Jake: Exit Stage Right

Today is Jake's last day at work, and I am sad.

(This entry will be updated as needed.)

Jake: dude I'm tellin ya ... I'll email you rants and one-liners all the time for your site
Jake: mista fancy pants will live on
Me: *rejoices*
Jake: I'm sure I'll have many many stories to tell
Me: YOU'D BETTER
Jake: but I'd like to have more than just you as a fan
Jake: make me famous
Jake: hahahahahahahaha
Me: dude
Me: make your own damn self famous
Me: you're so lazy!
Jake: extremely lazy
Jake: you're like my agent
Jake: my manager
Jake: my promoter
Jake: my ... handler
Me: *eyebrow*
Jake: hahahahahahaha
Me: the gift between my legs, Jake
Me: hahahahahahaha
Jake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: that rocked
Jake: that was priceless
Me: that was one of my best unintentional good lines

Reality Check

God, I just love Frazzledglispa.

Whenever I need an honest opinion about something, he comes through for me. He has this amazing quality of being able to instantaneously cut through all the BS of a situation and get to the bottom line, which is something I really appreciate. Stuff like this:

*swoon*

I also like him because he's exactly one day younger than me.

I had a dream with Rappy in it last night. We were in some random mall in some random city, and we were browsing the jewelry selection at one of those kiosks that are in the middle of the mall walkway. Except this kiosk was gigantic.

I kept asking Rappy if "this is Sephora" because somehow, inexplicable as it seems, the dream Julie can't tell the difference between Sephora and a jewelry store. Rappy said Sephora was next. Yay! I start browsing some bead-type jewelry (which, in reality, I don't like), and I look up to see actress Emily Procter (of West Wing and CSI: Miami fame) browsing across from me. I smile and nod in silent acknowledgment.

Then Rappy whips out her cell phone and calls someone: "RANDOM PERSON NAME, you'll never GUESS who is here. ROB THOMAS of Matchbox 20. And he's wearing NORMAL CLOTHES."

So I look up and sure enough, there's Rob Thomas, standing about 8 feet away. He gives us this annoyed look and snottily says "THANKS A LOT." I guess because he thinks he will momentarily be mobbed by a throng of adoring fans.

I, of course, do my best to disavow him of that particular notion, by telling him that no one cares who he is, he looks like a homeless guy, and "YOU SMELL."

Then Rappy and I ran away, giggling.

When Will They Ever Learn?

Kingston Trio "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" Listen | Buy

NOTES: I'm seeing the Kingston Trio today! With me daddy! When I was a kid, every time my dad and I would drive somewhere he'd let me pick out which 8-track (heh) to listen to, and I'd choose either the Statler Brothers, or the Kingston Trio. I know the words to all of the Trio's big hits, and I'll probably be the youngest person at the concert, but I DON'T CARE, because they're just that wonderful. Plus, seeing them perform is one of the things on The List, so that's one more thing I've accomplished.

Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone
Young girls pick them, every one
When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the young girls gone, long time passing
Where have all the young girls gone, long time ago
Where have all the young girls gone
Gone to young men, every one
When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the young men gone, long time passing
Where have all the young men gone, long time ago
Where have all the young men gone
Gone for soldiers, every one
When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the soldiers gone, long time passing
Where have all the soldiers gone, a long, long time ago
Where have all the soldiers gone
Gone to graveyards, every one
When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the graveyards gone, long time passing
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time ago
Where have all the graveyards gone
Gone to flowers, every one
When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

Anonymous Birthday Gifting

Someone sent me two books on Ireland and an Irish music DVD from Overstock.com, which arrived today. Only thing is, there's nothing on the shipping invoice that reveals who sent me such wonderful presents.

So whomever did so, please step forward for the thanking you deserve.

Also, another Audioblog! This one was recorded yesterday (only took 24 hours to post!) on my cell phone, while in Jake's car. Notable for my panicked scream when Jake nearly ran us off the road avoiding a box, and my Joey Lawrence impression in the waning second.

I haven't gotten tired of this Audioblogger thing yet. Maybe soon, though.

Adventures in Interviewing - Round One

AKA, But What Can You Do for ME?

My first candidate for the research assistant position was Gabe (a fake name, of course), a guy in his mid-20s who lives 70 miles away. He showed up 45 minutes early for the interview. I'm all for punctuality, but that just annoyed me.

So I ask him how long it took him to get here and he tells me it's about a 90-minute commute. I ask if that's a commute he's willing to make twice a day, especially when rush hour traffic will make it longer, and Gabe says:

"I'm not sure yet. I'm really just here to check out the company to see if I'd like to work here."

ALRIGHTY THEN!

I wanted to end the interview right there. And I should have, because it would have spared me wasting another 30 minutes on the guy.

But I sally forth. The next unsettling thing I learn is that Gabe thinks my company is an architecture firm. Well, no. Not even close. I ask him if he knows ANYTHING about this company (thanks, Eric!), and he says, "I didn't have time to do any research."

Gotcha! You didn't have time to do any RESEARCH on the company where you're applying for the RESEARCH assistant position (thanks for pointing out the irony, Raps!).

Blah blah blah, he doesn't really know what he wants to do, blah blah, how soon will he be getting a raise, blah blah I don't have any questions about the job or the company, blah.

He's not getting a callback.

Hopefully the candidates will get better; otherwise, I'm in for a long damn interviewing process.

Her Spelling's Atrocious

Sloan "Underwhelmed" Listen | Buy

NOTES: First, I was going to put up a Tragically Hip song. Couldn't find one I really wanted, so I moved on to Treble Charger. Decided "Friend of Mine" just wasn't doing it for me today, so now I'm on to Sloan. Obviously, it is Canada Day. And I am late for work.

She was underwhelmed, if that's a word
I know it's not, 'cause I looked it up
That's one of those skills that I learned in my school

I was overwhelmed, and I'm sure of that one
'Cause I learned it back in grade school
When I was young

She said, "You is funny"
I said, "You are funny"
She said, "Thank you"
and I said, "Nevermind"
She rolled her eyes
Her beautiful eyes

The point is not the grammar
It's the feeling
That is certainly in my heart
But not in hers

But not in hers
But not in hers
But not in hers
But not in hers

We were talkin' about people that eat meat
I felt like an ass 'cause I was one
She said, "It's okay," but I felt like
I just ate my young

She is obviously a person with a cause
I told her that I don't smoke or drink
She told me to loosen up on her way to the L.C.

She skips her classes and gets good grades
I go to my courses rain or shine
She's passed her classes while I attend mine

While I attend mine
While I attend mine
While I attend mine
While I attend

She pulled out a story about her life
I think it included something about me
I'm not sure of that but I'm sure of one thing
Her spelling's atrocious

She told me to read between the lines
And tell her exactly what I got out of it
I told her affection had two Fs
Especially when you're dealing with me

I usually notice all the little things
One time I was proud of it, she says it's annoying
She cursed me up and down and rolled her Rs, her beautiful Rs

She says I'm caught up in triviality
All I really wanna know is what she thinks of me
I think my love for her makes me miss the point

I miss the point, I miss the point
I miss the point, I miss the point
I miss the point, I miss the point
I miss the point
Hey mister

I Need Help

Yeah, yeah. Don't go there.

Hhhhhhhanyway, with my supervisor having given notice, it has now apparently fallen to me to become the designated Interviewer for the candidates applying for our Research Assistant position.

There's only one problem with this - I have no idea what I'm doing.

What do I ask? What DON'T I ask? What qualities (aside from job qualifications) should I be looking for? What red flags should I be aware of?

At this point I'll be leaning towards people who a.) can do the job, and b.) I like. However, I realize that B is probably not the best thing to use when judging potential job candidates (beyond a certain point - if the person is a total twit, and I don't like them because they're a total twit, then I think that's relevant).

If anyone has any words of wisdom, pleeeeeeeeeease help me out.

Hanford Auto Show

In addition to all of his other wonderful qualities, Eric is also an amazing photographer:

Hanford (California) Auto Show - June 2003

Fun With Jake

Heh, well, I just got done complaining over on Ben's blog that my Audioblogger stuff from yesterday hadn't posted yet, but uh ... it had. So here are the two recordings I made with Jake.

BE WARNED - Jake is profane. And really all you can hear from me is laughing. Lots and lots of laughing.

First attempt:    

I thought I gorked the first try, so then we did ...

Second attempt:  

Fun With Tech Support Guy

Last night I installed a chat client on my site in order to try and circumvent Eric's "corporate" firewall. It doesn't work all that well - it's buggy, error-prone, and right now registering a username is impossible - but it'll do in a pinch.

So I emailed my website host's tech support desk with the error message I was getting (it's related to mail quotas, somehow), and a few hours later, while Eric and I were chatting, we were graced with the presence of a visitor:

System: Guest_90724 joins the chat.
Me: this might be tech support
Guest_90724: yeah this is tech support
Me: were you not able to register either?
Guest_90724: I didnt try. I'm going to have one of our admins look at your alloted mail quota and see if it's broken
Me: ok, I've never had any sort of mail quota. I'm also not getting notifications when people comment on my site.
Me: which must be a related issue
Guest_90724: well usually there is a 1000 email limit so we are going to check if you have used that or if its broken
Me: 1000 per what? ever?
Eric: heh
Eric: this month...
Guest_90724: should be per day, sometimes it gets stuck and doesn't reset
Me: Eric, this is your fault
Eric: bite
Eric: me
Me: oh, then it's broken
Eric: 1000 per day??? Who all do you talk to???
Guest_90724: actually I'm looking at the logs here and it's definately Eric's fault
Guest_90724: actually I'm joking
Me: hahahahaha
Me: I love tech support guys
Eric: hehehe
Guest_90724: we are going to look at this and get back to you
Me: great, thanks for your help
System: Guest_90724 leaves the chat.
Eric: that was cool
Eric: he blamed me...
Me: you got BURNED

And then later, Tech Support Guy comes back:

System: Guest_11081 joins the chat.
Eric: THIS KEYBOARD SUCKS MY ASS
Eric: uh oh
Eric: *censored*
Me: hahahaha
Me: you're a dork
Me: it must be tech support!
Eric: grrr
Me: back to burn you again, I hope
Eric: yay!
Guest_11081: ha, I thought about it.
Me: hmm
Me: you're not in here, Eric
Me: but tech support guy is
Eric: yes I am
Me: I think this is a philosophical crisis for you
Eric: I'm heeeeere
Me: do you actually exist?
Eric: I do I do!
Me: I think Tech Support Guy will get this all ironed out
Me: all the bugginess in this chat client thingie
Eric: that's what they do
Me: I would test out the private message feature, but uh, your name isn't over there
Guest_11081: this site is slick, what's wrong with the chat?
Me: I don't know, that's your territory. I just installed it from your list of available toys.
Guest_11081: oh great.. this is ours? figures.
Me: oh, that gives me pause
Eric: lol
Guest_11081: no no, I kid I kid
Me: hahahaha
Me: tomorrow Tech Support Guy will be featured prominently on my site
Me: anonymously, of course
Eric: hehe
Eric: "Here's to you, Mister Chatroom tech-support fix-it guy"
Eric: "Real American Heroooooes"
Me: I just love how he totally burned you, Eric
Eric: eat
Eric: me
Me: oh
Me: kay

Major Minors

Me: suddenly, that new stat thingie started wigging out and adding that space above the banner
Me: because as soon as I removed the script, it went away
Rappy: I see
Me: but I'd rather blame Ben
Me: which I did in a comment
Rappy: ha
Me: he added you to his list of blogs
Rappy: and I did him
Rappy: which he thanked me for
Rappy: he's adorable
Rappy: aren't you glad you had to weed through seven bazillion emails?
Me: BUT HE'S MINE
Me: your ass can BACK OFF
Me: *smirk*
Rappy: oh RELAX! I've got my own minor to deal with, you perv
Me: you just remember that
Me: and yes, wading through five billion emails from that ship was worth it for the guys I still write to
Me: totally

Jake: I have a dentist appt today
Jake: now they are gonna drill
Jake: and fucking make me numb
Me: and you're going to drool
Jake: so I'll be drooling
Jake: god life sucks
Me: and then you die!
Me: *tap dances on your grave*

Rappy: my daddy am smrt
Me: and he makes good pickles!
Rappy: I was complaining about not being able to open the window, and he suggested the paint stripper that I got for the dresser
Me: dude, I told you that a long time ago
Rappy: you did?
Me: yeah, when you told me it was painted shut
Rappy: clearly I never listen to you
Me: NO YOU NEVER DO

Rappy: we live in a crazy world.
Rappy: what nature doesn't do we do to each other
Me: that is profound
Me: *copies*
Me: *pastes*

Get Your Kicks

So I have this friend, Eric. He's a good friend and he's always trying to help me out in new and exciting ways. Knowing about my 101 in 1001 list, Eric sent me a link that featured a place called the 66 Diner in Albuquerque, pictured below:

Looks fancy, doesn't it? I MUST GO.

This place, and the drive through New Mexico, could actually knock several items off the list, including:

48) Stay awake for 48 consecutive hours
55) Learn to drive stick
64) Drive on Route 66, in a convertible, with at least one friend
65) And then stop for dinner at a roadside diner
66) Visit a desert
90) Pick wildflowers

Of course, accomplishing #55 requires Eric to teach me to drive stick, but I'm not sure he's quite up to that challenge.

Many Battles Are Lost

Crowded House "Don't Dream It's Over" Listen | Buy

NOTES: Crowded House drummer Paul Hester committed suicide this weekend.

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the TV page

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead, barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and release

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Don't let them win

Everyone Has Been Burned Before

Charlatans UK "The Only One I Know" Listen | Buy

NOTES: I'm having a retro couple of days. This is the kind of music I listened to when I was in college. These guys are probably best known (if known at all) for this song, which was their first real single. Very indicative of what was then called the "Madchester" (for Manchester, England) sound. I like the organ (ha!). I also really liked the singer, Tim Burgess.

The only one I know
Has come to take me away
The only one I know
Is mine when she stitches me

The only one I see
Has found an aching in me
The only one I see
Has turned her tongue into me

Everyone has been burned before
Everybody knows the pain

The only one I know
Never cries, never opens her eyes
The only one I know
Wide awake and then she's away

The only one I see
Is mine when she walks down our street
The only one I see
Has carved her way into me

Everyone has been burned before
Everybody knows the pain
Everyone has been burned before
Everybody knows the pain

Audioblogger Test

Just testing to see what the proper code is for displaying Audioblogger junk over here, should I ever want to do so.

101 in 1001 Update

I've got more stuff to cross off of Ze List!

#35
#60 (thank you, broken elbow)
#93 (added Vanity Fair, and I am now regretting making this a part of my list)

Hey Ben, I can help with a part of #9 on your list. Number 64 on mine is "Drive on Route 66, in a convertible, with at least one friend." So I can take you through, say, New Mexico, if that state is part of your cross-country excursion.

Hey Carrot Juice

Louis XIV "Finding Out True Love Is Blind" Listen | Buy

NOTES: This is another band I discovered thanks to Jubileee, who never steers me wrong when it comes to music (I started listening to The Killers after she mentioned them on her site). Louis XIV, who I think are supposed to be The Next Big Thing, have an interesting sound that I'm finding hard to describe. This is a catchy song (especially the drum/bass lines), even if the lyrics are a little precious. I'm not sure I'd like a whole CD of this, but I'm going to find out, because I just ordered it off Amazon.com

Ah chocolate girl
Well you're looking like something I want
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
Ah and your little Asian friend
Well she can come if she wants
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
I want all the self conscious girls
Who try to hide who they are with makeup
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
You know it's the girl in the front
With the tight pants I really want to shake up
(I'm finding out true love is blind)

Hey, carrot juice
I wanna squeeze you away until you bleed
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
And your vanilla friend, well
She looks like something I need
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
I want miss little smart girl
With your glasses and all your books
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
And I want the stupid girl
Who gives me all those dirty looks
(I'm finding out true love is blind)

Wind you up and make you crawl to me
Tie you up until you call to me

Ah brown girl
With the hot pants shaking that thing on the street
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
Yeah and the short girls
With the way they crawl knocks me off my feet
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
And all the tough girls
Who never want me to see them cry
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
And the girls that say
Treat me like a dog until the day I die
(I'm finding out true love is blind)

Ah chocolate girl
Well you're looking like something I want
Ah and your little Asian friend
Well she can come if she wants
I want all the self conscious girls
Who try to hide who they are with makeup
You know it's the girl in the front
With the tight pants I really want to shake up

Hey, carrot juice
I wanna squeeze you away until you bleed
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
And your vanilla friend,
Well she looks like something I need
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
I want miss little smart girl
With your glasses and all your books
(I'm finding out true love is blind)
And I want the stupid girl
Who gives me all those dirty looks
(I'm finding out true love is blind)

Wind me up and make me crawl to you
Tie me up and make me call to you

Wind you up and make you crawl to me
Tie you up until you call to me

I'm finding out true love is blind

Liars Suck

Me: should I even bother responding to this email?
Me: I'm thinking "no"
Rappy: if you still feel compelled, it should state:
Rappy: Fuck off. - Fin -
Me: You always have such a way with words

Maybe You're Gone

The Dandy Warhols "Get Off" Listen | Buy

NOTES: So I bought the Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia CD on Sunday, gave it a first listen yesterday afternoon, and haven't stopped listening to it since. I cannot get this song out of my head. It makes me dance around the kitchen. It has no lulls, like a full-on mental assault. In other words, my new theme song.

Yeah like it or not
Like a ball and a chain
All I wanna do is get off
I feel it for a minute, babe

Well hot diggity dog
I love god all the same
But all I wanna do is get off
I feel it, I feel it, feel it babe

Baby, come on, yeah
If you have a hard time gettin' there
Maybe you're gone
If you find, you find yourself against yourself

Yeah maybe I fought
I once thought I was sane
But all I wanna do is get off
And feel it for a minute
Like the real thing baby, I guess

I already forgot
What I thought I would say
But all I wanna do is get off
I feel it, I feel it, feel it babe

Baby, come on, yeah
If you have a hard time gettin' there
Maybe you're gone
If you find, you find yourself against yourself
Hey, come on, yeah
If you have a hard time gettin' there
Maybe you're gone
If you find, you find yourself against yourself

And like it or not
Like a ball and a chain
All I wanna do is get off
And feel it for a minute like the real thing baby, oh yes

I already forgot
What I thought I would say
But all I wanna do is get off
I feel it, I feel it, feel it babe

Baby, come on, yeah
If you have a hard time gettin' there
Maybe you're gone
If you find, you find yourself against yourself
Hey, come on, yeah
If you have a hard time gettin' there
Maybe you're gone
If you find, you find yourself against yourself

Stepdad Update

My stepdad's biopsy came back positive for some sort of oral cancer (I'm not sure which type, specifically). The surgeon was not able to remove the entire lesion the first time - when you have a biopsy of something they like to get what is called "clean edges," meaning that they have normal cells at the border of the biopsy. This lets the pathologist know that the entire cancerous lesion was removed at the site.

Well, my stepdad's biopsy did not have clean edges. There were cancerous cells all the way to the border. So he has to go back in May and get more cut out (it's underneath his tongue) and have a biopsy of the salivary gland done.

If the gland is ok, and the surgeon is able to get clean edges on the second biopsy, then that's all that will need to be done. If either of those things go the bad way, I suspect he'll have to get radiation to the mouth.

That will not be good. Not at all. Most likely disfiguring.

So yeah. Not the best news, but depending on what happens in May, it might not be so bad.

This is from being a smoker, by the way.

The Meaning of Life

I ran across something the other day when I did a Google search on "the meaning of life." I think this spun off of a conversation that Roo and I were having about the whole situation with Terri Schiavo.

Somewhere in those search results I found these pages that purport to explain the meaning of life. I don't know who wrote the essays, but whomever it was is both intelligent and wickedly funny.

I wouldn't say that the concepts the person writes about are necessarily profound, although, in some ways they are. Overall I think the essays reveal a very good way of looking at the world, and our places in it. Because every one of us is just one random person floating in a sea of people, trying to stay afloat.

But there's good stuff on that site that I think would interest a lot of you. Here are some excerpts from various essays that I thought were especially resonant. Where there is italicized emphasis, it is mine.

From Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?:

From Unhappy? Depressed?:

From Feel Useless and Worthless?:

From So what?:

And finally, I really like the description of an "open system" way of living that is described on the So what? page:

Open systems:

• Base moral judgments on the actual helpfulness or harmfulness of someone’s behavior. Leave large areas of behavior morally neutral, so that you have room to find compromises with others who see things differently.

• Encourage you to listen to and understand people who are different from you.

• Define standards of moral behavior but allow that thoughts and feelings are not controllable and are exempt from “moral” judgments.

• Expect your natural inclinations to lead you into creative endeavors that will help you to find your place in the world and meet your need to act effectively.
  

You Are Indecision

Low Millions "Mockingbird" Listen | Buy

NOTES: This is the second time I'm putting up a track from Low Millions, having featured the song "Eleanor" back at the end of February. I get at least 10 hits a day from people searching for that song (side note: I just watched the video for "Eleanor" and now I've got a little crush working on Mr. Adam Cohen). This time I'm giving you "Mockingbird" which is also insanely catchy. I don't really like Cohen's reading of the first few lines (too much like his dad), but once he hits Enter the doctor and the nurse, the song really takes off.

Here's Cohen's description of the song – "A postcard dispatched from a patient in the hospital of love. Diagnosis: Mild insanity, induced by the indecision and contradictions of one's beloved. Is that faint sound the sweet song of a nightingale, or the deceptive call of the lying mockingbird? The patient's condition grows increasingly unstable."

Here come the nightingales
Or could it be the mockingbird
They're at my windowsill
They flew in as soon as they heard
Enter the doctor and the nurse
Say my condition's getting worse
They take my pulse and shake their heads
They recommend I stay in bed

They say you are my condition
You are indecision
You, what is wrong with you?

You say you love me but you don't love me
You say you hate me but you don't hate me
You say you'd leave me but you can't leave me

Because you love me
What's it gonna be?
What is wrong with you
Is what is wrong with me

Here goes nothing
I just swallowed the pill
The room's spinning out of control
Although I'm lying still
And those mockingbirds
They're hovering above
They're talking back and forth
About the trouble with our love

You say you love me but you don't love me
You say you hate me but you don't hate me
You say you'd leave me but you can't leave me

Because you love me
What's it gonna be?
What is wrong with you

Oh my God
I think I've actually lost the plot
Oh my God
My brain is fried and my nerves are shot
And why not

You say control me no don't control me
You say hold me no don't hold me
You say you'd marry me
But you can't marry me

Because you love me but you don't love me
Because you hate me but you don't hate me
Because you'd leave me but you don't leave me
Here come the mockingbirds

You say you love me but you don't love me
You say you need me but you don't need me
You say you'd leave me but you can't leave me

Because you love me
What's it gonna be?
What is wrong with you
Is what is wrong with me

Your Head's a Hammer

Me: I've decided that men are a separate species
Me: and totally unfathomable
Roo: amen to that

How Old Am I, Again?

I was talking to someone online this afternoon - he shall be heretofore referred to as King Missile - and he was asking me what the name of an upside down pentagram with rounded corners was. My answer was something along the lines of "hell if I know."

So he launched the Doodle IMVironment on Yahoo Messenger and started drawing it (he's in orange). I, of course, had to deface his lovely drawing with my devil-worshipping grafitti:

I tried to print it, but my printer borked on me. So he took a screenshot and sent it to me.

I think the eyes/smile make the drawing.

No Such Thing As Justice

I live in the same county as Terri Schiavo. I know exactly where her hospice is located, I've seen the protesters, I've seen people driving around with SAVE TERRI shoe-polished onto their cars, and I've been inundated over the last three years (since I moved back to this area) with the latest news in her case.

I've mostly become able to ignore it all. I can see both sides of the issue - I don't believe this woman is truly living (her husband's position), but it's difficult to rationalize starving someone to death when they can breathe on their own (her parents' position).

There are so many questions that go beyond her specific case - What does it really mean to be alive? What about other mentally or physically handicapped people who cannot live without assistance? How long do you wait for signs that someone with a debilitating brain injury can recover? I honestly don't know which side here is "right" (although I lean towards thinking that the parents are in denial about their daughter's ability ever to recover in a meaningful way).

But here's what I do know - Tom DeLay is a moron. Tom DeLay, one of the most ethically-challenged congressmen in recent memory, someone who never met a travel or fundraising rule that he didn't feel like he was entitled to break, is a moron. Tom DeLay believes that Terri Schiavo is just as alive as the rest of us.

Really? I don't see anyone, Tom DeLay included, offering to trade places with this woman. I don't see DeLay offering that he would be happy to "live" the rest of his life in a bed, not moving, not speaking, not doing anything for himself, unaware of his surroundings, oblivious in every meaningful way to the world around him.

She's just as alive as the rest of us? I don't think so.

Unless the definition of alive is simply the ability to breathe on one's own. I don't think it is.

Congress needs to stay out of this. I find it really troubling that they think they have any right to get involved in what is a personal, private matter between the husband and the parents, one that has been weaving its way through the court system for years now.

My family knows two things about me when it comes to death and dying - I want to be cremated, and I don't want to be on life support for an extended period of time. Once it becomes obvious I won't recover - that I won't retain my essential Julieness - then pull the plug.

If I'm not me, if they can't recognize me as ME, then I'm just a body with no soul. I don't want to end like that.

'Cause I Like You

Dandy Warhols "Bohemian Like You" Listen | Buy

NOTES: A few days ago, Jake loaded up his iPod mini with a playlist of 34 songs that he wanted me to listen to. This was song #17, and I didn't get past it for a few hours because I played it over and over and over. Yep - obsessed with it. This is the second Dandy Warhols song I've become absolutely smitten with upon first listen (the first was "We Used To Be Friends"). I love the lines Just a casual, casual easy thing. It isn't? It is for me best - such an unbelieveable kiss off.

You’ve got a great car
Yeah, what’s wrong with it today?
I used to have one too
Maybe you’ll come and have a look
I really love your hairdo, yeah
I’m glad you like my do
See we’re looking pretty cool, getcha

So what do you do?
Oh yeah I wait tables too
No I haven’t heard your band
'Cause you guys are pretty new
But if you dig on vegan food
Well come over to my work
I’ll have them cook you something that you’ll really love

'Cause I like you
Yeah, I like you
And I’m feelin' so bohemian like you
Yeah, I like you
Yeah, I like you
And I feel
Wahoo - woo!

Wait
Who’s that guy
Just hanging at your pad
He’s looking kinda blah
Yeah, you broke up that’s too bad
I guess it’s fair if he always pays the rent
And he doesn’t get bent about
Sleeping on the couch when I’m there

'Cause I like you
Yeah, I like you
And I’m feelin' so bohemian like you
Yeah, I like you
Yeah, I like you
And I feel
Wahoo - woo!

I’m getting wise
And I’m feeling so bohemian like you
It’s you that I want so please
Just a casual, casual easy thing
It isn’t? It is for me

And I like you
Yeah I like you
And I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you
I like you, I like you, I like you
And I feel
Wahoo - woo!

Blow Out the Candles

It's mah birthday! Which started off "altered" and will probably end that way too, later tonight.

Today's schedule includes girly stuff, shopping, family, food, friends and frolicking. In that order. Rappy was first to wish me a Happy Birthday, yesterday, at midnight Israel time. I got home from work to find that she had sent me two books - The Kite Runner and What's the Matter With Kansas? - off my Amazon wish list. She's such a good egg.

I hope everyone has a splendid day. Because that's my plan as well.

*Dies a Shawty Inside*

I shouldn't be laughing as hard at this as I am, but ...

Gizoogle's translation of my site

Basically, it's my site as translated by Snoop Dogg. The thing I'm finding funniest at the moment is that it converted one of the lines in "Mad World" from And I find it kind of funny to:

"And I find it kind of F-U-Double-Nizzy"

The translated conversations between me and Rappy sent raspberry iced tea right out my nose. Oh god, I have to quote these for posterity:

Frankenstein

I think I have found the perfect man.

Guy #1: The base model
Reason he alone is not perfect: Sadly unattainable

Guy #2: Add his sarcasm, geekiness, height, background, most other aspects of his personality
Reason he alone is not perfect: Apparently willfully obtuse when it comes to my charms

Guy #3: Add his availability/eagerness
Reason he alone is not perfect: No real chemistry whatsoever

Guy #4: Add his geographical proximity, hair, voice
Reason he alone is not perfect: Wants to get super serious

Guy #5: Add his accent, ability to dance on pool tables wearing skintight red leather pants
Reason he alone is not perfect: Doesn't know I exist (damn you, Jonathan Rhys Meyers!)

I think I can pull this off. Because I am a .

I Find It Hard To Tell You

Gary Jules "Mad World" Listen | Buy

NOTES: Even Roland Orzabal from Tears for Fears, who did the original version of "Mad World," has admitted that Gary Jules' cover is superior. This song was included in the movie Donnie Darko, which you must see immediately if you have not already (RIGHT, BEN?). I'll be buying the director's cut of the DVD tomorrow for my birthday.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere
Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

But I Refuse To Let You Go

This is for The Stick:

Temptations - Ain't Too Proud To Beg

(But don't think the beatings have ceased, because they have not.)

Her Head Has No Room

Rappy: oh GOD
Rappy: go away
Me: GO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Rappy: god, you know how sometimes you meet someone and they immediately think you're their best friend and call you constantly?
Rappy: well, imagine that, with a sexual overtone.
Rappy: EW
Me: *dies a little inside*

Jake: I can already tell this is gonna be a long and painful day
Me: I am leaving at 2:30, bitches!
Me: *big huge toothy smiley*
Me: I'll call you every half hour
Me: to see how you're doing
Jake: I hate you
Me: it must be opposite day
Me: because the truth is that you lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve me

Me: I wonder if the lead singer is still hot?
Me: he was hot in the Black Metallic video
Rappy: uh, he's freaking hot.
Rappy: I saw him in person.
Rappy: YOWZA
Rappy: right around the time that Adam & Eve came out.
Rappy: Which would have been...
Rappy: around 97/98?
Me: I should find a photo
Rappy: he couldn't have aged badly.
Me: PHOTO!
Rappy: oh, you mean you want me to find one?
Rappy: ok!
Rappy: http://www.popchild.com/issue_10/images/catherinepic1.gif
Me: he's got an intense face
Me: I want to smooch it
Rappy: aye

Me: how the hell does he manage to be in the Navy?
Rappy: I know! Those are like REQUIREMENTS!
Me: because most of them are hardcore boozers and sex fiends
Me: but he's like Mickey Mouse ...
Me: on South Park

Girlie So Groovy

Pixies "Debaser" Listen | Buy

NOTES: This is for you-know-who. This, my favorite Pixies' song, is off the CD Doolittle. However, that's not my favorite Pixies' CD. The best Pixies' CD is most definitely Bossanova, due to the inclusion of "Velouria," "Is She Weird?," "Hang Wire," and "Rock Music" (1:52 of reckless screaming of the line "Your mouth's a mile away," which also carries a certain relevance these days).

Got me a movie
I want you to know
Slicing up eyeballs
I want you to know
Girlie so groovy
I want you to know
Don't know about you
But I am un chien Andalusia

I am un chien Andalusia

Wanna grow
Up to be
Be a debaser
Debaser

Got me a movie
Ah ha ha ho
Slicing up eyeballs
Ah ha ha ho
Girlie so groovy
Ah ha ha ho
Don't know about you
But I am un chien Andalusia

I am un chien Andalusia

Just a Casual Easy Thing

I need help (stop laughing). I'm tired of all the music I'm listening to, and I need suggestions for new tunes. Jirrrrrrrd was kind enough to send me a gift certificate to iTunes when I fell down the stairs, but I have no idea what I want to buy.

Help meeeeeeeeee. What songs are currently lodged in your brain? All genres welcomed.

William, It Was Really Nothing

This just cracks me up for some reason.

Start Me Off and Watch Me Go

Caesars "Jerk It Out" Listen | Buy

NOTES: Because I am the Apple marketing department's bitch.

Wind me up
Put me down
Start me off and watch me go
I'll be running circles around you
Sooner than you know
A little off center
And I'm out of tune
Just kickin this can along the avenue
But I'm alright

'Cause it's easy once you know how it's done
You can't stop now it's already begun
You feel it running through your bones

And you jerk it out
Jerk it out

Shut up
Hush your mouth
Can't you hear you talk too loud?
No I can't hear nothing 'cause
I got my head up in the clouds
I bite off anything that I can chew
I'm chasing cars up and down the avenue
But that's OK

'Cause it's easy once you know how it's done
You can't stop now it's already begun
You feel it running through your bones

And you jerk it out

Endless

My mom called me at work this morning to tell me that my stepdad has to have a biopsy done tomorrow on a sore in his mouth. He was a lifelong smoker up until about 5 years ago, so we're a little bit concerned.

I'm just not sure what more can go wrong for the man. Heart problems, lung problems, prostate cancer, and now this. Any well wishes you could send this way would be appreciated.

AT&T Blows

So I get my AT&T Long Distance bill today. I knew it would be more than normal, due to a call I placed to the arctic tundra of Canada (i.e. Saskatoon, Saskatchewan) last month. But the call was a mere 25 minutes, so I thought the worst case scenario would be an extra 25 bucks.

*insert sad, sorrowful laughter _HERE_*

Well, no. I was really wrong about that. Those 25 minutes cost me $45.65. Not that the call wasn't worth every penny, because it was (*waves to Jason*), but JEEEEEEZUS. Almost two bucks a minute? I know AT&T hates me for using its Unlimited Calling Plan to full (and I do mean full) effect, but god - that's a pretty hefty chunk of change for a call that wasn't even 30 minutes.

So to make myself feel better tonight, I dyed my hair red. Really red. Really, really red.

It's only going to last until the weekend, when I birthday-gift myself with a haircut, highlights, and a manicure/pedicure.

Because I'm worth it.

Jakeishness

Jake: Backup:\Design and Development\CMS
Jake: could you open cms.xls please
Jake comes to my desk while I'm eating an apple
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Me: hahahahaha
Jake: AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Jake: I have an urge to continue doing that for at least another hour
Me: I swear to god you are the weirdest person I know

Jake: feeling hyper now
Me: I'm feeling cognitive dissonance
Jake: ha
Me: I think I want to join a nunnery
Jake: HAHAHAHA
Me: it would make life so much easier in many ways
Jake: go to a brothel
Jake: Hmm...
Jake: Do they make whorehouses for women?
Jake: You need a dose of Gere in American Gigilo
Me: hmm
Jake: well
Me: I need to be less selective
Jake: Is it that you feel whorish but dont want to act on impulses?
Jake: Or do you act on impulse and wish to be nun like?
Me: hahahahaha
Jake: thus creating your lovely dissonance
Me: neither
Me: ugh
Me: I don't know
Me: my head hurts
Jake: So get friendly with a brick wall

Me: I just want to die right now
Me: I blame you
Jake: I know, I have that effect on people
Jake: Why do you want to die?
Me: I just do
Me: I don't know
Me: fuck the world
Me: and everyone in it
Me: *flips off everyone*
Jake: Hahahaha did we just switch roles or something?
Me: *sulks*
Jake: There's a lovely sense of freedom in it if you choose to see it
Jake: Mad at the world?
Jake: FUCK EM?!?
Jake: Fine
Jake: Then who gives a shit what you say or do anymore?
Jake: Because if you don't care about them
Jake: Who cares what they think of you?
Jake: Do whatever you want
Me: I should do that, totally
Me: I've never been that way before
Me: Ever
Jake: FUCK ALL AND SO BE IT
Me: I should do it at least once
Jake: We can do anything we want in this world
Jake: Even fly
Jake: But everything comes with its consequence
Jake: You can fly
Jake: But it only lasts a few seconds before you hit the pavement
Jake: But in those few precious moments, you do get what you want

As Restless As We Are

Smashing Pumpkins "1979" Listen | Buy

NOTES: I've always liked this song, but over the weekend I was listening to it and finally got curious about a certain line of the lyrics that I could never make out. Only then did I realize that I had about 90% of the words wrong. Be more enunciating, Billy Corgan!

Shakedown 1979
Cool kids never have the time
On a live wire right up off the street
You and I should meet

Junebug skipping like a stone
With the headlights pointed at the dawn
We were sure we'd never see an end to it all

And I don't even care
To shake these zipper blues
And we don't know
Just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

Double cross the vacant and the bored
They're not sure just what we have in the store
Morphine city slippin' dues down to see

That we don't even care
As restless as we are
We feel the pull in the land of a thousand guilts
And poured cement
Lamented and assured

To the lights and towns below
Faster than the speed of sound
Faster than we thought we'd go
Beneath the sound of hope

Justine never knew the rules
Hung down with the freaks and ghouls
No apologies ever need be made
I know you better than you fake it

To see that we don't even care
To shake these zipper blues
And we don't know just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

The street heats the urgency of sound
As you can see there's no one around

Ignorance Is Bliss

I'm getting sick again.

This is no surprise given that my workplace is looking like 1938 Europe, when the Black Death spread across the continent. But I've already had my turn at being sick, dammit! Six weeks ago I completely lost my voice and could barely speak for five days, followed by the sinus congestion from hell (i.e. the "my head feels like a pumpkin" days).

But I woke up last night coughing so badly that I took a shot off my bronchial inhaler to settle my lungs down. The coughing has continued throughout today unabated. Great. Just GREAT.

So for lunch today I had a Jamba Juice Citrus Squeeze, with added Immunity Boost. Yeah, that'll work.

My birthday is in less than seven days! I hope everyone is planning accordingly.

I just glanced over my website stats and I've learned that this site is the second result when you search Google for the phrase "ways to finger a girl." FANTASTIC.

Last night I was talking to someone and he referred to me both as a "shithead" and as "Eleanor." I didn't get the "Eleanor" nickname, so he explained that it's a reference to the ultimate unattainable car from the movie Gone In 60 Seconds - the Holy Grail.

Kind of perplexing, yes? Quite the dichotomy between those two names, eh? I'm not quite sure what to make of it. And I'm wondering - does the fact that I laughed at being called a "shithead" mean that I cannot claim to be offended by it?

Don't Need You to Want Me

The Jesus and Mary Chain "The Hardest Walk" Listen | Buy

NOTES: This song is probably best known by a wide audience for its inclusion on the soundtrack to the movie Some Kind of Wonderful, but it was first featured on the Jesus and Mary Chain's debut. This song needs to be played LOUDLY for maximum enjoyment.

I never thought that this day would ever come
When your words and your touch just struck me numb
Oh and it’s plain to see that it’s dead
The thing swims in blood and it’s cold stoney dead
It’s so hard not to feel ashamed
Of the loving living games we play
Each day

And I’m stuck in a shack
Down the back of the sea
Oh and I’m alive and I’m alone
Inside a sick sick dream
Oh is it me
Is it me that feels so weak?
How can I deceive if I find it hard to speak?

The hardest walk you could ever take
Is the walk you take from A to B
To C

I walk
Oh honey I talk
Don’t want you to need me
Don’t need you to want me

And I walk

I Know There's No Tomorrow

Sugar "If I Can't Change Your Mind" Listen | Buy

NOTES: This is one of my favorite tracks off the CD Copper Blue, which forever has a place amongst my top 10 Desert Island Discs list.

Tears fill up my eyes
I'm washed away with sorrow
And somewhere in my mind
I know there's no tomorrow
I see you're leaving soon
I guess you've had your fill
But if I can't change your mind
Then no one will

And all throughout the years
I've never strayed from you my dear
But you suspect I'm somewhere else
You're feeling sorry for yourself
Leaving with a broken heart
I love you even still
But if I can't change your mind
Then no one will
If I can't change your mind

Even though my heart keeps breaking
Don't you know that I'll be waiting
Here for you
Then when you return
When will you return?
I hope you see I'm dedicated
Look how long that I have waited
If you come back then you will find
A different person
If you change your mind

How can I explain away
Something that I haven't done
And if you can't trust me now
You'll never trust in anyone
With all the crazy doubts you've got
I love you even still
But if I can't change your mind
Then no one will
If I can't change your mind

Someday you'll see I've been true
I'll stay that way until
But if I can't change your mind
Then no one will
If I can't change your mind

Free Stuff That Rocks

Does anyone want a free one month trial for Netflix? Only loser weirdos don't use Netflix, so ...

They sent me an e-mail that I can forward to all of my friends that includes a promo code for a free month.

Be forewarned, though - it will suck you in. It's not quite as indispensible as TiVo, but fairly close.

Contact me if you want me to send you the promo mail.

Defending Your Job

Rappy: yo yo, rappy in da hizzhouse!
Me: yo!
Me: I'm working on the notes for my annual review
Me: which is today
Me: I need
Me: Strengths
Me: Areas to Improve
Me: how could you possibly improve me?
Rappy: impossible
Me: see? how do they expect me to come up with things?
Rappy: you could say that the state of your arm could well be improved.
Rappy: hit them where it hurts
Me: ha!

T-minus 70 minutes until review-time. Although Jake bet me a dollah it will not happen today at all. BUT IT BETTER. Because I spent hours filling out the questionnaire template form and I want my big fat raise.

Kill, Don't Keep

This is my worst nightmare come to life:

An official from the Ugandan Wildlife Authority (UWA) looks at a five-meter-long, and more than 60 year-old crocodile at farm in Buwama, 45 miles from the capital Kampala, March 8, 2005. The 16-foot crocodile is said to have eaten more than 83 people over the last two decades, and was caught alive in Uganda and transferred to a sanctuary.

DAMMIT, PEOPLE! You don't save alligators and crocodiles! You just kill them. You kill them in front of their little reptilian families as a message to crocs and gators everywhere that YOUR TIME IS COMING. If they were eliminated from the entire world, I honestly don't think anyone would miss them.

They all need to die. Right now. I mean, really - would you want to see this lurking outside your house one day?

No. No you would not.

The Jake Farewell Tour Begins

This first conversation ends with the most prescient statement I've ever made:

GI Joe: Are you just getting back from lunch?
Me: yep!
Me: I went home
Me: I only live 4 miles from the office
GI Joe: What'd you have?
Me: oh, brace yourself
Me: I had...
Me: fat free hot dogs!
Me: on whole wheat buns!
GI Joe: Oooooooooooooooooooooooh!
Me: *head-shaking smiley*
GI Joe: You're silly
Me: thrilling, don't you think?
GI Joe: I really like silly
Me: I'm a goofball
Me: I just wish I could be a professional goofball
Me: I need someone to pay me to BE me

***

Jake: god this day is dragging ass
Jake: I'm so miserable
Me: would you like a teeny tiny cinnamon graham cracker?
Jake: HELL NO
Jake: no thank you *smiley*
Jake: march 31st will be my last day
Me: *wails*
Me: I guess I have to change my site
Jake: hahahaha
Me: I'm going to cling to your leg as you walk out the door
Me: I'm going to make the biggest scene possible
Jake: hahahahaha
Jake: it makes so much sense for me to put a weblog out there
Jake: why the hell am I so lazy?
Me: because you're an asshole!
Me: *smiley*
Jake: *smiley*
Jake: that's the spirit!
Me: *cling*
Me: you can't leave, Jake!
Me: who will be bitter for me?
Me: who will put a cynical spin on my every happy moment?
Jake: hahahah
Jake: in the end
Jake: there can be only one
Jake: I have taught you well
Jake: go now
Jake: into the world
Jake: and spread the misery
Me: *cries softly*

***

Me: aww, someone left a sweet comment on me site
Jake: You and your deceitful ways
Jake: Talking of happiness
Jake: and the "GOOD" life
Jake: I shall expose you for the demon you are
Jake: THE WORLD IS A COLD PLACE
Jake: people must know the truth
Jake: NOTHING MATTERS
Jake: NONE OF IT
Jake: NOTHING WE DO
Jake: In a million years the sun is going to burn out anyway and nothing will be remembered
Jake: nothing will matter
Jake: SAY IT
Jake: *smiley*
Jake: tell them
Jake hacks so loudly I can hear it from my desk, 30 feet away
Jake: fucking cough
Jake: see what you've done to me
Me: *snort*
Jake: you and your god
Me: Jake, I am going to miss you so much
Me: it makes me sad to think about it
Me: but stop hacking, idiot-boy
Jake: I just spit in my garbage can
Jake: How's that for a lovely picture?
Me: I feel so special now
Me: you've ruined a lovely moment!
Jake: Yeah, I'm good at that

He's Leaving Home

This is the best news I've had in aaaaaages - BD's Mongolian Barbeque is coming to my city! I hope they have frequent flyer cards, because I envision getting take-out at least twice a week. Although that could get expensive. Hmm ...

Jake: have a sec?
Me: yah
Me: need me to come there?
Jake: yes
Jake: as you well know
Jake: I HAVE NO LEGS

Jen sent me this - a new way to keep your monitor screen clean.

Jake: SHUT UP!!!
Jake: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Me: you're always so mean to me
Me: why is that?
Jake: because im EVIL
Me: I'm always nice to you
Me: well, mostly
Jake: EVIL
Jake: I show affection through acts of violence
Jake: come here, let me punch you in the face

Jake's last day at work is April 1. No, it's not a cruel joke. I have to remember to wear waterproof eye makeup that day.

En Garde

A friend showed this to me earlier, and it's too cute not to share. I just wish it worked on AIM.

Teem, look - they've got CUTLASSES!

Hee Hee Hee

Some of you know how much I love this little guy:

So much so, that I'm wearing this t-shirt at work today. I don't care how much it might make me look like a stoner - I love the Pillsbury Doughboy. Marry me, Poppin' Fresh!

Stiff Little Finger

My bones are self-healing monsters. This is what happens when you're a skim milk drinking freak, I'm proud to say.

I was subjected to a "bivalving" on Thursday, which is not nearly as fun as it sounds.

Bivalving is when a doctor - or more likely, a physician's assistant - takes a small circular hand saw and cuts into your cast. Hopefully they don't press the whirling blade in too far and mangle your flesh. The guy who did me was quite proficient at it. I only felt the warmth of the blade twice.

Me: "I don't even want to know what you've been practicing on to become so good at this."
PA: "Let's just say there are a lot of people named 'Stumpy' out there."

So he cut off the inner half of my cast, leaving me with the outer portion to use for support (held on with an ACE bandage wrapped around it). I'm supposed to wear this contraption whenever I leave the house and go out and about, since the public at large is clearly gunning for me and wants to run into my arm and cause me pain.

But around the house, I leave it off. Which is nice, because it means I can think about taking a shower and then five seconds later actually be in said shower - no longer do I have to go through the arduous process of wrapping a towel around my upper arm, rubber banding it in place, wrapping a garbage bag around my arm, rubber banding it in place, etc.

I'm also able to type with two hands again. This is a skill that I will never again take for granted.

According to the most recent x-ray, my elbow is "healing nicely, right on schedule." I'm able to move my arm in some very basic ways without any pain. I still cannot extend the elbow (i.e. bend it down), and I can't rotate my wrist very much without feeling white hot sheets of pain in my arm. So I don't do that. But I can do basic things, like dress myself, which is nice.

My pinky finger no longer hurts at all (unless I accidentally jam it into in my desk chair, which is exactly what I did roughly 2.5 seconds after arriving at work), but the little bugger is as stiff as a board. I think I left it taped to the index finger for too many days without moving it. So now I'm constantly doing finger-flexing exercises with that hand in an attempt to work out the tightness and regain proper range of motion (ROM to those in the orthopedic world). It's better than it was on Thursday, but still has a way to go.

Happily, I am now able to put on my beloved Body by Victoria bras. Sports bras are fine, and they have their purpose, but I was getting sick of the Uniboob look. So now we're all happier.

Yahoo has decided to let me have my e-mail again; all 250 pieces of it, dating back to 2/21. I'm wading through it slowly; some of them I've already received, some not. I don't know what happened with this, but I think it had something to do with the fact that Yahoo changed the way that attached images are displayed in e-mails.

Ezboards are currently being blocked at work, and I'm not sure why. I smell a conspiracy.

Sent the Kitchen Table Crashing

Crowded House "I Feel Possessed" Listen | Buy

NOTES: Uh, yeah.

She said "I could never do that"
But I know you can, you are in my dream
We are one person not two of a kind
And what was mine is now in your possession
I could feel you underneath my skin
As the wind rushed in
Sent the kitchen table crashing
She said "Nobody move
Or I’ll bring the house down"

I hardly know which way is up
Or which way down
People are strange God only knows
I feel possessed when you come 'round

It was one of those times
Wished I had a camera on me
Six foot knocked off the ground
I know how that sounds
Look above you and beyond me too
That kind of view don’t need an explanation
I’m not lying, not asking for anything
I just want to be there when it happens again

I hardly know which way is up
Or which way down
People are strange God only knows
I feel possessed when you come 'round

Whenever you invade my home
Everything I know flies out the window
It’s above you and beyond me too
I don’t want an explanation
But I’ll be there when you bring the house down

I hardly know which way is up
Or which way down
People are strange God only knows
I feel possessed when you come 'round
People are strange
I feel possessed when you come 'round

Cold Comfort for Change

Catherine Wheel "Wish You Were Here" Listen | Buy

NOTES: One day I told someone that I had never heard Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Much disbelief occurred. So I promised him I would listen to it, which I did today courtesy of a coworker. I told Rappy about it, and she mentioned that one of her favorite bands, Catherine Wheel, released a cover version of the Pink Floyd song "Wish You Were Here." She sent it to me, and I haven't stopped listening to it. I've still never heard the original, though.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue sky from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in the cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls
Living in a fish bowl
Year after year
Going over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here
Oh, I wish you were here

Girls Against Boys

The pleasure ... what cost?

This is Girls Against Boys. I don't really know how to categorize them - noise rock? Art rock? I just know two things for certain - this is one of the best rock band photos I've ever seen (I'm a sucker for black-and-white portraiture), and GVSB's song "Roxy" is, without a doubt, the best stripdance/seduction song ever (bonus points for one of the coolest uses of the word "whatever," too).

Two Things

1. I have fifty million (or maybe just fifty) Gmail invites, so if anyone wants one - anyone at all - just send me an email at highwaygirl at gmail dot com and I'll give it to you.

2. My Yahoo email account is acting up (I haven't been able to access it for 24 hours) so if you wrote me, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that Yahoo is being stupid.

The Stairs of Doom

Because I want you to experience the heady thrill of my falling down stairs/full arm cast experience, I present the following images (click the thumbnails for larger versions):

Starting from the left, we have ...

The stairs that broke my arm (seen from the top down; the carpeted runner at the bottom is where my head first came to a rest)

My first attempts at cast art (a three-dimensional box and a bunny - YES, it is a BUNNY, it's just that its paw is a little too long, STOP thinking what you're thinking)

A view of the black scuff mark made by one of my shoes as I was tumbling head over heels town the stairs (for reference purposes, when I stand at the bottom of the stairs the mark is right at the top of my head, and I'm 5'8")

And here is an illustration of a chip fracture, the kind of fracture I have in my right pinky: