Operation Do Something, Stupid!

Starting tomorrow, I have nine days off. And since I haven't updated this site nor really taken any photos in, oh, forever, that is going to be my little project for my time off:

Every day I will be travelling to a new destination to take photos, and then I'll post them here in the evening. I've got a map of my area and have drawn a 60-mile circle around my home; most destinations will be within that circle.

On Sunday or Monday, though, I plan to go to St. Augustine for the day. I've never been there, plus I want to get my ninjacar out on the open road to test the highway gas mileage.

Turn, Turn, Turn

I haven't travelled anywhere since my roadtrip through Arizona and New Mexico a year ago, so I think it might be time to get the heck out of Florida for a long weekend. What I'd really like to see is some fall color, since there are only two colors of leaves where I live - green, then brown (and on the ground).

I'm thinking that the last week of October or first week of November might be a good time to get away, but I'm pretty sure it's past peak season in New England for this sort of thing, so I'm not sure what other options are available.

Ahoy, Mateys!

I seriously just spent two hours clearing off all the frickin' spam comments. Dirty rotten spammers - may they be tormented in perpetuity!

I've been busy for the last ... how long has it been? A long time. I've been busy but I'm going to rededicate myself to capturing my life and all the random things in it for posterity.

I also hope to wheedle out some time to take photos again.

But anyway, how have you been? I've been fairly well; things are going nicely in my life if I do say so myself.

I'm still in love.
I'm still torturing myself at the gym.
Satchel is still amazingly cute (and has a new nickname).

And my newest idiosyncrisy is that I am no longer eating processed foods (for the most part ... I still eat salad dressings and stuff like that, but I've sworn off frozen dinners and fat free bologna).

We'll see how long that lasts, though.

One last thing - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mamé!!

Word Association

STATE OF THE NATION

Current Mood: Disappointed
Satchel: Uncontrollable
Marcel: Wonderful
Big Brother 6: Underwhelming
Work: Taxing
Temperature: Rising
Keane's Under the Iron Sea: Masterful
Jake: Jesus-y
Bullshit excuses: Lame
Skinny Cow Cookies & Cream ice cream sandwiches: Addicting
New dishes from Pier 1: Modern
New shoes: Painful
Current administration: Shameful
Raleigh, NC: Goal

Killing Them Softly

Me: alligator kills woman
Me: and that is why all alligators should be killed
Jen: OMG
Jen: That is crazy how he just attacked her
Me: and you defended them!!!
Jen: I admit, I do love the gators
Me: even if they ripped your arms off and let you bleed to death? ;)
Jen: then, no

Me: alligator kills woman
Me: *screams in fear*
Rappy: god, just thinking about DF is making me angry again.
Me: think about having your arms ripped off by an alligator instead
Rappy: good idea
Rappy: Jesus, that's horrific
Me: THEY SHOULD ALL BE KILLED
Me: every last single one of them
Rappy: right along with the roaches
Me: amen, sista-friend

And now this - two more women killed by alligators. I'm especially weirded out since one of them lives one town south of me, and her sister is married to a man who shares my last name.

It's Monday

And this is how I feel:

A Sphynx kitten is held before a referee while being evaluated at an international cat beauty contest in Bucharest Romania Sunday May 7, 2006. (AP Photo/Vadim Ghirda)

D-Day

It's been a good morning so far - talked to Marcel on his way to the airport, worked out for an hour, and now I'm back at home busily doing last minute preparations. Thus, the list is moved up:

THURSDAY NIGHT

Resistance Is Futile

Me: I didn't win the lottery last night.
Marcel: So you're not a millionaire?
Me: No. Sorry!
Marcel: Well actually, you're priceless.

How can I possibly resist this man? HOW?!?

Two Days to Go

Two days and a wake up, really. Friday is my personal equivalent of VE Day - Marcel will be here to visit!

But there is much left to be done. And this morning I realized that I have a mustard stain - nay, mustard STREAKS - on my favorite pair of jeans, and the stains don't appear to want to come out no matter how hard I scrub. So now I'm quite pissed about that, given that these are my only jeans that fit me just right.

So Jen and I are going out at lunch to shop for Plan B.

I'm going to post my list of things I need to do so I don't forget something:

WEDNESDAY NIGHT

Single Digit Flower

In honor of my attaining Single Digit Midget status (i.e. less than 10 days until the BIG DAY, usually a reference to someone in the military who is going home soon) today, Marcel sent this to my office:

Click the photo for a high-resolution version

Can I pick 'em or what?

Only Nine More Days

Follow the Bouncing Boob

So I was at the gym this morning for the first time since ... Friday? I think it was Friday. I had a busy weekend and yesterday morning I was too tired to go (Marcel's fault), so this morning I got back on track.

Anyway, I noticed something about my posture on the arc trainer while I'm working out. If I'm very focused on what I'm doing and blocking everyone else out, I stand up straight with my shoulders back. But as soon as I start looking around and notice a man looking my direction - not necessarily even looking at ME, but just in my general vicinity - I subconsciously hunch my shoulders forward and try to make my chest concave.

I'm embarrassed by my bouncing boobs! I know I shouldn't be - they're just breasts, dammit! - but I want to hide them just the same.

I wear two sports bras to the gym because as of yet I've been too cheap to shell out the $60 for the Enell Sports Bra that I really need. I willingly spent $90 on a heart rate monitor, but I won't drop $60 for good breast support. Something is wrong with me.

I really need Target to start carrying the Enell bra. I think if I could try one on to make sure I had the right size, I'd be willing to pay for it.

Where's the Beef?

Or, Penis, Penis, Who's Got the Penis?

On Saturday I took my nephew Alex over to the Museum of Science and Industry in Tampa to see BODIES ... The Exhibition.

It was freakin' COOL. I was a little worried that Alex (who is 10) might be a little grossed out by it, but he liked it a lot. The only room we sort of breezed right through was the one on fetal development (i.e. babies in jars). The exhibit is made up of a series of rooms that address a specific topic (digestion, neurology, reproduction, etc.).

Let me back up a second. The day started with Alex's football game at 11 a.m. It was the first game of the season (he's in a YMCA youth league) and he did really well - two catches, one for a touchdown, and some good defensive plays. He's on the Cowboys this season, and there are two girls on his team. One, nicknamed "Ladypants" (because that's what I heard when Alex was talking about the girl in "navy pants"), kicked ass with two touchdowns.

After the game Alex and I stopped at McDonald's for lunch on the road, then headed over to MOSI. It took us about 30 minutes to find a decent parking space (parking is free, but the Renaissance Festival was also going on nearby, so there was nowhere to park).

The first thing we did at MOSI was go to the IMAX Dome Theater to see "Dolphins." Neither Alex nor I had seen an IMAX movie before, so it was an overwhelming experience. MOSI's IMAX theater is a dome, so the film filled our entire visual field. You could look to the upper right and see something, then glance to the lower left and notice something different. It was a little disorienting when the camera started swooping down on a coastline, but still an amazing experience.

And I love dolphins, so of course the film itself was terrific (with soundtrack by Sting!). The story of Dean and JoJo almost made me tear up a little bit.

After the film it was off to see some dead bodies. There were a lot of people at the museum because it was the second-to-last weekend for the exhibit. The first exhibit of a full body that we came upon was of one posed in a reclining position. Alex and I were admiring the muscular systems when I heard the following:

WHERE'S THE PENIS?

My head whipped around to see who was inquiring as to the location of someone's penis, and it was a little old lady about four feet tall. She practically pushed me out of the way to get right up to the body, and then she started checking out the body's crotch. Clearly there is no humility, even in death.

WHERE'S THE PENIS, GEORGE?

I'm assuming George was the little old woman's husband, and George was glancing around the room trying to sink down into the carpet to escape detection. I'm standing there trying not to crack up (because we all know that PENIS is the funniest word in the English language), but not doing a very good job of it.

George: I don't know where his penis is, Sylvia.
Sylvia: Why would someone cut off his penis?
George: I don't know, Sylvia.
Sylvia: Do you think someone stole his penis?
Me: *snicker*
George: I don't think someone stole his penis.
Sylvia: So WHERE is the PENIS, George?
Me: *snort*

Fortunately, there was a plethora of plasticined penises for Sylvia to gaze at throughout the rest of the exhibition. Not to mention all of the preserved testicles that looked (to me, at least) like door knockers. I don't think I'll ever look at testicles the same way ever again, now that I've seen them laid bare.

I also thought it was funny how, even in death, some men are more impressive than others.

After BODIES we went over to the Kids in Charge! museum. That was a lot of fun because there was so much hands-on stuff to do.

We spent almost five hours at MOSI, then drove home, ordered from Pizza Hut (a medium half cheese, half Pepperoni Lovers), and then played World of Warcraft until 1 a.m. Alex was nice enough to allow me to take a call from Marcel, after I asked for his "permission" to do so, and then proceeded to grill me with questions about Marcel that included "What color hair does he have?" and "Are you going to marry him?"

Ten year olds - so precocious.

Swoonworthy

Someone that I've been missing (but thinking about constantly) just wrote me this:

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we are in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.

It's a quote from a Calvin & Hobbes strip. I love Calvin & Hobbes. I'm not sure he knew that, but even if he did, I'm taking it as a SIGN.

Plus, how sweet of a sentiment is that? I will admit that I read it and swooned.

I am so, SO gone.

And So It Begins

This morning I was walking back to my desk at work after a meeting and I saw this:

Someone sent me FLOWERS!!!

Who is this someone? He is my potential Option E, Marcel. I spent the rest of the day answering the questions "Is it your birthday?" (almost, on Sunday) and "Who are they from?" (someone really wonderful).

Here's a closer shot of the arrangement:

And finally a macro shot of my favorite type of flower in the arrangement (but I don't know what type it is):

*mimes "pretty!"*

Unseen Power of the Picket Fence

Here are the names of two companies you should never, ever trust:

Cambridge Management Services
Atlantic American Realty Group

I wouldn't trust them to convert my DOGHOUSE (for my non-existent dog), forget converting an apartment into a condominium.

Why shouldn't you trust them? Because they a.) will lie to you, and b.) will try to take your money for outrageous, fraudulent charges, if they can.

Two weeks ago I posted about how Cambridge Management (who ran my old apartment community, GrandeVille at Cobbs Landing)(and yes, I'm naming everything in hopes that Google and other search engines manage to index these pages) informed me that they were withholding my $275 deposit for cleaning and repainting fees relating to the apartment I had just vacated.

The apartment that they were going to completely gut as soon as I left.

They were assessing me a $100 fee for a "full clean" and $175 in fees for repainting three rooms, despite the fact that the manager of the complex told me THREE TIMES that I didn't have to do either.

So last Friday I sent a certified letter to the manager formally stating that I was objecting to their withholding of my deposit, due to the fact that they said one thing (I didn't have to clean/repaint) and then tried to hold me financially responsible when I followed their stated guidelines. I asked for my deposit back, and if I didn't get it within 30 days I was going to file a complaint in small claims court.

I threw around various Florida Statute numbers. It was really quite fun. I'll take a photo of the letter later and post it.

Today I get a response back from the Cambridge Manager. It starts off with a whole lot of bitchitude, which I don't mind - I actually expected it. I mean, I was basically calling the company out for being dirty nasty two-faced liars who were trying to defraud me of $275. But at the end of the bitchitude, we have this:

"I am revising the charges against your deposit to $60.00. A refund check of $215.00 will be sent to you from Cambridge Management Services, Inc."

I WIN!

But I'm also TOTALLY PISSED OFF at these people, now.

I'll take photos of both the original assessment and the revision and post them later, but the revision breaks down the charges to $20 for repainting the two red walls in the dining area, and $40 for cleaning the appliances. As it happens, I completely agree with those charges. If they had initially tried to assess me $60 against my deposit, I wouldn't have objected to that at all.

But WHICH IS IT??? Does it cost $75 to repaint the two red walls, as the first assessment says, or does it cost the $20 they've decided - only after I called them on their bullshit - to assess me? Because it can't be both, and I find it reeeeeeeeeeeeally really hard to believe that they're UNDERCHARGING me now.

I mean, duh - they colossally overcharged me in the beginning. Why? Because they're dirty nasty two-faced liars who were trying to defraud me of $275.

I don't even want to know how much money these companies have been able to pocket simply because most people don't want to take the time to question it. It's a totally shady business practice, yet it's one that I'm sure goes on all the time, everywhere, and is probably just seen as what you do in order to save yourself some money (kind of like how some health insurance companies won't pay on the first claim because they're hoping you'll just pay the bill yourself rather than wrangling with them to pay it).

I mean, really - Cambridge Management Services' initial assessment against my deposit was the exact same amount as my deposit. Don't tell me that was a coincidence. I'll bet they got my objection letter and thought, "Damn, I guess we'll have to actually give some money back to this one."

Anyway, I'm happy to be getting $215 back, and I think the assessment of $60 for damage beyond reasonable wear and tear was fair. But the fact that these companies tried to take me for a ride, financially, was something I just didn't want to let go. I'm not saying $215 is insignificant, 'cause it's not (my credit card will be even happier this month). It might be a cliché, but this really was more about the principle of the issue, not the money.

I think I need to do this sort of thing for a living. I do "indignant, and knows their rights" really, really well.

The Gauntlet, It Is Thrown

You know how sometimes you have to deal with companies - insurance, credit card, hospitals - and they want you to pay for something that you don't think you should have to pay for, and they make it so frustrating to resolve the issue that you just say "Screw it" and give up and capitulate and decide that you just cannot be bothered to waste time dealing with these moronic assholes?

That's not me. I live for that kind of stuff.

So today I picked up a certified letter at the post office from the apartment complex I just moved out of two weeks ago. A bit of back story - my apartment complex was bought by a developer, who is gutting every unit, remodeling them, and then selling them off as condos. When it came time to prepare to move out, I asked the apartment manager what I needed to do - what did I need to clean, did I need to repaint, how much effort should I put into tidying up the place before I leave?

I was told on THREE occasions (*holds up three fingers*) the following:

1. I didn't need to clean anything but the tub/tile in the bathroom, because they were literally going to rip out everything in the unit - carpeting, linoleum, cabinetry, shelves, doors, appliances - and start over. So there was no need to do anything but maybe vacuum and not leave the place gross.

2. I didn't need to repaint the walls because they would be refinishing them and applying stucco.

Fair enough! I went over this information with the manager THREE times (*holds up three fingers*), the latest being February 1 when I dropped off a check for four days of rent.

Fast forward to today. I get the certified letter, but there's no deposit refund, there's just a form itemizing the deductions they are making from my deposit. They include:

a.) $100 cleaning fee
b.) $175 fee to "return walls to white"

They want to deduct $275 from my deposit. Guess how much my deposit is? Go on, guess!

THAT'S RIGHT - $275.

What a coincidence, eh?

So my first thought is, "They're trying to charge me $100 to clean the apartment ... right before they tear everything out of it." Does that make any sense to you? Because it doesn't make any sense to me, and I don't think it's going to make sense to the judge in small claims court when I take these idiots there.

As for the painting - true enough, I didn't "return walls to white." Because I was told I DIDN'T HAVE TO. If I was told I had to, I would have, especially since I know I could repaint the place cheaper than the $175 they're trying to charge me.

I can't wait to draft my letter to them stating that I'm objecting to their little attempt to withhold my deposit. I'm looking forward to the battle, to be honest. Because these people apparently think I am either:

a.) criminally stupid, or
b.) not willing to fight back.

They're reeeeeeally really wrong about both things.

ARK'D

This has seriously been one of the worst days ever.

It rained. Oh my god did it rain. It rained more today than it has in FORTY-SIX YEARS. It rained 15" in five hours. I'm not even kidding you. Check the St. Pete Times tomorrow if you don't believe me.

It rained all damn day, and not just a little rain - it poured. ALL DAY. I didn't get nearly as much moved over as I had planned, which means tomorrow will be extra special stressful.

And the forecast for tomorrow? That's right - more rain.

Oh, and the phone jack installation guy bailed on me because he "doesn't work in this kind of weather." Well OK THEN, you ENORMOUS TWIT. Fortunately, I found a jack behind a different outlet, and that one seems to work. So I do have telephone service.

And the cable installation guy hooked me up with both TV and modem (obviously).

I'm going to be brutally unhappy around 11 a.m. tomorrow morning when we start loading the furniture. If I make it to, say, 3 p.m. without curling up into the fetal position and sobbing uncontrollably, I'll be very happy.

Call Me (Except You Can't)

So.

This afternoon I signed the lease on the condo. Then I did the walkthrough with the agent to document all the little, minor things that are "wrong" with the place.

It was after this process that I realized something:

THERE ARE NO PHONE JACKS IN THE CONDO.

That's right - no phone jacks. None. Not ONE. There are solid switchplates where the phone jacks SHOULD be, but there aren't any actual JACKS in the place. I unscrewed each switchplate - all FIVE of them - hoping that there would be a jack underneath, but nooooooooo. There was only wires. And not the individual colored wires, either - there was only a single bundled wire in white cable.

Dubya Tee Eff??!?

How do you prewire an entire two bedroom apartment and not go the extra, oh I don't know, ONE YARD to actually install the phone jack??

It totally blew me away and now it's bugging THE HELL out of me. I've already received permission to deduct the cost to install the jacks I need out of my next rent check - I called Verizon but their policy is that if the phone line works at the box outside, it's not their responsibility to bring the signal into the actual dwelling (WHATEVER, VERIZON) - so now I just have to find someone to, you know, come out and install the jacks so I can have actual phone service in my brand new condo.

So as of Friday, I no longer have phone service.

Everything else, though, was really nice.

It's Curtains for Me

Currently I am: Sneezing my face off. So I will not be cleaning/packing any more stuff until I get my hands on a dust mask tomorrow. Because my entire body aches from all the sneezing.

I got out of the house today to go buy a floor lamp from Target, and to browse the offerings at Pier 1. I had seen a few things on the store's website that I wanted to take a look at in person. I'm glad I did, because I found the perfect curtains for my new bedroom:

The photo makes the color look flatter than it is in person. It's got a little bit of shine to it, so the fabric looks nice and rich. They're fully lined, too, so they should cut out sunlight fairly well.

I plan on hanging the curtains on a piece of brushed aluminum pipe (cut to fit) from Home Depot and then attaching some big-ass finials on the end. If that's not possible, I'll just buy a silver/nickel rod and finial set from Target.

I'm considering whether or not I need holdbacks.

I've been surfing the 'Net looking for things, and I stumbled upon a site called CB2, which is apparently some sort of offshoot of Crate & Barrel. So I'm looking through the site's products and found this shower curtain:

Sense a theme? I'd already decided to decorate the master suite (bedroom, bathroom, closet) in a dark brown and blue color scheme, so this shower curtain is not only the proper color, but the fact that it also has grommet accents ties the two rooms together, stylistically.

Could I sound more pretentious?

Of course, I have to use the metal shower curtain roller rings, because I love them so.

Now I'm gearing up to place a substantial order from The Container Store.

Two of the Things I Want from IKEA

... but probably cannot have.

The walk-in closet at my new place is barely walk-in-able, so I am now on the lookout for a wardrobe/armoire. I don't want to spend a mint - and I doubt my stepdad can whip up something custom made within two weeks - so I checked the IKEA website for selection.

I WANT THIS ONE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BADLY:

It's the Meldal wardrobe, and it's just $100. But it's not available online, the bastards. My second favorite is the inexpensive ($80) Aneboda wardrobe:

Nice, eh? But what will likely happen is that I jam the closet space I have so full of stuff that my clothes are perpetually wrinkled.

Gymboree

Damn, jog-walking outdoors on sidewalks is going to kill my knees. I did 3 miles today (1.5 miles each in the morning and evening) and I can already feel it.

I'm considering dropping my membership at the gym. Mainly because it's $40/month, and although I go on average four times per week, that price seems a little steep.

I used some Christmas money to buy the TransFIRMer system this afternoon at Target after reading raves about it on various message boards. If it works well enough for me, I think I'll drop my gym membership after the mini-triathlon in April. Or sooner, if I decide that daily access to a pool isn't that important for training purposes.

Put it this way, I could take the money I'm spending on gym membership and put it towards buying a bike, which I need to do anyway.

More experimentation with infrared photography can be found on Foecus.

Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

(HAHAHAHA, the title of this is going to crack me up all day long.)

OK, many weird things are happening today.

FIRST, I'm wearing a skirt to work. Just because I wanna. Of course, it's messing with my coworkers' heads because they're wondering if I have a job interview on my lunch hour or something. To which I say ... maybe.

SECOND, this morning I realized that I actually kind of enjoy cardiovascular exercise. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!? I get a weird sense of satisfaction out of doing it. I'm not uber-competitive with others, but I am definitely competitive with myself. I like to push myself to see what I can achieve (although not in a freaky "extreme sports" kind of way). On Saturday I was working out on the arc trainer - totally unmotivated at first, I just wanted to get my 30 minutes over with - but at some point a switch in my brain flipped and I decided to go REALLY HARD with the intervals for as long as I could.

I ended up going for 60 minutes total, with intervals on incline 7 (out of 10) and resistance up around 50 (out of 100). A lot of the time I felt like I was out-and-out running and that my boobs were about to bounce right off my chest (note to self - get a more constrictive sports bra), but I was really kind of kicking the ass, comparatively, of the petite blond girl on the elliptical machine.

I don't understand people who go to the gym and don't work out hard enough to sweat. What's the point of going? Go hard or go home!

And then, if you're like me, become so exhausted that you nearly fall sideways out of the shower that night, since your legs are so tired and your muscles so gelatinous that you can barely stand up, much less keep your balance. I would have laughed through the concussion, though, I'm sure.

THIRD, somehow ... and I'm a bit freaked that this has happened ... I'm wearing the same shoes that I was wearing in February when I fell down the stairs at work and broke my arm. I have studiously avoided wearing these shoes to work, because I'm superstitious like that. I've been up/down the stairs four times today already, going verrrrrrry slowly, but I think I'm going to switch shoes when I go home for lunch.

Bored Now

The reason I haven't been updating that much is because my life is so fantastically boring these days. Every weekday is pretty much the same:

5:15 a.m. - Arise
5:30 a.m. - Arrive at gym
6:20 a.m. - Leave gym
6:30-7:50 a.m. - Shower, eat breakfast, get ready for work
8 a.m. - 6 p.m. - Work (with an hour off for lunch; sometimes I go home, sometimes I go to the gym for weight training)
6:45 p.m. - Arrive home after finishing whatever errand I needed to run after work (there always seems to be something); feed cats and take a shower
7 p.m. - Make/eat dinner; read my regular websites
8:30 p.m. - Make sure gym bag is packed for the morning, various other household stuff
9 p.m. - Go to bed

Yes, that's right - I go to bed at 9 p.m. now.

*loser*

On the weekends, replace "work" with "doing all those things I didn't have time to do during the week," like go grocery shopping, watch stuff on the TiVo, clean my apartment, do laundry, catch up with friends/family, etc. Every Saturday morning I drive down to Clearwater at 9 a.m. to see my nephew's flag football game.

I need more time, dammit. OR, I need a houseboy to come stay with me and cook and clean and make the apartment all pretty and shiny and stuff.

I really do need to get married!

Merry Christmas To Me

I hauled my ass out of bed at 5:15 a.m. yesterday so I could get to Staples by 6 and buy the following:

Isn't it pretty? It's an HP Photosmart 2610 printer/copier/scanner/fax machine. IT DOES EVERYTHING. Except, apparently, make me dinner.

So I was all geeked to set it up last night, and even though the box does say that it "does not include cable" I wasn't too worried - I already had an HP Deskjet printer, and it has a cable! I'm all set.

Except ... no. This printer connects to the computer through either a USB or Ethernet port. The box included an Ethernet cable, which is all well and good except for the fact that I don't HAVE an Ethernet connection/hub/whatever. I will be connecting through one of my 850 USB ports.

Which means I have to go out this morning and buy a USB cable. Bleh.

I also picked up three packs of 4" x 6" Canon photo paper, so I will be giving the gift of my photos to various people this holiday season. BE FOREWARNED.

Calf the Battle

Guess what? I got an email from my Aunt Jeanne, who I now know reads this site!

*waves to Aunt Jeanne*

Jeanne, if you're reading this, I'll write you back over the weekend.

Mini-updates:

1. Work is very, very hectic and a bit chaotic right now. I'll be going into the office for a few hours every Saturday for the next few weeks, to test content that's being converted. Long, boring story for you non-tech types. We have a Nov. 14 deadline for quite a few clients and we're working hard to meet it.

2. I stayed off my right calf exercise-wise from Tuesday to Thursday, but went back to the Y this morning (at 5:15 a.m.)(guh) and worked out on the elliptical again. And, well, my right calf is back up to DEFCON 4 level of pain. I'm icing it every hour so hopefully that will help. I think I'm going to have to lay off the elliptical machine until my calf muscle is completely healed, though. It felt about 90% better this morning, but it's much worse now. I guess I'll have to make due with the recumbent bike.

3. While at the Y I managed to lose the foam covering on one of my earbud things. If anyone knows where I can buy replacements, please comment and tell me where.

4. I'm meeting my dad for lunch at Jason's Deli today, where I plan on STUFFING MY FACE full of raw vegetable-y goodness. Mainly so I can have a Warm Delights Molten Caramel Cake tonight while catching up with stuff I have on the TiVo.

Rocky Mountain Thigh

I'm writing this today because by tomorrow, I might be dead.

This morning I got up at 5:30 (yes, willingly) in order to haul my ass down to the Y and work out for a half hour on the elliptical trainer. I was a little slow and didn't get there until 5:50, and by then all of the machines were occupied.

Bastards. I was all jazzed to work out, too.

I was already down there and unwilling to be denied, so I decided to do a bit of weight training using the fancy Cybex Eagle (with integrated top plate lubrication!) equipment that the Wellness Center offers.

Wait, let me back up for a second. NO, first a brief digression - Scooter Libby got indicted! HA HA HA HA HA! I'm sorry, but no grown man should be referred to as "Scooter."

Anyway, backing up, last night after work I stopped by the Y for my orientation session. I met with A.J., a frighteningly buff guy who learned me on the proper technique in using all of the Cybex machines. He was very nice and I might actually pay for a few personal (training) sessions with him.

Although if I end up with biceps like his, I'm going to be very unhappy.

So this morning I decided that even though I didn't have enough time to do the full body (upper and lower) circuit of machines (there are 14), that I'd do all of the lower body machines, then the ab machine, and then do whatever upper body machines I still had time for.

I enjoyed the Leg Press greatly. The Leg Extension was a bit harder, but not too bad. The Seated Leg Curl was kicking my ass by midway through the second set, but I soldiered on, which is why I fear that my quads might be screaming in Teh Pain by tomorrow morning.

Calf Raise (*yawn*). I skipped the Glute machine because I'm still dealing with some lower back pain. I finished with the Hip Ab/Ad (huh?), and thankfully this machine is positioned so that your back is to the room, otherwise I'd have been opening (wide) my thighs SEVENTY TWO TIMES for the enjoyment of my fellow YMCAians.

After using the Abdominal (Snowman) machine, I was really kind of fatigued, but I had seven minutes to kill so I worked in the Chest Press and Lat Pull machines. I was going to go for the Overhead Press to round out the morning, but honestly, that machine is scary and it's really really hard and makes my chest feel all oogy. I know this from the FIVE WHOLE REPS I did with A.J. while orientating last night.

And then I drove like a banshee to get home by 6:45, at which time I started my normal morning shenanigans.

I've felt pretty good today energy-wise, so maybe there's something to this whole exercise thing? I don't know.

What I do know is at the moment my thighs are very, very angry with me.

Willlllllmaaaaaa!

Been busy. My last day on the job is Friday, followed by a weekend of getting my apartment back to a state of normalcy, and then on Monday I start my career as a woman of ill repute.

Or something.

Guess what? Another hurricane is menacing me. This time it's Wilma (tell me you can read that and not think of The Flintstones), the most intense Atlantic hurricane ever, based on millibars, or millipedes, or some such nonsense.

It's expected to hit south of here (I'm in the Tampa Bay area), but you never quite know with these things. Hurricanes give plenty of notice that they're coming to visit, but they're fickle about where they're going to stay the night.

So yesterday I was in Target to return a shirt and pick up miscellaneous items, such as toothpaste and laundry detergent. For some strange reason I remembered - and I never remember, usually - to visit the camping goods aisle to check out the Coleman stoves.

I've never been able to find any of these things in stock, because by the time I remember to look for one, it's only because a hurricane is fast approaching. There are never any to be had because, no brain surgeon am I - everyone else is having the same thought.

But last night I remembered and, even more amazing, there were products in stock. So I picked up the PowerPack™ Single Burner Propane Stove, a can of propane, and for good measure, the Pack-Away® Personal Size Lantern (which I now see is available exclusively at Target).

So I'm all set this time, should the power go out for long stretches. Of course, my diet will consist of 10 varieties of canned soup, chili beans, and diced tomatoes, but I'm not one to complain. Much.

Crash Into Me

Hi. How are you? I'm not sure what day it is anymore.

EZboards suck.

But Teem pointed me in the direction of the following, which does not suck:

(Courtesy of this chick's profile on some random message board.)

Phil: I've already told him "smart, witty"
Phil: But he's asking the obvious physical questions
Me: Tell him my breasts are 38DDs
Me: BUT
Me: I have wide feet
Me: AND my legs are not long
Me: even though I'm almost 5-9
Me: I have a long torso
Me: actually, tell him I'm built like Fred Flintstone
Me: and then tell him to fuck off
Phil: LOL

And speaking of the god-forsaken EZboard...

Me: http://p079.ezboard.com/fezboardfrm98.showMessage?topicID=107.topic
Me: I love the first post in that thread
Rappy: tee hee - I just started reading that before you linked
Me: it really is AMAZING that the CEO mentioned marketing stuff
Me: I did a double take at that
Rappy: dude, they are doing a really bad job at attempting damage control
Me: a textbook BAD case of damage control
Rappy: it's kind of like the pilot thanking you for choosing Air "X" right after the flight attendant slammed a cart into you
Me: or right after the plane crashed
Rappy: Thank you for *boom* flying Oceanic

Me: I love sarcastic smart people
Rappy: "maybe in a couple of months, they might put up an announcement that says "We will re-imburse you for 7 days for you losing all your data, all your threads, all your posts, all your replies...etc..."
Rappy: tee hee
Rappy: these people ARE funny
Rappy: I'd laugh if it all wasn't so sad
Me: yeah
Me: well, I have laughed
Me: because some people are funny
Me: but shit
Me: HT might never recover
Me: "That was a whole lot of nothing dressed up as a technically challenged something..."
Me: HAHAHAHAHA
Rappy: ok, i may want to marry skeletal grace...
Me: I snorted out loud
Me: "the new ezboard experience"
Me: that phrase cracks me the fuck up
Rappy: hehe
Me: "So, stop being all happy. Business is business. If you want to feel happy go hold hands in a corner."
Me: *offers hand, for holding*
Me: you can pick the corner

Mint Juleps for Everyone

I went to the Kentucky Derby this weekend:

I had a really good time.

Cocking the Holes

Rappy: are you watching Medium?
Me: not right this second, no
Rappy: no, I mean, do you watch the show?
Me: <-- at work
Rappy: thanks for the clarification there, Einstein

Me: an Aussie posted on me site!
Rappy: I saw!
Me: *responds*
Rappy: and he's bringing friends
Rappy: you're like, a kegger

Jake: SAMSONITE!!!
Me: SUCTION CUP DILDO!!!
Jake: PIG POOCH ORANGATANG!!!
Me: uhhh ...
Me: OK, you win

Jake: she's talking about leaky holes right now
Jake: and... caulking
Jake: pronounced COCKING
Jake: COCKING THE HOLES damn you
Jake: plugging them
Jake: stopping the leakage
Jake: because they have "DRIED AND SHRUNK"
Jake: they are "OLD"
Me: *retches*
Jake: "IF I WERE HOME RIGHT NOW, I'D BE WET"
Me: NO
Me: she did not say that
Jake: yes
Jake: she did
Jake: but referring to her kitchen windows
Jake: from the rain

Jake: you excited him
Me: I will stab you if you continue that line of thought
Jake: hahahaha
Jake: you...
Jake: aroused him
Me: I mean it
Me: SHUT IT
Jake: you...
Jake: made him sweaty
Me: Jake
Jake: *smiley*
Me: our friendship hangs in the balance
Jake: hahahaha

Jake: http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Movies/05/04/
oldest.munchkin.ap/index.html
Me: you and your midgets
Jake: the midgets of the world need a leader
Jake: and I
Jake: I am up to the challenge
Jake: I shall harness the power of the midget
Jake: and with that midget power, RULE THE WORLD
Me: like a team of tiny oxen

Liars Suck

Me: should I even bother responding to this email?
Me: I'm thinking "no"
Rappy: if you still feel compelled, it should state:
Rappy: Fuck off. - Fin -
Me: You always have such a way with words

Ignorance Is Bliss

I'm getting sick again.

This is no surprise given that my workplace is looking like 1938 Europe, when the Black Death spread across the continent. But I've already had my turn at being sick, dammit! Six weeks ago I completely lost my voice and could barely speak for five days, followed by the sinus congestion from hell (i.e. the "my head feels like a pumpkin" days).

But I woke up last night coughing so badly that I took a shot off my bronchial inhaler to settle my lungs down. The coughing has continued throughout today unabated. Great. Just GREAT.

So for lunch today I had a Jamba Juice Citrus Squeeze, with added Immunity Boost. Yeah, that'll work.

My birthday is in less than seven days! I hope everyone is planning accordingly.

I just glanced over my website stats and I've learned that this site is the second result when you search Google for the phrase "ways to finger a girl." FANTASTIC.

Last night I was talking to someone and he referred to me both as a "shithead" and as "Eleanor." I didn't get the "Eleanor" nickname, so he explained that it's a reference to the ultimate unattainable car from the movie Gone In 60 Seconds - the Holy Grail.

Kind of perplexing, yes? Quite the dichotomy between those two names, eh? I'm not quite sure what to make of it. And I'm wondering - does the fact that I laughed at being called a "shithead" mean that I cannot claim to be offended by it?

Two Things

1. I have fifty million (or maybe just fifty) Gmail invites, so if anyone wants one - anyone at all - just send me an email at highwaygirl at gmail dot com and I'll give it to you.

2. My Yahoo email account is acting up (I haven't been able to access it for 24 hours) so if you wrote me, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that Yahoo is being stupid.

Fingered

I'm watching The Killing Fields, again, for the four-hundredth time, and just like the 399 times before it's making me want to cry.

So yeah, I'm not updating the site as frequently as usual because my one typing finger moves far too slowly to keep up with my brain. Every time I try to write something cohesive it comes off as extremely disjointed. Just ask anyone who has been e-mailing me.

Jen is coming over after work tonight to take me to the grocery store, because I still can't drive. My pinkie remains quite painful, and I can barely bend it, so until those things sort themselves out I'll be begging rides from family and friends.

The novelty of the full arm cast has officially worn off.

Speechless

Literally.

Just a quick note to say that I'm rilly, rilly sick right now, complete with laryngitis and the inability to sleep for more than 90 minutes at a time. My lungs, as per usual, are in revolt, but this time they've brought my sinuses along for the battle.

So I just don't have the energy to make updates. Maybe this weekend.

Addition By Subtraction

I was talking to someone at work today who is going through some difficult circumstances, and I was trying to stress to this person that change is a part of life. That people change, and how they feel about things - including other people - changes too.

It's hard sometimes to make sense of these things, but in the end, I truly believe that the people we have in our lives are the people we're supposed to have in our lives. And that for every person whom we lose, we gain the opportunity to open ourselves to another. One who might enrich our lives in far greater ways than the person we've just lost.

Addition by subtraction.

This is just how I actively choose to see this sort of thing. Otherwise, I think it's too easy to focus on what you no longer have ... and then you miss the fact that life is one continuous, glorious opportunity to have and do better; to be and feel more.

So for my friend at work, I say this:

There are many people in this world that can love you; there are many people in this world that you can love.

As hard as it is to let go of something, I think it's easier to accept if you see it, ultimately, as something that will be positive in your life. Addition by subtraction.

My coworker, I don't think he believes that. He's trying to bring something back that has ended. That's something we've all done. "Why can't they be who they were? Why can't we go back to what we had?"

I don't really know that there's one answer, other than that people just change. For a vast array of reasons, they change. You just accept it and move on to something better. Because "better" really is out there, even if it doesn't seem like it is right now.

So I was driving home tonight thinking about this, and I realized that right now, at this moment in time, I love everything about my life. There is nothing I would change. I don't know why I feel this way, since I have reasons not to (stupid lungs).

Even that I wouldn't change. I just ... I'm just happy. For no specific reason, and because of no specific person. I'm just very happy with the big picture of my life.

To quote Kerouac, the circumstances of existence are pretty glorious.

Onward and Downward

Achtung! Delirium ahead.

(This was all before the day got ultra-hellish. I am, unbelievably, still at work at 7:38 p.m. with no end in sight.)

Me: please let me dieeeeeeeeeeeee
Rappy: I'd rather you didn't. While you're still with us, who was the dreamy boy who played the dead fighter on Cold Case?
Rappy: I've seen him before.
Me: the dead fighter...
Me: oh, I Tivo'd the last ep
Me: haven't seen it yet
Rappy: You know, this Tivo deal is the devil.
Rappy: You're totally not caught up on anything. It's like you're ASKING me to spoil you!
Rappy: *curses tivo*
Me: SHUT UP!!!
Me: don't you EVER take TiVo's name in vain!

Rappy: it's SO stormy here. It's been hailing on and off all afternoon
Me: wow, hail!
Me: we get that sometimes
Me: I like hail
Me: it's like God is throwing rocks at you

Me: tee hee
Me: I made a funny on LG
Rappy: let me go see!
Rappy: where?
Me: tee hee
Rappy: hahaha
Rappy: HAHAHA!
Rappy: *snort*
Me: tee hee hee!
Rappy: let's see who catches it first
Me: yes
Me: we shall see
Rappy: I'm actually dying laughing
Rappy: does roo know?
Me: I was typing "lemming" and just thought - No. Let's do "lemon"
Me: I gave her the same "tee hee" I gave you
Rappy: she must, as I just pointed out the banner hadn't been changed
Me: yeah, she told me to change the bannah
Rappy: hahahaha
Rappy: *tears*
Rappy: did you do it on purpose or did it just come out and made you laugh?
Me: it made me laugh as soon as I thought of doing it
Me: so I DID IT
Me: I had typed "lem" and then thought of it
Me: I am fully caught up on LG
Me: *breakdances with glee*

Roo: we need to take down the lesley banner
Roo: can you do it?
Me: yeah, I will do that
Me: tee hee
Roo: what?
Me: *pinky to lip*
Roo: rappy is tee heeing me too
Me: tee hee
Roo: you wrote lemon????
Me: TEE HEE HEE!
Roo: you're wacky!
Me: I am delirious with sickness

Sick of Myself

...when I look at youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

A little Matthew Sweet to start the day never hurt. Although it probably won't help today, for I am sick. My body has been toying with the idea of getting sick for a few weeks - I'll start feeling a little poorly, and then get better - but now it's made a firm committment to feeling like hell.

I believe it's the flu, since I woke up this morning with body aches 'n chills (to go with the cough I had yesterday). My lungs, of course, are in full-on rebellion. Viva la revolución!

And now, off to get ready for work.

Remains of the Day

Updated throughout the day as time allows.

9:05 a.m.
Me: what is cute waiter's NAME?
Rappy: Oh, it's not good
Rappy: Dvir.
Me: how do you pronounce that?
Rappy: d-veer
Me: that's very close to d-jee-ber
Rappy: omg, FUCK OFF
Me: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Me: *twirls around the office*

Pieces of Me

And upon leaving work, I feel like this:

T.F.G.I.F.F.

Yeah.

Anxious Egg

This is how I'm feeling this morning:

Are You Ready to Rumble?

Today I saw Hulk Hogan at my vet's office. This was no huge surprise, since it's well known that he lives in the area. My sister-in-law once saw Hulk shopping for produce at Winn Dixie.

Anyway, I'm just standing there with my mom, waiting to talk to the receptionist, and a woman who turned out to be Hulk's wife came in first, blowing by everyone and gushing about the two Jack Russell Terriers in the waiting room. She made small talk with the JRT owner for about 15 seconds, then Hulk came through the door carrying what I thought was two purses. One was hot pink leather with rhinestone accents, and one was Louis Vuitton. Come to realize later that they're both items you use to carry pocket dogs.

So Hulk and his wife aren't even made to wait with all the rest of the unwashed masses in the waiting room; they go right in. Then I see two blonde teenagers walk in and follow Hulk. His son looks normal; his daughter looks like she's trying to channel Paris Hilton (long white hair, pout, tragic lack of fashion sense). The difference is that his daughter looks healthy (in the sense that she looked to be at a "normal" weight rather than rail thin).

My mom and I were placed in the exam room next to the Hogans. Their two dogs' names are Romeo & Juliet, and they were suffering from impacted anal glands.

Celebrities - they're just like US.

Back to Hell

Reason #465 why the Internet is so very cool – You can post a song from a band you like, and a few days later the keyboard player from that band leaves you a comment.

I cannot imagine going back to a pre-Internet world, purely from an information standpoint. I've been completely spoiled by my ability to find information within seconds about whatever topic I'm interested in. I can't even fathom having to actually make a trek to a library (and even those are online now as well).

The flip side of this is that I assume that the information I want is out there. Usually it is, but when it isn't, I'm actually surprised.

Jake: he has arrived
Me: *genuflects to a higher god*
Jake: *cocks weapon*

My DVD player died on Saturday during the movie fest. I guess it didn't appreciate the dry humor of A Mighty Wind, because it gacked within 15 minutes of playing that disk. The display kept reading "H07" and refusing to read the disk. After doing a Google search (see? I'm totally dependent upon the Internet) I learned that the Panasonic RV-32K is apparently a piece of crap that is known for the "dreaded H07 error" - which means its spin motor has died.

According to the user reviews on CNET I should consider myself lucky to have gotten two years out of the thing. Or as "Yet Another H07 Victim" writes:

"Searching Google, it seems getting the H07 (It's dead, Jim!) error after a year in a half is doing pretty good!"

Fortunately I - for some unknown reason - bought the extended warranty when I bought the player from Circuit City on 12/30/02. Yep, it died nearly two years to the day after I bought it. So I took it to the store on Sunday and they're sending it out for "repair." I think they'll change their minds after they realize what is wrong with it. If it can't be repaired, then I get a replacement of equal value and ability, or, if they don't have a comparable model, a gift card in the amount of my purchase price. Which is pretty damn good.

What's not pretty damn good is Circuit City telling me the process will take 3-4 weeks. I helpfully pointed out that the warranty states that after 7 days they have to provide me with a loaner. The clerk balked at that, saying they no longer use that warranty plan (they replaced it with something I can only assume is drastically inferior and much more in their favor). So I had her call the manager, because my paperwork clearly stated what my rights were, and they are required to honor the warranty under the terms in which they sold it to me.

And so I WON. But I have to wait until Sunday to pick up the loaner.

Happy New Year!

I've created a gallery of the Last Sunset of 2004. These photos were taken at Sand Key State Park in Clearwater, Florida. None of the photos have been retouched.

I created the gallery using Photoshop Elements 3.0, which is turning out to be the coolest thing ever. Seriously. It resized the original photos and created all the thumbnails and the gallery HTML. This is just a basic gallery (there are about 30 different backgrounds and themes you can use) and I didn't create captions for anything.

I'm spending the day locked in my apartment watching movies with Ian. So far we've watched King Arthur (mmm, Clive Owen/Ioan Griffudd/Hugh Dancy hotness) and Timeline (mmm, Gerard Butler hotness). Next up is A Mighty Wind (mmm, Christopher Guest hotness).

Oh, I hooked up my DVD burner today and it works perfectly.

*big toothy but-I-will-not-do-anything-illegal grin*

Let's Not Forget We Are So Strong

There was a lot I was going to write about today, but I'm running late so I'm just going to do the stream of consciousness thing.

First, and most importantly, I want to take a moment to tell all of my friends how much I appreciate your presence in my life. I think I do a pretty good job of letting people know what they mean to me, so I'm not going to name any of you specifically. But I want to thank you all for being there for me this past year. In good times and bad (and everything in between) I knew I could count on you all for support, advice and friendship.

I value all of you so much. You show me in so many different ways – both big and small – that you love me. I hope you all know how much I love you, too.

I'd also like to thank everyone who reads this site for thinking enough of me to visit and read my words. Extra thanks to the people who comment.

The thing I'm looking forward to most today is going to the beach at sunset with my nephew Alex. He's interested in photography, and even has his own digital camera! So I thought it would be fun for the two of us to go down to Indian Rocks Beach and take photos of the last sunset of 2004. I'll try to post shots from both of us over the weekend.

Oh, some of you might remember how I was talking about feeling "it" but not really knowing what "it" is? Well I think I've figured it out. For me, "it" seems to be intellectual stimulation. Which sounds very elitist in a way, but I can't deny it – I need someone who challenges me intellectually.

If marriage means you have to ask your partner for permission to do things, I'm never getting married. Because I just can't see ever getting to the point where I'd be all right with asking permission from someone to do the things I want to do. I believe in the courtesy of telling someone what you want to do and asking them if they want to join you; but I don't think I will ever willingly relinquish the freedom to choose my own path.

Not that I think all marriages require giving up freedom, but ... well, maybe I do think that. It's not necessarily a bad thing, I know. I just can't see doing it. I want one of those relationships (monogamous, long term) where it's truly two distinct, fully-formed people being together and sharing parts of their lives with each other ... but not being required to share everything together.

Does that make sense? Maybe not. Suddenly I can understand relationships where the people involved still keep separate residences.

Here's another song from Sleep Station that you can download: "Caroline - London, 1940" (right click on the link). I really like this band; they were recommended on Sgt. Missick's journal. Their most recent release, After the War, is a concept CD about a WWII soldier. I've listened to clips and I do believe I will have to purchase it.

I talked to Trina last night and she's definitely in for the "Ireland in '05" trip!

In honor of the last day of the year, I'm going to go get pad thai for lunch. And a smoothie from Jamba Juice. And then it's back on the wagon hardcore for 2005. I'm also going to redo my financial budget this weekend so I can plan how much money I can save for the Ireland trip. All non-essentials are being cut.

(For the record, the monthly fees for this website, Netflix and Tivo are considered "essential.")

That's it! You know, I have a really positive feeling about 2005. I think it's going to be a very good year for me. I hope it's a very good year for you, too.

Stubble On My Sticky Lips

Me: heh, one of my friends just asked "what is Jake like"
Me: how the hell do I answer that?
Jake: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Jake: the greatest person on earth
Me: copied and pasted
Jake: hahahahaha
Jake: dude
Jake: that face of you is SKERRY.... the expression reminds me of Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange
Jake: but alas, I must say it is still a good photo
Jake: despite the scariness
Me: you are so mean!!!
Jake: I said it was a good photo
Me: thank you so much for calling me scary
Jake: IT'S A BLOODY RED LIGHT FOR CHRISSAKE!
Jake: shall I call you Alex now?
Me: YOU CALLED ME HEINOUS!
Me: you've made me cry, are you happy?
Jake: HAHAHA
Jake: yes, as a matter of fact, I am
Me: I'm sitting here telling my friend how cool you are
Me: and you're being CRUEL
Me:
"Me: Jake is cool. he's 21, very cynical, but also very smart."
Me: SEE?!?!?
Jake: hahahahhaaha
Jake: I never said YOU were scary
Me: I say nice things about you
[PAUSE]
Me: do you feel guilty yet?
Jake: you're the best

40' Remain

Only lovers
see the fall
a signal end to endings
a gruffish gesture alerting
those who will not be alarmed
that we begin to stop
in order simply
to begin
again.

– Maya Angelo, "Late October"

It's Always Better on Holiday

Apropos of nothing – I love dolphins, the clowns of the sea:

A one-month-old dolphin named Zeus swims beside its mother, Mancha, at the Madrid Zoo December 17, 2004. Zeus weighed 12 kilos and measured 90 centimeters long when born on November 4, and is expected to nearly double its weight in its first two months of life. REUTERS/Paul Hanna

Blurry is THE KING of snappy comebacks:

Me: King Arthur comes out tomorrow!
Blurry: King Arthur is gay?!?

And Rappy is always asking me to do things for her:

Rappy: Please, please kill me now.
Me: *stab8
Me: dammit, I can't even kill someone right

I had to post this, not to make myself look good, but because Mike's words really meant a lot to me, and I want to remember them:

Me: there's this website called anysoldier.com
Mike: you are so caring
Me: and it lists servicepeople who don't get much mail
Me: from family, friends, whatever
Mike: you know, you're a wonderful person
Mike: you make the rest of us look bad though

Food-wise, am I now addicted to these, which seem like such a bad idea, but in reality are reeeeally really good in a whole wheat hot dog bun with marinara sauce on top:

Fall Down Go Boom

Yeah hi. I'm back. My fingers are fuh-REEZING and my head feels like it's about to burst from an aneurysm, but I'm back.

Just don't make me laugh. Or breathe deeply.

I will post more later, when the twinkling, pulsating lights are no longer flickering before my eyes.

Tonight We're Gonna Party

I am off to Atlanta to visit Roo and meet up with Teem for a weekend of booze, boys and buying. Oh, and birthdays - because today is Roo's!

Happy Birthday, Proo!!!

I will try to update from Atlanta with tales of adventure, debauchery, and babana shakes.

Smile Like You Mean It

Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark!!

Me: I am so in love with Rhett Miller
Jake: you just like girly men
Jake: I mean... his name... it's RHETT for chrissake
Me: he's ADORABLE
Me: and he name drops Kafka in his lyrics
Me: he am smart
Me: I'm watching an interview with him and I just want to throw him down and lick his face
Jake: hahaha
Jake: loser
Me: if you saw him, you'd want to lick his face, too

Former Van Halen singer David Lee Roth is training to become a paramedic. Which is really cool, I think. Except the idea of Roth performing CPR on me gives me the willies.

Me: how do I add an arrow to an image?
Me: I need a preformed shape tool
Jake: just draw it
Me: yeah thanks, I have no artistic ability
Jake: it doesn't require one
Jake: I shall show you the ways of the warrior
Jake: so simple
Me: fock, I just messed up
Me: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Jake: you must be doing it the hard way
Jake: come to me
Jake: I'm lazy
Jake: I'm like an old man
Me: no
Me: you come here
Me: because I did something
Me: and now it won't go away
Jake: but I have no legs!

I'm so proud of myself - I had an entire catching-up conversation with Phil and NOT ONCE did I say the Bad Word. I am inordinantly pleased.

Me: I'm going to come right out there and punch you in the chest, Jake

There's a movement afoot to convince me to move to Canada, and to that end certain people who shall remain nameless - and I mean that, this time - are spouting arcane trivia from the website CanadianAlternative.com. Did you know that the United Nations voted Toronto as the most multicultural city in the world? If you care about that sort of thing, you should move there.

Me (standing at Jake's desk discussing the CMS): Your bitterness and cynicism is just a self-defense mechanism.
Jake: I just know that it doesn't matter what I do. Either I will fail, or the world will fail me.
Me: I have to go write that down.

Global Warming

*waves to the visitors from Sweden, Russia and Western Europe*

I want someone to comment in Russian. Please? Or Swedish, I'm not picky. If the person from The Hague comments, it will make my year.

One other thing...

HAPPY VETERANS' DAY, PHIL! *salute*

Sparkle Motion

Me: CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?
Jake: can you KILL me now?
Me: hahaha
Jake: I'm blasting PF's Comfortably Numb right now
Jake: Trying to zone out
Me: it's only 8:17 am, Jake
Me: it's a little early to ask me to kill you
Jake: Man, I really need to become a drug addict

More political fire and brimstone - how's THAT for separation of church and state? - from columnists at the New York Times. Bob Herbert says that Bush campaigned on fear:

Roo: ooooh! look at your journal today!
Roo: *bounces*
Me: what's wrong with it?
Me: did it explode?
Roo: hee
Roo: Friday I'm in LOOOOOVE
Me: *twirls*
Me: http://www.oldnavy.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=10065&wpid=265095
Me: that's so classic looking
Me: I might buy that for Ian
Me: or me
Roo: hee. or both!
Roo: I love shopping for boys
Me: probably myself
Me: brb
Me: sweet jesus
Me: it is days like this when I wish the chemo HAD made me sterile
Roo: aww...I'm so sorry
Me: we will go out trolling for boys two weeks from tonight!
Me: I will be your Wingman

Texas is wasting no time changing their textbooks in order to eliminate ambiguous, asexual language. Because god forbid we let people make their own decisions about things; we must specifically tell them what to believe. Plus, starting to teach intolerance early - say, in middle school - gives you that much more opportunity to really make your biases take hold in those impressionable minds.

Speaking of Texas ...

Me: I see your AIM icon
Me: I want to play poker too!
Coworker: Oh really!!!
Me: texas hold 'em!
Me: *throws down*
Coworker: outstanding
Coworker: you will play
Coworker: oh yes
Coworker: you will play
Me: I've learned everything I know from Phil on Celebrity Poker Championship
Me: and from the World Poker Tournament
Coworker: are you entry level?
Me: I can't kick your ass, no
Me: but I understand the game
Coworker: outstanding
Me: but I start to bet emotionally and then I need you to punch me in the face
Coworker: Can I count on you for the big money games?
Me: please, we work at the same place
Me: you know I must be poor
Coworker: all those hours??
Coworker: don't be shy
Coworker: you're too humble
Me: yes, but I have those other addictions to feed
Coworker: I won't ask
Me: Well I'm totally in, but I'm not going to be throwing down big money
Me: I just want to say "I'm ALL IN"

And after work, Clover and I are going shopping! *screams*

Full Of Sound and Fury

*struts around proudly showing off I VOTED sticker*

My sticker actually says I MADE FREEDOM COUNT - I VOTED. Damn skippy. I waited in the line for precinct 617 (which is what is listed on my voter registration card) for 45 minutes, which I didn't think was too bad for 11 a.m. I got up to the line for E-H last names and handed over my driver's license and then was told that I'm "not in this precinct."

I just KNEW those people were going to try and suppress my vote!

Me: I wonder if he missed it, or decided not to go
Jake: I wonder if I should kill myself or not
Me: not yet, but soon
Jake: soon, very soon

So I whip out my actual voter registration card and show it. Which is when I'm told that it's an old card, and they've had lots of people from my street come in with old cards. We're really supposed to be in precinct 654. Fortunately, that precinct was 10 feet away on the other side of the church auditorium.

In conclusion, my vote has been cast and my civic duty performed. Now I feel qualified to bitch and moan about the results of this election for all eternity.

Me: god dammit, why couldn't Al-Jazeera release this yesterday???
Me: Link to He's an Evil (But Smart) Bastard That Bin Laden story
Jake: yeah read that.... I think it makes a lot of sense
Jake: he's a smart evil bastard
Jake: just like bush
Jake: well
Jake: bush is a stupid evil bastard
Me: well that's the thing - he's always been smart, and that's the biggest problem
Me: these people aren't stupid, unfortunately
Jake: As for President Bush's Iraq policy, Bin Laden said, "the darkness of black gold blurred his vision and insight, and he gave priority to private interests over the public interests of America.

"So the war went ahead, the death toll rose, the American economy bled, and Bush became embroiled in the swamps of Iraq that threaten his future," bin Laden said.

Jake: he's absolutely correct
Jake: he had a master plan all along
Jake: he knew bush would be stupid enough to do it
Me: yep, and this part too
Me: "All that we have to do is to send two mujahedeen to the furthest point east to raise a piece of cloth on which is written al Qaeda, in order to make generals race there to cause America to suffer human, economic and political losses without their achieving anything of note other than some benefits for their private corporations," bin Laden said.
Jake: yep
Jake: we are a joke
Me: we are puppets
Jake: oh yeah, and I heard on the radio this morning that bush and kerry spent a combined total of 600 MILLION DOLLARS on campaigns
Me: marionettes
Jake: what a bloody waste
Me: dancing for bin Laden
Jake: I think I'm gonna move to Canada
Me: I'm moving to New Zealand
Jake: ha
Me: Thousands of sheep ... another four years of Bush ...
Me: Thousands of sheep ... another four years of Bush ...
Me: it's not a difficult choice
Jake: sheep in single file
Me: amen, brother

My Tra La La

(I meant to post this Friday after work, but then I got ... distracted.)

George Carlin speaks the truth, including this luscious little offering:

Me: why did I get here early?
Me: WHY?!?
Jake: it's simple
Jake: you're stupid
Jake: like me
Jake: and the rest of us
Jake: JOY
Me: you have to cheer me up today by being even more bitter and cynical than usual
Me: my fish died yesterday
Me: and I am very sad
Jake: damn, that sucks
Me: I had him for 2.5 years
Jake: That sounds like a long lifespan for a fish
Jake: What happened?
Me: he was just really old, and he had a tumor for the last six months
Me: he lived about a year longer than expected
Jake: I take it it wasn't a goldfish then
Me: a betta fish. Otis Redding.
Jake: hahaha
Me: honor his memory, dammit!

Jake: it's more than that
Jake: it's fucking retarded
Jake: with a cherry on top

The "L" Word

It's too bad you can't see me. Because I have the biggest, best combination of grin/smirk on my face right now. This weekend has truly been, to borrow a phrase from Rimbaud, a "derangement of all the senses."

So that's why I haven't been around. I'll be coming up for air soon, though. I'm about to give you a call, Roo, and I'll catch up with you later tonight, Teem. I never know where to find you, Rappy, so I guess I'll just give you the news tomorrow.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words about Otis. They are much appreciated.

*twirls*

The Toes Knows

Any man who buys me a pedicure, well ... that's the man for me.

I thought we were going to Super Target. But no!! Instead, Clover took me to the hair salon that I frequent, because he had pre-booked appointments for me. His way of honoring my remission anniversary, and acknowledging that I've had a rough two months (even though he hasn't been the cause of any stress, for the most part).

So I ask him just what I'm getting done, and he said "I told them to book you for whatever you usually have done, plus the super-deluxe pedicure thing. They tried to sell me a one-hour massage, but I've got that covered myself."

*eyebrow*

So I ended up getting my highlights redone, and a haircut. My stylist, Kim, kept going on about how sweet it was when Clover came into the salon last weekend to set things up (she was there at the time and they conferred about what I might like).

The pedicure, by the way, was AWESOME. I could get addicted to those, if they weren't $65.

While I was having everything done, Clover went out to "run a few errands." He picked me up two hours later, then we drove back to my apartment. He pulled a big cooler out of his trunk, led me into my apartment, and directly out to my screened patio. Then he opened the cooler and started setting up for the "indoors, but kinda outdoors, bug-free picnic." He had even gone so far as to drive out to the Simple Gourmet to pick up some of the hummus that I'm addicted to.

*keeps*

His birthday was Sunday, and I gave him all of his many gifts. He was very happy about, and appreciative of, all of them. Heh.

Getting My Irish Up

(I do know that this entry title is deeply, deeply obnoxious ... but when Clover said it I couldn't stop laughing.)

Otie, Otie, Otie

It is bed delivery day! Sometime between the hours of 12 and 4 p.m., Rooms To Go will be delivering a brand new queen size pillow top mattress and boxspring. Finally, I have graduated to adulthood.

I bought these sheets in Green (they're more of a blue green) yesterday. Also bought this dust ruffle. I was going to pick up a mattress pad, but the ones that felt nice (i.e. not stiff or scratchy) were $60. That seems like a little too much for a mattress pad. Must check out Target.

Yesterday was a blur - shopping, reconfiguring a new computer, cleaning, hanging out, and watching a ton of Futurama episodes on TiVo. Today promises four loads of laundry (ugh) and a trip to the airport (double ugh). I need to work in time to do the online driver's safety course (stupid speeding ticket) but I don't think I want to waste any time on that today. The weather this weekend has been gorgeous, so I think after the bed gets delivered we're going to go out and do some exploring.

One upsetting thing, though - I think my betta fish, Otis Redding, is not long for this world. He's had a tumor-type thing on his back since May, which had become fairly large and then started wrapping around to the other side of his fin about a month ago. I noticed yesterday morning that he was hiding in his aquarium decoration, and when I coaxed him out I saw that the original tumor had sort of "ruptured" - it doesn't look like it's an open sore, but it's definitely breaking apart and falling off. Which sounds like it might be a good thing, but I don't think so. Especially because he's hiding a lot and hanging out on the bottom of his tank. He's still eating, which is good, but ... I think the end might be near.

I never expected him to live another five months when the tumor first appeared, so I know that any more time he has is a bonus. But I will miss the little guy regardless.

Yearning

*sigh*

yearn·ing (yûr'n'ng)
n.
A persistent, often wistful or melancholy desire; a longing.

Clover is messing with my head. Not purposely, but his absence - one week and counting - is proving to be rather ... agitating? Distressing? I guess this is what happens when you see someone almost every day for six weeks and then suddenly go without them. It is unfun.

We're young and free in America. How dare we be spun by love or the lack of same?

I was searching for something on the site, and one of the search results was this random update entry. I should do more of those; they fun. And they mention most of my friends.

Anyway, I noticed that in that entry I had linked to my biorhythmic compatibility scores with my old crush, Matthew Settle. So I just did them for me and Clover and hot damn! No wonder I miss the boy so much.

Somebody tell my head to try to tell my heart that I'm better off without you

HWG: okay, I really like this Dixie Chicks song
HWG: which means I should probably be shot
Rappy: *hands over gun*
HWG: enabler

Fourth Time's the Charm

Well, damn. Hurricane Jeanne is now going to come right over me. In mere hours. And it won't be a tropical storm, as they were predicting last night. It will be a full-on hurricane. My mom called at 6 a.m. to wake me up, so I could prepare. I've got the water jugs filled, the dishwasher is running, and I'm about to go take a shower. Must take advantage of electricity while I have it.

The witching hour is supposedly around 10 a.m. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Pimp My Ride

Today's going to be a really bad day, and let me tell you why: because last night I had one long national nightmare about alligators.

Not just any alligators, either. An alligator with a head as big as a Cadillac. "The biggest alligator I have ever seen!"

I even woke up in the middle of this nightmare to use the bathroom, and when I laid back down in bed and went back to sleep ... the nightmare picked up right where it left off. Clearly my subconscious hates me.

What happened was that I threw a pair of Nikes into the pond behind my apartment, and some time later I looked out my window and saw an alligator's snout bumping the shoes from underneath (they were floating). Then the alligator surfaced and I could see that ITS HEAD WAS AS BIG AS A CAR. And I was skeered.

So then I tried to find the phone number that you're supposed to call to report an alligator sighting - I have no idea if there is actually such a thing, but I was pretty adamant about its existence in my dream - and I was frustrated because I just could not find it.

Then a group of us were in a parking garage (!?) watching the alligator play with the shoes. Somehow the alligator transported 180 degrees to the other side of the garage, where there was another pond (by the way, none of this part of my dream is based in reality)(unlike the other part). And now it had two friends, who were also enormous but not quite as big as the Autogator.

So the people are all standing around with mouths agape, and I'm railing against the very existence of alligators and how they're against God's great design and they are clearly minions of Satan ... and then the three bastards start walking out of the pond up towards the garage. Everyone dives into their cars, except this one old woman who just stands there, ready to be alligator food.

Autogator comes up first, and this bitch is so goddamn big that I am on the verge of sobbing, I'm so scared. Then the other two compadré alligators come up and ... and ...

There are people inside of them. Which perplexes me, even in a dream state.

So I watch the alligators go by and after they've passed, I make this statement - "I want to know how people can be driving alligators and not know it." Because they were driving them like they were cars. The "hood" was the top half of the alligator's jaw, the roof of the car was the top of the alligator's head, and the "body" was the alligator's scaly body.

It was really weird, man.

That's where the alligator portion of the nightmare ended. Then, for some reason, I started dreaming about a three-legged American Eskimo dog named Puffy. My dad insisted it was our Puffy, but I helpfully pointed out that if it was, we were looking at a 30-year-old dog.

Ridin' the Storm Out

Here come the squalls!! My neighbor's kid's pink Big Wheel just went spinning down towards the lake.

We're supposed to get between 8-12" of rain from Hurricane Frances. Which means flooding ... and that's bad because my apartment is at the bottom of a slope.

*places sandbags*

The power has flickered a few times, but I don't think we're supposed to get the worst of it until 2 a.m. Sunday, continuing throughout the day.

Rains / Pours

If it's Saturday, that must mean a cute boy is giving me his phone number.

Today I spent most of the morning and afternoon out and about. First stop was Sonic for a Diet Cherry Limeade (I needed liquids to pace me throughout my big day), and then it was on to Nordstrom. I didn't need anything at Nordstrom; I just wanted to go.

So go I did. First stop was the Bobbi Brown counter, to purchase this cute little travel sized concealer thingy, and the brush..

Then I traipsed over to the Stila counter, to say hello to the counter manager, Christina. This girl (well, she's probably in her early to mid 20s) is so incredibly nice - one of those people who are genuinely warm and friendly. We have a good rapport and she likes the fact that I let her experiment with new products on me. I tried the new Eye Mousses and bought two - Honey and Flame - but they'll be going back because they creased within about two hours on me.

As I was leaving, I made an appointment with her for some trend event in a few weeks, and she gave me a hug to thank me for talking to her about some stuff she has been going through with her sorta-ex boyfriend.

Then I flounced upstairs and bought two shirts. One is a geometric print and the other is stripey. Me like long time.

I grabbed a strawberry babana smoothie from the café and went to Sam Goody because I wanted to buy a CD. Any CD. As much as I love Pete Yorn's musicforthemorningafter, it's been the only CD in my car for more than a week now and I was just tired of listening to it.

So I'm standing there trying to decide what to buy. I consider Tears for Fears' Greatest Hits (remastered!) for $8. I wander back to the Pop/Rock section and peruse the stuff on sale. There's a guy standing around the Js, and he pulls out Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American, which is one of my Desert Island Discs. I comment that he's going to love that CD.

He responded that he actually already had it; or, well, DID. He loaned it to a friend who "lost it" ... but the implication was that the friend just kept it. He said he loved it so much there was no question about replacing it.

So armed with this knowledge, I ask him "What CD are you playing the most these days?" Because I wanted to buy something new, and anyone who loves Jimmy Eat World can be trusted for a good recommendation. I name some other bands I like, and then he pauses for a second before offering up a name - The Killers. He drags me down to the Ks and hands me their CD; it's only $10, so I'm willing to take a chance.

I thank him and walk to the register to pay for it. As I'm leaving, the guy hands me a folded up flier from inside the store (a giveaway entry form) and says, "Let me know how you like the CD." I open up the piece of paper and see his name (Andy) and his phone number.

Now, normally I would think this is weird, having this kind of experience with another random guy. But he really had no choice in the matter. I was carrying the Handbag of Irrational Monkey Love, and I was wearing my cute Depraved Prep outfit. I don't think any man can resist that combination.

Plus, I'm just too damn cute when I want to be.

Then I drove back to my side of the bay and went to another mall (didn't find anything I wanted), then came home.

Now I'm going to nap.

*WIGGLE*

Today I am wearing the Touchable Pants of Eminent Touchability! I am going to get some HOT! PANTS! TOUCHING! ACTION! tonight!

!

My mommy sent me this email last night about the death of one of the zebra finches, Leonardo da Finchi II:

Isn't that sweet? My mommy is a good egg.

Here comes another hurricane.

Finally, my favorite Scotsman, James "Scotty" Doohan, was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Which is a lovely honor for him; I just hate that he is in such ill health, now.

And where the hell were YOU, Shatner! *rage*

Crime Scene Evidence

Click the thumbnail to view a larger image

The second photo is of my new Antonio Melani satchel that I bought at Dillards on Sunday. I had wanted to buy this when it was full price ($120) because I fell deeply in love with how it looks. So shallow. But I just couldn't drop that much money on a purse. But then I saw that it was on sale, 50% off, and on top of THAT Dillards was having a super duper sale where you got an extra 30% off already discounted merchandise. So I got the purse for about $40. Score!

The third photo is of me and Caygeon galivanting in the bathroom this afternoon. I'm trying to get a photo of the shirt/sweater vest combo I'm wearing today, but I can't use a flash in front of the mirror so the colors aren't coming out right. But you can kind of see the detail on the shirt. I tried, leave me alone.

How I Spent My Lunch Hour

• Drive home
• Enter home
• Remove dominatrix kitten heels
• Remove pants
• Fire up Winamp playlist
• Play Ash's "Burn, Baby, Burn"
• Flail around kitchen
• Play the Vines' "Outtathaway!"
• Flail around living room
• Laugh as Caygeon tears through living room
• Play the Hives' "Hate To Say I Told You So"
• Shimmy through living room and kitchen
• Play the Strokes' "Hard To Explain"
• Eat cottage cheese while dancing in place at sink
• Put dominatrix kitten heels back on
• Play Girls Against Boys' "Roxy"
• Gyrate around computer desk
• Wave frantically at my betta fish, Otis Redding
• Play the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back"
• Sing loudly in falsetto while jumping up and down stupidly
• Put pants back on
• Grab Diet Sunkist from refrigerator
• Depart home
• Drive back to work

Final Hurricane Track

Here's the 5 a.m. forecast image. I'm going to paste some IM messages I just sent to Overg that detail the specifics:

• 5am forecast has a direct hit on Pinellas County, landfall at Clearwater (the next city south of me, about 5 miles away)

• hurricane force winds around 5 pm, lasting until 1 am Saturday

• strong category 2 or minimal category 3 - winds are currently at 110 mph

• okay, now they're saying it will hit land as a category 3 (120 mph) but go down quickly to category 2 (115), but since there's only a 5 mph difference it isn't a distinction worth making

• tropical storm force winds starting at 11 am
  

So yeah! Worst forecast track possible if you're me. I'm going to go back to bed and try to get a few more hours sleep, then get up and construct the sandbags (kitty litter inside pillowcases) to put out around the patio and the front door.

I'm going to unplug the computer around mid-afternoon (or sooner if the power starts surging) but will update this entry with comments until then as possible.

*goes outside to check conditions*

Perfectly calm, for the moment.

(Oh, and please think positive thoughts for Scuddy. She's sick and I won't be able to get her to a vet until Monday, if she lasts that long.)

Sorry, Charley

Yep, I'm in the direct path of Hurricane Charley, which is expected to make landfall around 2 p.m. on Friday. If this forecast track holds, it will be the first time since 1921 that the Tampa Bay area has taken a direct hit from a hurricane. We've been extrordinarily lucky.

Now I need to call the leasing office about sandbags for my flood-prone patio.

UPDATE: Now the entire county I live in is under mandatory evacuation.

Go! Daddy!

It looks like my constant pleading with GoDaddy worked, because my site is back and functioning tonight. Huzzah! So I have reposted the final installment of my visit to Overg, which can now be commented upon.

Pictures will be forthcoming tomorrow.

*crosses fingers*

Playlist - July 12, 2004

**********

1. I hope you know that this will go down
On your permanent record

**********

2. I won't design conversation around you

**********

3. Drop your bombs between the minarets

**********

4. And still those voices are calling from far away

*********

5. Some rides don't have much of a finish
That's the ride I took
Through good and bad and straight through indifference
Without a second look

**********

6. She had nothing left to say
So she said she loved me
And I stood there grateful for the lie

**********

7. And you really didn't think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line

**********

8. After awhile you know their style
And that's enough to know they suck

**********

9. Where do we go? Where do we go, now? Where do we go?

**********

10. When you gonna make up your mind?
'Cause things are gonna change so fast

**********

11. Part of her says she should be herself
Part of her says she should be with someone else

*********

12. I am a man of constant sorrow

**********

13. And what do I get for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

**********

14. We don't even care, as restless as we are

**********

15. I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs

**********

16. Changing shades within the evening
In a day, then I'll be leaving
I'm not only back, I'm not only numb

**********

17. How can you just leave me standing
Alone in a world that's so cold?

**********

18. I'm so happy 'cause today I found my friends
Are in my head
I'm so ugly
That's okay 'cause so are you
Broke our mirrors
Sunday morning is every day for all I care
I'm not scared
Light my candles
In a daze 'cause I found God

**********

19. Is she weird? Is she white?
Is she promised to the night?
And her head has no room

**********

20. For we have been through hell and high tide
I think I can rely on you

**********

Playlist - July 6, 2004

And all the world is football shaped
It's just for me to kick its face

*****

Slowly learning that life is okay
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry

*****

'Cause there's something that I cannot do without

*****

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you

*****

So take that look out of here
It doesn't fit you
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded
Pull up your head off the floor
Come up SCREAMING
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted
I thought that pain and truth
Were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with
Every single hope you had shattered

*****

I'd like to dream my troubles all away
On a bed of California stars

*****

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things

*****

Sociability is hard enough for me

*****

When you're strange, no one remembers your name

*****

Two dozen other stupid reasons
Why we should suffer for this
Don't bother trying to explain them
Just hold my hand while I come
To a decision on it

*****

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I don't know ...

*****

I don't know where I am
But I know I don't like it

*****

The pleasure – what cost

*****

And we scream like alley cats
Tearing down what we attack
To prove that we are one

*****

You're not bigger than this
Not better
Why can't you learn?

*****

There she goes...
There she goes again

*****

Don't ya work as hard as ya play?

*****

If your friends don't like it
You can tell 'em from me
To fuck off

*****

But I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
It's hard to even want to try

*****

You can have it all
But how much do you want it?

*****

We walk along, we could be famous
We walk along, we could be dreamers

*****

When I was young I knew everything

*****

Any day now it will come

*****

I just can't find the time
To write my mind
The way I want it to read

*****

'Cause if it's not like I told ya
Then it's still your call
You should live how you want
Stay with me
We should stay apart
Just shouldn't ever have to be this hard

*****

Some of your friends think it's really unsound
That you're even seen talking to me

*****

You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

*****

The Fourth of July

Today's the Fourth of July
Another June has gone by
And when they light up our town
I just think what a waste of
Gunpowder and sky

Oh baby
I wonder if when you are older
Someday
You'll wake up
And say "my god, I should have told her.
What would it take?
But now here I am
And the world's gotten colder
And she's got the river
Down which I sold her."

Aimee Mann, "The Fourth of July"

There Must Be Some Misunderstanding

Here we go...

8:31 a.m.
raptorgirl: brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
HWG: IT'S COLD IN HERE
HWG: I SAID THERE MUST BE A RAPPY IN THE AT-MOS-PHERE!
HWG: *cheerleads*
raptorgirl: what are you on?
HWG: I am high on life

8:56 a.m.
Rappy chooses CD 24-4, Unbelievable Truth's Almost Here. Unbelievable Truth was the lead singer of Radiohead's younger brother's band. He quit because he wanted to go work/live in Russia/Eastern Europe. Now THAT is a good reason to leave a band.

9:00 a.m.
*busy little beavers*

9:51-9:54 a.m.
Zone out while thinking about how dreamy Matthew Settle is. Matthew Settle - my new celebrity crush. I will always have a place in my heart for Orlando Bloom, but he's way too popular now. Crushing on Orly just seems too easy at this point. It's been done. Crushing on Matthew Settle will be more of a challenge simply because he is not well known. I've rented some Band of Brothers DVDs so I can watch him over and over again. Bonus - he's six months older than I am.

10:16 a.m.
Find out that everyone who is giving a presentation at the company's user conference has to have a mug shot ... oh sorry, I mean PHOTO ... taken for the conference program. Um, yeah. Decide that I'll wrap up the morning listening to Pete Yorn's musicforthemorningafter. "Time alone is good..."

10:19 a.m.
Realize that I am freezing cold; make mental note to grab a sweater from home at lunch.

10:20 a.m.
Stuff my face full of Glenny's BBQ Soy Crisps.

10:50 a.m.
Aggressively chair dance to Pete Yorn's "Closet" - "Oh Billy I want you sooooooooooo..." Realize that my new celebrity crush, Matthew Settle, looks a lot like one of my classic celebrity crushes, Billy Campbell. Contemplate the various possibilities if Matthew, Billy and I were ever in the same room.

11:03 a.m.
Emboldened by a thread on Looking Good, Rappy reveals her high school fashion misfit status:

raptorgirl: I wore SUITS. Like fuddy duddy suits. And on many an occasion, shorts with nylons.
HWG: bwahahahahaha!
raptorgirl: My coat was what I see all the newly arrived pakistani immigrants wear.
HWG: oh, um
HWG: shorts with nylons, damn
HWG: did your mom do that?
raptorgirl: nope
HWG: you poor kid

11:25 a.m.
Chart my biorhythmic compatibility with my new celebrity crush, Matthew Settle. Find out that, essentially, we're supposed to have lots and lots of sex, but never actually speak to each other. Hey, fine by me! What else are crushes for?

11:27-11:34 a.m.
Run Ad-Aware software on my computer. Detect 73 naughty little tracking cookies hidden on my hard drive. Delete all. Curse the very existence of pop-up ads. Decide the victory over the bastardly spammers should be commemorated with the consumption of a Diet Coke. Run downstairs to procure same.

12:30 p.m.
Home for lunch!

1:20 p.m.
Stop at Hollywood Video on the way back to work and rent Love Actually and the extras DVD from the Band of Brothers box set. Decide to use current eBay auction's winnings toward purchase of Band of Brothers box set of my very own. Too much in a hurry to get back to work to flirt with tall bald video store clerk, Alden.

1:30 p.m.
Various work-related activities. Zzzzzzzz.

1:58 p.m.
Overg: I love your random update posts
Overg: even when they don't mention me
Overg: although I love them more when they do

2:25 p.m.
HWG: what was I going to do?
Roo: Billy Campbell
HWG: HA!
HWG: I only wish
Roo: oh! hee! picture, I mean!
Roo: dirty girl!

2:30 p.m.
Remember that what I was going to do was write up an incident report about Industry Profile. Ponder who to send the incident too. Decide it should go to everybody's Plan B. Super!

2:35 p.m.
Teem stops the revolving AIM door and escapes from Mr. Meat's clutches. For now...

2:45 p.m.
Banter with John about upcoming user conference. Answer in the negative when asked if I will be using a PowerPoint presentation. Answer in the affirmative about needing a computer onsite. Regale coworkers with tale of how I plan to fill my 45 minutes of presentation time by talking about myself and asking the attendees how their lunch was, how they like Clearwater Beach, and what they plan on doing during the rest of their stay in Florida. Then I will hand out a piece of paper to each that reads, "Content Management - Ask Me How (Later)"

2:55 p.m.
Have craving for Slurpee.

3:02 p.m.
Teem leaves again.

3:07 p.m.
HWG: I am both thirsty and hungry
Roo: then you must both drink and eat

3:07:15 p.m.
Eats the forbidden apple. Sticks FUJI sticker in planner on today's date to commemorate eating of said apple.

4:10 p.m.
Documentation Team meeting concerning team stuff. Go team! Learn that I will now be attending the user conference for three days (May 18-20) and taking notes whenever I'm not making a presentation. Finally, my mad journalism skillz will be put to use here.

4:25 p.m.
Spend five minutes looking at the Alien Quadrilogy box set. Attempt not to drool. Contemplate using eBay winnings to buy this box set rather than Band of Brothers.

4:56 p.m.
Teem comes back. Now trying to think of things to include on a Local Information page for conference attendees.

5:00 p.m.
Teem leaves again.

5:04 p.m.
Craving for one of the chocolate chip cookies on Jake's desk begins. Gnaw on stick of Orbit gum (wintermint flavor) in attempt to make craving abate.

5:05 p.m.
Consume second stick of Orbit. Notice that pack of Orbit was made in Canadia. Throw empty packet in trash, cursing Canadia.

6:01 p.m.
Packin' it in for the day.

Hans Molemel

I forgot the "best" thing about my trip to the dentist - after the cleaning was done and I was at the receptionist's desk, I asked if there was a rest room around. Diane told me it was around the corner, so off I marched. I opened the door and ...

... walked in on an 80 year old man taking a leak.

So I hightailed it back to the front desk and told Diane what had just happened. She said, "Oh, that's just Mel. He won't even remember that happened in an hour."

To which I loudly said, "BUT I WILL!"

Say Ahhhhhh

I love my dentist. How many people can say that without a gun to their head? But I don't, and I do. I especially love my dental hygienist, Diane, because she gives me topical anesthetic, explains everything she's doing, and tells me over and over that I "have such pretty teeth." *blush*

And here's something amazing - I asked about teeth bleaching and my dentist told me I didn't really need it! He told me to try the Crest Whitestrips, and if I wasn't happy with the results that he'd talk to me about professional bleaching then.

Alas, I do have a small cavity. *shame*

My legs are sore from the new mules.

On the way home I stopped by CVS and noticed that Prestige eyeshadows were 75% off. One dollar apiece. So I bought, um, six. But three are for friends!

Come On In, the Pants are Fine

So, tonight I go to Old Navy after work to look at the light blue trench coat that looked so nice in the magazine ad. Well, it was a bust (it is not light as a feather and it's stiff as a board), but I SCORED on a pair of Essential Trousers in a heathered camel color for ...

... wait for it ...

$3.97!!!

Regular price? $32. I love a deal. They're a size under what I currently wear - although I can squeeze into them, they cling a little too lovingly to my thighs - and I usually have a strict policy against purposely buying clothes that are too small because I will "get into them eventually," but for FOUR DOLLARS? I just had to.

But that's not the point of this entry. I also purchased a pair of pajamama pants in a dark slate blue color, in size XL. I didn't try them on. So I get them home and take them off the hanger and OH MY GOD THEY ARE FHUGE!!

FHUGE!

FHUGE!

Remember that party we had in my pants not too long ago? Well everyone can party in these pants as well, and there's enough room for you all to bring a friend. And a watermelon.

They are very comfortable, though. Thank god for the drawstring, otherwise these would fall right off my hips. They'll be good to lounge around in and sleep in. Yes, I sleep in clothes. I have a longstanding aversion to sleeping naked. I'm not one of those people.

You can't sleep naked! What if there's a fire! What if there's a fire and you need to get out of the house and you have to quickly find and grab your cats! You can't be worried about being naked!

So now I'm going to take a poll – What do you wear to bed? And I don't mean the "got a hot date/trying to get some lovin'" times you go to bed. I'm talking about the times when all you care about getting in bed is sleep.

These Boots Were Made For Stalkin'

I went shopping with my mommy today. It's been a very fun day.

Woke up this mornin' 'round 9 a.m., did a little stuff, and then my mom called to say she was done with her hair appointment and did I still want her to stop by? Well yes, I did. So she came over with her sassy new haircut and bestowed upon me a gift of pink grapefruits from her backyard tree.

In true Good Mommy fashion, she even peeled/sectioned the grapefruits for me. Because everyone knows that food tastes better when your mommy makes it for you.

(Holy cats, what was that noise? *runs to patio*)

Wow, great blue herons certainly can make a lot of racket when they want to. I'm pretty sure the one I took a photo of the other day is back down by the edge of the pond again. But tonight he's making squawking noises at his potential prey. Caygeon and Dawsey both bolted out there, and I held Caygeon in my arms so she could see the heron. Then my upstairs neighbors slammed their front door and Caygeon started growling. Good girl! My cat dislikes my upstairs neighbors as much as I do!

Anyway, back to my story. My mom was just going to hang out for a bit and then take off, but I expressed interest in going with her on her errands so I jumped in the shower while she was finishing off the grapefruit. When I came out she was sitting on the couch petting CayCay, who had come out of hiding. Then I initiated my mother into the Cult of the (Skinny) Cow.

We left my apartment, swung by the post office, then headed out to lunch. I had requested Perkins, since I was craving pancakes. And yet, when we got there, I decided on the Country Club Melt instead. My mom and I got the same sammich, with the same substitution (Swiss cheese rather than fake-American). Like mother, like daughter. Or was it the other way around?

So we noshed, then we went to PetsMart so I could pick up more birdseed. The retired greyhound rescue group was there, so we petted the pretty doggies for a little bit. Greyhounds are much bigger than I thought they were. And their coats are like suede. Anyway, I bought bird seed, my mom bought a squeaky toy for her dog, Maggie, and a rope toy for the parrot (Pepé).

Then it was off to Catherine's, where my mom picked up a nice skirt/shirt combo. She also saw someone she used to work with, thus extending her streak of seeing someone she knows while out shopping to 33,555,983. I swear, it always happens, no matter what store we're in - she'll run into someone she knows.

As we walked out of the store I was bemoaning the fact that I couldn't find a decent shoe store that carried wide widths, so my mom pointed out the Peltz Shoe store next door. I thought Peltz was only orthopedic shoes, so I was quite dubious as we walked down to the door.

But once we walked in? A sea of shoes. I didn't know where to start. Almost immediately I found a pair of calf-length black leather boots which, not coincidentally, I've been shopping around for. Tried them on (size 10WW, I have wide troll feet), and they were good in the width, but a little loose in the heel. I actually wear a 9WW if I can get a shoe in the double-width. So the clerk ripped open a new pair of try-on socks, and with the sock on the boots fit perfectly.

So yay! I found me boots! And they weren't too expensive ($60). Here they are:

(Forgive Caygeon and her "checking out Dawsey's butt" moment.)

Next stop was Sam's Club, because my mom needed mo' flounder. I ended up buying four Weight Watchers cookbooks. Maybe it was overkill, but the recipes looked good and I liked how they had Points totals already calculated.

So that was my day. I came home, stripped down to my bra and panties and put on my sassy new boots, then strutted around my apartment. Sometimes you just gotta, you know?

Stupid Cute

8:10 AM
I apply J. Lo Glow perfume (I had a sample vial) and realize that is smells like ASS (ironic, eh?), and industrial-strength soap.

8:25 AM
Realizing that the smell of this crap is altering my DNA, I run downstairs to scrub my chest and neck with a wire brush.

8:33 AM
I return to my desk and apply Origins' Gloomaway perfume. Ah, blessed Gloomaway. You're always right, never wrong.

8:48 AM
HWG: Have you ever heard anything by Sugar?
raptorgirl: I've heard of Sugar, but haven't used it.
raptorgirl: their scrubs look awesome.
HWG: No no, the BAND
HWG: heh, I'm stealing this for an entry
raptorgirl: haha. SHUT UP!
raptorgirl: SURELY you understand the confusion, what with our CONSTANT TALK OF PRODUCT!

9:30 AM
Teem explains eBay selling and why I need to do it ("you will be rolling in dough"). Well, okay then! I have now resolved to put up at least two things for auction - my MAC 7 Eyes/Neutral palette (that was limited edition and is now sold out all over the place) and my Bobbi Brown Spun Gold lipgloss (also LE and unable to be purchased currently). I also might sell samples of my MAC Coco Beach pigment, which apparently go for $6 per 1/4 teaspoon. I could make at least eight samples with the amount I have left. *rolls in dough*

10:11 AM
I have my mid-morning snack - an apple - and peel off the Red Delicious 4016 sticker and put it on my jacket lapel. I remind myself to remember to take off the sticker before I go out to lunch.

11:12 AM
I walk around the upstairs of the office singing the chorus to Desmond Dekker's "Licking Stick" over and over. I come back to an IM from Roo that says "happy birthday to your husband!" After a few clicks on Google I confirm - it's Orlando Bloom's birthday! Well HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Orly! Please stay scorchingly hot, or I will drop you for the next flavor du jour so fast it will make your fake-Elven head spin.

12:22 PM
I heat up a thing of Campbell's Soup at Hand, Chicken with Mini Noodles flavor (1.5 points) as a snack, since I'm taking a late lunch. I look at the Nutrition Facts as I'm drinking it and see that this one serving has 41% of the RDA for sodium. I am appalled (but keep drinking).

12:45 PM
raptorgirl: WHY does my clipart program keep jamming?
HWG: because it's Jamaican?

3:05 PM
I am done eating my Teem Supreme from Subway. While at lunch I bought MAC Trax eyeshadow with the last of my Dillards gift card, and tried on the Chanel Jaipur Glossimer (which I didn't like)(too white-pink). While I was at the MAC counter, two girls got busted for shoplifting. I know this because the store security guard went sprinting past me and about a minute later was prodding two teenagers back into the store. Excitement!

Then I went to Payless and bought a pair of stupid cute shoes.

4:25 PM
HWG: god, Soul Asylum used to be SO good
Overgme: *runaway cabooses*
HWG: oh, even before that
HWG: the two releases prior
HWG: just awesome stuff
Overgme: but that's the only song I know
Overgme: *hums*
Overgme: I was too busy listening to Phil Collins before that
Overgme: :-P
HWG: I'll have to put an mp3 or two up on me site
Overgme: of Phil?
Overgme: yay!
Overgme: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
Overgme: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake me home
Overgme: *hugs you in joy*
HWG: you am unsane
Overgme: and you are living in the land of confusion
Overgme: HAHAHHAHAHAH
Overgme: burn!
HWG: this is the gayest I've ever seen you
Overgme: it is not!
Overgme: er
Overgme: um

BRR! It's Cold in Here!

My god, it is 48 degrees outside! But it feels like 42! And to think, the weather forecast was for a high of 59. Right now I am seriously regretting not buying that Old Navy Car Coat that was on sale last month.

Caygeon started running around the apartment like a monkey on crack this morning around 6 a.m., and continued to do so until I got out of bed at 9:30. And because of this, I am sleepy and wish to nap.

But I had to run out and do errands this morning, so I couldn't sleep late. I returned some jeans to Wal-Mart - and let me just say that I'm irked by the fact that the jeans I have are now too loose in the waist and I have to wear them with a belt in order to make them look good ... but the next size down is still too small - and then swung by CVS to check out the new L'Oreal True Match foundation that Teem keeps raving about.

I ended up picking up a bottle in shade N3. We'll see how it does. Fortunately CVS offers a 100% refund on cosmetics even if used. I also grabbed a Maybelline Wet Shine lipstick in Cola Slushie, which I've been wanting for awhile and was 75% off for some reason.

Then I went to Target and bought more hipster underwear. I am obsessed with underwear this week for some reason.

THEN, I went to PetsMart fully intending on buying a new six-gallon aquarium and an oticinclus catfish to use as an algae eater. But the aquarium I wanted, which was being sold on their website for $56, was $80 in the store. Um, no. Plus they didn't have any otos in stock.

So I bailed and went to Pet Supermarket, which is actually where I bought Otis. Right before I turned into the parking lot I witnessed an accident - someone coming out of the parking lot t-boned a car in the turn off lane. For some reason, the car that was hit didn't stop. They slowed down, and then straightened themselves out and continued driving. The SUV followed the car it hit, and both cars turned right at the next street.

So I went looking for them, since I had witnessed the accident. But I couldn't find them. I wonder if they even stopped to exchange information?

Anyway, Pet Supermarket had the aquarium for $66, so I bought it. But they also did not have any otos, so I guess I'll have to wait until next weekend to set up the new tank. Dammit.

A Day In the Life

Eau de Toilet (Seat)

Hey, where can I buy a toilet seat? Because I just broke mine (I put my foot on it to examine my knee, lost my balance a little and pushed it off to the side, snapping the little holder thing off on one side). He'p!

Flames On the Side of My Face

Yes, I finally saw Clue. Madeline Kahn was a goddess.

I have to go back to work tomorrow. My thoughts about that? Not fit for your virgin ears.

I finally got a good photo of the framed Noah Grey print up on my wall.

Today's purchase was a pair of the jeans I love - Levi Strauss signature collection at Wal-Mart - in the dark rinse. I just wish they didn't gap so much around the waist, because I really have to wear a belt to keep them from sliding down on my hips too much.

Gifties

Heh, I haven't talked about the holidays at all.

So ... they were good! Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house with the extended family, Christmas morning at my mom's house, and Christmas afternoon at my brother's house. I got lots of nice things, including money, several gift cards to the mall, and a HEPA air purifier/filter (from my dad, to help with my weekend allergies)(awww). Overg sent me the DVD for the movie Clue (which I think I'm going to watch after I finish with you), Roo sent me the typewriter key initial necklace I have been salivating over (I tried to take a photo of it, but it's not cooperating), and Teem sent me a whole package of stuff that she picked up in Germany, including candy, a tealight holder, and my new monitor guardian, Spike.

And then Rappy totally blew my mind with her gift(s). She gave me some candles and a magnet from Israel, tealight holders from IKEA, a magnet from London, and this:

Noah Grey is a guy who takes beautiful photos, many in black and white. I stumbled upon his photo blog a few years ago and have always loved his work. I showed his site to Rappy earlier this year and she became a fan as well.

So imagine my surprise when I unwrap this beautiful, framed Noah Grey print of a highway road. It is absolutely perfect. I just hung it in my living room, but it's opposite the windows so I'll have to wait until night time to take a better photo of it.

Consumption (Conspicuous and Otherwise)

Well, I had a mighty fine day shopping with me mommy. We went to three malls and an outdoor shopping village. I capped my day with a visit to Super Target. Now I'm home, and ready to collapse from exhaustion.

Aaaaaaaand what did I buy? Not that much, actually. I picked up a mall gift card for my sister-in-law, an Illuminations travel candle in Poundcake (which is AWESOME), a bag of Old Fashioned Red Licorice from Harry & David, MAC Stubborn Brown Powerpoint eyeliner, a calendar for my dad, two sets of Yu-Gi-Oh action figures for my nephew, and a limited edition Yu-Gi-Oh game card tin for me. Or maybe it was for Alex. I'm not telling!

I also visited Tiffany & Co. and was told that yes, I can get the chain on the Elsa Peretti initial necklace extended as long as I want (yay!), but they are backordered until mid-January (boo!). Although I guess that really doesn't matter, because I wasn't going to buy mine until February/March anyway. So, yay!

We stopped for lunch at Olive Garden, and this was what I had:

It was just as good as it looks - the mashed potatoes were freaking AWESOME! - but I was forced to pick off the mushrooms. Plus, I now feel guilty for porking out (I also had two garlic breadsticks). But it was sooooooo goooooood and my weigh-in was this morning, so ... whatever!

*rolls around in Italian cheeses and cream sauce*

Keep On Truckin'

ETA: This site may go down at any time, should I choose to switch web hosting providers. If that happens, I'll be back ASAP.

(SIDE NOTE: Don't worry about comments posting multiple times. My web host is screwed up. If you get timed out while commenting, it's not you. It's GoDaddy.com (bluh).)

I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck. Not just any truck, but a MACK truck. One of those ginormous long tractor-trailer long-haul freight trucks that take up two lanes on the highway while driving 1,000 miles per hour. One of those.

Whole ... body ... aches! Eyes ... watering! Can't ... stop ... sniffling! (apologies to William Shatner)

I guess the flu shot really does work. Fortunately the swelling in my arm has gone down, and it no longer feels numb. Wish the rest of my body did feel numb, though.

I fell asleep around 7:30 last night, woke up briefly, didn't know where I was or what was going on, and decided that I didn't care enough to try and re-orient myself out of my disorientation, so I laid right back down and went back to sleep. Didn't brush my teeth (ew!). Didn't take out my contact lenses (ew! ew! ew!). Didn't really care.

I just called in a refill of my prescription inhaler.

I ate breakfast this morning, but now I wish I hadn't. Must go in search of some hot tea.

Bank None

A recap of Sunday's festivities:

The rain cleared by the time I got down to Alex's house, although it was still a grey, overcast day. But we had a very good time wishing Happy Birthday! wishes for Alex (who will be 8 on December 16).

I gave him a gift card to Barnes & Noble as well as a copy of Roald Dahl's Danny the Champion of the World. I chose that title because it seemed like a nice story about a boy and his dad, and since Alex severely loves his dad, I thought this would be the best book to get him into Dahl (one of my favorite authors, for kids and adults alike).

My mom and stepdad got Alex a Yu-Gi-Oh! set - turns out that is the big thing with 8 year olds these days (so I know what I'm getting Alex for Christmas!). The set was of three Yu-Gi-Oh! characters, and all were fairly nasty looking - Pumpking King of the Pumpkins, Armored Zombie, and Crass Clown (think Pennywise from Stephen King's IT miniseries, only more pissed off. Much more).

My father's gift was a remote controlled airplane, which Alex wanted to fly right away. But alas, it needs a bigger area than his backyard, until he learns to control it properly.

Alex's mom and dad got him Mario Kart Double Dash, which Alex proceeded to kick my ass in. Twice.

We had cake (mmm, cake) and I picked six navel oranges from their tree (mmm, tree).

Then I went over to my mom's house so she and I could lay the smack down on BankOne. Some of you heard my tale of woe in chat on Saturday - they raised my credit card (which is through my mom) APR, from 16.99% to 18.99%. The guy claimed the raise was to "remain competitive." Whatever.

So with my mom's Social Security number (for identification purposes) in hand, I called to talk to a "rate specialist." I get her on the phone, and our conversation goes like this:

It was just that easy. I only wish I had noticed the rate hike back in July, when they did it.

The Illuminations Poundcake pillar candle I bought is making my living room smell lovely, and it's not even lit. Anyone know how to correct a candle that has started to "tunnel" (burn down the middle, not to the sides)?

Rainy Morning

Today is my nephew Alex's birthday party. I hope the rain doesn't dampen his spirits.

Also, I've spent too much money on holiday presents. And my hipbones hurt.

The Simple Life

NO, not that crappy surreality show on FOX.

Sometimes less is more, and cheaper is better. Tonight I strayed from my aforementioned grocery list to buy Alberto VO5 Strawberries & Cream shampoo and conditioner. I used it during my nightly shower, and I am telling you - it smells FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC. The shampoo smells exactly like Philosophy Strawberry Milkshake 3-in-1.

Only, y'know, 95 percent cheaper. Because the VO5? Is EIGHTY CENTS a bottle at Wal-Mart. The conditioner is merely average, but I can guarantee you that from this moment on, my bathroom will always have a bottle of this shampoo around.

I am in love. Blissfully, unadulterately, in love. Oh, and the VO5 Pina Colada shampoo/conditioner? Also fabulous.

So this started me thinking – what other cheap things do I really like? Well, there's Wet 'N Wild lipliners (99 big cents). St. Ives Energizing Citrus body wash (less than $2, it's the one product that I horde beneath my bathroom sink - four bottles and counting!). And Dove Sensitive Skin beauty bar (two bars for two bucks).

What am I forgetting?

And can someone please stop me from buying candles? I bought three more tonight (an ENORMOUS three-wick Candle-Lite Old Town Market candle in Lemon Pie) and two little Airwick candles in Grandma's Cookies. I am currently burning the Pier 1 Caramel Butter pilar candle in the living room that I bought Sunday, and in the bathroom I'm burning the last vestiges of the Bath & Body Works Grapefruit Aromatherapy candle (which kinda sucks, and is totally not worth the price - don't buy it).

Not to mention that I just spent about $100 on candles from Illuminations (but those were mostly for gifts!) [/rationalization]

I think I might have a problem. Maybe.

Superconnected

I've had a productive morning.

I went to Albertsons early to get leeks, packaging tape, and laundry detergent. Came home, completely changed out the cats' litter box, used the tape to seal four packages I needed to mail (*waves at KaChing*), chatted with Teem a little bit before she left for the airport/Germany (*SOB*), went back out to the Post Office - which had a line out the door - and mailed the packages, came home and chopped up the leeks and the potatoes and the carrots and the Canadian bacon and put everything together in the crock pot to make the Potato and Canadian Bacon Chowder that we will be having for dinner.

Yes, we. As in me and you. Come over at 7, and bring whatever you want to drink.

While I was cooking I fed the birds. When I was finished cooking, I fed myself (bologna and jarlesberg cheese sammich).

This afternoon I plan on cleaning out my closet. A lot of stuff no longer fits, especially my winter jackets. I realized this last night as I was hanging up me new pants, and it sort of bummed me out. I know I should be happy, but when I look at all of the clothes in my closet I just see a lot of money for things I can't wear any more. And I don't want to buy more clothes when I'm not at my target weight yet. But I hate not having much to wear that looks good on me, and all of my favorite pieces - my Mossimo pinstriped and coffee brown pants, my chocolate brown corduroy jacket - are no longer usable, dammit.

Stop rolling your eyes at me!

O, Tannenbaum

Me tree!

Today I've done a whole lot of nothing. I went to Illuminations to sniff out a few of their scents (I liked pomegranate, honeydew, coffee & cream, fresh air, monet's garden, maple sugar, and pineapple cilantro) before coming home and ordering a bunch online for Christmas gifts.

Then I put up my fake tree. Right now I'm waiting for it to stop raining so I can go to Target. Rappy and I are discussing what dessert we're going to make when she comes down for a visit for New Year's Eve.

Stuffed

Oh good GOD - I overate. Which is a tradition on Thanksgiving, I suppose. But DAYAM. My dad and I were going to go to Outback Steakhouse, but they were closed (how dare they!) so we ended up at Ale House. I ordered their Thanksgiving special - roast turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry sauce (more on that in a sec). It was very good. Then my dad and I shared a brownie hot fudge sundae, which was ENORMOUS (combined we only ate half), but I now want to go lie down for a very, very long time.

Before dinner we saw the movie Timeline. It was okay - I give it a B. I think I might get the book (written by Michael Crichton).

So anyway ... HAPPY THANKSGIVING for those of you celebrating today. I've got a lot of things to be thankful for, but I think I can cover just about everything when I say I'm thankful for family, friends, health and wealth (although my definition of "wealth" probably differs from most people's).

Look, Teem! - Google loves the Log, too!

Handbags at Dawn

I am still battling the nausea. I don't think it's the flu, because I think I'd feel worse if that were the case. I don't have acute nausea anymore, but just a constant, nagging feeling that if I look at a food item the wrong way, I'm going to heave.

So I probably shouldn't have had a turkey pepperoni with lite Jarlesberg cheese and Caesar dressing sammich for breakfast.

Yesterday I worked from home in the afternoon, and while there I happened to catch Romeo and Juliet on Flix. Not the version with that crappy Leonardo Di Whatever guy, but the film done by Franco Zefferelli in 1968 that starred Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting.

I loved this movie when I was in middle school. Mainly because I had a huge, swoon-worthy crush on Leonard Whiting (he looks a little like Tom Welling, in the face). And as I was watching the movie last night, I thought - "Yep. That guy is still totally adorable."

I also thought, at 12, that it was SO COOL that you got to see Romeo's naked butt in the film.

In other news, it's Friday! TFC! And tomorrow, I get a haircut and highlights. Huzzah!

You Be Illin'

I feel like I might boot at any moment.

Is it the flu? I don't know. But I feel nauseated and dizzy and light-headed and icky. I'm going to work from home this afternoon and finish up my stories for the newsletter. I think I'll stop by Walgreens and pick up some ginger ale on the way home, too.

Last night I had weird dreams. First I had a vivid, detailed dream about ordering body butter on the Internet from MMU Cosmetics. Um ... okaaaay.

Then I had a dream where I gave birth to a baby - and it was delivered by jird, who coincidentally is pregnant in real life - but later the baby turned into a tortoishelle (I can never spell that word right) cat. And then someone wanted to see the "baby" so I brought the "baby" to her in the bathroom (?) and then she held the "baby" and stepped into the shower (!). Then I got mad because I thought the kitty-baby was going to drown or that the water would hurt its eyes, but it just stood there in the bottom of the tub under the shower stream getting wet. It didn't even try to move on its own.

Then I woke up, and the waves of nausea started hitting.

Oh, NJ, thank you for the nice email. You made me smile this morning. And I had totally forgotten about Lindsey getting an evil arm sewn on. Now if only Angel would bring back Lilah (and kill Eve).

Anywhere But Here

Thanksgiving is in a week! Well, almost. And in recognition of that, I'm going to be posting Thanksgiving-appropriate recipes and stuff on me little website here. First up, from NYTimes.com - Sausage Stuffing with Caramelized Onions.

And in other news - scary things afoot in downtown Palm Harbor, where I work.

When I left the office last night at 6, I noticed two sheriff's department cars outside of the Blue Coyote Coffee Company building across the street. Dave, the owner of the BCCC, was talking with a deputy. Obviously something was up, but it was 6, I was tired, and it was time to get the hell out of Dodge (if you know what I mean).

So this morning Suzanne went over to Dave's (no one really calls the place by its real name) to get some tea, and she got the scoop:

All day yesterday a scraggly-looking man had been hanging out in and around Dave's. He had long, ragged blonde hair and scruffy facial hair. He was also, apparently, obviously mentally ill. He was talking about strange things and pinballing from topic to topic with no sense of order. Crazy talk, if you will.

Dave only works in his store in the mornings/early afternoons. In the late afternoon, he has high school kids that take over. Apparently this strange man made them nervous, so they called Dave to come back to the store. He did, and he got the man to go outside onto the sun deck with him, where he calmly explained that the man was intimidating his employees and that he needed to leave. And if he didn't leave, Dave would call the police.

Now, let me tell you this - Dave is a very soft-spoken, kind-hearted man. I'm sure he talked to the man as nicely as would be possible, under the circumstances.

The man did not leave, so Dave did call the police. They came and it was obvious that the man was mentally ill, so they handcuffed him and put him in the back of a cruiser. They were going to Baker Act him (basically an involuntary commitment to a mental illness treatment program in jail; a person can be Baker Acted for three days if the police believe the person is a danger to themselves or others).

Once the man was in the cruiser, Dave went inside his store to get the man's backpack. He brought it out to the sheriff, and the sheriff opened it and looked inside. He found a loaded Glock handgun.

I am stunned. I am so thankful that the situation didn't escalate into something absolutely horrible, which it so easily could have. If Dave had been a different sort of man, with a more angry and confrontational temperment, I think the situation might have played out in an entirely different way.

And now I'm left here thinking, Are we ever truly safe? I don't think we are. Because this little area, downtown Palm Harbor, with its 4 blocks of little shops and antique stores, is the last place where you'd ever expect to be shot.

Afternoon Malaise

I wanna book that'll make me drunk ...

I'm getting back into the Tragically Hip again, courtesy of my Launch station. I'm listening to "An Inch An Hour" and really remembering what an amazing lyricist Gordon Downie is.

No struggletown no bemused Trudeau no solitary walks through vacant lots in moonglow ...

And now my station has moved on to the Human League's "(Keep Feeling) Fascination."

So it's my obligatory 15-minute afternoon break at work - I didn't take a 15-minute break this morning, so if I run a little long on this, that is why. It's all above board.

Weekend recap: Saturday I did everything I said I was ambivalent about doing. That is, shopping. And I can't list all of my purchases because some of the recipients of those purchases read this site ("Hi Mom!"). But I did restock on the Harry and David Skinny Moose Munch, so I am a happy camper.

The clerk girl at Harry and David just could not shut up about my hair, too. I handed her my debit card, which masquerades as a Visa card in its spare time, and she said, "You changed your hair." Because a photo of me is on the card, and it was taken about 18 months ago. And yes, I have changed my hair since then.

So I said: "Highlights."

And she said, "WOW, REALLY? Your hair looks so good with those highlights it's very pretty and everyone I talk to says that they have highlights and they're so much better than overall color"

Then I said: "They are."

And then she said, "WOW, you know, did you get your highlights done recently because I've heard that you don't have to get them done very much if you don't want to and they still look okay because yours look GREAT."

And then I said: "It's been about seven months, yeah."

Then SHE said, "I want to grow mine out because my natural color isn't very different than my other color and then I want to get my hair cut and then get highlights."

So I said: "Cool!"

And then I left.

I went into L'Occitane and was decidedly unimpressed by everything and thought just about everything smelled like rotting flesh. So ... didn't buy anything there.

I did buy painted naked people playing cards at MAC. They're super cool. I might have to take photos of them and post them here. Then I'll be a purveyor of porn!

Edit: Duh. I forgot to recap Sunday.

So on Sunday I had an allergy attack and felt bluh and did laundry and ate lots of stuff and then my computer gorked out and I watched television until hitting the sack at 9.

The Beautiful Lull

Guh. It's Friday. I should be happy, right? So why is it that all I can think about is going home and either a.) immediately taking a nap, or b.) going to bed at 9?

This afternoon is dragging. So I will spend my 15-minute afternoon break writing to you, the person I love most in the world.

By the way - Teem says "hi!" Well, actually, she didn't. I told her that I was going to go write an entry for my journal and this is what she replied:

Did you know that I gave Teem her name? And I gave Rappy her name, too. And Proo as well. I'm sorry, though, because right now I don't have the energy to link their names to their journals. But you can find them over there *points to the right* under "Friends."

Anyway, so I can never think of a good nickname for Overg, despite the fact that I talk to him on the phone a lot. And don't think he doesn't complain and whine about it, because he does. So I always say to him, "But Overg, a good nickname can't be rushed. And it has no meaning if it's forced. So patience, my little friend. All things in good time."

Oh, and I call Tsylyst "Sweetpea." But he's never around anymore, so screw him.

Okay, so, tomorrow? I had planned on going to the MAC store at Old Hyde Park to return the empty blush palette I bought by mistake. But I can only get store credit (no receipt) and I don't really want anything MAC right now. *sigh* I must be coming down with something.

I also intended on going to International Plaza. Because I wanted to go to L'Occitane, The Body Shop, Bath & Body Works, Nordstrom, and Harry and David (for, hopefully, a restock of the Skinny Moose Munch that I bought when Jen and I went down to Ellenton Outlets and ran across the Harry and David outlet).

But now I just feel apathetic and bleh and I don't really care about going to the mall because I am for the most part done with holiday shopping and so I don't *need* to buy anything (except this Elsa Peretti J initial pendant at Tiffany's, but I'm not going to buy that until I hit my weight goal)(or Valentine's Day).

So maybe I'll just stay home tomorrow and clean my apartment.

Rosegarden Funeral

I've been tired ... so tired ... today, and I don't know why. I'm going to go to bed immediately after 24. I hope Kim dies tonight. *crosses fingers*

My quadriceps hurt like ... well, I don't know like what. But they hurt really badly today. More than yesterday, and especially when I walk down stairs.

In other painful news, my stepdad broke three ribs last Friday. So he gets to be off for a week. Woo hoo! But he also gets to be in a lot of pain. Bluh.

I messed around with my digital camera tonight. I love Photoshop.

All About Meeeeeeeee

Hey, look! Rappy gave me some crack!

So I've decided that the month of November is going to be the month where my life is All About Me. I'm spreading myself too thin with all of the activities for other people that I get involved in at the expense of doing the things for myself that I want to do. And it's making me tired/angsty/irked. So ...

No more! It's all about ME this month. ME! ME! ME! (heh, I feel like Teem)

What else? Well, last night I weight trained my lower body and today, my quadriceps are screaming in pain whenever I walk up or down the stairs. My legs no likey the 10-pound hand weights to be used while doing lunges and squats. But to that I say "Fie! Fie on you, weaklings!"

Oh, if you're in the market for a good CD, I recommend Travis' 12 Memories.

It's still way too warm here. I don't consider low 80s to be acceptable in November. Other things I find unacceptable are fish served whole (like with their heads still on and stuff), platform shoes, and nose hair.

I wonder if I would feel more aerodynamically sound if I shaved off all of my body hair?

Demotivators

I have had no desire to do much of anything today. I'm so laaaaaazy. I got up around 10 a.m., puttered around for a bit, checked my email, then watched my new DVD of Finding Nemo ($15 at Walmart!). It's such a great movie, and all of the voice performances are amazing, especially Alison Janney as Peach the Starfish.

So then I talked to Overg for about an hour on the phone. Lucky me! I get to talk to the guy that all the girls think is sooooo dreeeeeeeamy. Then I puttered around some more. Around 2 p.m. I finally braved the outside world and drove to the Hallmark store to buy two birthday cards. I also bought Yankee Candle tarts in Carrot Cake and Cranberry Chutney (burning the carrot cake one now, smells good).

This Hallmark was also sold out of the Finding Nemo ornament I want. I want that ornament very badly, but according the the Hallmark Lady, it's sold out all over the city.

Damn.

Then I came home, puttered, baked a sweet potato for lunch, tweaked this journal's settings a little bit, talked to Rappy, and packaged up two birthday presents and cards. I was going to go out to the Post Office and mail them, but then the siren call of my bed distracted me into taking a nap.

I woke up at 7. Decided to give myself a full-body exfoliation before jumping in the shower. I whole-heartedly recommend full-body exfoliation to you. How do you accomplish full-body exfoliation, you say? Well you take any body scrub - cheap, expensive, doesn't matter - and you massage a generous amount into your skin BEFORE YOU GET IN THE SHOWER. Your skin must be dry when you start; this is what results in the best exfoliation.

Then you get in the shower and rinse off. Your skin will be as smooth as glass, guaranteed. I use the cheapest scrubs I can find at Big Lots to do this - the Totally Juicy Hot Apple and Grapefruit scrubs work very well (and are about $2 a tube).

And now? I've fed the cats, and I'm contemplating what to make for dinner. I think it will be chicken salad with pineapple, and a side of lowfat cottage cheese. I was going to steam some brocco-locco-loccoli, but now I don't feel like it.

Oh, and Otis has a pinpoint hole in his top fin, for some reason.

Crapz

So Jen and I are in Super Wal-Mart at lunch, buying stuff for the family from the battered women's shelter that we've adopted this holiday season. We did this last year, too - Pam P. organizes everything, then people donate money or items on the wish lists of the mom and her kids.

So we're in Wal-Mart and one of the things on the 9-year-old girl's wish list is something called "Bratz" and specifically this girl wants "Bratz - Hispanic." Well okay then! Jen and I hit the doll aisle and we find the Bratz section.

Ever seen these dolls? Apparently they're wildly popular with the 'tween set, and wouldn't you know it, they're all dressed like hoochie mamas! Hot pants and hair extentions and fuck-me boots, oh my!

And they've all got names like Yasmin and Jade and Cloe (yes, weirdly spelled), and the boy Bratz have names like Koby and Dylan and Cameron. Of course they do.

So anyway, right now Jen and I are deciding which Bratz we want to be for the holiday party, courtesy of Amazon.com's selection of dolls. I'm going to be Formal Funk Dana.

And then I notice that ... THEIR FEET COME OFF.

You don't change their shoes, like we always did with Barbie - you change their ENTIRE FOOT.

Don't believe me? Click the second photo on the page that I've linked up there. TWO DIFFERENT SETS OF FEET.

I just find this incredibly disturbing for some reason. Besides, every girl knows that one of the best parts of dressing up Barbie was the high heels and boots that she wore.

Pumpkinhead

Or more to the point, Pumpkinbelly.

I am stuuuuuuuuuffed. I had a semi-big lunch (pulled pork and a sweet potato at Sonny's BBQ) and then tonight for dinner I went to Golden Corral with my mom and stepdad. I ate:

Approximately 4 oz. of bourbon chicken
1/2 cup corn
1 cup romaine lettuce
1 cup spinach leaves
1 cup tomatoes
1/2 cup shredded carrot
1/2 cup raw broccoli
1T shredded parmesan cheese
1/2 cup cantalope
1/2 cup honeydew
One yeast roll (because they are soooooooo good, and I was weak)

Now, most of that stuff (other than the roll) is very healthy and good for me. But I am so full right now that I need someone to jab my stomach with a knitting needle, so I can deflate.

Pre-dinner I saw my nephew Alex and my brother and sister-in-law. Alex, who will be 8 in December, dressed up as a ninja this year for Halloween and he looked SO. FREAKING. COOL. My mom took photos, which I will hopefully receive soon.

I've lost enough weight at this point that my beloved Mossimo brown pants are way, WAY too long, and I nearly fell down the stairs at work this morning after stepping on the hem of them. But I don't want to buy more clothes yet. And I don't know how much it's worth trying to hem these pants. I've been told to try that Stitch Witchery stuff, so I'm going to pick some up tomorrow.

So that's it for today. Oh, I'd like to thank Copssister and TVJunkie for the good thoughts and helpful information re: yesterday's entry. Cops, I'll drop you a line if anything bad happens with my auto insurance policy.

Just another reason I love - and could never again live without - the Internet.

Whatever, Nevermind

I'm not sure you know this, but there's a new meal at Subway (Eat Fresh!) called the "Teem Supreme." The Teem Supreme consists of a six-inch turkey breast sub on wheat, with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, cucumbers, honey mustard, salt and pepper (occasionally sweet peppers, but NEVER OLIVES, and you add cheese at your own risk), with a bag of KC Masterpiece Baked Lays and a medium Diet Pepsi.

When you eat that, you're eating the Teem Supreme. And it fills you up right.

The name is in honor of my friend, Cap'n Teem, who is obsessed with this particular meal at Subway and gets it 3-4 times a day. I swear!

Tonight! Premiere! 24! Be in chat or forever wish you had been.

OH, and another thing - my back yard is apparently Ground Zero for animals who have missing/injured legs. There's a pigeon - his name is Cass (and a lollipop goes to the first person to figure out why he's named that) - who has a broken foot, so he can't walk on the ground; he has to hop. But he's been coming around with the rest of the pigeons for about six months now, so I guess he does okay.

This afternoon I threw out some Boo Blend [tm] bird food and after awhile a grackle came around to eat. A ONE-LEGGED grackle, I should say. It looked evil, whereas Cass just looks pathetic and sweet.

They made me think of my beloved Gimpy.

Weekend Update

Sometimes I forget I have this thing.

So. The weekend. I didn't do much that was important. In fact now that I'm trying to remember what I did, I can't remember. I know at some point I watched 28 Days Later. I also watched episodes of The West Wing and Law & Order that I had taped. I chatted with friends, both on the phone and online. I talked to my mommy. I did laundry, bought groceries, bought the components of Boo Blend birdseed (dove seed, cracked corn, black oil sunflower seeds, and trail mix for birds), got the oil changed on my car (and had the recall stuff done while I was there - yes, the 2003 Saturn L-series was recalled). I watched a few eps of I Love the 80s Strikes Back on VH-1.

And I played with the cats.

It didn't get cold yesterday like it was supposed to, which makes me peevish and crabby. So I consoled myself today with the purchase of Bobbi Brown Shimmering Tube Tints. A set of four for $20. Which is a bargain if I do say so myself.

But in going to Saks on my lunch hour, I used up my time to procure and eat food. Luckily I had a thing of Campbell's Soup In Hand (blended vegetable) in my desk, along with a packet of saltines from Wendy's. So I had that, but, well, I am still freakishly hungry. So I just ate a fruit cup. That's not really holding me, though, and there is a big huge thing of candy over on Melissa's desk (including miniature Milky Way, Snickers, Twix, Kit Kat, 3 Musketeers and other stuff).

But I will not be weak. Besides, I already had four this morning.

Other miscellaneous stuff - I have painted my fingernails with OPI London Bridge Is Falling Brown, and they are very pretty. I'm listening to Las Ketchups' "Asereje" and I have a headache and I'm sleepy.

Pain and Agony

Okay, so, last night as I was changing the sheets on my bed I bent my pinkie nail backwards. Which stung like a mofo. Fast forward to this morning when I'm blowdrying my hair - I SNAG THE EDGE OF THE NAIL in my hair, and it RIPS OFF. Way down on the nail bed.

And you know what? It hurts now. A lot. A LOT.

Hey, the new Joe Millionaire premieres tonight! A whole new group of gold-digging whores, ready for mocking! And ooh, the bios for everyone are up. Let's see what we've got:

Heh, when you click on one of the girls, you don't get information about her - you get information about her country of origin. Did you know that "in 2001, the Italian Supreme Court ruled a man grabbing a woman's butt was not sexual harassment as long as the act was not premeditated"?

I don't think I'd do very well in Italy.

One of the German chicks, Johanna, looks nice. I'll bet Anique is going to be a bitch - you know how those girls from the Netherlands are. Always going on and on about how they've got the best damn tulips.

So the lemmings of Looking Good should be back today to regale me with stories from LolaCon 2003. I cannot wait for the scoopage. And I hope Proo manages to get on a flight soon; last we heard, she had camped out overnight in LaGuardia Airport.