Crime Scene Evidence

Click the thumbnail to view a larger image

The second photo is of my new Antonio Melani satchel that I bought at Dillards on Sunday. I had wanted to buy this when it was full price ($120) because I fell deeply in love with how it looks. So shallow. But I just couldn't drop that much money on a purse. But then I saw that it was on sale, 50% off, and on top of THAT Dillards was having a super duper sale where you got an extra 30% off already discounted merchandise. So I got the purse for about $40. Score!

The third photo is of me and Caygeon galivanting in the bathroom this afternoon. I'm trying to get a photo of the shirt/sweater vest combo I'm wearing today, but I can't use a flash in front of the mirror so the colors aren't coming out right. But you can kind of see the detail on the shirt. I tried, leave me alone.

Hodgepodge

The title of this entry has a hidden meaning, dammit! And I have five more Gmail invites. Does anyone want one?

Falling down the mountain, end up kissing dirt

My neck is all focked up to the extent that I will be visiting a chiropractic doctor of some sort this afternoon, since I can no longer turn my head to the left. Which is problematic when you're, you know, trying to drive and stuff. Plus, it hurts. I'm going to have him remove my right lung while I'm there, too.

I promised I'd see it again
I promised I'd see this with you now

I am newly addicted to both the Sally Hansen Maximum Growth Cuticle & Nail Moisture Treatment Pen (ooh, clickable!) and these:

You never wait so long ... here comes your man

A leprechaun surprised me last night with the gift of Alien (the collector's edition DVD). I had mentioned Monday morning that I had looked for this at several stores on Sunday and could not find it anywhere. I don't know where he did find it; he wouldn't tell me. Keeping secrets already, I see. It's a good thing he's adorable.

Those Who Don't, Critique

I was hunting around the 'Net for screencaps of the Haircut 100 video for "Love Plus One" in anticipation of tomorrow's entry, wherein I foist that song upon an unsuspecting populace. Or you. What I found instead was a site called Reel Reviews that contains goddamn funny reviews of cult films and videos.

After reading the site's synopsis of the "Love Plus One" video - A bunch of total geeks in Hawaiian shirts dance around like fuckin' idiots in this pointless exercise in bad taste - I decided to read all the reviews of stuff that I've seen. It didn't take all that long. Plus I had help. Here are some of my favorites:

After the Fire, "Der Kommisar" - I have completely forgotten this video, although the actual song keeps ringing in my head like a Kafkaesque nightmare. Can anyone fill in the gap?

Adam Ant, "Goody Two Shoes" - Rocker wanders around mansion, freaking out butlers, maids, cooks and anyone else who crosses his path with a series of goofy antics. The guy is wearing a ridiculous costume and decked out in war paint, making him look like a cross between some bargain-basement buccaneer and Chief Dan George's bastard son from Little Big Man. By the end of the video, he manages to persuade a female reporter to let her hair down and become a total slut. Fade out.

GOOD GOD!!! I just read the synopsis for Big Country's "In a Big Country" and I find out that "After a long struggle with alcoholism, Big Country lead singer Stuart Adamson hanged himself in his hotel room in Hawaii shortly before Christmas, 2001. He was just 43 years old." JESUS!!! That makes me very, very sad.

So, uh ... no Bands Reunited for Big Country, then. I'll get back to being sad after I finish this entry.

Pat Benatar, "Love Is a Battlefield" - A whacked-out floozy leaves home, becomes a whore, seeks refuge in a cheap bar and leads a weird dance ritual whose torn-clothed, wild-haired participants flail around like victims of Tourettes Syndrome on crack. Some real Guido-type dude in a three-piece suit tries to hit on her but she kicks some ass and then strolls off into the sunset.

Cruel Intentions - A bunch of young, wild and rich party animals plot and scheme in order to get laid. Tragedy ensues.

Falco, "Rock Me Amadeus" - Mozart wannabe in rainbow-colored fright wig charges around town screaming incoherently about how Amadeus was the first punk rocker or something ridiculous to that effect. The freak takes a ride on a motorcycle. A bunch of bikers pump their fists in unison.

Madness, "Our House" - Another infectious hit from a long-forgotten band (at least in the United States), this video's energy and humor serve to mask its otherwise banal and simplistic lyrics. Or did the video actually serve as a serious political commentary on the struggles of London's working class? Who the fuck knows? Either way, it was great entertainment.

(Yes, yes it was. I must download the song, now, because I can't be bothered to go find the CD I have that it is on.)

Nena, "99 Luftballoons" - A bunch of red balloons over Germany are mistaken for a UFO or missiles or something.

Don't Run Away and Let Me Down

I am so, just, irrationally geeked over the return of the VH-1 show Bands Reunited (starts September 6 - set up your TiVo season passes right now). Especially because the first week of shows has three bands that I used to love when I was in high school - Haircut 100, ABC, and the English Beat.

Oh, and Roo? New Kids On the Block are featured on Sept. 7. They will not be highlighted on this site, though. *screwed up squinchy face*

Anyway! In honor of this wonderful lineup, The Key of Life feature on my site will now commence with the appropriate tour of nostalgia. First up, the English Beat's "Save It for Later" (mainly because I already have the mp3 for this song on me computer). I can close my eyes and picture the video for this song. The band is dressed up like Beat Era poets and performing in a dimly lit club with a bunch of scenesters dancing around. Dave Wakeling is hot, and Ranking Roger is cool. Just as it should be.

ETA: Ranking Roger? Still cool.

This is interesting - I just read the episode summary for the English Beat's ep, and it says that when the band broke up they split into two groups: General Public (which I knew, they had a great song called "Tenderness") and Fine Young Cannibals (which I did not know).

But whatever, here's the English Beat song you need to listen to:

The English Beat, "Save It for Later"

Two dozen other dirty lovers
Must be a sucker for it
Cry cry but I don't need my mother
Just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it

Sooner or later your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later don't run away and let me down
Sooner or later you hit the deck you get found out
Save it for later don't run away and let me down, you let me down

Black air and seven seas all rotten through
But what can you do?
I don't know how I'm meant to act with all of you lot
Sometimes I don't try
I just now now now now now now now now now now
Now now now now now now now now now

Sooner or later your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later don't run away and let me down
Sooner or later you hit the deck you get found out
Save it for later don't run away and let me down, you let me down
You run away run away and let me down

Two dozen other stupid reasons
Why we should suffer for this
Don't bother trying to explain them
Just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it

Sooner or later your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later don't run away and let me down
Sooner or later you'll hit the deck you'll get found out
Save it for later don't run away and let me down, you let me down
You run away run away run away run away run away run away
You let me down

A Very Very Mad World

Someone told me that there was never a soundtrack released for Donnie Darko, but ... YES THERE IS!! I will be running out to Circuit City today to buy it (if they have it), and I might pick up the Director's Cut (or whatever) editions of Alien and Aliens while I'm there.

*hugs frazzledglispa for the information*

*waves at Natey*

Teem, Roo and Nancy have been attacked by an almost-hurricane this morning in Charleston, SC. I just talked to them for about 10 minutes and they're being menaced by tsunamis outside the hotel lobby. At last report, Nancy was sliding down the stairway bannister.

I'll Make It All Worthwhile

I'm very scattered today. Thus I will post random thoughts using bullet points:

• I went to see Garden State this afternoon. We were returning to "the scene of the crime." Heh. It was pretty good; like Open Water, I didn't think it quite lived up to all of the hype. But if nothing else I've decided to add Scrubs to my list of shows to test drive a few times.

• Today I was told that I "make the best facial expressions ever." He was beaming when he said it, so I'm going to take it as a compliment.

• Nibbles is finally getting used to the new cockatiel gym that my stepdad built for her. She climbed to the top of the ladder this morning, and finally decided that the chain is worth playing with. Baby steps...

• I have decided to add Bender from Futurama to my list of cartoon characters that provide solid advice on life (also on the list? Master Shake). I watched the episode "The Honking" this morning - actually, I liked it so much I watched it twice - and fell in love with this Bender quote, spoken after the Fortune Teller asks him if he wants to die:

  "No, I wanna live! There's still too many things I don't own!"

• My new celebrity crush just might be Donal Logue. I'm still thinking about it.

• I just downloaded Depeche Mode's "Never Let Me Down Again" and "Strangelove." *hugs 1988*

• I was kind of mopey and sad yesterday, but this statement made me smile: "I don't have to try to cheer you up if you don't want that. Maybe I can just come over and hold your hand."
  

For Once In My Life

I started listening to The Smiths when I was about 14. I think the band was a rite of passage for all good "new wave" girls during the mid-80s. Their album Hatful of Hollow was in constant rotation in my teenage bedroom.

This song, "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want," ends the album. I think it's beautiful in its simplicity; in the lyrics, music, and Morrissey's vocal delivery. It is a plaintive song – one man's tentative feeling of hope in the face of better times, wanting the beautiful thing in his life to stay. A simple plea, but one that anyone who has ever wanted something has found themselves making.

The Smiths, "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want"

Good times for a change
See the look I've had can make a good man turn bad
So please, please, please, let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want this time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
See the life I've had can make a good man bad
So for once in my life let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time

Pot O' Gold

How I Spent My Lunch Hour

• Drive home
• Enter home
• Remove dominatrix kitten heels
• Remove pants
• Fire up Winamp playlist
• Play Ash's "Burn, Baby, Burn"
• Flail around kitchen
• Play the Vines' "Outtathaway!"
• Flail around living room
• Laugh as Caygeon tears through living room
• Play the Hives' "Hate To Say I Told You So"
• Shimmy through living room and kitchen
• Play the Strokes' "Hard To Explain"
• Eat cottage cheese while dancing in place at sink
• Put dominatrix kitten heels back on
• Play Girls Against Boys' "Roxy"
• Gyrate around computer desk
• Wave frantically at my betta fish, Otis Redding
• Play the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back"
• Sing loudly in falsetto while jumping up and down stupidly
• Put pants back on
• Grab Diet Sunkist from refrigerator
• Depart home
• Drive back to work

I Think It's Time

Today's song is by a singer named Jude. Sorry, that's all I know about him. I first heard this song - "Everything's Alright" - in one of the first few episodes of the show Alias. Which was a fabulous show the first two years. Now? Not as good (just die, Vaughn!).

ANYWAY, I really loved this song from the first listen. Jude has an attractive voice and the song is singable and catchy. I also like the lyrics. Especially the third stanza, which seems especially appropriate today. *smirk*

As usual, right click the title link to download the mp3.

Jude, "Everything's Alright"

Can you tell me I wanna believe
That you want to be with me forever
I need to know that you won't ever leave
And you won't run away from me never
I've been waiting for a long time
For the one who would be mine
I think it's time

Everything's alright
The way that you believe in me
And it takes me through the night
I'll fall beside you softly singing
That I've been waiting for a long time
For the one who would be mine
I think it's time

In the morning I see what you mean
'Cause I don't wanna make it without you
You've got me dreaming and after you leave
When you're gone I'm still thinking about you
I've been waiting for a long time
For the one who would be mine
I think it's time I think

Everything's alright
The way that you believe in me
And it takes me through the night (I wanna go)
I'll fall beside you softly singing
Na nana na na
Tomorrow is another morning
Na nana na na
Tomorrow is another morning
If you say you will be mine
I think it's time
I think it's time

I like to make it with baby every night

Everything's alright
Every morning when I wake
I fall into your eyes (I wanna go)
I believe we're gonna make it
Na nana na na
Tomorrow is another morning
Na nana na na
Tomorrow is another morning

If you're alone tonight
Believe me I've been waiting for you
Everything's alright...

New Jacks City

Are you a het male or lesbian needing "inspiration"? Look no further.

Calling Herr Toom

Update your damn journal, Cap'n Teem!! I need entertainment, mirth and merriment.

*throws down*

Ten Words

Can you tell me ten words that you'd use to describe the world? – Idlewild, "Tell Me Ten Words"

I'm not going to describe the world (too general). But here are ten words that describe how I'm feeling today:

GIDDY
RELIEVED
RESOLUTE
HOPEFUL
STRONG
ELECTRIC
JUSTIFIED
LIMPID
INTOXICATED
ARDENT

*big, big grin*

The Long Arm of the Law

I am wearing the brown corduroy pants of fabulousness. They are my You Know You Want to Touch My Pants, Baby! pants. I'm not wearing them by chance, either.

So, important news out of California today - Sex Film Industry Threatened With Condom Requirement. As I am not a big consumer of the porn industry, this astounds me. You can legislate condom use?

Heh, "harm-reduction procedures." I wonder what else would constitute a harm-reduction procedure? I can think of one thing off the top of my head - the elimination of Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy. Because he harms my very psyche whenever I see him (clothes on or off).

musicforthemorningafter

So. I was going to put up one of my favorite Jimmy Eat World songs ("If You Don't, Don't") in honor of the band finally releasing a new CD in October. But then, right before I left work on Friday, I started listening to Pete Yorn's musicforthemorningafter and decided I wanted to put up some tracks from this instead.

Pete Yorn is a singer-songwriter with a blues-y edge. The thing I love about this CD is that it was his debut, and it is solid from beginning to end. Which is a rarity these days. I've narrowed the selections down to my seven favorite songs. Enjoy!

(Lyrics are courtesy of the musicforthemorningafter CD insert booklet. Right click on the title of the song to download the mp3.)

Life On a Chain
I live on a chain and you share the same last name, as a joke, I sent a bottle of whiskey, as you choked, I knew it made you feel dirty, and I was waiting over here for life to begin, I was looking for the new thing, and you were the sunshine heading my front line, I was alone, you were just around the corner from me. Time alone is good, I spend my days in the city, dirty neighborhood, you know you’ll never convince me, so I sold the town away, I couldn’t wait to forget you, I was killed in half a day, I hadn’t time to regret you, and I was waiting over here for life to begin, I was looking for the new thing and you were the sunshine heading my front line, I was alone you were just around the corner from me. I, I’m still on the chain, and you, had the same last name, as a joke I sent a bottle of whiskey as you choked you said it made you feel dirty... waiting over here, for life to begin, still looking for the new thing, and you were the sunshine heading my front line, I was alone, you were just around the corner from me.


Strange Condition
Read me the letter, baby, do not leave out the words. Stories and cigarettes ruined lives of lesser girls, and I wanna know, ‘cos I want you to know, and it’s a strange condition, a day in prison, it’s got me out of my head and I don’t know what I came for. Send me the money, baby, do not leave out the wage. You know you’re the best thing ever to come out of this place, hey I want you to know, ‘cos I wanna know and it’s a strange condition, a day in prison, it’s got me out of my head and I don’t know what I came for, I want you to know... it’s a strange condition, a day in prison, it got me out of my head and I don’t know what I came for, I want you to know, I want you to know... so leave out the others, baby, say I’m the only one, cut out the uniforms and settle with the sun, hey I want you to know, ‘cos I wanna know, and it’s a strange condition, and life in prison, it’s got me outta my head and I don’t know what I came for, I want you to know... ‘cos I wanna know, yeah I gotta know...


Black
Black is a cast, and two is a crowd, and gold rim is an answer. Black is a crowd. I am just for you, as you are not for me so even if you stop, you’re sitting here by yourself, you can never try to answer anymore, you can never start and see what you’re doing to me. Kiss, they were the ones, they dressed like something so special, and death is to begin, caress, I think it’s a sin… I was alone, only ‘til you took me away, and you can never stop, you’re sitting here by yourself, you can never try to argue anyone, you will never stop and see, what you’re doing to me. I’m alone, while he was standing next to you, and days prolong, yeah there was time, just you wait and see. Waiting for a bottle of truth, I’m just a lonely guy in my youth, waiting for you is all I wanna do, so if you couldn’t stop, you’re sitting here all by yourself, you can never try to argue anyone, you will never stop and see what you’re doing to me, you can never stop, you’re sitting all by yourself, you can never try to answer anything, you will never stop and see, what you’re doing to me, what you’re doing to me, what you’re doing to me, what are you doing to me?


For Nancy
And when you said I could not stay with you, that‘s not the way you would have wanted to be, convince yourself that everything is alright, ‘cos it already is. Don‘t sell your heart and break just anyone, I want to run with you through Moorland Fields, convince yourself that everything is alright, ‘cos it already is, so take your lessons hard and stay with him and when your car crash comes don‘t be mislead, convince yourself that everything is alright ‘cos it already is, yeah it already is, so take your lessons hard and stay with him and when your car crash comes don‘t be mislead, convince yourself that everything is alright ‘cos it already is, yeah it already is, so take him home.


June
Pots and pans are indestructible. How do you respect your room? If you hadn’t gone tomorrow, you could have stayed on ‘til June. It’s alright if I was older, it’s ok to lose your age, and I, want to follow you, I do, I do. It’s another I could trust you, it’s another thing to swear, I’m ok with all the others, it’s just her I cannot stand, I’m old enough to feel the way I do and I know that you are true, it’s just a part of my genes. And I want you to know, it’s hard to wait on, I’ll swallow you whole, wait kindly in the next room. And you have stayed, a mile away from me, and you will stay a mile away from me if you know what’s good for you, you could have stayed until June.


Sense
Time flew away, but something won’t forgive it all, days and weeks, let’s start from the beginning of a life. She called today, pretending not to care at all, for days and weeks, now he’s hanging from the ceiling, what a life, oh what a life, was it a life? Is something wrong with me? I show you things you’ve never seen. Is something wrong with me? I show you things that you’ve only dreamed of. I’m wide awake, I’ll drop you off for saying that, for days and two weeks, it was you who was defending such a lie, oh what a lie, was it a lie? Is something wrong with me? I show you things you’ve never seen. Is something wrong with me? I show you things that you’ve only dreamed of. You never change, you never change. Is something wrong with me? I’ve shown you things you’ve never seen. Is something wrong with me? I’ve shown you things you’ve never seen. Is something wrong with me? I’ve shown you things you’ve never seen. Is something wrong with me? I’ve shown you things that you’ve only dreamed up. You never change, something won’t forgive it all.

EZ
Only save, try to find another way, I’m taking what I gave to you again. Some new day I could understand your face, you could even hold my hand if you would like to. It came up unexpected, I had to follow through and it’s hard when you were working like you do. It was easy when you were younger, you can put it back together, it was there if you ever wanted it, but you closed the door and said goodbye for good. So this is a mistake, try to find a better way, you were never fond of anything I said. Can we begin again? Save it for another friend, I was happy in my life I won’t pretend, every time you were expecting to reach out and forgive this, I was hardened by the look upon your face, it was easy when you were younger, you can put it back together, it was there if you ever wanted it, but you closed the door and said goodbye for good, for good… you were easy.

Look Good ... Feel Better

I finally got a response from someone at the American Cancer Society's Look Good ... Feel Better program about my request to volunteer. I've been invited to the next training session on August 31, which is a weekday. I'll have to take time off from work, but hell, it will be worth it.

I attended this program when I started chemo and it was really, really helpful in dealing with appearance-related side effects. I'm really excited about getting the opportunity to "give back."

Nibbles the Second

So, uh, on Sunday when I went down to my mom's house to bury Scuddy (there's nowhere I wanted to bury her around my apartment), she showed me the cockatiel that the neighbor had found in her yard a few weekends ago. The bird is very cute and very tame - she loves to have her neck scratched.

I made the comment - "I want a bird just like you!"

And, uh, now she's mine. Her name is NIBBLES, because she likes to do just that to your finger (and as I have learned, your toes). Her alternate names thus far are "Nibby," "Nibs," and "Nibblés" (pronounced NEE-blay).

Here is her first photo (the flash made her blink):

My Little White Rat

Scuddy died sometime last night after I went to bed. I took her to the vet yesterday morning and got her on oral antibiotics, but despite the vet saying she didn't look too bad off I guess it was too little, too late.

She wasn't a rat, by the way. She was a hamster. I just liked to call her "my little white rat."

Final Hurricane Track

Here's the 5 a.m. forecast image. I'm going to paste some IM messages I just sent to Overg that detail the specifics:

• 5am forecast has a direct hit on Pinellas County, landfall at Clearwater (the next city south of me, about 5 miles away)

• hurricane force winds around 5 pm, lasting until 1 am Saturday

• strong category 2 or minimal category 3 - winds are currently at 110 mph

• okay, now they're saying it will hit land as a category 3 (120 mph) but go down quickly to category 2 (115), but since there's only a 5 mph difference it isn't a distinction worth making

• tropical storm force winds starting at 11 am
  

So yeah! Worst forecast track possible if you're me. I'm going to go back to bed and try to get a few more hours sleep, then get up and construct the sandbags (kitty litter inside pillowcases) to put out around the patio and the front door.

I'm going to unplug the computer around mid-afternoon (or sooner if the power starts surging) but will update this entry with comments until then as possible.

*goes outside to check conditions*

Perfectly calm, for the moment.

(Oh, and please think positive thoughts for Scuddy. She's sick and I won't be able to get her to a vet until Monday, if she lasts that long.)

Sorry, Charley

Yep, I'm in the direct path of Hurricane Charley, which is expected to make landfall around 2 p.m. on Friday. If this forecast track holds, it will be the first time since 1921 that the Tampa Bay area has taken a direct hit from a hurricane. We've been extrordinarily lucky.

Now I need to call the leasing office about sandbags for my flood-prone patio.

UPDATE: Now the entire county I live in is under mandatory evacuation.

Are You My Mother?

So yesterday I stopped at my apartment during my lunch hour because I needed to make a call but my GOD FORSAKEN CELL PHONE (a Kyocera 2235) never has local service when I want it to. Actually, now that I think about it, I guess that's not the phone's fault - it's Verizon's fault. So SCREW YOU and your "ExtendedNetwork," Verizon!

Anyway, I went home. And I'm approaching my front door when I see a little squirrel crawl out from the shrubbery on the side of the walkway. So I turn around and greet it, because I am a friend to all of God's creatures.

"Hi, Squirrely!" [/meatwad]

Then Squirrely charged at me. It didn't appear to be angry. It wasn't screeching or making any noises. But it was running right at my feet. I backed up a little bit and it still came at me, so I went *panic* and jumped over it and ran back out to the walkway.

And then Squirrely came after me out there.

We played gitchu like that for about 60 seconds (which seems a LOT longer than it really is). Everywhere I'd go, Squirrely would follow. I half had a mind to just stand there and see if it would crawl up my pant leg or something, but then I realized that there was at least a decent chance that this thing was rabid - why else would it be so interested in my feet? - and so giving it an opportunity to transmit its rabies to me was not a good idea.

It was either rabid or a lost little squirrel baby who decided I was its mother.

So I led Squirrely out to the walkway, jumped over it, ran to my door, quickly unlocked the door, ran BACK out to the walkway (because by this time Squirrely was almost right on my feet), jumped over it again and then ran to the door and ducked inside my apartment.

Then I threw black oil sunflower seed out on the walkway for it, so it wouldn't think I was mad or anything.

Plate Tectonics

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last

The last 24 hours has been illuminating. I have learned so much about myself; much of it incredibly depressing. I never knew how efficient I could be at ruining the things that mean the most to me. But I guess my subconsciously self-destructive campaign has run its course. I think I've torn everything down, now. I'm Godzilla, and my life is Tokyo. So it doesn't even matter what happens today.

If you think that I can be forgiven ... I wish you would

I wonder if this is my lowest point?

Now it's just a matter of sifting through the rubble and figuring out what is left there to salvage, and how to put the pieces back together. Except that I'm so numb that I can't ask for what I need. I don't want to impose. Some people have already given enough, anyway.

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls

I'm finally going to ask it - Why me? Why are all the things I've already lost not enough?

I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

Everything ends. And if it doesn't end, it changes. I guess that's both the beauty and the misery of being alive.

Formalities

HWG: I need that one and Frat Aliens
Overg: the commercial makes it seem like it's the end of the series
Overg: but I think they are referring to the one with all the villians
Overg: it's just a trick
HWG: *jumps up and down excitedly*
Overg: *jumps in unison*
HWG: because now I know who Happy Time Harry is
HWG: and I didn't know that when I first saw the episode
Overg: right
Overg: that's critical knowledge
HWG: yes, I believe it is
HWG: I expect my enjoyment of the episode to increase a thousand fold
HWG: I am now going to speak in a very formal tone for the rest of the afternoon
HWG: I shall be back momentarily, I need to run downstairs and procure some liquid refreshment
Overg: I shall await your return.
Overg: with utmost relish
HWG: I have returned
HWG: *offers a glass of water*
Overg: *partakes of H20*
HWG: alright, enough of that shit
HWG: *staples your shirt to your desk*
Overg: your vehement outbreak has damaged my sanctimonious audible receptors!
HWG: Heavens forfend!
Overg: foresooth!
HWG: Prithee!
HWG: I do believe that my stomach has begun digesting itself, due to the absence of foodstuffs within.

We Will Never Sever

"Pure Morning" by Placebo
MP3 file (right click to save)

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend with weed is better
A friend with breasts and all the rest
A friend who's dressed in leather

Day's dawning, skin's crawling (x 4)
Pure morning (x 4)

All Smiles and Business

"Evaporated" by Ben Folds Five
Windows Media Player file (right click to save)

What I've kept with me
And what I've thrown away
Don't know where the hell I've ended up
On this glarey, random day
Were the things I really cared about
Just left along the way?
For being too pent up and proud

Woke up way too late
Feeling hung over and old
And the sun was shining bright
And I walked barefoot down the road
Started thinking about my old man
It seems that all men
Wanna get into a car and go
Anywhere

Here I stand, sad and free
I can't cry, and I can't see
What I've done
No, God, what have I done?

Don't you know I'm numb, man
No I can't feel a thing at all
'Cause it's all smiles and business these days
And I'm indifferent to the loss
I've faith that there's a soul somewhere
That's leading me around
I wonder if she knows which way is down?

Here I stand, sad and free
I can't cry, and I can't see
What I've done
No, God, what have I done?

I poured my heart out
I poured my heart out
It evaporated
See?

Blind man on a canyon's edge
Of a panoramic scene
Or maybe I'm a kite that's flying high
And random dangling a string
Or slumped over in a vacant room
Head on a stranger's knee
I'm sure back home
They think I've lost my mind

Here I stand, sad and free
I can't cry, and I can't see
What I've done
No, God, what have I done?

He's All Ears

Ending::Ascent

I was cleaning off my hard drive at work and getting rid of some documents when I ran across the liner notes I wrote up for the Soundtrack of Myself mix CD I created for a Looking Good CD swap earlier this year. This entry, for on song on disc two, stands out for me:

3. Shawn Colvin, "If I Were Brave" - When I got sick I lived in Greensboro, NC, but I moved back home to Florida for treatment. Beau's mom had died of lung cancer a few months before I was diagnosed. He was in grad school when I got sick, and we just decided it would be better for me to live with my mom during treatment, and he'd fly down every two weeks for visits.

Long story short - he didn't deal very well with my having cancer. Various lines in the song reminded me so much of what I was going through (the song came out after we broke up):

I can't even say we argued, really. He just sort of withdrew from me. I could sense that, and even though I was sick I was trying to also focus on keeping our relationship together. The "waiting for Godot" lines really reminded me of how I kind of tried to wait out this bump in our relationship until finally I just had to give up on it ("pick your sorry ass up off the street and go") because it wasn't going to get better.

And the last two lines I highlighted really resonated for me, because after I had broken up with him I could so clearly, embarrassingly, see how little I had cared for my own well-being - I had focused on fixing our relationship instead of fixing myself. And it was only when I was out from under the relationship that I could see how foolish that was. All I could do at that point was just hope that I hadn't compromised my health (and the ability to get into and stay in remission) by not giving everything I had to fighting the cancer, and instead causing myself so much stress over a relationship that had been doomed since the moment I found out I was sick.

Incidentally, I have no hard feelings about Beau. He did the best he could. It just wasn't what I needed from him.

The One You Love

Overg: hahahahah
Overg: my rant is getting responses
Overg: in the DR
Overg: heheheheh
HWG: *runs*
Overg: you are going to go batshit crazy
HWG: jesus fucking christ
HWG: *gives up*
Overg: *victory dance*
Overg: 0 recaps, 2 loves
HWG: yes, you can have it all
Overg: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Overg: *snort*
Overg: <-- laughing hysterically
Overg: well, I was trying to play bad cop for you
HWG: *responded*
Overg: *surprised face*
Overg: *runs*
HWG: *edits*
Overg: Marvin appears to be up now
HWG: hey, maybe you should change the box, Super Admin Man
Overg: first I have to read your post
Overg: hahahahha
Overg: 0 recaps
Overg: 3 loves
Overg: HAHAHAHHAHAHA
HWG: fuck this noise
Overg: *gloats*
HWG: that's all I have to say about that
HWG: you're not even as funny as I am!
Overg: that may be true
Overg: because you are damn near causing me to cry tears of laughter right now
HWG: and these people are OFF TOPIC
HWG: *mods*
Overg: in the dr?
HWG: YES!!
HWG: JESUS!!!
Overg: *chokes*
HWG: *edits again*
Overg: the box is done
HWG: no way man
HWG: lookit you!
HWG: all Mad Mod Mofo
HWG: maybe you should post and take credit for that, hmm?
HWG: I'm closing that fucking mandana poll
HWG: and sending it to hell
Overg: hehehehe
Overg: raging Heewig!
HWG: once again, you do 25% of the work and get 75% of the love
HWG: and you STEAL LOVE that I should rightly get
HWG: you don't even fucking RECAP and you get LOVE!!!
HWG: al;sfhdialsfda;lsdfja lodjfqopejf o;qiwjefrpqrjewfipoqrh gfiqhrgfqieoagafpig
Overg: well . . .
Overg: if it makes you feel better
Overg: I was just referred to as "someone"
Overg: read General Discussion
HWG: screw these people, there will be no mo' Heewigcaps
Overg: nooooooooooooo
HWG: I think you need to kill Fez
Overg: although I'll bet that you still don't get 3 loves for not doing any
Overg: *grinning face*
Overg: <-- still laughing
HWG: I'll bet I should horrify you into a coma
Overg: you should?
HWG: *channels inner Master Shake*
Overg: heheheheheh
HWG: yes, SOMEONE is maaaaaaaad
HWG: SOMEONE is the boy everyone lovvvvvvvvves
Overg: hehehehehheheheh
HWG: hey I know! I will do the opposite of what everyone else does!
Overg: *holds tummy cause it hurts to laugh so much*
HWG: maybe you can get some of your fans to hold it for you
Overg: *offers tummy*
HWG: I'M NOT YOUR FAN!!!!!!
HWG: *TEN ANGRY FACES*
Overg: you are my number one fan
HWG: I don't even like you
Overg: just as I am yours
Overg: awww, that's too bad
Overg: I like you a lot
HWG: *happy face*
HWG: okay, I like you again
HWG: LOTS
HWG: well, some
HWG: *pouts*
Overg: *reads up*
Overg: *wipes tears of laughter from eyes*
Overg: your rant was hilarious
HWG: I would post it if my FUCKING SITE WORKED
Overg: awwwww
Overg: *frowny face*
HWG: I will save it for later
Overg: you should save it
Overg: yes
Overg: *peapods*
HWG: if they don't fix my site tonight I'll have to switch to something else anyway
HWG: *two happy faces*
HWG: that's us
HWG: well, actually
HWG: this is us
HWG: *grinning face & angry face*

Go! Daddy!

It looks like my constant pleading with GoDaddy worked, because my site is back and functioning tonight. Huzzah! So I have reposted the final installment of my visit to Overg, which can now be commented upon.

Pictures will be forthcoming tomorrow.

*crosses fingers*

Bittersweet Symphony

And then, it was Sunday. I knew that as the day wore on I would become more and more melancholy, because I was having so much fun hanging out with Overg and really did not want to leave. Plus, his cats are awesome - who would ever want to leave them?

Sunday morning we got up at the respectable time of 8 a.m. Woo, sleeping in! Gah. Curse this northern latitude that makes the sun come up so early . . . back in my professional sleeping days I would have been done until 2:00 in the afternoon. We did the shower thing and agreed that neither of us were all that hungry for anything breakfast-y. I think I might have had a piece of cold pizza, but I don't remember.

I warned Overg in the morning that I would probably get quiet and introspective as it got later in the day, and if I did to just hit me in the face with something. Because I didn't want to waste time being mopey or sad. I baked a bunch of pies just for the occasion. But then Heewig went “look over there” so I looked and she hid them all so I couldn’t hit her in the face with them. Damn her clever bones.

The one thing I did want to do that day was go take photos of the windmill. Also, we were specifically going to go out and see the buffalo farm that Overg had told me about. Because Overg is all about the buffalo.

So we hit the road, with the first stop being the buffalo farm. Except that when we headed in that direction, Overg suddenly remembered that there was a buffalo RESORT right there in town. Well, maybe it was a resort for people that just had buffalo in it. Or nearby. Something... Brilliant me. I was planning on taking her about 15 miles out of town until I recalled the one that was about 3 miles from my house. And for the record, the resort is just right next to the farm . . . I don’t believe they’re actually related to each other in any way other than location.

Anyway, we whip into the parking lot of the resort and Overg nearly mows down a family of six. We find a parking space and then traipse off to find the buffa-buffa-buffalo. There's a pack (herd?) of them up on this hill, and Overg thinks we should go up the hill at its steepest point and then I have to break it to him that I'm not quite (or at all) wearing hiking shoes. He keeps insisting we can make it but ... no, I'm not trying it. So we walk up the end that isn't steep and then over to the buffalo. *Sigh*. Silly Floridians, thinking anything larger than an ant hill is some sort of mountain. And don’t even get me started on their grass.

So! Many! Buffalo!! There was a big herd of around 25-30 or so, with adults (including one HUGE GIGANTIC MOFOBUFFALO), juveniles, and wee li'l baby buffalos. I took lots of photos. Buffalos like to mug for the camera. The big buffalo right beside the barbed-wire fence started grunting; I think it must have really liked Overg. Then a baby buffalo walked over and checked us out. Sooooo cute.

Once the photo op was finished, Overg and I did somersaults and cartwheels down the steep part of the hill, all the way down to the car.

Then I think we saw more rich people houses with great views. We also drove around a different part of the city than what I had already seen, passing the Best Buy, an Old Navy Outlet (he's been holding out on me!) not really, it blows, the mall, and PetsMart. We were driving down some random road and then suddenly Overg whipped the car to the left and turned into a lakeside park-type area to "show (me) something." We pull into a parking space and then I see what Overg wanted to show me:

DUCKS AND GEESE EVERYWHERE!!!

How cool is that? Most people wouldn't care about seeing this at all, but Overg knows how much I love the little duckies and birds and stuff, so he brought me to this special magical place where ducks and birds and geese and swans all live together in peace, love and harmony. Just don’t approach them, they’ll bite your freakin’ kneecaps off.

There were mallard ducks and big white geese and Canadian geese (I think, eh) and other stuff that I don't know the names of. Oh, and laughing gulls, who were REALLY noisy and kind of annoying, but they were the ones Overg really liked. UNSURPRISINGLY. I love all of God’s creatures.

We scampered down to the edge of the lake and Overg pointed out that his office was just on the other side. So I was enjoying the toxicity from a whole other perspective.

We considered - and quickly dismissed - the idea of going to church.

Then we started driving back in the direction of his house, but Overg faked me out by driving a back way and then SUDDENLY we were upon the windmill again. I made him loop around a little bit so I could get a good angle from which to take my photo. A little? I think I had to circle the whole damn city 4 times just so you could get your perfect windmill shot.

While we were trying to get into position for that, Overg pointed out the "bottomless barn" and of course I HAD to take a photo of a barn that wasn't wearing any pants. As I was leaning out my window, a trio of cyclists was waiting diagonally across the intersection, watching me. One of them yelled that "you can take MY picture!" So I giddily yelled "Okay!" back and I took his photo, too.

The windmill wasn't moving on Sunday, though, so I implored Overg to go hang off one of the spokes and get it moving for me, but he claimed he wasn't tall enough. Which is a lie. But I got a decent photo anyway. Then we were set to return to his house, but I really wanted to find the trio of cyclists again so Overg and I could flash them. But they were sadly nowhere to be found.

Sooooo, back at Overg's house, and I think we then spent a couple of hours on the deck reading more of Bluebeard and drinking Woody's (Overg is now a convert). We came in to get out of the sun and finished reading the book on the couch. Overg got a little bit choked up at the end, which was sweet. I think I actually liked Bluebeard more than Slaughterhouse Five, though. I told you Bluebeard was his best book. You never listen to me, because you hate me and everything I stand for.

Then we caught up on HT a little bit and checked out the online menu for Outback Steakhouse, since I wanted to treat Overg to dinner for being such a great host and not hating me and stuff. No chance of that. We called in the take-out order (ribs with french fries for him, the Queensland Chicken Salad for me) and splurged on two slices of cheesecake. Because cheesecake is of the lrod.

We had a really nice talk on the drive out to the restaurant to pick up the food, and while we were waiting. Just about average, ordinary stuff. It's funny, I think that's one of the things people are usually concerned about when they meet people they've been talking to online. I wasn't all that worried about it with me and Overg ("me and Overg?" Aren’t you the woman who used to mock my grammar? Oh my how I’ve corrupted you), simply because we'd basically been a daily presence in each other's lives for more than two years. But even so, it was just a really nice feeling to realize that nothing was different between us in person. There's almost never any pauses in our conversations. The only difference is that we could look at each other while we were talking.

We decided to watch Donnie Darko while we were eating dinner, and damn is that a strange (but very good) movie. I got a little choked up at the ending, when I realized what was happening. The Mad World montage gets to everyone. I couldn't stop thinking about the movie all the next day, too, and I eventually had to buy it myself so I could watch it over and over(g) again and try to figure out how the plot is woven together.

After the movie we just hung out on the deck and talked some more. Again about nothing in particular. Jobs, where we live, what we dreamed we would do with our lives. Just stuff like that. I was starting to feel kinda bleh, because I suck. But Overg always managed to cheer me up and make me smile.

Overg then let me watch him vacuum!! Urm, I did that the first thing in the morning, mostly while you were in the shower. You are obviously so dizzy from meeting me that you have become unstuck in time. And THEN he let me watch him IRON!! It was like watching a master at his craft, no lie. After that we went out into his front yard to walk around a little bit (Overg cannot stand still for very long) and while we were out there looking at the sky, we saw a shooting star.

Back inside, we hung out on his bed watching a couple of things on TiVo, and by then it was time to try and go to sleep, since we needed to get up at 4:30 a.m. the next day. My plane was leaving at 7 a.m. and we needed to be out of his house by about 5:45. We said our goodnights and I went into my room to, again, pass out.

I woke up the next morning at 4:20, just ahead of the alarm clock. Jumped into the shower and then got dressed, and by that time Overg was up. We were finished getting ready by about 5:15, so we took some photos of us together in the kitchen, then I took photos of him holding Beaker on their fourth anniversary.Thank you, thank you, thank you for that. Overg managed to get a pretty good photo of me holding Beaker as well. If by “pretty good” you mean “awesome”, then I agree.

We hauled my luggage down to the car and then decided to kill time just hanging out on his driveway, talking, instead of going to the airport too early. But then it was time to leave, which made me sad. We got to the airport and through the check in process pretty quickly and then got into the line of people trying to get through the security checkpoint. It was about a 10 minute wait to get to the point past which only ticketed passengers could continue.

I actually held it together a lot better than I thought I would. I don't typically do well with goodbyes, especially when it involves someone I care about a lot (but don't see very often). So I teared up a little bit, but nothing too bad. Hopefully nothing that Overg found embarrassing. Not even remotely embarrassed.

And then I was up at the security checkpoint and Overg had to leave. Bluh. We gave each other a long hug, then I kicked him in the butt and told him to go away. I waved to him through the glass as he was walking back out to his car, but he didn't see me. I saw him looking my direction as he opened his car door, so I waved, and this time he waved back! Actually, I couldn’t see her through the glass which was being all mirrorlike, so I just blew a kiss in her general direction, hoping she would see it. Which confused me because he was much closer the first time I waved, yet he didn't react.

So yeah. Then I bought a magnet and some water in the airport gift shop and boarded my flight to Chicago and once I got to Chicago I had a two-hour layover so I got breakfast at McDonald's and called Overg back at work and he helped me kill the time before my flight back home to Tampa. And I came home to two very happy kitties and a great big feeling of emptiness.

Hmm, now I need a conclusion.

In conclusion - Overg is a wonderful person. Isn’t that what I’ve been telling you for over two years? I have always felt very fortunate to be his friend, and to have an important place in his life, and that feeling was reinforced after having visited him. It was very gratifying to know that our bond was no different in person than it has been online and on the phone. I don't think visiting him really changed anything between us, a least not anything momentous. I don't think we're any more important to each other now than we were before I visited. Although I think I do feel a little more "confident" in the depth of our friendship, and that it isn't just some online thing that could be easily let go or walked away from. Heh. As if I’d ever let you just walk away from our friendship.

Maybe the only thing that has changed for me is that now I can picture him doing all the things he tells me about, or the things he talks about. Like his cats and his house and his yard and his basement and his office and playing gitchu and Brunch flying around and walking around outside while talking on the phone and meatwadding and eating cheesy bread and chips with dip and modding HT and poking and ironing and vacuuming and napping and admiring his butt and laughing with each other while watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force and making him smile because I'm such a big gork (but he's a bigger one) and being total gaywads with each other and happily knowing what it actually feels like when he gives me a *hug*.

We really should be roommates.

And, because it’s all about me, I will take the last word. Julie and I have been damn near constant companions for over two years now, and she probably knows and understands me about as well as anyone in the world. So it was wonderful to have her visit and get to hang out with her and stuff. And meet the cats. It’s one of the very first things we bonded about (my love for Beaker, her’s for Caygeon and Dawsey), and she was the one who really encouraged me to get Thumper. So it was great that she got to meet them. Anyway, it was wonderful having you visit, Heewig, and thank you for being my best friend.