staying out, which was a minor miracle. Beaker, on the other hand, was all about me petting her by this point.

I laid on the floor to play feather stick with Beaks while Overg was in his bedroom doing ... something. Best not to ask. I could see that Thumper was watching, so I started dragging the end of the feather stick over the recliner, which she was sitting behind. She really liked that. She liked it so much that she started pawing at it and chasing it wherever I moved it.

It was right around then that Overg came out of his bedroom and saw us playing. He was smiling so big that I thought his head would split in two. He was shocked at what Thumps was doing, and ecstatic that she liked me enough not only to come out the first night I was there, but to play with me as well. I was shocked myself, since I thought she might not come out at all until Saturday night or so. But no. I clearly have a way with Overg's cats. Heewig modestly neglects to mention that it was she who really encouraged me to adopt Thumper from the shelter. I was very concerned about how Beaker would react and whether or not I could handle two cats. Heewig was really the one who convinced me I could do it, for which I am eternally grateful. So it was something special to see Thumper, who is a big ol' chicken shit, come out and play with her so quickly.

After kitty play time we settled in for a night of watching season one of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on the couch. The right side of the couch is now mine. Overg convinced me to *meatwad* with him during the opening credits. It's a dance, you sickos. We laughed, we cried, he touched my feet with his feet (as a way of saying, "No! Your feet aren't as hideous as you think!). Heewig has always been telling me how much she hates her feet. And there's nothing wrong with them. I mean, I hardly noticed that she has 7 toes per foot and no ankles.

Overg has really strong toes. And they're prehensile toes. We were jostling for position on the couch and he pushed his feet against me so I tried to tickle the bottom of his feet ... and then he GRABBED MY THUMBS with his toes. Honestly. And then he squeezed my thumbs and I struggled but couldn't get them out from between his toes and he actually said, "Don't let me break your thumbs" and I was all like "You CAN'T break my thumbs" but in all honesty, I think he probably could break my thumbs with his strong-ass toes. Just don't ask what I've been doing with them to get them so strong.

Eventually I got my thumbs back.

We were both exhausted by 11:15, so we headed off to bed. Thus ends my first day with Overg. But thankfully, it was just the beginning of a terrific weekend.

I've changed my mind, though - I'm going to do separate entries for each day. There's just too much to write about.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

*skips*

*twirls*

*spontaneously combusts*

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

*meatwads*

Smoking Makes You Nasty

My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

The first time I took the quiz my life was rated "R." Then I took it again and changed my answer on the smoking question to "Tried once..." (because I did used to smoke clove cigarettes as a teenager), and that bumped me up to NC-17.

Which is okay, because I don't date teenagers. Anymore.

I Heart John McCain

Full disclosure: I am not a Republican. I will never be a Republican, much to my dad's eternal dismay. My mother is also a Republican. So I'm not sure where I get my Democratic leanings.

HOWEVER ... I *heart* Republican Senator John McCain. If he were running for president, I would vote for him over John Kerry.

Yesterday the U.S. Senate wisely voted NEIN! with respected to considering the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. The 'Pubs fell short (by 12) of the necessary 60 votes. Some Republicans broke with President Bush and voted against considering the amendment.

This is where my love for John McCain, who was one of the dissenters, springs into full bloom.

Here are some quotes from a CNN.com sidebar about McCain's feelings about the vote:

And I really need Bush and those frothing-at-the-mouth Republicans to shut up about "activist judges" being the minions of Satan. At least until they do something about the Satan (Rehnquist) and his right-hand man (Scalia) that we already have on the bench of the Supreme Court. 'Cause they weren't elected "by the people" either.

Ut-believable

Overg: I'm liking Sazz
HWG: they seem cool
Overg: "they"
Overg: is Sazz twins?
Overg: are you?
Overg: *looks for twins everywhere*
HWG: no, I just don't know if they are male or female
Overg: gotcha
Overg: English does really need a gender neutral pronoun
Overg: se?
HWG: that would work
Overg: or ot
Overg: like it, only for people
Overg: or ut
Overg: ut would be fun to say
Overg: ut, ut, ut
HWG: *smiley*
Overg: yay!
Overg: I made ut smile!
HWG: you just called me gender neutral
Overg: (not that I'm confused by your gender)
Overg: (I'm just enamored with my new word)
HWG: oh fine
Overg: you are all woman, baby!
Overg: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowr

And then later...

HWG: stop trying to be charming
Overg: why would I try that?
Overg: it clearly wouldn't work
Overg: you are immune to my charms
Overg: *offers cold hard cash instead*
HWG: so now I'm a hooker
HWG: a gender neutral hooker
Overg: hahahahahhahaha
Overg: *snort*
HWG: fabulous
Overg: you have made me laugh out loud

Tip Your Cap

Best caption wins a box of ... cookies. And yes, that is a condom on the waiter's head.

Aural Fixation

This morning I whipped out my Sexy Bitch voice (much like Teem's sweater) and recorded the voiceover for the company's marketing DVD. I was initially just going to do a read-through to help the guy set audio levels and stuff, but he stopped me after the first sentence and said, "I'm not calling in _name of person who usually does it_. You're better. You're hired."

I don't think I'm getting paid for it, though. Just now I had to go back and do a second line reading of "Searching for a job has never been easier."

I think this could be my new avocation. I can do this from home. I can phone it in! Literally!

Only 89 more days! Yay!

I was listening to Pat Benatar's "We Belong" on me playlist, and after Googling for the lyrics I found that the song was actually written by Dave Navarro. Which is kind of cool - I wouldn't have immediately thought he would have worked with Pat Benatar (even though she rocks it old school).

Anyway, I was listening to it and the lyrics were a little bit of a shout out to my best friend:

Nice, huh? I should get a Pat Benatar greatest hits CD and rock out the whole day long.

And then Winamp served me the Jim Croce song, "Operator (That's Not the Way It Feels)." Which I have always loved. According to my mother, when I was a wee small child I used to ask her over and over and over to play her Jim Croce 8-tracks. Yes I'm old. Hush, puppies.

Anyway, "Operator" comes on and I am crooning along with Jim in my head. I think my faaavorite Jim Croce song is "Time In a Bottle" because I can actually play that on the piano. But the chorus of "Operator" is very poignant:

Most of Croce's ballads seem melancholy to me, especially considering that he died in a plane crash when he was 30.

Playlist - July 12, 2004

**********

1. I hope you know that this will go down
On your permanent record

**********

2. I won't design conversation around you

**********

3. Drop your bombs between the minarets

**********

4. And still those voices are calling from far away

*********

5. Some rides don't have much of a finish
That's the ride I took
Through good and bad and straight through indifference
Without a second look

**********

6. She had nothing left to say
So she said she loved me
And I stood there grateful for the lie

**********

7. And you really didn't think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line

**********

8. After awhile you know their style
And that's enough to know they suck

**********

9. Where do we go? Where do we go, now? Where do we go?

**********

10. When you gonna make up your mind?
'Cause things are gonna change so fast

**********

11. Part of her says she should be herself
Part of her says she should be with someone else

*********

12. I am a man of constant sorrow

**********

13. And what do I get for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

**********

14. We don't even care, as restless as we are

**********

15. I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs

**********

16. Changing shades within the evening
In a day, then I'll be leaving
I'm not only back, I'm not only numb

**********

17. How can you just leave me standing
Alone in a world that's so cold?

**********

18. I'm so happy 'cause today I found my friends
Are in my head
I'm so ugly
That's okay 'cause so are you
Broke our mirrors
Sunday morning is every day for all I care
I'm not scared
Light my candles
In a daze 'cause I found God

**********

19. Is she weird? Is she white?
Is she promised to the night?
And her head has no room

**********

20. For we have been through hell and high tide
I think I can rely on you

**********

MIA and AWOL

I won't be updating me website as much as I used to, now that Big Brother 5 has started. But if you miss me, come see me at Hamster Time, because that's where I'll be spending most all of my days and nights.

In other happy news, I am officially, FINALLY, going to go visit Overg!! *screams* A visit only two years in the making. I'll be there for a long weekend, from Oct. 8-10. While there I hope to:

• Run amok on his riding mower *vroom*
  
• Entice his cats into teaching me gitchu
  
• Watch lots of Aqua Teen Hungerforce
  
• Consume fudge (or, second choice: cheesecake)
  
• Eat my namesake food, Boo Blend Enchiladas
  
• Construct steps for Overg's deck out of wicker and pine tar
  
• Paint his guest bedroom
  
• Frolic in his lava rock
  
• Have him teach me how to drive stick
  

Playlist - July 6, 2004

And all the world is football shaped
It's just for me to kick its face

*****

Slowly learning that life is okay
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry

*****

'Cause there's something that I cannot do without

*****

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you

*****

So take that look out of here
It doesn't fit you
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded
Pull up your head off the floor
Come up SCREAMING
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted
I thought that pain and truth
Were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with
Every single hope you had shattered

*****

I'd like to dream my troubles all away
On a bed of California stars

*****

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things

*****

Sociability is hard enough for me

*****

When you're strange, no one remembers your name

*****

Two dozen other stupid reasons
Why we should suffer for this
Don't bother trying to explain them
Just hold my hand while I come
To a decision on it

*****

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I don't know ...

*****

I don't know where I am
But I know I don't like it

*****

The pleasure – what cost

*****

And we scream like alley cats
Tearing down what we attack
To prove that we are one

*****

You're not bigger than this
Not better
Why can't you learn?

*****

There she goes...
There she goes again

*****

Don't ya work as hard as ya play?

*****

If your friends don't like it
You can tell 'em from me
To fuck off

*****

But I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
It's hard to even want to try

*****

You can have it all
But how much do you want it?

*****

We walk along, we could be famous
We walk along, we could be dreamers

*****

When I was young I knew everything

*****

Any day now it will come

*****

I just can't find the time
To write my mind
The way I want it to read

*****

'Cause if it's not like I told ya
Then it's still your call
You should live how you want
Stay with me
We should stay apart
Just shouldn't ever have to be this hard

*****

Some of your friends think it's really unsound
That you're even seen talking to me

*****

You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

*****

The Kids Are Alright

Duck Update! Since it's been awhile.

The ducklings are now just about indistinguishable from their mother. They're just a little bit smaller than her, and her blue-green stripe on the wings is a little more defined. But I think I am starting to be able to tell which of the ducklings are male and which are female.

They should start learning to fly this week.

Photos!

The Fourth of July

Today's the Fourth of July
Another June has gone by
And when they light up our town
I just think what a waste of
Gunpowder and sky

Oh baby
I wonder if when you are older
Someday
You'll wake up
And say "my god, I should have told her.
What would it take?
But now here I am
And the world's gotten colder
And she's got the river
Down which I sold her."

Aimee Mann, "The Fourth of July"

Crunch 'N Munch

Bad

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender...
Dislocate...

I'm wide awake...
I'm wide awake...
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping